He slept for several hours and, when he woke up, he was surprised to see that he was alone in the dormitory. Sirius had thought for certain that James would have waited to pester him for information, but then again, James had probably gone up to the Hospital Wing to check on Remus. As to the whereabouts of Peter, Sirius didn't care.
He now sat up in bed, still tired and feeling filthy. Remembering the remark Remus made on his fur as a dog, he laughed and got out of bed to take a shower.
Sirius had much to think about, though there was very little of it he wanted to think of. Still, the thoughts flooded into his mind as the water of the showers washed away the dirt from the Shack.
He could not explain his sudden change in behavior last night. It made little sense to him why he, as a dog, was much more compassionate than he was as a human. He also didn't know what he was supposed to do with everything Remus told him. Should he tell Remus that he was the dog? And if he did so, would Remus take back all he said or even try to Obliviate Sirius' mind? Yet, it seemed as if Remus confided in the dog more than he ever would in a human. Sirius thought that this was a good for Remus. And if I tell him that I was the dog, he would never say another word to me. Then who would he talk to? Sirius asked before realizing that he was sounding a lot like James.
He shook his head and turned off the showers. All this thinking was making him crazy. So he decided, as he wrapped a towel around his waist and wiped the foggy mirror, that he would simply stay silent as long as Remus didn't bring up anything. Which he probably wouldn't, because Remus didn't know it was him.
"Right," he half asked his reflection in the mirror who beamed back at him. "Exactly."
"Dearie," his reflection answered as Sirius picked up a toothbrush, "I've heard that insanity starts with talking to yourself. Also, that's Peter's."
Sirius dropped the toothbrush with disgust before finding his own and snarling at the mirror. "Well, I'm not exactly talking to myself, now am I?" He stuck the bristles coated with toothpaste into his mouth and started scrubbing furiously.
His reflection merely held a similar toothbrush loosely in its hand. "You rather are." Then it let go of the toothbrush to examine the necklace hanging around its neck. "Oooh, isn't this a pretty little thing? I never would have pegged you as one for wearing jewelry." Then the reflection stuck its face as close as possible to Sirius and grinned. "Who's the sweetheart who gave it to you?"
Sirius spat out his mouthful of spit and pulled off the necklace with a growl. "None of your business." He kept it in his fist, not daring to set it aside in case he forgot and Remus found it.
"Oooh, a secret, is it?" the reflection teased. "Let me guess." It put a finger up to its face as Sirius glared at his reflection while trying to get it to stop moving so he could comb his hair. "Is it that redhead Lily who James talks about every-so-often?" Sirius laughed at every-so-often and continued pulling the comb through his hair. "No, no. What about Penelope Colby that Peter mentions sometimes?" Sirius had finished by now and set the brush down. "Not at all then. Leslie Tanabe, then? Remus speaks of her quite nicely."
Sirius shook his head and laughed. "Leslie is a boy and it's none of your business at all." Then he walked out of the bathroom with the mirror grumbling disappointedly after him.
"Nice to see you in a good mood," Remus greeted from the bed next to Sirius'. "It seems as if no one has heard you laugh in awhile."
"There hasn't been much to laugh at lately," Sirius replied as he made sure the necklace was still safely hidden in his hand. "Shouldn't you be in the Hospital Wing?"
"Maybe, but Madam Pomfrey was nice enough to let me go. She practically insisted that I get out of there and enjoy the nice day," Remus answered with a bright smile matching the September sun.
Sirius couldn't help but smile back as he walked over to his own bed and sat down on it. "So, this is how you enjoy a nice day? Staying in bed?"
"Well, James found me just as I was about to go outside and he demanded that I go get some rest." Remus chuckled. "He also said to sit still and he would get me some soup. I think he's mistaking lycanthropy for a cold."
"Trust James to make a stupid mistake like that," Sirius replied, about to open his hand to make a gesture before realizing the necklace was still in it. Quickly, he shoved it under his pillow and ignored Remus' curious glance. "So," he coughed awkwardly as he got up and went over to his trunk, "you're not badly hurt."
"I'm just as surprised as you are," Remus responded honestly, averting his eyes as Sirius changed from his towel into clothes. "But it seems as if God pitied me and sent me a savior in the form of a dog."
"God?" Sirius asked back, glad for the shirt covering his face.
