After resting a couple of hours and having something in his stomach, Loki felt much better. The Avengers instead, were most concerned by Natasha. The burns on the human had infected, incapacitating her from using her hands. The recalling of the accident by Thor didn't appease everyone's suspicions, they thought it has been Loki's doing, if indirectly. When he retired for the night Loki was not physically tired, but mentally he was in need of a shut down. At least Herdvorg provided a conversation topic that got everyone's interest. It offered him a break from the looks and the incessant questioning, especially after Thor had left with the Sorcerer Supreme.
He tiptoed out of the living room, and back to bedroom, meeting Wanda in the elevator. She had spent the late afternoon and part of the night in the infirmary comforting her fellow Avenger. The young witch had asked him if there was anything he could do to help the Black Widow. He responded with indifference, using words he regretted as soon as they were spoken. Besides Thor and Strange, Wanda was the only one that didn't blame him for the woman's injuries. And now Wanda may as well join to the group of haters, because he had been tactless. That's how Midgardians make madness of their short lives. First, allow sentiments to take over, then build absurd expectations about everything and everyone, finally, feel disappointment when their expectations are not meet. What did she expect? Yes, he was not worried for the woman's health. That didn't mean that he desired her to suffer the actual condition she was in, contrary to what the world may think, he did not enjoy seeing others in pain.
He didn't have any personal quarrel with any of the humans. Well... maybe he hated Stark a bit, because the man could be intentionally annoying to a degree. But he was not truly interested neither concerned for any of the humans. They were not defenseless, nor helpless. Besides, it was not his fault that Natasha had been hurt, why did he have to do anything about it? And then he answered to himself… because they had cared for him, in a way. Wanda and Strange, Banner too, even Natasha. Doesn't she deserve the same courtesy. Being ungrateful was something he was not. He was raised by the Queen of Asgard, she taught him manners and kindness. That had been true, beyond all the elaborated lie that was his life as a prince of Asgard. Or at least he chose to think 'that', that the woman he called mother for a thousand years had developed true feelings for the boy she had raised.
Female animals are prone to adopt a stray baby - even from a different specie - if this is placed among their own litter. His case was no different, the baby Jotun had been imposed to the Allmother by her husband, placed in the crib along Thor. There was something about babies, no matter how hideous the adult members of a specie may look, all babies have that tender and defenseless appearance that compels others to protect them. So, he chose to think, that at least when he was an infant and a small child, Frigga's care for him had been sincere and free from prejudice. For a boy in his early age, that was his best understanding of how love feels. Loki longed for those times when life was simple, when goodnight kisses chased nightmares away, and Frigga's lap was all the throne he needed. In her arms, he had felt safe and beloved.
So many things had changed. He had changed so much and now doubt lingered in his mind. Was it truly caring or rather pity? Can love born out of pity? Had Frigga's feelings diminished as he grew, or had they died by little, each time he posed a menace to her true son? Why she taught him magic? That didn't make sense, it had been unnecessary and without any tactic value. On the contrary, it turned to be a bad decision. He bet the Queen, were she alive, would regret it as much as Odin sure regreted to take him in the first place. These thoughts revolved in Loki's mind until sleep finally prevailed, at least for a couple of hours.
It was still night when he woke up in a haste, slipping from the bed and into the cold floor. Part of the floor was covered by a thin layer of ice, same as the beddings, both connected as if water has been poured and leaked from the bed, solidifying in the process. How on Hel this happened? This f.. blue skin!
The dream had been so vivid. There were two Jotun children, as identical as Helblindi and Byleistr, and a third smaller one, running after them. He ran after the twins, but he lost them, the garden they were transformed into an ice plain. Under the crystal polished ice that was the ground, he saw the faces of the death, thousands of them, Jotuns and Aesir as well. Then, the little spare Jotun fell and cried, until he was lift by a man, an Aesir man looking at him with a single eye. It was not a nightmare, but he woke up agitated nonetheless. The room was so cold he can see his own breath, forming little clouds with every exhalation. Loki looked at his cold blue hands which were, no doubt, the responsible, feeling like a child ashamed after wetting the bed. He focused in reverting to his Aesir skin and put on a t-shirt before leaving the room to avoid the sigh of what he had done. The ice was already starting to melt, soaking the sheets, the mattress, and the floor.
The dream had been an impossible, induced by wearing his Jotun appearance lately, and the thoughts evoked by the revelations he found in the Ice realm. He had been just a newborn when Odin took him, so he could not have memories of his womb siblings, could he? He cannot have any subconscious memory of his firsts days of live, but if that was the case, he didn't want to remember. To distract his mind of the spiraling madness that was his reality and heritage, he forced himself to think about anything else. The incident while helping Thor to channel the force of the thunder was not a better topic... next! The burns in his chest and hands were fully healed, and he cannot avoid thinking in the red headed spy. He had came to a decision about it, and the advanced night offered him the best concealment to avoid being noticed.
He walked through the hallway silent as a cat. The Avenger in vigil was fully asleep, Barton. Still, it was better - quieter - to use the stairs instead of the elevator. The infirmary was one floor above, and the bright lights in the hall make him close his eyelids. Banner was sleeping in a chair outside the medical room, but Loki sneaked carefully inside. The woman was asleep, and on sight of her bandaged hands, he couldn't help to look as his own hands again. She had one of those fluid tubes, inserted with a needle, that the humans used in anyone who was sick or injured enough to be in bed. The food tray next to the bed looked like if someone had a food fight or vented his anger trying to smash all on it. He guessed the woman was stubborn and reticent to be feed as a baby. He would had done the same, except he didn't, he allowed the sorceress to help him.
First, he placed a light sleeping spell on the woman, because healing was sometimes painful. The hands were covered in bandages soaked with a familiar clear gel. The skin was very much like his after the accident. Given by how much he knew it hurts, she was probably high in sedatives already. Loki retrieved an item from his dimensional storage, a healing stone he had stolen from one of the Asgardian healers when he had returned from Jotunheim. You never know when it can be handy, especially after his last encounter with Thanos. He had been saving it for a deadly wound, but half of it must suffice. He also retrieved a mortar and crushed half of the stone to a fine powder, which he mixed with more of the healing gel that he found after searching on the human's health supplies. This way, the concoction will do a better coverage of the affected area, allowing a fast - but not exaggerated - healing, less painful and less evident. After rewrapping the bandages, he released the spell and left the room in the way he had come.
Done.
He hated the guilty feelings that had grown on him after the whole failed invasion. One year of isolation in the dungeons gave him too much free time to think, about everything. A couple of times he had thought about the people that died on his ordeal. Not the soldiers, those were warriors, and warriors were committed to fight. To die is a latent risk of the warrior's job, and for Asgardians, to die while fighting is an honor. But for one moment during the battle of New York, when Thor shook him on the tower's platform, he was able to see the crude reality of war. People running scared, women and children too, while lasers and rubble rained over their heads.
Loki had killed in battle, as any Asgardian warrior, but he was not a cold blood murder. Only few times in his life their battles had developed in the middle of a populated area. Those times chaos had reigned, the villagers caught in the middle of the fight ran to get shelter, but not only from the enemies, also from their 'defenders' who were also armed and dangerous. The destruction of the war always caught someone, buried in a collapsing house, burned, reached by an explosion, killed by a lost arrow or sword.
