"I stabbed someone today." I whisper into Tobias's shoulder.
"I know." Tobias whispers back, and pulls me closer to his warm chest. We lie in bed, a thick quilt wrapped around us, and Tobias's strong arms encasing around me. It's mid day, almost lunchtime, but there's no way to tell that in our windowless apartment.
"I could have killed him." I moan, not meaning to sound so emotional.
"But you didn't. And he was going to kill you." Tobias tries to comfort me, but that doesn't change the fact that I stabbed someone, and watched as a pool of crimson blood grew around him, until my legs decided to start working again.
"He wouldn't kill me. He's to big of a coward." I say through gritted teeth. I don't want to let out an emotional sob again. I'm not that week. Unless I am.
"He almost killed Eric." Tobias points out. I don't respond. Which turns out to be a mistake, because the lump in my throat forces out a choked sob. Great. Now Tobias is going to think I'm a helpless wimp, I think to myself, and then realize that it may be true. I might not be able to handle being Dauntless. I'm not dauntless. I fear many things. For instance: stabbing someone. But as I look back on the whole incident, I realize that I'm not sad because I stabbed him- that I did in defense. I'm sad because I didn't hesitated.
"Hey. You gotta stop crying. You really do. You saved your life today, and maybe even some other peoples. You stopped a drunken psychopath. You don't need to feel bad, you need to feel proud." Tobias pulls back and puts his warm hands on my shoulders. He tries to look in my eyes, but I avoid his, not wanting him to see my tear streaked face.
"I know what'll make you feel better. There isn't any chocolate cake on earth better than Dauntless cake." Tobias murmurs, and brushes a hair out of my face. He puts his finger under my chin, and gently pushes up, making me look in his eyes. His thumb reaches out and tenderly wipes the tears away from each of my eyes. I don't deserve him.
"C'mon." He says. His back is facing the wall that the bed is pushed up against, so my body is keeping him from getting off the bed. He sits up and flips his body over mine, so that he is straddling me. I turn my body, that was only moments ago facing his body, so that I am looking up at him. He is wearing a sly smile as he leans down to kiss my cheek, and trace my tears down my face. He keeps going, down the side of my neck, and then traces the ravens on my collarbone with his lips. He goes dangerously past my collarbone, and it is my turn to put my finger under his chin and pull up, so that he is once again looking me in the eye.
"You certainly know how to get a girl to stop crying." I smile as I roll out of bed. He moves his arm just in time, and flops back onto his back.
"It was worth a try." He shrugs at me as I slip on my black combat boots. I only smile in response. I can feel my cheeks getting red.
This time when I step into the dining hall for lunch I do not hesitate to sit with Tobias and his friends. I sit down next to Tobias, across from Uriah and Zeke. To my left Jenn is sucking face with a muscular man, who is definitely at least twenty-four. I get the sense that Jenn could have any man in the Dauntless compound, if she wanted to.
"Get a room." Uriah mutters.
"Yeah! Get a room!" Zeke hollers, much louder than Uriah. Jenn breaks away from her boy toy and smirks at Zeke.
"Sorry. Is our happiness making you lonely, Zeke?" she says with a pouty voice.
"Yeah actually. So um, could you, I don't know, stop?" Zeke mimics Jenn's voice. Jenn smiles at her man, who mutters something in her ear before sliding out of the seat and walking away. Jenn turns around in her chair, so that he knees are once again under the table, and joins our group.
"How old is he?" Zeke asks, furrowing his eyebrow. The way he says it reminds me of a protective older brother.
"Tris, are you having chocolate cake for lunch?" Jenn asks me, ignoring Zeke's question.
"Um, yeah." I say and feel slightly embarrassed.
"That. Is awesome." Jenn longingly says, before returning to her salad. It must take a lot to keep her curvy figure, and keep the older men coming in.
"I come bearing bad news. Eric is going to live." Shauna grimaces as she slides in to the seat next to Zeke, who curses under his breath. "That little dick." Jenn snarls. I remember that most of them went through initiation with Eric, which must have been a living Hell.
