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***This is an extra long one. I hope you enjoy. Please comment!
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--
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
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EdwardPOV
I ran.
The chorus of heartbeat greeted me as I wound my way through the dark, deep woods. I sorted through, matching the thoughts and the heartbeats, until I found one that had no match. The solitary.
I sighed, something akin to hope in my heart, for the moment at least. I don't know what I expected— to see her, to touch her, to hear her voice? I didn't know, but I let the foreign hopefulness rest.
The rain drummed a steady beat against the forest floor, dripping and cascading through the branches. Breezes, thick with musky pine, danced and swayed with the towering trees. Thunder echoed the bass to the symphony in the distance.
Bella's light shone, beckoning me through the darkness. It had been near 2AM when I'd left the house. She must not be sleeping well. I slowed from the uncharacteristic gait as I neared the edge of the wood, and the path I'd left her on so long ago.
For a moment, I pretended things were as they used to be. I'd just gone home to change clothes, she had fallen asleep in my arms and I would be there again as she woke up. I would hum her awake to the bittersweet melody of her lullaby. The lullaby I'd never been able to finish.
As the end of the path neared, I saw her at the window. My heart ached at the sight of her. She was leaning on the windowsill, eyes closed, breaths coming deeply and purposefully. I stood for a moment, just watching. She'd never really liked the rain, but she was watching it with appreciation in her expression.
I couldn't help the gnawing ache in my chest at the sight of her, the tremble of a muscle that had long since ceased trembling, or the burning of eyes that hadn't burned in time measured by centuries. I knew I shouldn't go to her, but that's exactly what I longed to do. Scale the building, and take her in my arms, kiss away the pain, and years of hurt and absence.
Her face changed, contorted in thought. She gnawed her lip and stared blankly into the rainy night. I wished for an innumerable time that her mind were open to me. If only I could know what she was thinking. If she would want to see me again. She looked as if she were plotting. That almost brought a smile to my face.
She sighed softly, taking one last deep breath. Her eyes closed and as they opened she looked as if she were staring right at me. She blinked-- straining to see through the dark drizzle for a moment where I stood hidden among the trees. I held my breath, hoping-- hoping she had actually seen me. She waited, biting her lip then stepped back to pull the window closed. She struggled for a moment but with a squeak it shut. I felt the hope drain from my heart as she flipped the latch closed and drew the curtain.
She had ceased waiting.
Wasn't that what I'd wanted? Yes and no. Always the conflict. I'd wanted her to stay away and wanted her to love me. I'd wanted to stay and loved her too much to stay.
I wanted to go burst through that window, to hell with locks. She'd take me back for the last night of my life, but… I didn't want to drag her into this. This was the reason I'd left her here in the first place. I didn't want to hurt her anymore. My pain was bearable and I didn't want to dig up hers.
I don't know how long I stayed in that exact position, kneeling in the dampness of the woods but an ominous grey was tingeing the night air when I abandoned my thoughts of going to her, and shifted out of the cover of the woods.
I sighed, walking slowly towards her house. I hid the box under the slat on the porch, where it was supposed to be hidden, and walked away— I couldn't muster the energy or will to run— fighting the urge to go back, to look back, the rest of the way home.
Jasper would look out for her. He could make sure she was safe without the complication of entanglements. He could think of her as something to be protected, cared for and nothing more. That's what she needed. Not the obsessive love of a monster. She would be free now. And safe. All that she deserved.
The black SUV waited in the monochromatic morning. I could see the others already inside, already waiting. I opened the door and slid in next to Esme.
Did you see her? Emmett asked silently without turning around.
"No," I lied.
"Is your hair longer? You look so scruffy," Rosalie commented inappropriately from the back, running her fingers through the back of my hair.
My eyes locked with Carlisle's in the mirror.
"His hair can't grow, just like yours, Rose." Emmett chuckled from the front.
Rosalie shrugged, as Alice came out the front door, Jasper close behind. The agony on his face, was something I had come to know well myself, greeted like an old friend. I tried to keep out of Alice and Jasper's heads as they said goodbye.
"Let me go instead. Please, I can't let you go for me. I won't let you go for me." His voice was raw, like something that had been cut ragged with a dull knife.
"This is how it has to be. Trust me." Alice said as she turned and ran through the rain.
You'll move on. You'll keep living your life. I love you…
I pushed her door open, and she slid in beside me. The haunted look in her over sized eyes would have hurt me were I able to hurt anymore.
I wrapped my arm around her as she shook with grief, and visions I didn't want to see shifted through her mind.
"When did these start Alice?" I could feel the anguish in my voice as the words spilled from my mouth. Carlisle eyed us in the mirror. The permanent worry still etched on his face, deepening.