"A muggle deity," Remus answered with a smile in his voice. Sirius found himself oddly pleased at the level of comfort Remus was talking to him with. "You should consider taking Muggle Studies."
"And why the bloody hell would I do that?" Sirius retorted arrogantly. "Nothing good ever comes from muggles."
"Don't let James hear you say that," Remus chided playfully, but it seemed like a bit of happiness was gone from it. "Lily came from muggles."
"What I meant was," Sirius said hastily as he just realized that Remus' mother had also been a muggle, "learning about muggles is pretty much useless for me."
"Ah, I see, then," Remus replied with a knowing look in his eyes. Then he looked around the room and asked, "Did you just wake up?"
"Yeah, I didn't get much sleep last night. I was busy," Sirius paused and stood up stiffly, "studying."
"Really?" Remus asked suspiciously and also as if he knew better. "Since when did Sirius Black study in the first month of school?"
"Since he realized that it was the year of the O.W.L.s and that if he didn't study, he would be severely punished when the reports got mailed out."
"Well, then I am proud of Sirius Black for realizing that grades are important in his life and for studying so early on." Remus beamed at him and Sirius felt something inside him swell at making Remus proud, which was an odd feeling, but he had been having a lot of odd feelings lately, so he figured one more couldn't hurt. "If only," Remus continued, his voice louder than before, "James and Peter would do the same. Then I would be able to be proud of all my friends and wouldn't have to constantly worry myself to death about you all."
Suddenly the door burst open and James and Peter rushed through, the former carrying a tray of food and an apologetic face.
"Remus, we'll study hard! I promise!" James set the tray suddenly onto the nightstand in between Remus and Sirius before wrapping Remus in a giant hug. "Don't die because of us! What will we do? How will we live without our Remus to constantly take care of us and nag us?"
Remus laughed and lifted his arms around James. "All I ask is that you work as hard as you can and I can promise you I won't die."
"Oy, Potter!" Sirius exclaimed suddenly after he used the distraction to move the necklace from under his pillow to his pocket. "You only brought enough food for one person."
James let go of Sirius to examine his tray and realized that what Sirius said was true. "So I did. Well, you're a healthy boy, yeah?" James grinned. "So, you can go get your own food!"
"It's alright," Remus interjected. "I'm not that hungry and you brought so much, James. I don't mind sharing as long as we can go to Honeydukes tonight."
Sirius shook his head and turned away. "You don't have anything I want to eat. I'll just go get my own."
As he walked away, he heard James saying, "We can go to Honeydukes anyway," and Sirius shook his head again.
--
Sirius didn't return to the dormitory until nighttime. He also hadn't seen the three boys after he left. To be fair, he hadn't exactly looked for them, but that was only because he knew that they were all in the dormitory and he….Well, Sirius just needed some time on his own, that's all. But now that it was night, he figured he should go back and bid his three friends goodnight, not that they would worry about him.
He sighed after opening the door to the empty dormitory. They're probably all at Honeydukes, he thought a little sad that they had left him behind.
Sirius flopped onto his bed and relaxed against the sheets before pulling the necklace out of his pocket. He held it in the palm of his hand for the twentieth time that day and examined the engraving he had found once more.
As long as the sun rises.
He was pretty sure he knew what the engraving meant, but he didn't know what the meaning of it was. Surely it was supposed to be inspirational and comforting and he could see how that would be so for Remus, but the fragmented sentence was what confused Sirius. What happens as long as the sun rises? he found himself wondering again.
Sirius sighed, knowing that if he kept on thinking, he would just end up thinking in circles like he had done the entire day, and slipped the necklace over his head. He admired it for a second before tucking it under his shirt and shutting his eyes. He thought about taking a short nap, just until James came back with some chocolate he could steal. Then he could accost them for leaving him behind.
"Having a good dream?" a voice whispered next to him.
Sirius turned his head to the side with his eyes open to see Remus kneeling beside his bed with shocked eyes.
"Oh, sorry," he said at once, getting up to his feet. "I thought you were asleep."
"Do you often talk to people in their sleep?" Sirius asked, feeling oddly comfortable being alone with Remus.
It seemed as if he was not the only one who felt that way because Remus smiled and replied, "People, yes. You, not so much."
"Really?" Sirius rolled over to his side and propped himself up on one elbow so he could properly see Remus, who was still sitting on the ground in between their beds.
