Disclaimer: See chapter one.
A/N: Here's another chapter of Fred and George's famous (infamous?) Hogwarts pranks. I hope you enjoy the latest instalment! I have to say, I'm running out of decent material from the list, so if anyone has any of their own, let me know, and I'll try and include them next time!
Number 9 - I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful".
Fred and George stomped into the common room, their hair wet and their faces thunderous.
'I take it that was your idea of a hilarious joke?' Fred demanded of the three friends sitting in front of the fire.
'Well, yeah,' Ron smiled.
'Wasn't it good?' Harry grinned.
'I did most of the work!' Hermione beamed.
'Why? Why would you be so cruel?' George asked, sitting down on the hearth.
'Well, we were getting really hacked off with you referring to showering as 'giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful,'' Ron began.
'So we came up with a plan,' Harry added.
'The next time the two of you went for a shower…' Hermione trailed off.
'We arranged for Moaning Myrtle to meet you there!' Ron beamed.
'So did she get her eyeful?' Harry asked.
'Or did you two run out screaming like we predicted?' Hermione smiled condescendingly at them.
'The latter,' George said without a hint of a smile.
'You three are evil,' Fred said.
'Now you know what it feels like, brother,' Ron shrugged.
'Yes, well, we'll be going now. Don't expect to see us for a few weeks. We'll be in recovery,' George spoke for himself and his twin, as they headed up to bed.
Number 12 - House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
'Okay, just do a shield spell around him – there you go' Fred beamed at his twin. 'Perfect.'
'You sure you're okay with this, pal?' George asked the elf. They were on the Quidditch pitch, and it was cold.
'Yes, of course, Fred Weasley!' he said, in his squeaky voice.
'It's George, but never mind. Okay, I'm going to throw you now.'
George tossed the elf to his brother, who swung his bat around. It connected with the elf's stomach, and bounced him back to George, who caught him.
'Did that hurt?' George asked.
'No, sir! It was fine!' the elf squealed.
'Excellent!' Fred beamed.
'What is going on here?' a voice shrieked from the doorway.
Fred and George looked over, and saw that it was Madam Hooch.
'Aw fu-' they began in unison, as they followed Hooch to Dumbledore's office.
'Why do we always get caught?' Fred whispered to George, as they walked into the castle.
'Well, we're not exactly discreet, mate,' George replied simply.
Number 19 -. I will not refer to the Patil twins as "bookends".
'Wait, that's not even funny!' Hermione exclaimed at the twins, tucking her hourglass into her robes, as they walked along the charms corridor.
'What?' Fred asked.
'You're both twins!'
Fred and George looked at each other, and nodded slowly. 'Yeah, we'd noticed.'
'Well you were just slagging the Patils off, for being twins!'
'Huh?' Fred asked.
'Did you miss the conclusion of that conversation, Hermione?' Fred asked, confused.
'We were being sarcastic! It was very funny!' George insisted.
'Oh…' Hermione flushed.
'Third year getting to you, Hermione?' Ron nudged her. 'All those extra classes?'
Fred and George laughed as they realised what had happened.
'Believe us, Hermione, Bookends are a very good way to describe the Patils, and you'll never understand why. Because you were too busy with classes.'
Number 25 - Tricking the school house elf into stripping does not mean they are now mine even if I yell "Owned!"
Dumbledore was sitting across his desk from the Weasley twins, a house elf called Timmy, and Hermione Granger.
'Hermione, Timmy, you may leave us now.'
Hermione nodded, and left the office, the elf following her.
Dumbledore waited 'til the door had closed behind them before turning to Fred and George.
'Come on, boys. You must have known that wouldn't work?' he signed. 'Not your best, I have to say.'
The twins were silent.
'Well, I have to punish you for this, you know,' Dumbledore smiled. 'You're not allowed to try and coerce school house elves into working for you alone. And Miss Granger was very upset.'
'Yeah, we know…' Fred shrugged. 'We would have been nice to him!'
'I have no doubt,' Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he wrote out their punishments.
Number 34 - The Ravenclaws are not "Mentals in training".
Professor McGonagall paced in front of the twins, who were sitting in her office, looking sheepish.
'This time, boys, you took it too far!' She warned. 'You've done some pretty bizarre things before, but this really tops it.' She stopped pacing, and sat down on her desk chair. 'How?' she asked plaintively.
'Well, it was really quite complicated,' Fred began.
'Yeah, it took a lot of research,' George continued.
'And when we worked out how to do it, we though long and hard what we were going to do,' Fred beamed.
'I think we came up with a funny and informative solution.' George looked hopefully at McGonagall. 'Don't you think?'
The professor looked thunderous. 'You changed the Ravenclaw pass question to 'What are Ravenclaws?'
Fred and George nodded, their grins fading slightly.
'And you made the answer 'Mentals in Training?!'' she shrieked.
'Yeah?' Fred said.
'The Ravenclaws stood outside their door for hours giving any answer they could think of until one of them had to go and fetch Flitwick!' McGonagall exclaimed.
'Not as smart as they think then, eh?' Fred nudged George.
McGonagall sighed. 'I swear, if you boys put a fraction of the effort you put into you pranks into your schoolwork, you'd be the best students in school.'
George leaned over to Fred and whispered, as McGonagall filled out their punishments; 'We are the best students in school, right?'