"So I heard you stabbed the little brat, Peter." Zeke says, while turning towards me and raises his eyebrows, as if to ask for an explanation.
"Umm…" I say, not wanting to talk about it. Out of the corner of my eye I see Tobias give Zeke a warning look. Zeke doesn't say another thing about it.
"Tris! Have you decided what you're going to do yet?" Uriah asks, and I silently thank him for changing the subject.
"Not yet." I say and realize that I haven't given one of the most important decisions of my life any thought.
"I'm telling you, being a cop is where it's at." Jenn says before brushing her long chestnut hair out of her face.
"Don't listen to Jenn. She just wants to turn you into a little her." Shauna warns. I silently wonder if that would be such a bad thing. Jenn is gorgeous, and everyone seems to love her. But then I remember the man that Jenn was groping only moments before and decide that I don't want to be like her. I'm happy with Tobias. He's all I need.
"How about, no." Tobias says, as if to reinforce my thoughts about being like Jenn. Jenn shrugs, not seeming to notice how she is being slightly insulted.
Someone taps my shoulder and I turn around to see a stiff looking Marlene standing behind me. I wonder what lies Christina has told her, and all the other new Dauntless, about me. "Max wants all of us in the Pit in twenty minutes." She says curtly, before turning away and walking off.
"Looks like you've got twenty minutes to decide what you're going to do for the rest of your life." Shauna marvels, while leaning in across the table towards me, her eyes wide. The other people at the table laugh, but her fake intimidation makes me nervous. I wish I already knew what I wanted to do, like Uriah, who has known that he wants to work in the control room his whole life. God help me, I pray.
"We're going to pick jobs today. Choose carefully. You can't pick again." Max warns the group of new initiates I stand in. His short words echo around the nearly empty Pit. The tension in the group is palpable, between Eric being shot, and the division of the group from Christina and me. Uriah and I stand together on one side of the group, and everyone else stands behind Christina on the other. Christina glares at me and I smirk in return. I don't need to play her childish games, but I find it hard not to.
"Tris ranked first, so she picks first." Max says as he hands me the clipboard. I make sure that our hands don't touch. I scan the board quickly, but there is no job on it that I don't know exists. I do however notice that there is not a Dauntless leader position on the list. I guess that position only comes along every couple of years.
"I think that I would like to be a police officer." I say after a moment's hesitation. I can feel Christina snickering at my choice, which makes me laugh, considering that she is going to be a gate guard.
Despite the fact that stabbing Peter affected me so much, I would like to protect people in a more personal way than gate guards, and I think that being a cop will satisfy both the Dauntless and the Abnegation in me.
"Interesting choice." Max snickers. Whatever. At least I don't have to work with you.
Max wastes no time in handing the clipboard to Uriah, who doesn't even take a moment to look over it before saying, "Control room."
"Good choice." Max nods. After Lynn chooses to be a design weapons and Marlene picks to be a nurse, I realize that Peter would be next, but obviously isn't here.
Max clears his throat before he speaks again. "Due to recent events, the remaining people have been bumped up a rank, meaning that Will will be picking a job." I hear Christina gasp, and realize that her jealousy might not just be for me, it may be for anyone who outshines her, even her own boyfriend. Will smiles as he looks over the list, taking his time. "Conductor." He finally says with a boyish grin. "Ah, working with trains. Good choice." Max says, but still doesn't smile.
"The rest of you will be working as gate guards. It is a dangerous, but highly rewarding job. Congratulations to you all." Max says in a monotone, bored voice. That means Christina will be working at the gate. Serves her right. "For those of you who earned a job, you will be apprentices until you are seen fit to work." Max explains as he hands the top five of us a sheet of paper. "That is all." Max says and walks off without another word.
My paper has only one sentence:
Report to the trains at 8:00 tomorrow, where you will receive further instructions from Officer Jenn Woodley
Jenn is my new instructor.