Family BAU-Style

Chapter 4

Philosopher Kahlil Gibran wrote: "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."

A loud and unhappy scream thrilled through the peaceful silence.

JJ groaned and snuggled deeper into her comfy bed. Will turned around and threw unconsciously his arm on JJ's back. He mumbled sleepily: "Can't Johnny be fourteen years instead of fourteen months? Then we would have some peace and quiet until noon!"

JJ sighed and opened reluctantly her eyes: "Okay, okay, I will go get him. But next time it's your turn!" Will didn't answer.

JJ stood up and put some comfortable clothes on, trying to ignore the annoying crying of her young son. Between his angry screams he babbled something that sounded like "Mamamama…" and "Dadadada…". JJ grinned.

Then she pressed caringly a soft kiss on her husband's head and observed him for a few seconds, not being able to bear herself down to move. Will didn't shift and his eyes stayed close, but his lips changed into a slight smile. "Sleepy head!", JJ grumbled.

Still dozy, but smiling, she left her and Will's room and made her way up to her smallest son's room whose crying finally changed into a soft whimpering. JJ entered the nursery and saw her son sitting upright and wide awake in his crib. As soon as Johnny saw his mother his crying stopped and he shouted: "Mommy!", reaching out his short arms to her.

JJ smiled lovingly and lifted her son out of his bed. The little boy snuggled up to her and nuzzled his head into her neck. "Hey, what's up with you? You are as cuddly as the teddies on your jammies today!", JJ smiled and placed a fond kiss on his temple. "What do you think, Johnny? How about we make breakfast for the others and surprise them?"

Johnny smiled and said: "Yeah!", one of the few words he could say and thus said all the time.

JJ stepped onto the corridor and added: "But at first we check on your siblings!" Johnny didn't mind.

Calmly, careful not to wake her other son up, JJ opened the door to Henry's room and peaked through the crack into the room. What she saw touched her deeply and made her, once again, smile. Henry lay in his bed, peacefully sleeping, his messy blonde hair peeking out from underneath the blanket. But he wasn't alone: He had his arms wrapped around his little sister who lay beside him, closely cuddled up to her big brother and her face buried into his chest.

JJ grinned at the stuffed lion lying on the ground beside Henry's bed. "He who has a sibling doesn't need a stuffed animal!", she whispered to Johnny.

JJ just loved the love between Henry and Olivia. It reminded her of her own big sister who died much too early. She felt a happy and sad feeling at the same time flow through her body and thought back to when she was still a little girl and, like Olivia, always crawled into her sister's bed when she had a nightmare. Her sister would mumble reluctantly but finally snuggle her comfortingly. And in the morning she would sent JJ fast out of her room so their brother didn't notice that she slept in one bed with her little sister.

It was still hard for JJ to think of her sister Fiona but it had become easier. She had loved her sister so much although she hadn't really known that until she was dead. She remembered the several times she had said "I hate you" to her sister. The countless times they had fought about silly things. The many times she had annoyed her big sister the way only a little sister could and the many times Fiona had used her physical superiority to wear her down the way only a big sister could.

But JJ also remembered the way they had always been there for each other when the chips were down. Yeah, her sister had been her role model and her death had broken her little, fragile heart back then. Long, long nights she had cried herself to sleep after her sister was gone, feeling so lonely and abandoned with no one to snuggle beside her. How many times had she reproached herself with not having noticed anything? How many times had she begged to God to turn back time so she could save her sister?

But now it was many, many years ago and JJ had taken off these thoughts. She was finally able to smile because her sister lived instead of crying because she died. She knew the pain would never go away completely but she wouldn't want it otherwise. The wound the death of Fiona left behind on her soul would be her eternal remembrance of her sister. She would never stop missing her sister, never, but she couldn't change it anymore and she had accepted that. Her sister belonged to her, like everyone else she loved or had loved, and JJ's memories of her were safe in her heart for evermore. Fionas life as well as her death was a part of JJ's history and although she was dead she would always be alive in JJ's memory. Fiona was a part of what JJ had been, what she had become and what she would be. And that would never change.

And by looking into the faces of her children JJ knew she was happy for what she was and thankful for what she had. Whatever would happen she would never, ever trade her beautiful, perfectly imperfect family for anything in this world.

Tears arose in her eyes and she snuggled Johnny to comfort herself. As if the little boy sensed his mother's sadness he wrapped his pudgy arms around her neck and JJ dried her tears in his soft, messy brown hair.

Then JJ shook her head to drive away the dark thoughts and carried Johnny down the stairs into the kitchen. She put her happily babbling son into his high chair and took the telephone. She just felt like talking to a friend. She automatically dialed Emily's number. She really loved Garcia and she was always great in cheering someone up but sometimes it was easier to talk to Emily. She was always calm, relaxed, simply natural, she understood JJ without being told anything and gave support without saying anything. Although it was still very early, 8 am, JJ knew Emily was already up since Gracie was an absolute early bird.

"Prentiss.", Emily's voice sounded through the phone. JJ frowned. Her friend sounded abnormally tired and strained.

"Hey Em, it's me, JJ.", JJ guessed she didn't sound much better, it had gotten very late yesterday, but somehow she had the feeling that something wasn't okay.

"Oh, hey JJ.", Emily answered short-spoken.

"What's the matter, Emily?", JJ asked concerned.

"Nothing, don't worry. It's just… Jack had a nightmare."

"A nightmare?", JJ asked.

"Yes. A really terrible one.", Emily responded.

"What was it about?", JJ gently dug deeper.

Emily hesitated. "He dreamt… he dreamt of me being murdered. By Foyet."

"Oh.", JJ didn't know what to say.

