Awkwardness

"Buffy," said Spike.

"I told you no speaking," she replied.

"Yeah, well, that was twenty minutes ago. I think we passed awkward about three stops back."

Taking her head off his shoulder to look him in the eye she asked, "You really think talking about it is going to make it less awkward?"

"We can't bloody well sit in silence. Not like this."

She sighed and said, "I know," but held him tighter. "This whole thing is crazy."

"Too right," he agreed.

"So why do I feel more sane right now than I've done in days?"

"Because you've only got two sets of thoughts running through y'r head instead of a whole town's worth."

"No," she shook her head, "I felt I was breaking down before that, too. And that was just my own head."

"Why?" he asked, and once more she was struck by how sincere his concern for her was.

Buffy sighed before telling him, "There's been a lot of confusion; with Faith, mostly. She's switched sides."

"Faith?"

"Other Slayer."

"What?!"

"Yeah, there's another one of me - except evil."

The vampire looked perplexed, and for a split second Buffy had the fear that Spike would want to go after Faith and forget all about her. 'What is wrong with me?' she thought. 'I should not be worried about Spike wanting her. I should be worried about my boyfriend, who I left alone in the same town with her, oh god!'

Briefly zoning back out of her own internal monologue she caught the end of Spike's. 'An evil Slayer. So dangerous,' he thought, 'We gotta fix this.'

We. She liked the sound of that, but she wasn't about to admit it out loud. With Angel it never felt like a true partnership. They weren't equal. But Spike? Buffy believed he'd treat her like a woman, not a confused teenager.

'Yet another dangerous situation, right there,' she mused. She'd been blindsided again. 'Some part of the Powers that Be has a lot to answer for!'

After more silence and forlorn looks Buffy concluded, "I think the temporary sanity amidst the craziness is you."

"Okay." He wasn't about to argue with that.

"I mean," she continued, "There are big BIG issues here," – he nodded – "But somehow I- it's like I don't need to process them? I get to skip out all the second guessing bit."

"Makes sense."

"Does it?"

"I guess," he shrugged, "Look, Buffy, I was planning to be straight with you. Well, as straight as a twisted kinda bloke like I am can be. I never expected you to believe me. Damn well never expected you to be forced to believe me! But I guess it does make things simpler, to know I'm not hiding anything. Still, you're handling it well."

The Slayer hung her head, "I don't think Giles would think I'm doing too great. He'd be so disappointed."

"And why the fuck is that?"

Still unable to look him in the eye she admitted, "Because I'm with you."

"Hardly had a choice," he countered.

"Could have done something differently. Somehow. Shouldn't be here, telling you about my problems."

Spike's eyes narrowed, "Anyone back there you can tell your problems to?"

Buffy was silent, which was answer enough.

"Okay," the vampire continued, "You can't be straight with them, because they expect you to have everything together, right?"

In a small voice she agreed, "Right."

"Well it's not bloody good enough."

Her eyes shot up again, to focus on his.

"They shouldn't put that pressure on you. Not on top of saving the soddin' planet every weekend."

"It's not their fault."

"Yeah? Well it aint yours, either."

There was another break of silence.

"Ironic question I know, but how can you read me so well?"

He shrugged. "Talent. Plus, you wear that bloody big heart of yours on your shoulder."

"Look who's talking," she teased.

"Hey, I put a lot of effort into the big bad persona!"

Buffy laughed, "You do. And it works, too. Until you pay attention."

She was staring at his lips, and he moved to kiss her, but she pulled away at the last moment.

"We can't."

"Right," he said.

'Like fuck,' he thought.

Then Buffy pulled away completely. "What are we gonna do about the no water thing?"

To be continued...