Midgardians had not been any different that the villagers of North Vanaheim, or the Asgardians in the Thorsen Valley, or the Elves on the White mountains. They were just scared people, caught by a war they were not looking for, innocent. War casualties are something inevitable, Odin had said once, but we try to save the most we can. Loki hadn't, he was the bringer of destruction. For the first time, he thought with true concern about those who died by his actions in Jotunheim, it had been no different. He was now starting to see the realm in different terms, seeing the Jotuns as one may see a new discovered race. It was Herdvorg's doing, he told him stories, igniting Loki's fascination to unveil the secrets of their hidden society. Not hidden, secluded, banished, punished…unfairly punished. The realm was isolated and left to die. Odin had ended the war, but it had been not over in Jotunheim, they still had to fight to ensure survival while their ways of life and sustenance collapsed with the realm. Many lives were claimed for that. Those tainted in red the Alllfather's hand, without the need of him swinging his sword. For the last year, being Loki secretly in control of throne, he had done nothing – as Thor had pointed before – to change anything, to help anything, to prevent anything. Being healing of an accursed wound that pierced his heart was no easy stuff. He had played the depressed, tired, submerged in grief King that was about to fall in the Odinsleep at any time. Nobody complained that he Odin took life light for a while, for Loki that was not pretending.
The events that happened after Thor's return to Asgard set in movement a rollercoaster for his own emotions, and now he was stuck in the top of the highest slope. There was no backward, only forward, with a huge fall that promised to get him killed, and the nine realms with him. It would matter not, if he helped or not a woman no more virtuous than himself. He cannot hope to achieve… what, approval? redemption? Pathetic. He tried so hard to get Odin's approval, Thor's approval, Frigga's approval - maybe his younger self had it once. And now, What he pretended now to get, the Avengers' approval? Wanda's approval? It was a waste of time, this was something he had failed his whole life, he shouldn't still cling to childish needs. His focus should be on defeating Thanos, but... Will defeating Thanos bring him redemption? No, nothing will bring the dead back to life. He will never deserve pardon, and never go to Valhalla.
He didn't want to return to the room and the common living room was discarded, not in the mood to deal with his designated babysitter if he awoken. His feet took him downstairs, to the training place he had been the day before. The sound of dry thuds could be heard from the door, but he realized it too late. The soldier was an early bird, and he was there hitting repeatedly a stuffed bag that hung from the ceiling. Evidently, it was impossible to wander on that place without jump into one of these humans. The call reached his ears when he was about to retreat.
"Wait, you don't have to leave" Steve said. He saw Loki entering but stopping suddenly when he saw him already in the gym.
"I don't want to interrupt." The god excused, obviously trying to avoid any interaction.
"Not at all. Are you planning to exercise?"
"What? Oh, I just wanted to drain a little...steam" ...and to be alone.
"Well, I know a bit of that, a secondary effect of becoming a super soldier, I guess. I just feel like I have too much energy, so I exercise regularly to waste it up. It helps me to be focused and to sleep. I don't really need to train to build up."
"And here I thought you were an exemplary human fighter, for Asgardian standards." Loki said a bit ironically.
"To be honest, I'm more the pacifist type." Steve said, trying to break the ice. Unfortunately, for Loki the ice never melted. The god made sure to rebuild it on daily basis, never getting too relaxed among them. Ironically, he was a Frost Giant, but so was Herdvorg. The other Jotun instead, was very good-natured, the kind of person that no one can dislike.
"You have me fooled." Loki kept the same tone. The day had not yet started, and Loki had already reached his limit of friendliness.
"I only fight to protect others. I was given this...chance, these powers, I could have chosen to use them for my own benefit, but I choose to help others instead. I was once a scrawny boy, not able to win a fight, but I never backed off. Fortunately, my friend Bucky was always there for me, fighting by my side. He avoided me to get my face broken more than once. I'm grateful for that, let's say is like pay it forward. The world need more people like him, and so I follow this path."
Loki nodded. I really didn't need to hear the history of your life nor the profound and sentimentally filled background of your noble ideals.
The Captain stood few seconds feeling the uncomfortable silence.
"Oh, all yours, you can use it." He took the alien's irked eyebrow as a sign of not knowing what to do with the bag. "This is a punching bag, you just punch it. I can show you."
Really!? Boy, sure I don't need you to show me how to throw a punch.
Loki's reaction was the same of a cat who purposely ignore the existence of the brand new and expensive bed his owner just brought for him.
"Or... you can do as you guys normally train in Asgard."
Well they don't throw punches to a bag, more like...boulders. He remembered the first time that Thor broke a rock, in the gardens, just to show Loki what he had learned in his training. Loki was too young to join yet. And when he tried to mimic his brother, he broke the bones of his hand.
He opted for declining and was about to excuse himself when the Hawkeye appeared at the gym's entrance.
"I see you found the lost kitten" He spoke to the soldier.
Loki's face changed, and he stepped to face Barton, but Steve hold a hand to Loki's chest, and then addressed the Hawkeye.
"Easy Clint, no need to start a confrontation. Besides we were just about to exercise."
Were we?
"Be my guest then" Barton said, pushing the punching bag toward Loki.
Loki hit it back, throwing a punch that made it swing harder back to Barton. An unspoken match was unleashed between the two men, who used the bag as an stress doll while it swung back and forth, as both them pictured themselves punching the man in the opposite end.
Steve thought about intervene a couple of times, but it was obvious that this was a far more secure way for the two to drain their anger and blow some steam. Maybe then...
The bag broke and a cloud of sand engulfed the three of them. The opponents stood closer, both them with their fists holding at each side of their bodies, ready to raise them up.
"Look what you did!" Clint pointed Loki in accusation.
"Well, I'm obviously stronger than you!"
"You, little prick. Dare you-! "
"I dare!" Loki replied, taking a step closer to the man.
"Choose your weapon!" Clint said, getting hold of his bow.
Steve was ready to make an intervention, these two dueling could not end good. But when seeing the bow, an idea popped up quickly. "Jarvis, set some targets." He spoke loud to the A.I.
A vertical panel opened in one of the walls revealing bows and other throwing weapons. Steve, was sure it was a bad idea to give Loki a weapon, even more with both Loki and Clint that infuriated. He thought of diverting their rage toward practice targets, instead of each other. Before Loki selected a weapon, the Captain took a bow and throwed it to Loki who caught it with a single hand. He also made sure to pick a quiver with blunt arrows, just in the case the match turned into a not so friendly competition.
Loki set himself in position, as the room dimmed to half-light. The 3D targets started to appear projected randomly in the gym's space.
Both Loki and Clint were fast drawing the bow and shooting, target after target, arrow after arrow, both them hitting the objectives to perfection every time. The projected targets changed from small spheres to human figures, criminals and civilians. Loki figured that avoiding to hit non-menacing targets was part of the challenge. He almost shot a little girl that ran and crouched in the floor. It was more difficult with the uniformed targets, it was not that obvious for him to differentiate a military soldier than an assault terrorist. He waited for Barton's move to get the cue of which were the bad ones. The human targets started to change to alien humanoids and dangerous looking beasts. Both continued, none failing, none stopping, until a peculiar target appeared, making Loki to halt suddenly.
He paralyzed to look at the image and in a moment of distraction. The bow was tensed on his hand, but his fingers released the arrow missing the target. A second arrow passed near him, almost touching his arm, it flew like a bolt hitting the target's head. The A.I. stopped the simulation, declaring Barton as winner.
Loki dropped the bow and in a quick movement and an ice dagger materialized on his hand. He throwed it with a fierce scream and it spun like a boomerang through the room, breaking all three projectors used by the A.I. to make the targets appear. Without saying a word, Loki left the gym as fast as he could. The soldier made a motion to follow him, but he stopped at Barton instead, who smirked triumphantly. The training sequence was one that Barton had used before, after the NY invasion, he had included Loki's image as one of the targets. Just the day before – after Natasha's injury – Clint asked Jarvis to update that image, for one of a human size alien that looked very much like a Frost Giant.