"Yes, it's quite amusing. You should try it sometime," Remus suggested. "If you're really good, they talk back to you and end up spilling their darkest secrets. That's how I know that Peter is terrified of his grandmother's cat and James is really in love with Lily Evans. Although," he chuckled to himself, "that's not really much of a secret with the way he always flirts with her." Remus looked away from Sirius as his voice trailed away softly and turned his attention to the wood floor. His golden eyes traced the patterns of the ground as if trying to find a secret message.
"He really loves her?" Sirius whispered so quietly that it didn't seem as Remus hear him. Then he cleared his throat, which snapped Remus' eyes back to his, and asked in his normal voice, "Weren't you going to Honeydukes?"
"What? In my weakened state in which I can hardly stand up to save my life?" Remus asked with fake disbelief. "Why that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of! No," tawny hair shook back and forth, "no. I must let James and Peter do my bidding and stay in my room like a good little boy until they come back."
Sirius watched as Remus beamed at him and his tongue slid off the roof of his mouth with a "tsk" sound. Remus' smile fell as he looked back at Sirius curiously.
"Don't you ever get tired of how James acts?" Sirius asked, irritation clear in his voice. "Doesn't it bother you the way he always clings on to you? Don't you think he's over-protective?"
"Yes," Remus sighed as he brought his knees close to his body. "It gets irritating sometimes, but I don't mind. It's," Remus paused and lowered his head to lean it against the top of his knees, "it's nice to know that people care for me like I'm normal."
--
Sirius soon found that the reason why he rarely ever spoke to Remus on his own was because they both seemed to be constantly busy. During classes, Sirius sat with James while Remus sat with Peter. When it was mealtime, the four of them sat together in a group. In the morning, Sirius was one of the last to wake, while Remus was always first. And at night, Remus was out doing prefect duties while Sirius stayed in the common room pretending to do his work.
Yet, during the moments that he did find himself alone with Remus, he found that they were different from before. Remus was no longer the only one that initiated the conversation and there were fewer silences. Even if they were somehow both silent, it was consensual and full of thought.
Sirius tried explaining to himself the sudden change in behavior between them, but he found himself with no excuses within a matter of seconds and always ended up fishing the necklace out from under his shirt and just staring at it.
It was during one of these moments a week and a half after the full moon that Remus showed up in the Hospital Wing. Sirius hastily shoved the necklace away before Remus could see it and wondered why the boy was there.
As if reading his mind, Remus answered, "I heard Snape hit you with something bad. I thought some chocolate might make you feel better." He pulled out a purple wrapped candy bar with the Honeydukes logo printed in gold and handed it over to Sirius.
"It can't be that bad if I'm alive, right?" Sirius replied as he unwrapped an edge of the chocolate and bit into it. "Thanks."
Remus sighed heavily as he pulled up a chair next to the hospital bed. "Being alive isn't the only important thing," he said very seriously before his face became light. "Anyway, James sends his regards and is sorry that he can't come visit you. He's currently busy stuffing his mouth with food so he won't be exhausted during his detention later. He did, however, give me this for you." Remus handed over a folded piece of parchment. "He said it was a list of things to do once you get freed. He also expects you to cause great mayhem and chaos." Remus grinned. "But don't do so while I'm there, please. I'd rather not have to give you detention as well."
Sirius took the list from Remus and unfolded a corner of it. "What did he do this time?"
"Exploded Snape's cauldron in the name of revenge," Remus responded casually. "Well, now that I have confirmed your well being, I should go."
"Go where?" Sirius asked immediately with a slight frown.
"Prefect duties." Remus sighed and stood up. "I'll see you later, Sirius." He gently touched Sirius' shoulder before waving and walking away.
After the door closed, Sirius realized that that was the first time Remus ever willing touched him in all five years that they've known each other.
--
By the time Sirius was released from the Hospital Wing with a warning to stay safe, Remus was already in bed, but neither James nor Peter were back yet. He decided that Remus must have been asleep, since his curtains were shut, and went to take a shower. It was quick one and moments later he was lying on his bed trying to fall asleep when a whimper came from the bed next to his.
"Remus?" Sirius whispered as he sat up, waiting to see if he had just imagined the sound.
