D-Day, twenty minutes and counting:
*What am I, Cupid?*
As he hopped out of the flowerbed onto the grass strip by this landscaping, becoming immobile as he warily examined his surroundings, Baxter the rabbit sent a twinkly-nosed glower to the world at large, and continued his inner grousing.
*It should be easy enough to tell us apart, since I look nothing like that diaper-wearing, bald idiot in his tiny fluttering wings, that sickingly-sweet toy bow, and that quiver filled with arrow shafts having heart-shaped arrowheads. I don't do romance. No, sir, I AM VENGEANCE! Bloody, tooth-and-claw retribution and punishment against those miscreants who dare to harm the innocent. Damn straight, buster.*
The white bunny now took a quick break from his complaining to munch on a particularly succulent clump of grass, with his long, fuzzy ears then slumping in dejection on exactly how he'd gotten himself into this specific situation.
*I never knew how dangerous a teenage girl's quivering lower lip could be. Bah. Let's just get this over with and then scram. Lucy promised me a whole head of lettuce when we get back to the house.*
Rising his cute head, Baxter eyed his prey before him, noting with glee how that quarry remained totally oblivious of its coming fate. Wiggling his powder-puff tail as his hind legs dug deep into the ground in preparation for a majestic leap at his victim, Baxter allowed his eyes to turn deep red, and in his mouth, his teeth changed from dull molars into razor-sharp fangs.
Abruptly pushing down his rear limbs, Baxter now sprang in a soaring arc towards the doomed target, every incisor showing in a savage snarl, as in his mind the little bunny bellowed his war cry: *DIE, SCUM!*
Landing on the asphalt-coated ground next to the BMW Z Series roadster parked in the driveway, Baxter lunged right at the rear left tire of the luxury car, sinking his fangs deep into the rubber.
An instant later, this tire exploded in a thunderous BANG!
Several hundred feet away in the FBI surveillance van, chaos reigned. Just a few seconds ago, the three agents carrying out their part in the sting operation of a certain Cleveland politician had been preparing to follow this man on his way to an expensive restaurant, where they'd continue listening in while an undercover agent negotiated the price for that politician to be bribed.
For the head of the team in the van, it had just been another day of work in a twenty-year career in that crime-fighting organization. Special Agent Mark Harrison was basically in the van tonight just to keep an jaundiced eye upon everyone. Well, not on Agent Rob McDonnell; he was an experienced electronics tech actually operating the bugs and cameras the same as he'd done for the last decade.
No, who really needed to be watched was Agent Chuck Johnson, two weeks out of Quantico on his first operation, an eager young man who was trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. Not to mention needing to be smacked on his damp nose every fifteen minutes with a rolled-up newspaper. Five seconds after introducing himself to Special Agent Harrison, Agent Johnson had been firmly ordered by his superior to confine himself to making coffee, gassing the van, and watching how the adults did it.
Right now in the van, an adult was frantically calling on the radio for backup with the magic words of 'shots fired', as another adult was moaning with pain while rubbing his ears, as the sensitive earphones that he'd been using to listen to every sound in the area dangled around his neck. Since he had no direct orders to do anything else, Agent Johnson just watched through the television screen where he keenly noted in the driveway that the expensive car there was tilted to one side, as if there was something wrong with the tires.
Back at the house, where a porch light had just turned on, Baxter the rabbit was recovering from where he'd been blasted several yards away by the exploding tire, landing onto his back, fluffy paws being dangled by the upside-down rabbit and a somewhat vague expression on that little mammal's face. This dazed look slowly changed to a very weird grin, as Baxter gleefully noted to himself, *That was kind of….fun.*
Twisting his body over to regain his normal posture, Baxter then happily hopped back to the rear of the BMW, this time to the right wheel, where he once more sank his jagged incisors into a very expensive, imported all the way from Germany, tire. A second later, another BANG! echoed throughout the grounds.
In the van, Agent Johnson slowly leaned forward until his nose was nearly touching the television screen.
On the porch of his house, a politician stared in disbelief at his driveway, where his luxurious car was now slumping down on its rear wheels. A moment later, that man jumped straight up in the air at least a couple of feet, as another deafening BANG! rang out, with both the man and his car descending at the same time. Right after that, the politician dashed back into his house, a look of terror on his face, as he slammed the front door shut, in perfect synchrony with the fourth and final BANG! coming from the car, which shuddered, and sank downwards into total immobility.
In the van, Special Agent Harrison was screaming into the radio for more men, preferably armed, while being informed at the same time that the police had just been called to their location. In the middle of all this sudden clusterfuck, a voice that Harrison truly did not want to hear now managed to get his attention.
Agent Johnson, sitting at attention in his chair in the van and with a proud look on his face, reported to his superior, "Sir, I was able to witness that malefactor at their work, and I believe I can unquestionably identify it, sir."
"It?" blurted out Special Agent Harrison, who to his everlasting chagrin in the future, never noticed that his radio was still on and everybody was listening to what was next said.
With absolute zeal in his tone, ready to heel, fetch, or roll over, Agent Johnson now achieved true immortality in the FBI by going on. "Yessir! It was a small white rabbit, and I think it was giggling when it hopped off, sir."