Wow this took a long time to write! What with A-Level results, moving house and starting university it's all been a bit hectic! Also, I've recently discovered the wonders of Ouran High School Host Club and Death Note and watching/reading that has taken up too much of my time… Ahem. Yes, so please forgive me and enjoy this long overdue update!
Lyrics are from Your Possible Pasts by Pink Floyd from the Final Cut album.
CHAPTER 4 – INTO THE DREAM
They flutter behind you, your possible pasts,
Some bright-eyed and crazy, some frightened and lost
Do you remember me? How we used to be?
Do you think we should be closer?
They wandered through the darkness, not knowing where they were headed, unable to see the figure beside them but for the light surrounding Kazahaya. Neither spoke. Glancing at his roommate, Rikuo could see that he was still confused and unsure how to react. Kazahaya had left the Green Drugstore full of hate and anger, striking out for the independence he desired so much, and somewhere along the way he had become so very lost. He had spent weeks alone and terrified; a prisoner inside his own mind. The fear and the hate had what seemed like an eternity to grow and brood.
He had felt it when he caught him in that last memory. As Kazahaya lay, pale and trembling in his arms he had felt the fear. Fear of the girl, fear of his situation, fear of the fall, fear of him. The trust had disappeared. Before it had always been there; through the arguments and the sulking, the insults and the brooding, Rikuo had always known that he would protect Kazahaya and somewhere in Kazahaya's subconscious he must have known too because whenever he had fallen into danger those alarmed eyes would flick to Rikuo, seeking reassurance, courage and, occasionally, Rikuo would look down to find a freaked out teen clutching him as though he were his only salvation.
But now, whatever had made Kazahaya look instantly to him had gone. In the black, empty void of a possessed mind Kazahaya knew only fear and darkness, and he knew that Rikuo had put him there. Now they walked together, side by side, as though Kazahaya's hand was whole and smooth, as though just one screwed up memory had bonded them and helped him to heal and forgive. The silence stretched on.
Rikuo wondered if he should talk about the girl. He felt a little awkward that he had first witnessed and then actually become involved in something as personal as Kazahaya's memory. He wondered if this was how Kazahaya felt when he touched someone; a sense of indecency, invading something so private. It was a strange gift.
"Hey," he said suddenly, making Kazahaya jump a little. "I think we're about to fall into another one."
"Already?"
Rushing wind, light, colour. They fell.
The memory glittered before them and Kazahaya watched anxiously, slowly turning pinker until suddenly bursting out, "Ah! No! Don't look!"
Feeling slightly guilty, Rikuo brushed Kazahaya's hands away from his face. "I'm going to be partof it in a minute, I might as well see."
"Ah, oh. Yeah."
The memory surrounded them then Rikuo found himself mounting cold metal stairs leading to their apartment above the Green Drugstore. He was walking slowly, each step falling heavily. Part of him wondered noted that he was moving in exactly the same way as the vision Rikuo, but it felt completely natural, as though it was what he was supposed to be doing, so he decided not to read too much into it. He opened the door and shivered as the warmth of the small apartment contrasted sharply with the rush of icy air that came gusting through the door.
There were times when Kazahaya looked beautifully pretty. There were times when he looked sexy and many times when he looked cute. Currently, he was a mixture of them all as he sat wrapped in his duvet, watching the small colour TV Kakei had bought to assist them in a job and allowed them to keep. The lights were dimmed and the room flickered with colours from the screen, bathing Kazahaya's intense face in a pale glow.
Rikuo's eyes were fixed on Kazahaya's finger, which was absentmindedly tracing his mouth, occasionally slipping in and being lightly bitten. It was such a childish habit; as though he had not quite been able give up sucking his fingers or thumb, and yet the sheer implications that could be derived from such an action made Rikuo feel just a little tingly.