'Oh yeah, brother,' Fred grinned. 'We're legends!'
Number 69 - First-years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow.
'Yep, just down there, the tree that's waving to you. It's a Slytherin rite of passage,' Fred insisted, pointing the Slytherin first years toward the violent tree. 'You have to go and make friends with it. Tickle it's branches, press it's knots, you know.'
'Are you sure?' a little girl asked him, sneering.
'Yes,' George beamed. 'The older Slytherins will be so impressed.'
'Why are you telling us? You're Gryffindor!' a boy asked them, eyebrows raised.
'Oh…the older Slytherins are too important to talk to you until you've made friends with the Whomping Willow. Off you go!'
The twins sent the first years on their way, and watched to see how long it took them to work out how to stop the tree flailing around.
'10 minutes and 43 seconds,' Fred said when they had completed their task. 'Not bad.'
'Not bad for them,' came a voice from behind them. 'Very bad for you.'
They turned round. It was McGonagall. 'Oh no.' Fred whispered.
'Correct.' The professor said, as she gestured for the twins to follow her.
Number 90 - If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
'So what's the haul today?' Harry asked the twins as they sat down in the Gryffindor common room. They liked to discuss the various punishments the twins collected during the day, and see who got the best ones.
'I got Filch duty from –well, Filch,' Fred offered.
'Boring,' Ron said. Hermione frowned.
'I got a good one!' George grinned. 'From Lupin.'
'And?' Ron prompted. Hermione rolled her eyes.
'Well, he was telling us all about various spells he's seen used, and he was talking about this bloke him and his school pals didn't get along with, and the duels they had with him,' he said, trying not to laugh.
'Yes?' Harry gestured for him to continue.
'Anyway, one of the spells he was talking about made me laugh uncontrollably for about five minutes,' he continued, breaking out in laughter. 'So he gave me lines!'
He showed Harry, Ron and Hermione the paper on which his punishment was written.
''If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it,'' Harry read aloud.
'Nice!' Ron said appreciatively.
'So what was the spell?' Hermione asked grudgingly.
George stopped laughing. 'I can't remember!'
He looked at Fred, who shrugged. As George left their table to go and ask if anyone else could remember, Fred leaned toward the three. 'Lupin modified his memory and bribed us all ten house points each if we didn't tell him or anyone else.'
Hermione beamed, while Ron and Harry shook their heads.
Number 112 - Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count for extra credit.
'Look, Professor!' Fred waved his hand in the air, trying to get Professor Trelawney's attention.
'Yes, Fred, dear?' Trelawney swooped down on the twins, who were sharing a table with Lee.
'Apparently I've to 'Plan for many pleasures ahead!'' He read aloud from a small slip of paper.
'And I've to 'be mischievous and I will not be lonesome!'' George joined in.
'Where are you getting this from, boys?' Trelawney said, her voice losing it's dreamy quality.
'From these 100 true fortune cookies!' Lee produced a bag from under the table.
'What?' she asked, confused.
'There's no need for crystal balls, guys!' Fred announced to the class.
'Who needs tea leaves?' George added.
'Just use Fortune Cookies!' Lee finished, throwing the cookies to his classmates.
The class was filled with people shouting their fortunes.
'As a purse is emptied a heart is filled!'
'Someone is speaking well of me!'
'I will inherit some money or a small piece of land!'
Trelawney grabbed one. '100 true, you say? She asked excitedly, cracking hers open.
'She who laughs at herself will never run out of things to laugh at?' she read, her face falling.
Fred and George fell about laughing. 'Here, have the rest! Hand them out in class!' They turned to gather their belongings, as the bell rang. 'Oh, and don't tell McGonagall!' Fred added, as they slipped through the trapdoor, still laughing.
Number 116 - I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling.
'Harry?' Fred whispered, as he and George joined he, Ron and Hermione in the library.
'No!' Harry whispered loudly. 'No, my scar senses are NOT bloody tingling, and I don't know how you ever thought they could, seeing as you should never have seen Spiderman, being brought up in a wizarding house, and if the world had any justice, it would stay that way!'
'I was just going to ask -' Fred tried again.
'No! Just don't! My scar is perfectly fine, it tingles when EVIL is around, so come to think of it, maybe it should be tingling seeing as YOU'RE BOTH HERE!' His whispering wasn't whispering anymore.
'Um, Harry -' George began, before being cut off by Harry again.
'How many times this week? A million? I lost count after the first thousand or so! You two should be banned from the muggle world, it gives you too many crazy ideas!' He paused for breath, and looked at the twins' bleak faces. 'What?' he asked, still annoyed.
A tapping on his shoulder made Harry shut up immediately.
'Potter. Report to Professor McGonagall now, for disrupting the peace of the library,' Madam Pince ordered.
Harry stood up, sighing, gathered his things, and motioned for the twins to follow him.
'What?' Fred asked.
'You're coming with me!' Harry said.
'Why?' George pretended to look hurt.
''Cause I'm gonna tell her it was you anyway…' his retreating figure called back.
'Damn,' said the twins in unison.
Number 137 - It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.
'Maybe that wasn't such a good idea,' Fred mentioned casually to George, as they hung upside down in Snape's dungeon.
'No, probably not,' George agreed amicably, as he picked pickled tarantula out of his hair.
A/N: Reviews, please!