When he agreed to stay. She answered silently.
"Did you tell him?" I asked aloud, the rest of the family trying to feign disinterest at the seemingly one-sided conversation they'd become accustomed to.
She buried her face in my shoulder, and a soft 'no' filtered through my mind.
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JasperPOV
Time passed. I don't know how much. The realization of what I'd just allowed to happen hit me full force. I was completely bewildered. I'd massacred every animal within five miles of the house in my blind anguish fueled rage. At least, I wouldn't be as tempted should this— errand involve a certain sweet smelling little girl.
The garage was dark. I got in my truck, plain and simple amidst the family collection of foreign cars that would rival even the world's most prestigious collectors. I liked my old truck, and I didn't want to go. Honestly, I didn't want to care what was going on at mile marker 195, but Alice had asked me to go. Well, actually she'd told me to go. I sighed, turning the key in the ignition, and with a groan, the engine sparked to life.
The problem was, the only thing that I could think of happening on a highway, that I would really be needed for, would be a car wreck. It seemed logical, except, why would Alice send me onto a bloody wreck scene? The idea of me soaked in someone's blood, especially Bella's fragrant blood, without killing in front of an audience, was almost laughable. Actually I didn't even need to be soaked in her blood, just smelling it from a mile away would probably be enough to snap my control.
It had happened before.
Wasn't Bella's 18th birthday enough evidence of that? Alice had been there. She would know better. Alice wouldn't do that to me— or Bella.
So it must be something else. Another vampire perhaps? Maybe Victoria seeking revenge. The idea of a fight put me at ease. I just needed to take care of a pest. Restraint had never been my strong suit, but killing— I had always been good at that.
As I drove out of town, down the one hundred one, I let my mind wander to where Alice might be. Probably on a jet, half way around the world. The whole idea felt horribly surreal. I still felt that when I got home she would be there, her and the rest of the family.
My Alice, my saving grace, and she was gone.
Don't think like that. Focus.
Right so, Edward wanted me to look out for Bella, but what did that mean? Sit outside her window and and watch her, and follow her like he did? I'm not really the sit-in-the-shadowy-forest-and-stalk-someone kind of guy. But, what options did that leave? I thought on that as I raced down the highway.
I'll go talk to her, see how she's doing, tell her to call me if she sees anything suspicious. That would be sufficient, right?
I convinced myself that would be the least… messy. I didn't want to tell her about the rest of the family.
Damn. Traffic.
I sighed as I came to a halt at the back of a long line of cars. I shifted settling into the seat of my black Ford.
And what exactly did Carlisle mean? He wanted me to tell other Vampires about us. Right, well, how exactly did he think I was going to be preaching the vampire gospel? Hold a revival? Maybe get a choir and preach the good news? I didn't have the faintest idea of how to carry out Carlisle's request.
And the idea of an unfulfilled promise didn't sit well with me. There were promises in my past that I wish I'd been able to keep. So,there's no way in hell I'm going to go back on any of these.
The traffic was at a standstill. The red brake lights glared back at me. My eyes flickered to the clock with mounting impatience.
9:41. At this rate I'd have to get out and run to get there in time. As the old green digital numbers shifted to 9:42, I opened the old door with a creak, and a sigh.
I received several blaring honks as I trotted, thanks to the human presence, through the line of traffic.
"Hey Buddy! Where do you think you're going?" I waved, at the lumberjack-looking man shouting out his window and continued on. As I jogged along I felt a sense of…
Panic. The air was thick, too thick. The array of emotions swimming before me was dizzying. I could taste the horror in the air; feel the fear reaching up over the rising hill to me.
What did you get me into, Alice?
I paused as I came over a steep hill in the road; the rich aroma of sweet life came wafting on the breeze. The instinct wanted to take over, as it always did. My muscles coiled and tensed, my throat seared, but somehow I remained in place. I stopped breathing in effort to clear my head. I waited, hoping my body could relax. Hoping this wouldn't have to end with me as a mass murderer—again.
Slowly the tenseness eased in my legs, then my arms and neck. The venom continued surging through my body like amplified adrenaline. Keeping me ready for attack.
I surveyed the scene ahead. The hill was just steep enough to block the view of those behind me. My eyes first locked on a white sedan where the scent was concentrated. The thick crimson liquid called to me, screamed to me. My head was clouded. The battle for control was raging inside me, and the monster was winning. The monster always won.
You can race down there. No one will see. Just take one. No one will know. No one.
And as I was about to move to the white sedan and see what might be available for… taking… I saw her truck.
Flipped upside down. Front end smashed in. Glass everywhere.
Oh God.
