"OH MY GOD! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!" Orochimaru screamed.

"ORCHIMARU! HOLD STILL!" Kabuto yelled.

"OH MY GOD IT'S…..AAAAAGGGHHHHH!"

"OROCHI….

"GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT! GET IT….OOOOOH MY GOD IT'S ON MY SHOULDER! AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!"

"OROCHIMARU RELAX! HOLD….HOLD STILL! HOLD STILL!" Orochimaru was thrashing everywhere and Kabuto was trying to remedy the situation. "ORO….." Kabuto was cut off by more screaming.

"KABUTO! GO GET SASUKE!"

"OROCHIMARU! OH MY GOD! QUIT FLAILING AROUND….OH MY GOD YOU'RE SPILLING BARBEQUE SAUCE!" now Kabuto was covered in barbeque.

"KABUTOOOOOOOO!"

"OROCHIMARU! STOP! STOP RIGHT NOW! IT'S NOT….IT'S NOT FIRE DAMN IT! IT'S KETCHUP! KETCHUP IS IN YOUR HAIR AND NOW ALL OVER YOU!" Kabuto said rather pissed at him for all the flailing. Now there was silence.

"Oh…it really is ketchup isn't it?" Orochimaru said calmly.

"Yes….it is. Kabuto said cleaning barbeque sauce off his glasses.

"Kabuto, why do we have ketchup?" Orochimaru asked.

"Because, we've been trying to mix the perfect barbeque sauce all day! We've made 47 different variations of our barbecue sauce and they all taste like shit with our steaks!" Kabuto said rather irritated.

"Hmmm….you know Kabuto I blame Sasuke for this. He was talking about some kind of Uchiha family secret grill recipe but he couldn't remember if it called for steak or fish but he was certain it called for barbeque sauce. Let's try another combination this time add less chili powder." Orochimaru instructed.

And speaking of secret Uchiha stuff…

"Oh my god…I LOVE IT, YEAH!" Deidara screamed.

"Okay, okay just shut up and we'll show it to everyone else. I personally think the shirts turned out terrific. Come on, Sasori should have the first batch of fish grilled by now." Itachi said as they took the shirt sample outside where all the grilling was taking place.

"Good, I'm glad you're here. Alright, now I've basted the salmon in the herb butter but do I pour the remainder on the salmon when it comes off the grill?" Sasori asked.

"Hell no! You take the reserved bath, pour it into individual cups for dipping and throw that shit out!" Itachi told him. "But hurry up and finish so you can see our shirts. We haven't ordered them yet because we need to get sizes.

"So….Lola…Sasori is going to smell a hell of a lot like charcoal and fish once he's done. Now I'm just wondering if when he takes a shower are you going to…." Lola cut him off.

"No." she answered quickly. "But, I will gladly pour you another daiquiri right now if you like."

"Please darling." Hidan answered her.

"Wow! I never knew Dana could suck it like that!" Marisol said happily as she came out of the sliding glass doors with Princess in her arms and Dana following behind her. Right now, both Lola and Hidan were choking on the daiquiris they had been drinking.

"Wow…that….that is something I never ever ever thought Marisol would say. I should write that down like the time Kakuzu said 'I'd like to make a donation'…I wrote that down too." Sasori was explaining to Kisame.

"Oh or that one time Itachi said 'I'll never worry about how I look in polyester again'?" Kisame asked.

"Just like that time."

"Okay, enough of all the….wow Dana….13 sugar free popsicles. Honey, you….are….good." Itachi praised her. "Okay anyway, I would like to show you the shirts that me and Deidara came up with…although I should note that it was mostly me." Itachi said revealing the shirt.

"Oh my god…." Was all Zetsu said.

"Isn't it great, yeah?" Deidara asked all smiles.

"You have got to be kidding me." Kakuzu reacted.

"You know….that's some funny shit and all….but…hell I'm too drunk to think of anything demeaning to say." Lola said.

"You want us to wear that, seriously?" Hidan asked.

"What does it say I haven't….what the fuck Itachi? We're not even cooking ribs! It's fish! And you have a t-shirt printed that says 'RIBBED…FOR YOUR PLEASURE'?" Sasori said.

"No, no, no I'd rather wear the tight shirts as that!" Kisame said.

"I don't get it." Tobi said after a 56 second delay.

"We love these shirts, yeah!" Deidara said happily.

"Okay…I hate the color…we are not wearing baby blue and secondly like Sasori said…WE AREN'T COOKING RIBS! We're cooking fish! Even though I am TOTALLY freaked out by that….we're cooking fish."

"Okay, now if I can just get some shirt sizes, yeah. I know Marisol is a size extra small…let's see Lola what are you about a large, yeah?" Lola glared at Deidara over her daiquiri glass.

"I'm a medium…a perfectly happy MEDIUM." She told him. Deidara wrote that down.

"Wait, wait….you can't be serious about these shirts Itachi." Pein said.

"Oh I'm serious." Itachi answered him.

"Oh my god! Put me down for a large! I want to be able to sleep in that thing once this grill a thon is over!" Konan said laughing.

"Okay can we please focus on the salmon for a moment? Itachi I need for you to put that awful shirt down and come taste the salmon." Sasori said letting a piece of the salmon flake off. He handed Itachi the dipping butter and allowed him to take a sample.

"Sasori…we…are ready for the grill a thon." Itachi answered.

"Yeah?" Sasori asked.

"Yes…this…is…..the perfect recreation of the secret Uchiha salmon!" Itachi proclaimed.

"Okay, good. That only took me two tries. I'm going to go take a shower I smell like charcoal and fish." Sasori said.

"Wait! Danna, what size shirt do you want, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Are you serious? You can't possibly be serious." Sasori asked.

"Of course I am, yeah!" Sasori sighed in disgust not really wanting to argue with him.

"Fine…I want a large."

"Oh, oh, oh! Lola this is your chance girl! Sasori is headed to the shower! What are you going to do?" Hidan asked her.

"I'm going to sit right here on my ass under this blanket and get a little more liquored up. And believe me…once I get another one of these in me…the real fireworks will start." Lola winked at Hidan.

"Lola, you wouldn't lie about that would you?" Hidan asked her seriously.

"No baby." Lola answered him.

"Great! Now I have all the shirt sizes, yeah!" Deidara said double checking his list.

"Now, listen up we have 2 days until the grill a thon. Pein, are you going to be providing napkins?" Kisame asked.

"Me and Konan have already purchased over 2000 napkins." Pein answered.

"Wow…that's a hell of a lot of napkins." Kisame said looking at the list he had in front of him.

"Hey, hey, hey Kisame don't you worry baby tomorrow…me and Sasori are going out to buy the alcohol! We better have one big ass cooler!" Lola said already drunker than she was moments ago.