The smaller teen was so absorbed in his animé that Rikuo felt inclined to smirk. An opportunity for Kazahaya-torment had presented itself. Reaching for the remote he lowered the volume a bit at a time so that the change was barely noticeable. Then he moved silently until he was able to kneel directly behind his smaller partner and putting his mouth to Kazahaya's ear, asked, "What are you watching?"
The predicted reaction was perfect. Kazahaya leapt about three feet into the air, with a yell loud enough to disturb to not only Kakei and Saiga below but half of Japan as well. He landed sprawled on the floor, tangled in the duvet, facing his tormentor.
"You jerk! What did you do that for?!"
"I only asked you a question."
"You didn't have to do it like that!"
"Like what?" Rikuo leaned forwards and Kazahaya leaned back until he toppled over completely with a small "argh!" of surprise. His roommate smirked, leaning over the boy beneath him until their noses almost touched. Something was wrong. Instead of yelling or pushing him off, he simply lay there, unnaturally still, looking up at him with wide eyed uncertainty. Damn. It was not supposed to go like this. Kazahaya was barely breathing, his flushed face barely moving. Rikuo pulled back with a careful grin and looked up at the TV screen.
"Rikuo? What are you doing?"
"Watching TV."
"Can't you sit somewhere else?"
"No. I'm comfortable where I am."
Kazahaya's face was a loud, "well I'm not!" which he ignored.
Rikuo stayed where he was, pretending to disregard his partner's distress, acting as though he were absorbed in the animé. Kazahaya attempted to push him off but Rikuo was large and heavy and he eventually lay still looking up with a flushed face of defeat.
Something suddenly jerked both boys violently forward and they flew out of the dimly lit room back into darkness. Colour rushed past them, roaring filled their ears; it felt as though the very darkness were shattering. Then quite suddenly it stopped and Rikuo was once again mounting the cold metal steps, shivering in the late winter air.
"What the-?"
His feet seemed to move of their own accord, following the path Kazahaya's memory had laid out for him. Up the steps, into the room, the same animé, the same conversation, the same struggle.
What? Did we do something wrong?
Kazahaya didn't seem surprised by the sudden replay. Rikuo found himself looking down at the angry eyes and wondered what he was supposed to do. Climb off him? So he did. When Kazahaya shoved, he shifted off him, muttering "alright, alright, calm down."
There.
He was mounting cold metal steps.
So that wasn't right either.
They tried, over and over again. Kazahaya became increasingly frustrated.
"I don't like being pushed over like this you know!"
"Yes you do."
"I do not! Pervert!"
"How was that a perverted comment? It seems that you have an incredibly dirty mind."
"What?! Get off!"
Oh no, this was fun. Leaning over until their noses almost touched again Rikuo smirked inwardly as he heard Kazahaya's breath hitch. Oh yes, Kazahaya liked this a lot more than he wanted to admit. Maybe, just maybe, he should see how far Kazahaya would like it. His face inched closer-
"GET OFF ME!"
Oh well. That was a good reaction too. Stifling a sigh Rikuo slid off the boy beneath him. Kazahaya's scrambled to sit up, face dark red, looking agitated but Rikuo felt very little remorse; there was something deliciously wonderful about making Kazahaya look hot and bothered…
The room began to fade and melt away.
"That was it? I just had to tell you to get off me?"
"Guess so. Hey, maybe this is meant to teach you to be more assertive."
"Well it's a stupid way." There was a pause whilst Kazahaya sulked, then, "Hey! It's not so dark!"
"No, that's not it. Look, you're shining even brighter."
"Is that good?"
Rikuo didn't reply.
"Rikuo?"
"I don't think we have much time."
"Oh."
In a place where time seemed to stretch endlessly across a compressed void they had only a few hours to get out. The darkness seemed heavier. Rikuo gently took Kazahaya's good hand in an effort to comfort him and tried not to flinch when he felt it pulled sharply away again. It seemed that it would take longer than they had to heal Kazahaya's deepest hurt.
This was a tricky chapter, although my favourite is coming up soon! Huzzah! And yes! There shall be slashy goodness! Reviews are the food of love (and inspiration!)