"What?" Clint said to the Captain disregarding the god's reaction.
Loki walked, almost ran, through the stairs and halls, reaching the room he had been assigned. But instead of entering, he stopped and walked back to the previous door, knocking on Herdvorg's room.
"Loki?" Herdvorg was already awake.
"May I speak with you?"
"Yes, you may enter."
Loki pulled a chair that was rather small to fit the giant. The words didn't come out of his mouth.
"I see you are pale."
"I..." What? was tired of looking like a freak, of feeling like I don't belong in my own body, of starting to believe the truth, because no matter how much I wanted the lie to be true and the true to be the lie it is not?! "...made an ice dagger in my hand."
"That's not something very impressive. Ice manipulation happens naturally on Jotun infants."
"I never did it before, I didn't know that I could, I don't even know how it happen." I regret it.
"What drove it?"
"What drove it?" Loki replied with the same question, not sure what Herdvorg was asking.
"Ice manipulation is usually developed on the first years of life, mostly it is learnt by imitation. In some cases, it manifests as an innate reaction to a strong emotion or desire."
"I'm not a child!"
"A newborn infant must get acquainted whit his body to know his own capabilities, is a process of self-discovery. Tell me, Do Aesir babies born knowing how to walk?"
"Of course not, but this is not the same"
"Did you ever spend enough time in your birth skin, to get acquainted? Can you tell me the pattern of your heritage lines?"
"No, but-"
"Children polish his natural skills with the play, before getting any formal education for it. It is common that strong emotions drive uncontrolled bursts of ice, that can range between creative to dangerous. Fine craftmanship abilities though, are developed with age and practice."
"I see" No he didn't.
"Was it a well-shaped blade?"
"No, more like an icicle"
"There you have it. Maybe I can teach you a safe way for you to master the basics."
"No, I mean, wait. I did it on my Aesir skin, I thought-"
"You are no less Jotun in that pale disguise. You are embracing your nature now, and you cannot hide the truth once that you have acknowledge it."
Loki went a shade paler if that was possible, fearing that the blue will overtake him permanently, and his Aesir glamour will be no more effective.
"What that means exactly?" He asked, doing an effort to not stutter.
"Is like a no-magic trick. Once you realize how is done, you will never look at it the same. That skin doesn't limit nor hide your nature, is just that you were unaware of it for most of your life. But as you are experiencing this late rediscovery, I'll recommend you proper guidance to control it. Your potential may manifest much stronger than it does in a child. It can be negative for the cooperation agreement we are pursuing with the humans, if you hurt anyone by lack of self-control"
"Is there anything else beyond the ice manipulation, that Jotuns can do?"
"Well, there is the frost bite, or like we call it, ice shield. Is a very convenient defense for battle. And there is the temperature control and seeming how things are evolving with your body maybe we should need to take care of your first mating cycle in advance."
Well that makes sense, but that didn't diminish the feeling that his true nature was a body snatcher. Wait! did he said mating cycle!?
"I can imagine that you feel a little overwhelmed now, but do not worry. I can help you to control your natural skills if you wish."
"No, that's… Ok. I think I'll get ready for the day"
"As you wish"
Loki asked nothing more, because he was not ready for a conversation regarding Jotun mating if that was synonym of Jotun sex.
Good that the morning was already on appearance and Loki didn't have time to fill his head with concerning ideas after his conversation with Herdvorg. The god decided he won't give a second though to the incident, now or ever. He wished he had not even mentioned it to Herdvorg. He knows nothing about me or my feelings, I'm not a child. End of the story.
A more important issue was to make the machine work and... portals.
Loki got ready in no time and went to the common room to grab something light to nibble before everyone else was awake and ready to work. There were already people in the kitchen, the soldier, Banner and Wanda. The chat was regarding how well Natasha's injuries had been healing, Banner had just checked on them. Loki got all eyes on him when he entered in the kitchen. Steve offered him breakfast that he was preparing for all, another of his philanthropist hobbies, Loki thought. He denied politely and opted to grab an apple form the fruit basket, before finding his way out. Banner noticed how Loki's eye looked at Wanda before gazing at the floor, two words were said in a hurried and low voice.
"I'm sorry" The god said, leaving the kitchen as fast as he had arrived.
Banner thought that maybe Loki was just being polite for intruding in their personal space, it was obvious that Loki was not comfortable in being there, among them. He was sure all the Avengers feel the same, none was happy to see again the man that attacked New York, causing the death of innocent lives. If he had been judged by their laws, Loki would be incarcerated for life, and there would not be any shortcut to his sentence. Thor had said that Loki's actions had saved both Asgard and Earth, during the Greenwich incident, and that recently Loki had saved the few Asgardians lives that survived the destruction of their planet. The god of thunder didn't precise how or why his brother was not imprisoned by the moment these events happened.
Steve wondered if Loki may had apologized for losing his nerves earlier in the gym. He was sure Clint tried to provoke Loki - the man had reasons to be resentful -, but they were in a temporal truce, joining forces to fight a greater threat. The soldier requested Jarvis to immediately eliminate the offensive image or any that resembled their new alien allies – current or future. Steve was a man guided by principles, for him crimes must have a punishment, but also redemption has to be allowed to those who acted wrong. He had already discussed this with Nick Fury, given that apparently the Jotuns had forgiven Loki's transgressions on their realm, and Asgard, where Loki had been sentenced and imprisoned, existed no more. Then there was Earth, as the other wronged party. He personally expected that Loki's sentence will be formally reviewed in a near future. If pardon would be granted or not to the god, that was not a unilateral decision. The world council must decide based on the laws. If Loki was really abandoning the evil deeds, then he must at least repay in actions for the lives he had taken and maimed, and the damaged caused to the families of the deceased. It was only fair, and that way he could also learn from his own mistakes. Steve agreed with Fury that the terms of Loki's future presence on Earth, should be not only justified, but under strictly supervised conditions.
Loki's words though, were only interpreted with success by Wanda. After she visited Natasha in the early morning, she sensed the magic of the stones in her friend's hands. She suspected Loki has done it to prove her that he cared. Things were not simple when they involved Loki. He was not sorry that the spy had been injured, his apologize was to Wanda. So, he most probably cared for what she may think about him, or for hurting her feelings. At least it was an advance, he was so buried in protective layers that had made himself a personal shelter. She wanted to help him, but she didn't want to get trapped in his self-crossed fire with her attempt.
In the living room, Loki bit the apple and sighed when he saw the tooth incrusted in the fruit, another. He put the it in his pocket before anyone noticed and checked his illusion. The day activities promised to be at least distracting. He looked forward to start, as they will be working out of the tower, and even out of the city.
The previous day, Stark had resolved few of the functional issues they were facing for the large-scale deployment. 'Humble' was not a word in Stark's vocabulary, so he was positively excited - not to say bragged loudly - about it. Also, his automated assembly system allowed them to make advances during the night while the team rested. It created six more devices that will give stability to the mirror and would be controlled remotely by Stark's A.I.
Strange made a quick appearance in the tower, only to get Wanda to join him and Thor, both departed immediately to Strange's place. Loki regretted it was not him, teaching Thor about magic, helping him to wield Gungir. It should've been him, magic was part of him, he knew Thor best, he... pushed Thor away, didn't he? Seconds thoughts were not good, they only yield room to doubt and weakness. Besides, it was not wise after that odd last reaction when he held the staff. How or why, were questions he had no answer. His hypothesis was that magical items have memory, and after holding Gungir for so long posing as Odin, maybe it still considered Loki as the bearer, as the rightful King...sure that cannot be possible. The Allfather's staff will never claim a Frost Giant, and adding to that his most recent betrayals... well, he was not worthy.
