God I love you people.
I didn't think people would really like my story… but you DO! =D
This chapter takes a bit of a twist… I hope it was the right thing to do… GAWD.
I thought I'd try and write about something that I hadn't seen written about before, and so I got kinda excited when I thought of this. Now I'm doubting myself but hey- it's a fresh twist! (I'm also planning to try a new take on a one-shot… so be ready for that.)
So AGAIN- please tell me what you thought… lovin' you ^-^
Three girls were sat the lunch table. One with blonde hair took small bites out of a tuna sandwich, while the other two glanced awkwardly at each other, as if it were a deadly sin to be caught looking at your sibling.
"How did practice go?" Robyn asked around mouthfuls of lunch.
Tegan was snapped out of the trance she'd had on Sara's hand, having instant flashback of the previous night's practice. "It went fine." She said after a little while. "We tried out a song called…jeez what was it called, Sara?" Tegan asked, acting as naturally as she could.
Sara thought for a little bit. "Painting Songs," She answered quietly. "It needs a lot of work."
"What a trippy name." Robyn laughed. The twins smiled it off uncomfortably, Robyn noticing their stunted emotion- but choosing not to dwell on it. "Speaking of tripping out…I hear Jimmy has some more acid if you wanna give it a go this time?" She said, standing from her chair.
Caught in her own little world, Sara came back down to Earth with a thud. "What? Oh, yeah… we might give it a go." Robyn was about to walk away, when she looked back to the twins.
"Guys, what's the matter? Did you have a row or something? You've been off with each other all day." Listening intently, Tegan gulped her worry back down, watching Sara's eyes burning into hers.
"No… we didn't fall out." Tegan said. "Just Mrs Bright-idea came into my room this morning with… some new song lyrics. Kept me up for hours creating melodies."
Sara sighed in relief when Tegan's story took the path of a lie. "Yeah well, you've got to suffer for your art." The younger laughed, looking over her shoulder at Robyn.
"Oh," The blonde girl said, deep down still not believing their tale. "Well, I've godda go to the library. Book report for tomorrow that I haven't even started." Robyn left with a smile, leaving the most uncomfortable air in her wake. Tegan stood up fast, hutching her bag onto her shoulder.
"I'd better go too… I have that book report." She mumbled, taking the same path Robyn had and leaving Sara alone. Sara knew that was a lie as well. It was a history report, and Sara and Robyn were in the same class- Tegan wasn't. She'd just wanted to get away from her twin.
Sara banged her fist on the desk and looked around. She'd never felt so pissed off at Tegan, and she didn't quite know why.
The girls had gotten home in total silence for the second day running. Tegan had watched television with a permanent look of frustration on her face, while Sara stayed in her room, playing the guitar slowly, and writing boring lyrics that eventually, would get scrunched into a ball and launched at the waste paper bin.
Dinner had come and gone, Sonia and Bruce noticing the awkward silence cutting through the twins. They chose not to question it, though deep down, Sonia was petrified.
Something must've gone on; for as long as she could remember the girls had been as close as it was humanly possible for twins to be; and she knew, she just knew something was wrong. Sonia tried to take her mind off it as she went in the living room, sitting with her eldest daughter and taking the remote.
She heard Sara's feet plod back upstairs, and watched as Tegan shifted and sighed.
Sonia swallowed and tried not to think about it.
Tegan tried the door.
The handle clicked and she stepped into the darkness. It was two in the morning, and very late to be going to sleep in Sara's room. But if Tegan knew her twin- then she'd be kept awake by the thoughts going around both their heads.
She shuffled though the blackness and as her knees knocked against the bed frame, ordering her to stop, she heard Sara sigh. Tegan swallowed and wondered what she was going to do, before she lost her way.
"I'm sorry," She blurted out.
Sara moved and rolled over, watching Tegan's shape through the dark.
"What?" She croaked over exhaustion.
"For… y'know, kissing you. It was stupid. I shouldn't have done it and I don't know why I did." Tegan lied. "We've always been really close though- I just thought it'd be the right thing to do…"
She swung her body round awkwardly and started to walk away, but Sara was having none of it. Her hand grabbed at the darkness, latching onto Tegan's wrist and before the elder knew it, she had been pulled down on the covers. She sat with a bump and blinked at Sara, who she could only just see clearly. Sara had shuffled her way into a sitting position, throwing the cover back and holding the silence between the pair.
