DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to Cirque du freak.

A/N: There is a death in a chapter. Sorry but wait until the later chapter and you will see why. This chapter is in Darren's point of view.

TITLE: With or without you

SUMMARY: Darren wakes up one morning to find Mr Crepsley and Evra gone and he is all alone. Realising he has to go and find them before it's too late, he sets out all alone, meeting some people who can change his destiny along the way. Will he find them before it's too late and run his life as normal?

~CiRqUe Du FrEaK~

Chapter 4- Reminders of you

Four months since his death and it still didn't get any easier. I had my friends to comfort me but it wasn't the same as his lectures. Darren, vampires do not slouch. Darren, I am a vampire I do not feed at subway and neither should you eat at grease traps, Darren stop hanging from trees you are not a monkey though you act like one. Annoying yes but I missed them all the same and the more I reminisced, the more painful it got. I looked around the cirque and everything seemed to remind me of him. I saw his coffin being hauled away, Madam Octa in her cage, Loaf head talking about him. It never got easier. Mr Tall came and sat with me for a while as I was sitting on a log by myself.

"Hibernius, when will it get easier?" I looked up at him as he shook his head slowly.

"I do not think it will." Even his perfect English reminded me of him! Obviously I needed time alone so took a break from the cirque scene and wondered round the woods for a few hours. The hours seemed like days but I couldn't handle going back yet. Even when he had been dying on the floor, his words spluttering out of his mouth, he had still talked in perfect English.

"How could I have signed his death warrant? He was my mentor for Christ's sake, I betrayed him…murdered him!" It didn't bare thinking about and I felt guiltier as the minutes passed by. At about eight o'clock, I headed back to the cirque and climbed into bed. Snuggling up into the covers, I remembered my mentor. Good old Larten Crepsley, the stupid old sod. I hardly slept that night, had nightmares about his death and how I could've stopped it. Evra woke in the middle of the night and we talked till about four o'clock then I finally drifted off to sleep. I woke at about eleven o'clock in the morning. I never got up that late but considering what time I went to sleep I think it was okay. Evra woke after me and calmed me down a little. (I should explain, since his death I had been throwing mood swings in a morning. Dunno why it just happens sometimes).

"It'll get easier man just give it time." I turned to look at Evra's smiling face but it didn't make the situation any better or easier. I tried everything possible to make me forget but I couldn't. That fateful night still hung in my mind and I couldn't let it go, no matter how hard I tried. Everyday I'd carry on my life as normal, as if it didn't happen and he was still sleeping in his coffin soundly but he wasn't. I had murdered him and there was nothing I could do about it. Months passed and I continued to live my life and his for him. I figured that if I couldn't see him, I could keep his memories alive through me. My eyes fluttered open one morning and all I could see was fuzz. I had forgotten for a moment why I felt so miserable then it dawned on me. Carefully tip-toeing to the door of the tent so as not to wake Evra, I stepped outside into the early morning air. It was still dark and absolutely freezing but I didn't care. A voice came from behind me and I practically jumped out of my own skin.

"A young vampire like you could catch a cold out here." I recognised it but couldn't find it in my mind. Who was he? Reality struck me as I stared at the dark figure with a stoned expression. I hadn't slept much so I looked a little worse for wear lately. I ran to the figure and pulled down the hood. "Do you mind Master Shan; I would like to keep it up thank you. I will be going soon so I cannot stay for long." I looked at him for a moment and tried to bring forward my memories but he just fixed the hood back on his head. It had been almost five months now since I had last seen him; his dead body sprawled on the floor.

"I…I don't understand Larten, I saw you lying there dead, motionless, in a pool of your own blood." My voice was quiet and confused along side his.

"Yes, indeed you did see all of that but Darren, those few extra centimetres make all of the difference. And it is Mr Crepsley to you." I didn't understand him and the more I thought about it, the more confused I grew.

"What?" I finally said after a long awkward silence.

"He had a bad aim and missed my heart. I faked my death so that he wouldn't come looking for me. I am heading for Vampire Mountain now to explain to Seba that I am not actually dead. I would rather not be dropped on stakes." I wrapped my arms around the vampire's waist and hugged him tightly. The vampire smiled secretly to himself and pulled my arms from round him.

"They couldn't kill you if you didn't go could hey?" He smiled at me as I smiled back.

"You would be surprised; they could kill you for many things." He left it at that. I had seen the hall of death and the guardians of blood, I didn't want to see it again at my mentor's death.

"Don't leave me again. Please Mr Crepsley I need you more than I thought I did. Please dad!" Why the hell had I just said that? The words just slipped out of my mouth by accident, he was sure to leave now.

"Listen son, how about I tuck you into your coffin and read you a little bed time story?"

"Really?"

"No. Darren, let us pretend that never happened okay? Now I am going to go and find my spider then I am leaving."

"But Mr Crepsley…"

"I am a vampire, I am not your father, I do not read bedtime stories, I do not hug and I am only going to Vampire Mountain."

"Well can I come?" Crepsley gave me an indifferent look and sighed again.

"Fine, I suppose you can come with me. Hurry up and get changed."

"Why?" I asked him seriously.

"You cannot turn up at Vampire Mountain dressed in some Pikachu pyjamas. It is embarrassing showing up in front of the vampire princes and generals with you dressed like that. They do not even know that you have been blooded yet, I doubt that they would be best pleased after seeing you like that. Now go on we have not got all evening."

"Okay just let me pack. Hold on a sec okay." Mr Crepsley frowned and poked his head round the corner of my tent door frame.

"Pack? What in the world are you taking? We are only popping in then coming back." I smiled at him before throwing a small suitcase on to the bed.

"Some aftershave, spare clothes, clean underwear, Nintendo, Nintendo charger, travel plugs…"

"Travel plugs? Darren really there is no need to take all of that."

"Why? I may get bored." He rolled his eyes, sat down outside my tent on the floor and crossed his legs beneath me.

"There is no time for you to get bored and I doubt that they will have places to plug in travel plugs. Now come on we have to go." I slammed the lid of the suitcase shut and hauled it of the bed. It was weird; it was like I was running away with Mr Crepsley, EW. We headed of for Vampire Mountain, me still wearing my Pikachu pjs and him in the red suit he wore when he died all those months ago.

TO BE CONTINUED…

A/N: So there you go, please R&R to tell me what you thought.