In other matters, the absence of Strange allowed him to have a little range of action with the Tesseract guns, but he didn't get any results. The energy was residual and cannot be channelized, a shame. As Loki thought it, that only left him with a choice, not a good choice. It involved to forfeit the temporary alliances he had built, putting him directly on the enemy's side. It was suicidal on the first place.
The Avengers split in pairs to travel in the quinjets along with SHIELD personnel. Charm ended when he was paired with Nick Fury in person. Drats. The man proved to be a grumpy bitch and Loki wondered if it was natural on him, nothing to envy Odin. Loki decided to play his game without showing annoyance, that was Fury's intention, right? So, he didn't complain and took the lead in positioning the device himself, even if their location was in a wasteland overflowed by the rain, not the cleanest job to do.
For six hours non-stop they tested the whole deployment, adjusting the devices until they got satisfied with the results. Stark connected all the pieces to his A.I. and validated the remote command and monitor system. After the field work, all reunited in a facility that looked more like a huge military camp. From the air they could see vehicles, armament, and soldiers. No doubt, Nick Fury has been doing his homework. Of course, SHIELD was there and the other Avengers too, one of them was a man Loki had not met before, he dressed a suit with a ridiculous helmet, the Ant Man, seriously! Herdvorg was already there, Loki figured out that his 'team' was the last to return, after Fury's communicator had accidentally fell in the junkyard, and he insisted in recover it as it was their only option to call for the pickup. Sure, accidentally!
It was interesting how the humans were so open minded and accepted Herdvorg. Even if Loki was not favoring his Jotun skin, it was clear for him that his blueness has nothing to do with the apprehension the humans - in general - showed toward him. He observed how instead, the personnel at the SHIELD facility seemed to interact naturally with the other Jotun. They were not intimidated by his size, teeth, nails, red eyes, or blue tattooed skin. The Jotun physique was not something that humans related with an enemy. They didn't have thousands of years of history that spoke the opposite. Speaking of Jotunheim, as an emissary, he would need to travel to the ice realm eventually - soon -, to report to the King he now had pledged allegiance. His thoughts diverted to another King, Thor. They may not be kin anymore, but for now, Jotunheim had no quarrel with Asgard, so they recognized the Allfather's authority on equal bases, not in submission nor subjugation. He hoped for Thor to have success and find the way to contact the realms. They needed all the help they could, still he was afraid it won't be enough.
During the return trip to the tower they had news delivered by Stark, who was the first one to reach back using his flying suite. Thor had returned and waited for them to arrive before he delivered the news about the rest of the realms. Those news were something Loki wanted to hear.
Thor had arrived at the tower with three representatives, they all awaited for the humans in the bigger meeting room. Loki could swear Nick Fury omitted to share that little piece of information on purpose. After the work, his clothes were filthy and partially covered in -now dried - mud. He could have used an illusion, but it would only reassure Fury how uncomfortable he felt about it, so no, he will wait and clean for real as soon as they reached the tower. Of course, if he had known they will be meeting with some of the realms emissaries, he would have placed an illusion, for looking clean and presentable. Too late, he already entered in the room dressed in lowly mud-covered Midgardian clothes. Loki 0, Fury 1. He wanted no less than to solve his differences with the man in the Thor-ish old fashion way, by brute force, but all his effort was focusing in holding a casual, not-at-all surprised expression as the introductions were made. None of the emissaries addressed him with the formality once offered to the second prince of Asgard. They were as polite as with the humans they were just meeting. They offered the same customary acknowledgement to Herdvorg, but it was obvious that a Frost Giant was something not seen in any other realm for a long thousand years.
Urik Freyson spoke in representation of Vanaheim, in the name of his father King Frey Njordson. It was good to know that many Asgardians where alive in Vanaheim. Thor was hoping Sif could be one of them, but apparently, she was not in Vanaheim when Hela attacked. Thor was disappointed by this information. Urik was older than Thor by little more than four hundred years. In their childhood, when they had travel to visit their cousins, Thor used to ignore Loki and tag after Urik with adulation. It didn't help that Frigga pulled Loki from their games, as Urik plays were rough, and frequently Loki ended crying, left behind, or with scraped knees. Instead, he was encouraged to engage with the girls. Urik's little sisters, five blonde little balls of glamour and fuzziness. With exception of the oldest, Ivonne, who was shy and calm, the rest - secretly nicknamed by Loki as the 'diaper troop' - were insatiable in demanding for endless silly games, pretending him to be their own life size play doll, and crying in a manipulative way if the young prince refused to comply their every whim. That was until he became a pre-teen, then he not only started to appreciate Ivonne's gentle character, but also realized she was indeed a beautiful girl. When at last he was given permission to hang out with Thor and Urik, he had already become very comfortable spending time with his older female cousin, especially when Ivonne and him got rid of the smaller girls and were only the two of them. That earned him with Urik's recognition, along with an uttered promise of broken arms besides his already bleeding nose, if he kept hanging out with his oldest sister. Loki blamed the broken nose to a rock he fell upon, he even scratched his elbows and palms with a real rock, just to make the lie more credible. After that, Loki hanged out with the boys, so Urik could keep an eye on him. His first feeble crush ended like that, and as they both grew older and Ivonne more feminine, he reminded himself constantly that they were related, so it was not correct. Now he wondered what Urik may think of him, knowing he was a Frost Giant, probably he should feel proud of himself to chase the monster away from his sister. He wished Ivonne had come instead of Urik. The irony, the were never related, but he preferred to have lost her love because it was forbidden, rather than to face her rejection after she discovered his monstrous nature. He dismissed the thought, but the name came back to his mind, along with the feeling of his first kiss. Closed lips pressed together behind a rose bush, blushing cheeks. The conversation caught him by surprise, the tongue in the pointy tooth that was half his way out.
"My cousin had explained to us the coordinate effort you are doing to stop the Mad Titan, and Vanaheim will join forces in the defense of the nine." Urik said.
An old Ljosalfar spoke for Alfheim, Loki remembered him vaguely. Igven Lheitar, he thought was his name.
"We share the same position in Alfheim. It is the time to proof our loyalty so be it, our warriors and mages are at the service of the Allfather. I'll request for Aldrif to coordinate the opening of the passageways to a central location, that will be crucial to allow the warriors to join from any realm" Lord Igven stated.
"I agree Lord Igven, and due the priority of this task I'll request for Loki, Dr. Strange, and Lady Wanda to work along with your mages." Thor spoked.
"We can use the help of a talented sorcerer, or three" Lord Igven said only to be polite. The man was a diplomatic who acted upon his realm interests first. The kind that set aside his personal passions and needs. He didn't trust Loki, not since the trial. Igven had participated in the advisory assembly that evaluated Jotunheim's claim over the criminal Loki Odinson - not the prince Loki Odinson. Loki was not present in the trial, by the Allfather's claim. To avoid a conflict of interests, a third impartial party was settled to decide if the accused will be sentenced in Asgard or Jotunheim. Most of the attendees were surprised to hear the charges, even more after the revelation of Loki's origins. Whatever reason the Allfather had to shelter the Jotun boy, was not questioned, it was the victor's right to take a wergild. But Odin not only spared Loki's life, he raised him as his own and included him in the succession line. The boy had proven to be a bad acquisition. Still, Igven was not a liar nor a hypocrite, he indeed considered Loki as a talented sorcerer, and he deemed the skills of Midgard sorcerers as high, never diminishing the expectations with biased prejudices or stereotypes.
"It would be an honor" Loki said, remembering now the man as an occasional tutor, on those seasons he was sent to Alfheim to escape from the sickness that winter used to bring upon him.