"Do you mean that?" Sara watched. Tegan was confused, and she could barely read the expression on her sister's face. It was constantly changing.
"Um... of course." Tegan said fast. Sara squinted. Now she just looked plain angry. Tegan gulped.
"Liar." Sara growled.
Tegan's jaw dropped. "I'm not lying! I'm telling you this because I know it was wrong!"
"Do you know it was wrong... or know it was meant to be wrong?" Sara's tone and face had changed- they were both, once again, unreadable. Tegan's throat went dry. She had no idea what Sara was getting at.
"Sara," She began nervously. "Are you... shunning me out or something?"
Sara's head fell to the side and she closed her eyes, taking in a deep, frustrated breath. "No." Tegan sighed. Thank god. But, if Sara wasn't falling out with her, what was she doing? "Why was kissing me…" Sara drifted off a little. "Why was it stupid?" Sara said. Tegan tried to answer, but found herself being cut off. "Do you remember when we were like six… and we told each other we were in love?"
Tegan croaked back her reply. "Yeah, so? We were six… it didn't really count."
"Didn't it? How're you sure?" Tegan opened her mouth to answer, but it seemed Sara had been thinking about this a little more. "What if we are in love? What if this is true love but we're blinded by the whole 'twin' thing to see it?"
Again Tegan blabbered a little, but found she literally couldn't speak, as Sara moved slowly through the darkness. Her hand brushed against Tegan's face as she connected their lips, each girl getting lost within the other. They daren't open their mouths, but Sara smiled a little as she felt the heat radiating of Tegan's cheeks. Suddenly the older girl pulled away, leaving Sara feeling shocked.
"This isn't love!" Tegan said around the taste of her sister. It sounded almost like a sob, but Sara couldn't see her face clearly enough to know if she was crying. "This is sick. Wrong. Not love." She repeated.
"But…but…" Sara tried.
"No buts!"
Sara's eyes welled up. "You kissed me first!" She said, wearing Tegan's rationality thin. "Don't you…want to?" Sara said as she felt the lump grow in her throat.
Tegan sighed and looked around, gulping as she realised she'd have to say something. The silence was unbearable.
"…Of course I do." She said, hearing Sara breathe through a growing smile. "And… you kissed back. Oh god Sara- if we go through with this it's really gonna fuck with our lives!" Tegan was definitely crying now, only slightly as tears ran through the curves of her face.
She leant into a hug with her sister, so confused. "What's going on?" She whispered, tilting back and looking to matching teary eyes.
"We've always been close," Sara tried to justify. "Maybe this was meant to happen."
Their foreheads connected, each girl sobbing to the other. "But Sara, other kids are close- they don't fall in love."
"Maybe we're different," Sara whispered, resting a hand on Tegan's shoulder. "Maybe we're special." She moved upward, kissing Tegan's soaked lips.
"I don't want to be special." Tegan said like a child, the words ripping through her throat. "Maybe I want to forget about all these feelings."
"No! No, no, no," Sara whispered over and over, gulping down. They silently fought; screaming at each other the only way they knew how. "What if I don't want to forget?"
"What?"
"This is so natural." Sara breathed. "Doesn't this feel right? Deep, deep down?" Tegan said, nothing, but after a little while nodded her head, which was still connected to Sara's. Their hands lay at the base of the other's neck, keeping them steady in the whirlwind.
Tegan kissed Sara's lips messily. "That felt right," She said, doing it again. "And that."
"So… why is it wrong?" Sara sobbed, looking into Tegan's eyes for the first time in a while.
"Because the rest of the word says so! And no matter how hard try we can't convince them!" Tegan shouted into the night, pulling away from her baby sister.
"Maybe… maybe we should sleep on this. Try and work this out… another time?" Sara edged around the words, unsure of what she was saying until she'd stopped saying it.
Tegan rubbed her forehead, nodding. "I'll go to my room," Tegan announced, beginning to rise.
Once again Sara caught her wrist and pulled her sister back down. "You sleep here tonight. Love doesn't change just because the people grow up." Sara said, swallowing the lump in her throat.
Tegan couldn't talk. She was too busy focusing on Sara's eyes to do anything.
They lay down, tucking their bodies into each other's. The covers were pulled up and their stuttering, upset breaths died down. The twins found it easy to fall asleep when they were near each other. No matter what had been going on. They fell into a nap, both tormented with the thoughts of the other. Was it meant to be like this?