If she died, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I had promised to keep her safe, and here was an opportunity. I could satisfy myself for the moment, or I could save a life…her life. The only life in the world that mattered now that I was alone. There were only two choices here: I could fulfill my promise to Edward, or I could turn my back on him. The latter seemed like it wasn't even an option. I knew I couldn't do that. I've always been a man of my word—almost always. I had to look out for Bella. But could I get her out without killing her myself? I didn't know.
I can do it if I don't ever smell her blood. I pretended that would work.
The screams of a woman pierced the air. The horror and fear circulating in the grey morning were almost as apparent as the white fog. I spit a mouth full of the venom pooling in my mouth out onto the ground, and sprinted to her truck. I appeared next to a man kneeling at the window, calling to her.
Don't breathe.
"Miss! Miss! Are you ok? Can you hear me?"
No answer.
"Let me try." I gruffly insisted, almost physically removing him from the space I needed to occupy. I was irritated at having to use any of the stored breath in my lungs. Breathing was not an option. She couldn't die. Not while I was supposed to be keeping her alive. Alice knew she'd have this wreck, and was making sure I was here to save her. Why would Alice think I could save her? Why me? Surely my presence posed more of a risk to her life than anything. Why would she have sent me specifically?
"Bella!" I called through the shattered window.
No response.
I tensed as a new scent assaulted my senses. Even without breathing I could taste it in the air, almost as strong as the blood. Gasoline. Strong and overbearing. I glanced over my shoulder, at the flames licking up the hood of the white sedan, then followed the scent with my eyes to the smashed front of Bella's truck. And then I understood why I had to be here. But why would Alice have me do this to myself… for this human girl? I knew Alice loved her nearly as much as Edward, but this much?
I watched her blood splatter a chorus on the roof of the truck.
Don't breathe.
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BellaPOV
My head throbbed. The pain my only link to reality. The pulsing of my head, the beating in my temples, the only things beyond the darkness. Then slowly other sensations came.
My face felt like it might pop. It throbbed too. I couldn't breath. Something was wrapped around my neck like a noose.
My eyes ached. I tried to open them. No luck. Again. This time they obeyed. They felt gritty like sand beneath my eyelids. The world was a strange bright blob. Overwhelmingly light. I couldn't make out anything but odd shapes, distorted figures.
My arms— they weren't where they were supposed to be. Rather than down at my sides where I'd expected them, they were above my head, throbbing in tempo with my head, and my ears. I realized I could hear nothing but my own pulse, and an odd drumming.
All of my realizations came in rapid fire, overwhelming me for a few moments.
What had happened? My heart accelerated and with it my face pulsed more quickly.
I recalled the slick highway, and Charlie's message, but after that… nothing. Had something happened?
And then as I began sorting out the situation, aware of my body once more, the panic came.
I'm trapped. I'm hurt. I'm going to die.
I clawed at my neck, trying to free myself from my restraints. I thrashed and cried to no avail. I looked up at the ceiling, as I tried to free myself from the seat belt. Then I noticed what the drumming had been. My blood was steadily dripping from several different places against the roof of the truck.
I jerked as a voice broke through my haze.
"…Bella. Breathe Bella,"
That face was the last one I'd wanted to see… ever.
Last time I'd seen him he'd been fighting to get to me. His teeth had been snapping inches from my face. Horrifying snarls had been unleashed from that mouth. Those golden eyes had been darkened with heady lust to burn red again. The stigma the length of my left arm pulsed with horrified remembrance.
"No! Not you! Someone else… not you…" My horror rose as he grimaced in the pain of restraint.
"…Bella, please. I won't hurt you. Please…" his pleas fell on deaf ears. I heard nothing but the velvety voice of a predator.
"No!" I screamed as he reached toward me. He was more dangerous than my present circumstance.
"Be Quiet!" he silenced my screams with the ferocity of his tone-- more like a growl. My cries were drawing an audience, and I noticed then that he looked… nervous. He was afraid of himself. He didn't want to hurt me.
"I'm just going to get your seat belt. I won't hurt you." He seemed like he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince me. I watched as he took one ragged breath, his eyes strained, his mouth tight, his muscles taut with restraint.
"Get someone else. Please…" I cried as he reached for me again.
He hesitated, looking behind him, as if he were considering that option. "There's no one else."
He seemed to steel himself, and slid across his back on the shards of glass underneath me. A normal man would have been shred to pieces by that action. His shirt was.
I hung inches above him. Our noses almost grazing. He reached for the seat belt holding me suspended.
"I'll get you out." The steely determination in his eyes was a little frightening, but since he was determined in my favor, I tried to push the feeling away. His eyes were so raw, so feral in their resolve.
I shivered as his icy hand grazed my arm. The warning I'd never seemed to be able to accept from Edward's hard cold skin bellowed at me now.
Get away from him! He's dangerous! Run!