"For me too, sir" Wanda added, before Dr. Strange responded.
"As well" Strange added.
The only female attendant was the most unexpected, a giantess from the Valley of Spires, in Svartalfheim. Loki wondered if Thor knew...or at least suspected...no, not Thor. The incident in which the second prince of Asgard ended in the caves of the Serpent's Clan was not of public knowledge. Odin made him swear it, not to set a foot in Svartalfheim ever again. Frigga had made him swear it, not to use his magic in such a way ever again. Both had asked of him not to mention the occurrence ever again, not even to Thor. He never did, it had been shameful as Odin had pointed. Both Laevernia and he were young and rebels, and both had a secret affair with dark magic and forbidden arts. Unlike Loki, her parents were dead, and her uncle was not yet the influential chieftain he later became. Across the oval table, she threw furtive looks to Loki which made him feel uncomfortable. He tried to avoid her sight. Think in something different, think in something different, think in...
Too late. His astral projection was pulled out from him and stood next to the female's projection who held his by the collar of his projected shirt.
"Three hundred years, and not even a letter"
"Is good to see you too, Laev"
"Really? Try again, it didn't sound very convincing"
"I was punished severely for our fault."
"Fault, that is how you call it, him?"
"It... he shouldn't be in the first place"
"Now I see that, it could had become a mixed blood abomination. So wise the Allfather to spare us from the burden."
"Always the bitch, dear"
"I may be a bitch, but who of us is the real monster?"
"You didn't think that before"
"I didn't know you are a Frost Giant. Don't you think is a crucial thing to know when one performs blood magic to that level of commitment!"
"Well the Hel, I didn't know it either! If you want to blame me for that well then I take it!"
"It was because of you that Odin take him from us, he knew! But you didn't care"
"I did! Do not say I didn't, I resented Odin for that, I resented myself too, he was a piece of me too!"
Loki felt sick of everything. Reminders of his past were things he didn't need, and there it was Laevernia, bringing back buried things to light. With the revelations that accompanied the destruction of Asgard, he could now understand Odin's motivations for severing his friendship with Laevernia, for ending the live that both created together with the use of dark magic, and for keeping Thor ignorant of the incident. This was part of the message the ravens had delivered him from Odin... If you ever felt different or mistreated, it was never because your true nature, my son, it was because I saw myself so much in you, I didn't want to make the same mistakes again, but my worries and insecurities became evident each time I saw the similarities. I didn't want you to become her. She was the sum of my failures, as a father and as a King. I didn't want to end doing to you the same I did to her. I always had known that it will be one of my sons the one who will bring Ragnarok upon us.
Irony was not lost in the world, it was him the one that put effort in copying Odin's traits. He looked like Hela's brother more than Thor. The implications of Odin's prophecy were mind blowing. The Queen couldn't have more children after Thor was born. Odin never sired a bastard. Then it was only Thor, and Odin did what was needed to protect his heir. To save himself from the pain of burying a second child alive. That let Loki as a scapegoat, a whipping boy, a replacement, so Odin could keep his heir. That was the grand plan that the old man plotted when taking him in. Innocent child his arse, his purpose was to grow for eventually been restrained as a dog that just get rabid.
The astral projection was pushed back to his body, and he tried not to look disoriented. He didn't even paid attention to Laevernia's brief intervention after that. It was actually a very short meeting, the objective was to make everyone know their new alliances, as the most important agreement was already defined between each realm and the Allfather.
Loki remained in the room feeling like a mismatching piece that doesn't belong to the puzzle, the one that was placed in the box by mistake, taking the place of one that does belong. The annoying foreign piece that everyone looks with disdain because is an usurper, and because of it, there is an empty space in the assembled puzzled that keeps it from perfection. Yes, he must look like a joke to the presents right now. Everyone knew that his face - his whole life - was a facade. No matter how regal he tried to hold his stance, he was but a circus freak. It didn't help that his body struggled with his own nature, that he was exhausted of the forced conditions he had been since the destruction of Asgard, that he was wearing lousy midgardian clothes that make him look like a hobo. He looked exactly as he felt, defeated and diminished. The humans had been penetrating his defenses, exposing his weaknesses.
Thanks to Fury for taking over the meeting, even if his intervention turned heads and brought worried faces. The holographic projection in the middle of the table was of a region in near space, Thanos' fleet location was close enough to be detected by Midgard's medium range satellites.
"Our estimation is that it will reach Earth's orbit in ten days as few."
"Then we shouldn't be sitting here, gentleman this is the moment for action" Thor spoke aloud standing up.
They all agreed and left the room to start articulating their jobs. The sorcerers gathered with Thor to speak about the portals. Strange helped them to reach the main passage's location, it was in England. The circle of stones was no other than an ancient demarcation, probably made during Bor's reign, or even older. It was obviously not made by humans, maybe Aesir of another race, one that apparently frequented Midgard once. Interesting. The runes in the ground had been erased long ago by the time. Now seeing the place, it was more than evident for Loki, and of course, it must be a matching reach point in another realm. After years of extensive investigation, he was sure this passage was not documented in Aesir books or even the eldest scrolls.
"This is the passage of Brethen, it lays over a principal branch of Yggdrasil, connecting all the nine realms with Midgard" Thor said, and Loki's eyebrows raised both in full attention.
"You said the nine, that is impossible" Igven said "There is no record of such a passage in Alfheim's royal library".
"Apparently not, this was once the main connection of our worlds, before the Bifrost was conceived. "
"How is that no one knew of it then, there is no mention of this multi-realm passage in any book of Asgard, or Alfheim, it is not even mention in any folktale or song." Loki pointed.
"It was protected with secrecy, because it was used unwisely, bringing war to the realms" Thor responded. "I don't have more details than you, or even why it was only revealed to us now, but if this will help us to save the nine, then I will focus on that and not in the past."
"What we need to open it at the other side?" Loki said.
"Every original access point was locked under heavy spells, and runes, two Allfather generations ago, made sure we cannot override those. But we can reconnect it to a secondary set of portals, which is what Strange help me to do in order to reach Vanaheim and Alfheim."
"So, half of the job is already done" Laevernia commented.
"Not that simple, the location we used was not idoneal. We need to find proper branches closer to the armies and strong enough to give a broad passage. That's why we need you in each of your realms. Send the news back home, precise a proper location, sense a suitable access point, then we will pull the connection to this side." Thor explained.
"We need to be synchronized for that, how we will communicate being in different realms?" Urik asked.
"The man of Iron provided us with a contraption, you only have to push this red button when you are ready" On Thor's command, Wanda open the backpack she was carrying and pulled a device similar to a mp3 player. It was a broad range locator, pretty much like a satellite phone, but without all the functionality that will make no sense for the aliens. So, it basically had only two buttons, send and end, to initiate a call to Thor's Starkphone. Thor and Strange had already proved it worked, as apparently space can be bent together across the branches of the world tree, in a way that Stark was not very much convinced without a solid physical explanation that neither Thor nor Strange were able to provide.
Loki looked with interest as his former brother performed magic. He used Gungir like Odin had done in the few times they were allowed to see the Allfather's seidr abilities. One by one, the visitors accompanied the Allfather and were sent to their corresponding realms. Loki didn't foresee Thor holding his shoulder, and when he tried to stop it, he had been already pushed into Jotunheim.