Sara awoke with a start. She had been resting in the curve of Tegan's body and in the dark as her eyes adjusted, found their faces to be incredibly close. She'd turned around in her sleep. She gasped at Tegan's slumbering closeness.
She'd had an idea. A great idea. Or at least, so she thought as she brought her hand up, shaking Tegan awake lightly.
"Teetee…" She whispered, hot air hitting her sister's face.
"WHHUT?" Tegan moaned loudly.
Sara moved closer to Tegan's face, letting their noses brush and breath pass between their mouths. "You said this could fuck us up. What if it doesn't have to?" The younger whispered at once.
Tegan woke dramatically at that, eyes bold as they watched Sara's serious face. "What?" She said quietly. Tegan was still drowsy, and was simply accepting their current intimacy. "What do you mean?"
Sara said nothing, but edged forward into a delicate, but instantly passionate kiss. Their lips danced madly around the taste of sleep. Tegan couldn't argue, but she couldn't carry on. Her head and heart were waging a war, and before either could win she was distracted by a sudden movement. She let out a gasp as the whole moment froze. Sara's ice cold fingertips had found themselves at the top of Tegan's pyjama pants.
They moved down slowly, the twins burning into each other with wide eyes. Before Sara came into contact with something so private, Tegan grabbed her wrist.
"Sara. What do you mean?"Tegan shuddered. Her voice was deadly seriously.
"I… thought of a plan," Sara said. "Kind of- dreamt it up. This could work…"
Sara removed her hand from its resting place and looked around quietly. The girls were drenched in silence, bodies still pressed together and Tegan waited for her sister to talk. Sara realised she had to speak, and cleared her throat.
"We could… I dunno, make a plan or something." Sara felt a little stupid saying it, and watching Tegan's face scrunch in confusion didn't help. The younger sighed, sitting up. Tegan leant over onto her elbow. "Picture this: we get together once in a blue moon. Just one time for us to physically express this… whatever it is."
Tegan understood and looked away, shooting her gaze back. She felt so much calmer now. It was as though the sleep had cleared her mind. Tegan could see the relationship with her sister for what it really was. The bare bones of love that were passed between them every single day. And she adored it. "Why though?"
This stunned Sara, and the silence they had been in before came crawling back. She gulped. "…Because, Tegan, putting side the physical? Look at the emotion. This connection. I don't think anyone else in the world can feel this special kind of love, whether they 'accept' it or not. I mean… we love each other, don't we?"
Tegan sat up properly, shoulders dropping instantly as she gave Sara a nod. "Like sisters- or what?" The elder watched her sister's face, watched as she tried her best to answer.
"Or what," Sara said with a quiet laugh. "I guess that pretty much sums up what we're doing right now." Tegan smiled, a little bashfully. "But seriously," Sara continued. "This is love, right? Real love. We saw mum and dad fall apart, and for all we know the same thing could happen to mum and Bruce;" Tegan watched through thin eyes, now taking everything in. "But at the end of the day, Tegan- we're family. Nothing can destroy this bond we have…"
Tegan took a deep breath. She knew exactly what Sara was saying. She looked into her sister's eyes, and got back on topic. "So a plan, eh? Us getting together… sounds ok."
Sara smiled. "We should make it a set thing. A routine."
Tegan nodded, listening intently. "So, like… how often?"
"Once a year." Sara said automatically.
Tegan thought for a little. "Too frequent. We want it to be special… anticipated."
"Two years?"
"Mmm… I dunno."
Sara got a little confused. She was started to wonder if Tegan wanted to go through with this plan. "Three years?" Tegan was silent, thought the looking her eyes was a resounding no. "Tegan," Sara began, acting on impulse. "Do you even want to do this? Really?"
Without a word Tegan pulled her twin in close. "Sasa... of course," She said into Sara's neck as they hugged. "It's come over me kinda fast though. I just… I want it to be really special, y'know?"
Sara pulled out and watched here sister's eyes for a long time in the dark. They made her smile, so much so she needed to say something before her face ripped in two. "Three and half years?" She didn't want to push it too much, and seeing Tegan look up with a spark in her eye and a tiny smile let Sara know she had it.
"Perfect." Tegan whispered, pulling her sister in and kissing her lightly. As their lips brushed, Tegan had a sudden thought. "If we're waiting for three and a half years, when will our, uhm… 'first time' be?"
Sara thought, looked down and back up to her twin's gaze awkwardly. "Err…2000."
"2000? ! ?"