He was punching the seat belt buckle with little success. He reached up then, more quickly now, to my neck where the belt was making my shallow breaths more difficult to draw.
As his hand grazed my neck, I cried out "NO!"
I squirmed out of his grasp, flailing and crying wildly.
"Don't touch me! Don't touch me!"
"Look at me Bella. Look at me." He gripped my chin in his icy cold hand. Dull waves of relaxation seemed to try to reach me but did little to influence my panic. My stinging, bloodshot eyes, met his dark panicked ones. A dark trail of crimson snaked down his arm from my jaw. A drop of blood dripped onto his cheek. His jaw tightened grinding his teeth. His eyes fluttered closed, and for a moment I feared he would snap.
He opened his mouth a little, taking in a deep breath. He trembled ever so slightly.
"Jasper… I don't want to die. Please…" all I could manage was a dull whisper but I knew he heard. He hesitated a moment more, maybe weighing if he could kill me without anyone seeing. Maybe, trying to convince himself not to kill me.
I cried. Hysterical, gasping sobs, because I knew I would die then. I knew I would bleed out, one way or another.
He swiped it away, leaving a bright streak on his pallid skin. When he looked at me again, his eyes were black and hard. I shivered again.
"Relax Bella. I'm not going to… hurt you." His hesitation fueled my frenzy.
"Get away please! Please get away!"
His voice was thick with emotions I didn't want to name, "Do you hear that sound Bella? Do you smell that? That's gasoline dripping from your truck out onto the ground. And that car that hit you is on fire. It may be awhile before an ambulance gets here, and it could be longer for a fire truck. We're far out and traffic is blocking the highways. I'm the only one who can get you out. Now let me." He demanded in his strained voice.
Why? Why did he care? He would walk away from this completely unscathed; I was the only one in danger.
I whimpered as he broke the strap at my neck with a quick jerk of his hand. It snapped like a rubber band. My body bent awkwardly towards him. Still suspended above him he held on to my forearms, keeping me steadied.
"BELLA!" a familiar voice cried from somewhere beyond. Jasper growled, deep and low. The sound sent fresh chills across my skin.
Jacob appeared at the window, at Jasper's feet.
"What the—" he muttered. Jacob grabbed Jasper's ankles and immediately jerked him. Jasper growled again as he kicked at Jacob, trying to hang on to something less fragile than me, trying to stay with me in the cab.
I couldn't see his face but as Jacob bellowed, "Get out of there you bloodsucker—!" I could imagine it contorted in rage.
"Jacob, stop!" I cried as he struggled to pull Jasper from the cab. I couldn't decide which of them I was more afraid of in that moment. They'd both tried to kill me, before. I wanted out and if Jasper was the quickest way, so be it. Just let this be over!
"I won't let that leech touch you…"
Jasper didn't say a word, but as he found the frame of the truck with his hands, he steadied himself and kicked Jacob squarely in the stomach. Jacob staggered for a second, giving Jasper time to get his hand around the restraint at my waist. His hand almost trembled as he grazed my hipbone. I should have fallen right on top of him, but I fell to the roof of the truck onto a bed of sharp glass. He was gone. It was almost like falling through an apparition. I wondered for that split second if I'd imagined him.
Glass sliced my skin, spilling fresh blood on the ground. I tried to stem the crimson flow. I knew Jasper's control had to be shot. I didn't know how he was doing this or why, but I knew the new blood would be impossible for him. My stomach churned at the scent.
Their shouting drew my fading mind.
Then I found Jacob over my shoulder, pulling on Jasper roughly, and Jasper jerking to get back in the cab with me, wildly reaching for my arms.
"Bella! Bella! Take my hand. Hurry!" he hollered over a din I couldn't name.
Our eyes locked for one fleeting moment, and the horror I read there undid any semblance of control I had.
"JASPER!" I screamed.
I don't know how it happened, but one second I was trying to get a hold of Jasper grasping frantically for his outstretched hand and the next, flames were licking at the side of the car. They reached in for me.
And then he was there, his cold arms protecting me from the oncoming flames. They taunted as they danced around us, but I was protected. I was safe in his unlikely arms.
"PULL!" He shouted his voice edged with hysteria.
In a moment we were free of the burning cab. Fresh air assaulted my burning lungs. I clung to him, too frightened to let go. Any fear I'd had of him before was completely forgotten in that moment.
"You're alright." He patted my shoulder as I sobbed my relief and fear, and pain against him. My hands grasped fistfuls of his shirt, I couldn't let go. My legs felt shaky, my breath felt ineffective, my skin as icy as his.
"Bella... Bella..." I felt Jacob at my elbow.
"Just breathe…" came Jasper's soft voice and then nothingness took hold again.
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