His luck! He didn't need to be thrown to an aleatory point of the realm when he already know a perfect passage to Jotunheim. He didn't recognize the place he appeared, not that he had been long enough in the realm to recognize any place. It looked different though, he was in an icy plain, only that it was not covered in solid ice. The thin layer of ice broke and melted under his feet, allowing him to see a layer of something that looked very much like dried musk below. He kicked it with the tip of his shoe, and the brownish layer, thick as an inch, hidden moisture ground underneath. He thought something may be wrong with the realm, but then he remembered what they had said, it has not been always all covered in ice. So, maybe the healing performed with the casket was working. It was not easy to picture Jotunheim like the other realms, with green fields, growing crops... The eternal winter, Herdvorg had said, forced us to retreat underground, in caves on the mountain slopes. It also limited their sources of food. He looked forward to sharing this discovery with Herdvorg, maybe he can tell him more about the time before Laufey and the long war.
Focusing again in finding his way toward Utgard, Loki sensed the realm's energy flowing strong around him. It took him very few to get a clear direction and make a successful portal.
His illusions had dropped before reaching the palace, no purpose to keep it when his body embraced the realm's temperature on his own. Helblindi was the first to found him.
"Loki" The Jotun said approaching to him, with the common salutation gesture. "Is good to- oh, wow! that's...I welcome you back."
Loki responded the gesture, "I bear news I wish to deliver to the royal family at once."
"Good news, I hope. Is Herdvorg with you?"
"No, but I reckon that he has been of great help"
"Herdvorg is a very close friend of Byleistr and me, I expected you two would get along just fine."
They walked to the throne room, at the time that the King's hearing finished, and the petitioners left the room, not all them particularly happy but at least satisfied.
The brothers approached, and Loki bowed to the King and Farbauti "Your majesty, Queen mother."
"Welcome brother, please raise. Did you bring news for us regarding the menace or an update in the containment efforts."? Byleistr spoke.
"Indeed."
"What the h..." The King said, but he didn't finish as the Queen interceded, hurrying the news to be delivered.
Loki explained the last days progress, as well as the join of the other realms and his immediate mission to open a passage that will be used to mobilize the army.
The King was satisfied with the information and commanded his twin to show Loki the preparations of the army and take him outside, so they could set for an ideal location for the passage, not too close to the palace and the city, but close enough to ensure a fast mobilization of the warriors. Before going with Helblindi, the Queen requested to speak with Loki first, and guided him to a more private room, glancing a look at his sons as she left the throne room. The twins couldn't avoid releasing a hearty laugh when the small Jotun and his dam were out of sight, three missing teeth were noticeable, accompanied by a new one only half the way out. They sure remembered their coming of age, the excitement of been able to show the most characteristic adult trait was preceded by the shame of looking like a toddler for two or three weeks. They had even refused to leave their chambers but Laufey would have none of that.
The Queen walked Loki to a room, stopping a handmaid to give her instructions that he didn't catch to listen. No dungeon this time, nice change.
"Sit" She signaled him to take a seat, and Loki helped himself on a tall - for Aesir standards - tuffet.
He glanced at the room, it was big with a huge ornate bed, the base made of ice, covered in furs. There were distinctive things, feminine things, if one could say the Jotun women were feminine. It was no doubt Farbauti's chamber, and he thought it may as well had been Laufey's. To be there, in that chamber, made him feel uncomfortable.
"Are you having any pains?" The Queen asked him.
He was confused with the question and made a quick denial.
"I mean your teeth."
Oh, drats. He forgot tha…t illusion. His hand went to cover his mouth absentmindedly.
"Be not ashamed, it's usually finished in a couple of weeks"
He had already a full week, and he was starting to think that the teeth won't come out until all them fall.
"Well then, did you bite your tongue by any chance?"
"What?"
"Let me see" He had no time to deny or comply, because the Jotun grabbed his jaw, her fingers holding like a claw over his cheeks, so his mouth was kept opened.
"aghww" He flinched when she applied pressure on his gums with her other hand.
The door was knocked, and she let him go just to attend the door. While she spoke with the handmaid he only could hold his mouth with both his hands to soothe the piercing pain that the Queen created, probably she touched a nerve. He had been ignoring the pressure he felt in his dentition for the last days, he thought it was normal to the event he was experienced, and he will not inquire with Herdvorg when he was perfectly capable to endure a little discomfort.
"You will wait here; our healer will come to check on you"
"Healer? No, I'm perfectly fine. Besides, I need to return, there is much to do, and Helblindi must be waiting-"
"I'll speak with my son, worry not" She said, and she left the room.
Few seconds later, the door opened and a two Jotuns entered. One of them was an older male and the other a young female.
"Your majesty, the Queen send us."
The 'your majesty' was a killer, he was not. Once his had been a prince of Asgard. Now he wasn't, and he was not interested in being a prince again, on any realm, including Jotunheim. But he guessed the people was at lost about how to address him.
"Only Loki is fine." He corrected the speaker. "Is this really necessary?"
No response was needed, Loki realized it was no purpose in avoid what was to come. So, he surrendered to the examination which was at least a little less intrusive. Contrary to what he thought, the Jotuns did have technology, the Jotun used a device he guessed was a portable version of a soul forge. It projected an image with the bones in his head and jaws, that the man checked. The male Jotun was one of the oldest active healers on Utgard, and he had served the royal family for three generations. Loki would have preferred to not know the details of his birth, given now freely for the man that claimed to have brought him to the world. The young female was obviously underage, he could tell that by looking as her squared teeth. Also, she addressed the man as grandfather, and no doubt she was been training in the office since early age.
"The Queen is right, there is not enough space. Because of your age, your bones are not as flexible, and they will not accommodate as they do in a growing young. Your size is also a factor to have in account. The new teeth are being retained, and we need to pull out some of your permanent ones to made them room."
"You want to pull out my teeth?"
"Yes, of course, we can take the last one in each side and that will be enough, the rest will move accordingly to fit as they should. Agnis please hold him back"
"Wait, no. Not right now, I mean, I can return later, we can... schedule this."
"Nonsense, is actually a very quick procedure. The faster the best. They will heal altogether and it we be less troublesome for you."
"Really, we don't need to do this, especially not now and here" Loki insisted.
"Proceed Master Thegven" The Queen said, after she just make appearance back in the room.
"Right, your majesty. Young prince, this is nothing I have not done before. This will numb your gums" The man applied a paste on Loki's upper gums, and proceeded to extract four of his permanent, normal, Aesir-looking teeth.
It really was not painful, probably because of the anesthetic concoction. But it bled a lot and he felt his face swollen and sore. The Queen gave him a cold tonic that make him drowsy, and helped him into the bed, while he complied, feeling light like in a drunk stupor.
Almost two hours later he woke up to a warm, nice feeling. He was wrapped in furs, fingers tracing his markings on his bare back. He turned his head and paralyzed to see it was the Queen.
"Hush, little one" She said.
He looked at her like if it was a morbid dream. His head rested in her lap, and he can feel the scent or her warm body, her womb and breast inches from his face. They were covered by the thin regal dress she was wearing, but still he could see the definition of her bosom and the firm nipples underneath. Horrified, he tried to roll out and away, but she impeded it. Instead she hushed him, and he remained immobile, flabbergasted to this kind of proximity with a Jotun, a female Jotun, a stranger female Jotun...his Jotun birth mother.
"This is the mark of Thrym, grandfather of Laufey, is a very uncommon one and it has a great significance in royalty. Your father himself didn't inherited it, but both your brothers have it as well" She traced the mark that spanned from the base of his back to the center, splitting in two like the horns of a bigelsnipe.
"This one here" She touched his forehead, "is a rune mark. Also, very uncommon, you get it from me, and unlike my other two sons, your is fully formed into Ehwaz, the stallion. It is said that the bearers are strong and agile in their minds and bodies.
They spend a while like that. He, listening to her voice. She, naming and explaining several of the markings that ran on his upper body. She also traced some of the scars but didn't asked him how he had acquired them.
"Thanks" he said eventually.