"No," the boy murmured urgently and Sirius pulled aside the curtains to see Remus tangled in red sheets and gripping mercilessly at the pillow that had slid from his head to next to his body. "It's not my fault…I didn't…Please…"
"Re-" Sirius reached his hand out but pulled it back just before he touched Remus. Though they may have gotten closer throughout the past few weeks, he didn't think they were quite that close yet. And, what if Remus still feared his touch? Wouldn't he just be making things worse? And, would Remus suddenly pull back if Sirius asked him questions about his nightmares?
"You can't!" he cried suddenly as his body stretched out before curling up tightly. "Please…don't leave." Sirius was shocked to see tears falling from closed eyes. "I'll…anything…just, please, stay…"
Sirius knew that those words weren't meant for him, but he couldn't help but follow them. He sat down on the edge of the bed, hesitating with uncertainty. The bed sank just enough for Remus shift, but not enough for him to wake.
"I can explain," there was an edge of desperation to the usually calm voice. "Listen, please, I-AH!" Remus screamed and flew up in bed panting heavily. His hands scrambled out of his sheets and pressed themselves tight against his chest. His head lowered in relief but still water fell from the half-open golden eyes. He didn't seem to stop, nor did he seem to notice until a pink tongue scraped itself across his cheek. Remus took in a sharp breath before noticing that it came from a familiar looking dog and smiled.
"It's you," he breathed. He stared at the dog hesitantly for a moment before throwing his arms around him and buried his face in the fur. "Merlin, what are you doing here? How did you get here?"
The dog barked and snuffled into Remus' ear, which shook slightly as Remus chuckled in response. "I think you need a name, yeah? How about Mr. Snuffles?" The dog growled angrily and Remus let go in surprise and laughter. "What about Padfoot then?" Silver eyes narrowed curiously. "Well, because you somehow always sneak up quietly. And by always, I mean the two times that I've met you. So, does Padfoot work?" There was a bark of consent before the tongue drove itself roughly up Remus' face again.
"I'm glad you agree." Remus lowered his eyes and lifted his hand to the pendant swaying slightly before the black fur. "I bet," he whispered, gold never leaving gold, "you'd like to know why I was screaming, huh?" There was a gentle dip of a snout and the boy smiled sadly. "Remember when I said I had lost so much?" He paused, not to wait for confirmation, but to organize his mind. "Someone…someone very important to me…" He took in a breath and started over. "I also lost someone important to me. He had been my best friend since I was little and more than that for the past two years. He knew practically everything about me. Everything but my lycanthropy." His lips trembled, trying too hard to keep a perfect smile. "If-if I had my way, I never would have told him. He…Greyback told him. Just…just another one of his plans to destroy my life. As if killing my mother and nearly killing me as well wasn't enough." His voice hardened with hatred as his eyes narrowed dangerously.
"But, I'm fine, mostly," he whispered, his thumb rubbing tenderly against the engraving. "He only grazed my heart that night. You would have been proud of me." Padfoot had the feeling Remus wasn't talking to him anymore. "I got him good. He was a right bloody mess by the time he hit me. But," Remus sighed, closing his eyes and letting go of the necklace, "but I know that if he was really trying to kill me, he would have done it." His hands trailed up the dog's fur until they linked behind his neck. "Do you know what he said?" Remus asked as his fingers tangled themselves tightly with the fur there. "He said that he would let me live long enough to know what hell was like. Then he would come kill me once I begged him to."
Padfoot whined slightly and Remus settled his head once more in the dog's fur. "There are some nights when I think about asking him to come and kill me. Some nights when I dream about him taking away my pain. But I know I couldn't do that to my father or my friends." He laughed softly. "They say they need me in life, but they don't know how much I depend on them. I live for them." He paused and lifted his head away long enough to stare into the deep intelligent silver eyes. "And now, I live for you too, Padfoot. I'd never be selfish enough to ask this of you if I knew you could understand me, but don't leave me alone, okay? I know you can't stay here, but promise me you'll come back. Promise." And Padfoot licked Remus again before letting the boy cling onto him until they both fell asleep.
--
A/N: A bit lighter in mood than the other chapters. Influenced in part by happy yaoi anime in which the ukes always make irritating moaning noises that makes you wonder how the hell they're considered to be men. :) Anway, there's Remus' past that he's been hiding. No, he doesn't know who Padfoot is yet, but he will soon. And remember how I said this would be a short story...eh, it'll probably end up being longer than I planned. Anway, enjoy! And if you don't understand what the hell Remus is talking about, no worries, you'll get it later. Maybe...