PROMISES—Part 4
Kitty scooted toward the center of the big brass bed and turned on her left side, tugging at Matt's arm until he gave in and rolled onto his right side to face her in the soft lamplight.
"Mike's right, you know."
"'Bout what?"
"You'll always be a lawman."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It doesn't mean anything except that the law is in your blood. It's who you are and what you are and you're never going to give it up and become a rancher, so you might as well think about selling Cactus Creek and putting the money into a trust for Beth. I know it's her heritage, but it seems kind of silly to have someone else run it until she's old enough to decide if she even wants it. You can provide for Manuel with a lump sum or you can set up a trust for him as well."
"How can you be so calm about all of this? I can't even think straight and you're talking about selling ranches and setting up trusts. What am I supposed to do, Kitty? I mean, I can handle those things, but how…how am I going to…raise a…a little girl?"
She rubbed a loving hand across his broad chest. "I wish I could tell you, Matt, but this is something you're going to have to work out for yourself. I'll help when I can, but you're the one who needs to make the decisions. First and foremost—where are you and Beth going to live?"
"Where are we…we'll live…I don't know," he admitted flatly.
"Well, Beth can't live at the jail. Fact is, you barely live there yourself any more, big guy." She smiled into his blue eyes—so troubled, so confused just now. "And no, she can't live here either. This is just a temporary measure. A saloon is no place to raise a child."
"It's not as if she'd actually be living in the saloon."
"Rooms above a saloon are no better than the bar room itself, Matt. You know that. You have ears. Do you want her asking questions about the things she'd be hearing coming up through the floorboards? I think not!"
"The Dodge House. I could take a room there."
She smiled gently and laid her hand on his hip. "And just who would keep her when you're gone all day, or when you need to run all over Ford County at some ungodly hour of the night, or when you're out on the trail for days, weeks at a time? Do you think Howie's going to do that for you? "
"I can't seem to get anything right here, Kitty. What about Ma Smalley's? Do you think we could live there?"
"I do—at least for a while. Beth would have a clean, quiet room, good home cooking and a yard to play in. But you can't count on Ma to be able to watch her all the time either."
"I don't know anyone who could watch her all the time."
Kitty shook her head. "Neither do I, Matt. Neither do I. I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. But something will turn up; I'm sure it will."
He took a deep breath. "Kitty, do you think you..."
"Don't even suggest it, Cowboy. I'm no more ready to give up my job than you are to give up yours. I'll help you right now, but..."
He pressed his hand into the small of her back and urged her against him. "I know," he whispered into her hair. She leaned into the long length of his body and he angled his head to taste her lips with his.
He started to ease her back against the mattress when he heard it. He paused a moment, but heard nothing more and continued the kiss, sliding his tongue along her lower lip, coaxing her mouth open and slowly pushing his tongue between her teeth.
This time the sound was soft and distant, but distinct. "Mama?"
He lifted his head and listened again.
By now there was no mistaking or ignoring the frantic "MAMA!" that cut through the room.
"Kitty, I…have to…"
"Go to your daughter, Matt. She needs you."
By the time he reached her bedside, Beth was screaming pathetically in the dark for her mama. He scooped her up in one long arm and sat down on the narrow bed, holding her tiny trembling body against his chest.
"It's all right, baby. It's all right. Your papa's right here."
"Noooo…Mama, I want my mama!"
"I know you do, honey, but your mama's not here. But I'm here, Beth, and everything's going to be all right. I'll take care of you, honey. I promise."
Matt held her and murmured softly into her dark curls—the curls so like his own—until at long last her sobs subsided. She hiccupped and pushed back from his chest to look at him. "Where's my mama?"
He looked at her for a moment, trying to gauge just how much she could understand. Hell, he wasn't sure he understood. How could he expect a four year old to comprehend all that had happened? "Do you remember what Manny told you about your mama?"
She screwed up her little face in thought and then nodded and asked hopefully, "Is this heaven? Are you gonna take me to see my mama?"
Matt lifted helpless eyes to Kitty, who was now standing in the doorway. She raised her eyebrows and shrugged.
"What makes you think this is heaven, Beth?"
"'Cause Manny said my mama went on a long, long journey to heaven and some day I'd see her again. And Manny and me, we goed on a long, long journey, so are we there? Are we in heaven now? Are you gonna take me to see my mama? Where's Buck? He'll know the way."
Matt held his daughter close and gently explained, "Ah, Beth, honey. No, this isn't heaven. This is just Dodge City, Kansas . Your mama's not in Dodge, honey. You will see her again, but not right now. I'll try to explain it better in the morning. Right now, can you go back to sleep for me?"
He stood from the bed to tuck her in, but she kept her little arms tight around his neck. "Don't leave me, Papa."
He glanced at Kitty, who smiled through her tears as she turned and walked quietly back into her own room.
He lay down on his back, his massive frame dwarfing the narrow bed, his small daughter cradled on his chest.
A sleepless hour later, Kitty silently slipped through the doorway once more to look at the sleeping pair—the cowboy in whose arms she had lain for over twenty years and the tiny child who had suddenly and innocently changed their lives forever.
TBC …