She took a deep breath before talking again.
"I have been thinking, since you appeared in our life's like that"
"Thinking what?"
"Just thinking." She responded, and he didn't know what to do with that statement.
"I told you before I did regret you born this way. But were we not in war, was I not sick, I would had stopped my husband."
He turned face up and raised his hand to her temple. "I'm sorry" he mumbled as he reached into her memories.
The tent was one settled for healing the warriors, and the Jotuns come and go incessantly. The privacy the Queen can afford was given by a piece of fabric, hanging like a curtain, but she still can hear and partially see was happened outside the small space of the improvised ice cot in which she was laying. A very young girl was next to her, guarding the basket where the three newborns slept. Like baby rabbits, the younglings pressed against each other to share their body warm. The Queen stirred and opened her eyes, trying to get sit position, but the pain struck her flattening her back on the cot.
"Your majesty, please don't move, your wound may reopen. Let me call healer Thegven"
"Wait child, Berenice, is that your name?"
"Hmm"
"What are you doing in the base camp?"
"I'm from the village of Poldark, my mother and sisters died in the Aesir fires"
"Bloody Aesir..." The Queen said between teeth.
"Are you alright, your majesty?"
"I am, my child. You are a very brave one."
"I didn't want to go with the other children. The soldiers said we will be safe in the border of the mountain."
"That's true. There is a refugee settlement, mostly tents, but there is food, and is not in plain sight. You should have gone with the rest"
" But I want to help, the healers allow me to hand bandages and water to the injured."
"Well, then I can use you to help me here"
"Anything, my Queen"
"Please reach my babies for me"
The girl carefully got the basket closer to the cot, carrying it with both her hands. Then she went to carry one of the babies to hand him to his mother.
"The little one first, child, he needs me the most" The Queen signaled.
The girl complied and remained there, petting the other two sleepy babies, patting softly their furry heads while the Queen breastfed the smaller Jotun.
"May I ask you a question, your majesty?"
"Of course, child"
"What would be their names?"
"Well the King and I had been thinking in Byleistr because it means 'born to rule', but I also liked Helblindi in Honor to my grandfather Helblindi Utbjorkson. I think both names can be used, and we are still short by one."
"Why he is so small, your majesty?"
"Because he is a fighter, don't you think? He made all the way to life, even with the odds against him."
"Like you, my Queen."
"In a way," she said, passing her fingers by the small almost visible mark in the boy's temple, the stallion rune Ehwaz. "Maybe we call him Ehwazhijr, it could be a good name for you, my dear little one."
The image changed into one without the girl in the room, and Laufey stood instead, taking the baby from Farbauti's hands.
"Is not right to keep him. You are getting attached."
"He is my son, your son... How you cannot be attached to him? I want to keep him. Don't you dare to take him away, don't you dare to take his life. I'll never forgive you if you do."
"I'm doing what is right and best for him, you cannot feed three babies. We are in the middle of a war. Our people are barely in feet, we are surrounded by death, do you believe we can find a wet-nurse for him? Then what? You know the law, it has a reason to be, is mercy. We cannot be selfish. Besides, he won't make it back to Utgard, I'm worry that you are not even strong enough for the travel, but the Aesir are advancing like madness, and we have to move immediately."
The Queen sobbed.
"Do not think it causes me no pain. But I must protect my family, in doesn't make sense to delay the pain of losing him later. I will march to the valley to give us time, for this camp to be evacuated and save all the lives we can. I'll take him to the Temple on my way."
"Please no, don't take my baby, Laufey. Laufey… Laufey!"
The hand slipped away breaking the connection, and both mother and son were shedding silent tears. Loki rolled out of her embrace, getting off the bed and grabbing his shirt and hoodie.
"You lied to me." Loki stammered "You said you didn't regret your decision of ending my life."
"Only humans have short enough lives to live with regrets. I learnt to be at peace with Laufey's decision, it was demanded by traditions and law, founded in centuries of study and observation, decreed to avoid the unnecessary suffering of the children born with the odds. So, it was not difficult to convince myself it was the right thing to do. Though, a mother's feeling can disagree with the law, when the law in question is enacted upon your newborn. But, what use is there for regret? I will not have endured a life by my husband's side, and I had other two children to care and a broken realm that counted with my guidance and example."
"I...'ll better take my leave" He said, leaving the chamber in a hurried pace, wiping his tears with the shirt before reaching the throne room.
Not much later he was joining Helblindi in the open space were the soldiers were gathered camping. The two princes walked by, one of them in deep concentration of the energy around, trying to sense the branches of Yggdrasil. The smaller Jotun spit a blotch of bloody saliva that tainted the ice on the ground.
"Here it is, I told you I can do it. I have to admit that my seidr is strong in Jotunheim as it had never been." Loki told the Jotun by his side.
"Good" Helblindi said, handing over Loki a small item wrapped in a piece of fabric. "Take it, is a root of maghorn, it grows in the slopes of Utgard, is a natural anti-inflammatory. Our dam thought somehow you will accept it better if coming from me."
"Has she always been that stern?" He said, dismissing the offering.
"Yes, especially regarding her children's safety and health. It was the same for Byleistr and me, I think she guessed right you may be enduring the same ailment."
"I could have managed it on my own."
"Well, I'm sorry you are suffering growing issues in the worst time possible, but you are overreacting. Consider it was more like a strategic action, if the fight is as close as you say, we need to be in our best condition."
"I was just overwhelmed, I thought..." He said in a low voice.
"That she never loved you. Believe it or not, our father loved you too. The bond was severed between us when you were taking out of the realm, but it never truly broke. A day will come for it to be strong again, and you will look forward to it, as we do. C'mon just take it" The Jotun put the package in Loki's hand.
"A day will come for me to understand your ways but is yet to come." Loki said, with a touch of dark humor.
"There's not much to understand, we born together, remember. Just stop fighting against your nature, you were taught to be something you are not, and you have struggled with that for long. You can train a winter eagle to believe is a dodo, it will spend his live on the ground, eat grain instead of meat, but it will always look at the sky and yearn to fly. The sad is, even if it can, it doesn't know how."
"Maybe is not that bad to be a dodo" Loki said.
"But you are not, so deal with it." The other responded seriously.
As it is a simple thing to do, Loki thought.
Loki took the package and put it in his pocket. "It would be much easier to understand if you all just hated me."
"If it helps your senseless sulking, I wanted to kill you after father's dead. I will have march with the troops to Asgard if Byleistr had not forbidden it."
"I'm glad you didn't"
"I promise you to settle this later, so you can get your dodo ass kicked by me in a fair combat. Meanwhile, if you have any other shameful growing issue, you can ask Herdvorg or come to us, whatever it is we already lived through it."
"I'm afraid to ask what else I can be expecting"
"Not much, let's see. Your markings will get pronounced, ice manipulation...Oh, the claws may grow embodied if you don't take care of trimming regularly... probably the worst would be the first heat."
"Heat, as in... sexual arousal"
"Yes."
"Am I expected to...?"
"Actually not, thought it can be perfectly handled that way. I got my first heat before Byleistr, and guess who helped our actual King then? Me, of course. It doesn't count that he went all crybaby with father, who punished us both, me the most, for suggesting the less respectable whore house outside the city. Mother said something like 'I swear I'll marry you immediately if you dare to impregnate a whore, no son of mine will sire bastards and left them to be raised by the fates...'."
"That sounds like a good story" Loki chuckled. These Jotuns acted so unexpected... but he kind of liked it.
"Indeed, but not for today, I'm afraid. That requires spare time, a lot of alcohol and maybe some female company. Maybe for the after-war celebration or for the after-ass-kicked, either is fine for me."