"We woke up from his loud screams. Of course we immediately raced into his room and there he sat straight up in his bed, screaming and crying, but his eyes were closed. It was scaring! Hotch shook Jack to wake him up but also awake he was still absolutely scared and shocked. He was constantly yelling: "He murdered her!" Again and again. Of course we thought he meant Hailey. I wanted to leave the room because I thought it would be better if Hotch comforted him but when he saw me he swept towards me and threw his arms around me. He told us that he had dreamt that Foyet came and murdered me. He said Foyet wanted to take his mother from him again."

JJ gulped. "He called you his mother."

"Yes.", Emily affirmed soundlessly. "I mean… I feel like I'm his mother anyway but I never… I want him to remember his real mother. And Hotch wants that, too. I don't want and I am not able to replace Hailey."

"You don't do that. Jack will never forget Hailey. But nevertheless he needs someone like a mother in his life. He needs you and he loves you. You know that.", JJ told her comfortingly.

Emily was silent for a few seconds. "Yeah, you're right. It just broke my heart to see him like this."

"Poor boy. How is Jack now?", JJ asked compassionately.

Emily answered: "He's sleeping. It was a hard night for him."

JJ sighed. "I'm sorry."

"For what?", Emily asked.

"That I can't help you."

"You already helped me. And Hotch and Jack. We are family, remember?"

"Yeah, family.", JJ murmured.

"Hey, what's up? You sound almost as depressed as me!", Emily responded. She added: "Why did you actually call?"

JJ decided not to weight Emily with her sad feelings since she had enough trouble on her own. "Oh, everything is okay. I just felt like talking to you."

JJ had laid the table while talking to Emily and Johnny was deeply concentrated on sucking and nibbling at a piece of white bread. Now he shouted: "Mommy!", jealous that JJ was so concentrated on Emily.

"Oh, I can hear Johnny!", Emily instantly announced.

"Yeah, it's a peaceful morning just with me and Johnny. The others are still sleeping.", JJ told her.

Emily said: "What about we set up a play-date for today? I think a little distraction would be good for Jack."

"Yes, of course! Henry will be happy.", JJ answered.

Emily suggested: "Then you come around at noon, okay?"

"Yes, that's great. I'm sorry Emily but I have to take care of Johnny now, okay?"

"Yes, of course. See you later!", Emily said goodbye.

JJ turned her attention back to Johnny. The little boy tapped his hands on the table and talked loudly in his incomprehensible baby language, gazing at her. JJ made coffee for her and Will, cacao for Henry and Olivia and warmed up a bottle of milk for Johnny while she talked to him, laughing. "Yeah, of course, you can have another piece of bread! But at first we wake up the others, okay? Then we can have breakfast together."

Johnny wasn't very enthusiastic about waiting for more food and whined impatiently. JJ took him out of his high chair and put him down on the ground. He just learned to walk and now he was always happy when he could use his newly acquired skill. As soon as Johnny stood on his own feet he staggered away, his arms widely extended to keep the balance. JJ ran after him and picked her laughing son up by swinging him around to keep him from running away. For such a little guy he could already run surprisingly fast!

Then JJ ran up the stairs with Johnny on her hip. She opened the door to Henry's room to wake her two other children up but it was empty. JJ frowned and made her way up to her and Will's bedroom from which she now could her noises and voices. When she stepped in she found her husband awake in the big bed together with Henry and Olivia.

The kids were giggling like crazy because their father tickled them mercilessly. They did that often: almost every morning JJ and Will were awoken by their two big children coming into their room and jumping on their bed. Then the four would do their traditional early-morning-cuddle.

When Will noticed his wife and smallest son he grinned. "Wanna join the fun?"

Johnny already fidgeted excitedly in her arms, so JJ didn't need to be told twice. She threw herself together with Johnny onto the bed. The kids shrieked happily and Will and JJ laughed. JJ lay down on Will's chest. Henry wrapped his arms around his mother's neck from behind while Olivia sat down on Will's stomach so that he didn't know whether to laugh or to groan. JJ saved Will by pulling Olivia into her embrace. Johnny attacked his big brother by climbing onto him and trying to tickle him. But he was immediately overwhelmed by Henry who used his physical superiority to quickly turn the tables and tickled his little brother until Johnny yelled with laughter.

After a while of tickling and cuddling JJ asked breathlessly: "Hey guys, Johnny and I made breakfast. Anybody hungry?" Her question was immediately answered by enthusiastic screams. So everybody got up and ran down the stairs into the kitchen.

"Ohhhh, the milk!", JJ shouted, slapping herself against the forehead and racing towards the stove to save the milk from boiling over.

Everybody sat down and began to eat. "I dreamt we were at the zoo!", Henry told them enthusiastically.

"Did we see the monkeys?", Olivia asked interestedly. Johnny squealed happily at hearing the word "monkey".

"No, because we weren't there to watch the animals, we were the animals.", he explained.

"Wow, you have vivid dreams!", Will acknowledged.

"What kind of animal was I?", Olivia wanted to know.

Henry scrunched his face pensively. "You were a penguin and quacked the whole time." Olivia shot her brother a dark glare.

Henry continued, unimpressed: "Penguins are boring. But Jack and I, we were big, scary lions!"

"Of course!", JJ laughed. "Oh, I almost forget to tell you. We visit Jack later, he isn't feeling so well and needs a little bit distraction."

"Yay, super!", Henry screeched excitedly. "Can we go to the zoo?"

JJ looked at Will who said: "Yeah, I'm sure we can, but we have to ask the Hotchners."

The children went on babbling about the strangest things while Will fed little Johnny. JJ smiled contently while enjoying the like always loud, vivid and chaotic breakfast with her beloved family.

Christopher Lasch said: „The family is a haven of peace in a heartless world."