"I would like that" Loki said earnestly, it was easy for him to speak with Helblindi, he was a perfect blend of himself and Thor's personalities. Bold but smart, cheerful but not boisterous, treated him with respect but caring. Why the Norns had conspired to take him away from his true brothers?
Loki took the Stark device from his pocket and made the call. It connected like a charm after he illuminated the contact point for the invocation of the passage. Then he handed the device to Helblindi, explaining briefly to him how to use it. He would have bowed, but his hand was projecting the energy to delineate a portal, making it as big as a wall, wide enough for a battalion to walk through at a time. Then, he fell the pull of the other end, and the wall materialized in a translucent light, Strange and Thor appearing walking out of it.
"Excellent" Strange yelled.
Thor agreed approaching Loki and the Jotun.
"Allfather, Dr. Strange" Loki called, not without checking his illusion first "I introduce you to my brother Helblindi Laufeyson" He said. Brother, it rolled from his mouth without that much effort.
Thor couldn't help to notice that Loki sounded... proudly?
"Allfather" Helblindi bowed, kneel on the ground, as it was customary in front of a King.
"Helblindi Laufeyson, it is an honor for me to start this new era of peace between our Kingdoms."
"I may invite you to the palace-" The Jotun spoke, but Loki interrupted him.
"But time is scarce and there is a lot we must to coordinate yet" Loki completed Helblindi's sentence, with a totally different intention. Not because of Thor, but because he would prefer to avoid the palace and Farbauti, just now.
"Loki, you took a while, we were worried. All the other locations are already settled"
"I apologize for the delay"
"It was our fault, to retain our brother more than it was expected" Helblindi intervened. He noticed too the small illusion that Loki placed on himself, but he couldn't blame him at all. If he had been able to do the same at his youth...he grinned. He could had been a happier child if having the perks of growing up along a sorcerer brother. It made him feel a little envy of the actual Allfather, former prince of Asgard.
"Well better keep going, if your majesties allow it." Loki said looking to both Thor and Helblindi, hoping them to get the cue and make his depart expedite.
The group exchanged farewells, and Loki joined the two foreign, who walked through the passage. The return point on Earth was not in Stonehenge but a different location. It was the same military camp where they had placed one of the mirror handler devices.
When they returned to the Avengers tower the group was working in turbo, everyone was busy and engaged. Loki passed by Herdvorg who was having some meal in the kitchen with two other Avengers, a man that on Loki's account suited like Iron Man's sidekick - same suit, mostly grey but with accents in patriotic Captain America colors - and Wanda. He continued to his room in a dire need to spit, as he was disgusted of swallowing his own blood, and the bitter flavor of the anesthetic that was now fading, leaving a painful after effect.
Thor followed him, wanting to ask for a feedback, he thought Loki was again evading, as he just ignored the others and went to his room. They had an agreement that he was respecting so far, wasn't he? He found Loki with a hand holding the basin in the bathroom, it was covered in blood, and it leaked from his mouth in a trail of bloody saliva. The other hand was holding a tooth, and the drawer next to him was open, containing more teeth. The vision was quite horrifying.
"Loki!?" Thor said with stupefaction.
Loki turned to see Thor standing by the room's door. His fault, he entered in a hurry and didn't check if the door closed all the way. Damn.
"Were you injured in Jotunheim? Did they do this to you?"
The younger only denied, shaking his head. He spit again and dropped the tooth in the drawer with the others, closing it, then grabbing a towel and walking out the bathroom. He sat on the bed but made no motion to invite Thor to take seat in the spare chair.
"No, and no. This' nothing. I just need a minute to clean myself."
"But you are-"
"Bleeding, is no big deal. Is something pretty normal on Jotun anatomy, so fear not. If you please close the door in your way out, I'll be joining in a minute."
Loki dropped himself on the bed, taking the root out of his pocket. He cut a piece with his Jotun nails that were growing at a faster speed than usual, gaining pointy edges in a matter of days. He cannot avoid thinking constantly that he would may had grown happy of being a Jotun, he had brothers a mother that had loved him. But he was only given two choices, to die or to live as something he was not. He hated himself for being raised as an Aesir, he hated himself for being a Jotun, both could not live in the same body, they were mutually exclusive. He hated himself for not being able to separate them and chose just one to stick to. He missed Frigga, a thousand years of caring and dealing with him, she had learned to love him. He missed the brief contact of Farbauti, she had loved him as he was, spare and all, their moment had been short but the emotions intense. He bit the piece of the root, sucking it to get the juices into his gums, soothing the swollen holes in the back of his jaws.
The door was knocked, and Loki cursed silently. "Come in"
Wanda entered, gaining a loosening in Loki's factions. "Thor asked me to check on you, thought he didn't tell me why"
Brilliant, Thor getting sneaky, well that was unexpected.
He showed her the reason for his ailment. Providing her a bit of explanation about how he ended with four teeth removed hours ago.
"Are you already healing?"
"Yes, I guess. I'm not the expert in Jotun biology."
"I'm glad the Queen helped you"
"Helped me? She cornered me, and before I could blink she had a healer putting pliers in my mouth."
"But she did the right thing, in her heart. Is that what troubles you more than the pain?"
"I cannot lie to you, can I?"
"I think is about choices, not ability"
"What?"
"To lie, or not, you should do what you feel is right. Is not about what you can do to get an advantage."
"Now I'm a toothless child being scolded"
"No, you are a growing up man making excuses to change the subject because it makes you feel exposed"
"I'm hungry" He said to divert the topic.
"and I'm right" She said crossed arms.
"You know. this is the longest conversation we have ever had." Loki said, not ready to yield.
"I can think on something you may like to eat, let's go to the kitchen." She allowed him his little void victory and didn't press on the conversation.
He didn't follow her right away. Instead, he spoke out his mind unexpectedly "the thing is... that apparently, I'm a child by Jotun standards, the change in dentition marks the coming of age."
"Well, I can understand that. Sometimes, I think the rest of the Avengers treat me like a child."
"I wish I could had been a child, a Jotun child, from the beginning. I wish I could embrace it without feeling guilty"
She hugged him and grabbed his hand. "Come with me, let's find some ice cream, it will make you feel better" It was the resolution of her hand holding his, her tender smile, and the protective aura she projected upon him, that gave him the confidence to walk ignoring everyone, no illusions this time.
Of course, someone asked and Wanda responded for him, that he was changing to Jotun dentition, and because of it he had some extractions to allow better accommodation. No one commented beyond that, because truth be told, between the gap and the blood, and the swollen cheeks, he looked a bit creepy, like some tortured prisoner. So, Loki sat in the kitchen stool, with a wicked triumphant smile, looking at Fury's stare with a newfound bold demeanor. "How did you miss that eye again?" He asked. In response, the man irked an eyebrow and ignored him, so Loki continued to dig the spoon in the vanilla ice cream pint. Well this is good indeed, who may tell Midgardian have such divine sweets. He thought it could be the hit in Jotunheim, ice cream, he very much liked it. No doubt, Herdvorg was having his share of appreciation as he was eating it non-stop. Loki thought that his wisdom sentry could have been of help to him if he hadn't hid his pain and looks under an illusion. From across the table, he looked at Wanda furtively, she was a reassurance to him, a milestone that made him realize that he had spent too much time giving importance to things that are not.
Thor couldn't avoid noticing how the young midgardian sorcerer was having a positive effect in his brother. But then, for himself it took a special midgardian woman to make him open his eyes. He had changed so much more after that, but it was because of Jane that it had started, even if they had meet only for three days. Can this girl be Loki's Jane? If she was, then there was hope for his brother, only time will tell. He would drink to that if they were not in the brink of a war.