Xiahou Ba pushes Cao cao on a shopping cart. "Where are we going?"
"Keep going straight. You tired?"
"Ye...eah...You shouldn't...drive so much..."
Meet Cao Cao
Cao cao gets bread from a shelf and sticks them down his pants. Xiahou Ba asks him, "Are we gonna get in trouble for this?"
"They won't know a thing. This is what it looks like most of time anyway." The scene changes to Cao cao dropping bread and running out with Zhen Ji running after him.
He's on a journey
Across China
"I'm taking you to your dad's so he can look after you." Cao Cao crashes his car through a sign. "Come on, let's have some fun." He crashes his car on a penguin stand and breaks it. Xiahou Dun says to him, "You're going to fix that penguin."
"Nope."
Koei presents
"Grandpa, this ride doesn't work." Cao cao gets into the small ride. "Oh god..." He gives it a few taps. "Nothing." The ride springs up and into the store with him on it then he falls out. "AH! Ow! Agh...!"
Xiahou Ba kicks a leg off of Cao cao's chair and he falls as people look in shock.
XB: "I'm hungry."
CC: "Follow my lead." Cao cao takes a glass from a champagne tower and it falls with him trying to save it and he breaks the table. Xiahou Ba takes the messed-up cake and eats it.
Random lady: "I outa take that child away from you!"
CC: "I'm sorry."
Random lady: "You should be sorry!
CC: You're very pretty...
Random lady: You're pissing me off!
Skip a few scenes to this:
CC: Want to have some fun?
XB: *Face stuffed with bread* Yeah...
Cao cao walks Xiahou Ba in little girl clothing into a building. "You're a pretty little girl, got it?"
Skip more things...
Xiahou Ba is in a sailor's outfit and acting on a prop boat. It was all innocent until he rips off his salior's outfit to reveal him in stripper clothes. Warrent's Cherry Pie plays and the prop boat turns into a pole with small stage. He begins to dance suggestively and on the pole as people watched in shock and horror. Cao cao gets on stage to throw dollar bills at Xiahou Ba. The judges were left in shock.
Bad Grandpa
Random guy: Don't hurt me. Don't hurt me.
CC: I'm 86 years old!
R G: Don't hurt me. He walks backwards with his bike.
*static*
Crying baby noises with Sima Yi lying on the bed.
Zhang Chunhua: It's your turn.
SY: I'm awake.
Sima Yi walks down the hallway, tripping on something.
Meet Sima Yi
Shots of him taking care of his sons.
Family Man
Guo Jia lying on his bed funny.
Meet Guo Jia
A sexy woman walks into Guo Jia's room. "So, what am I tonight? A burglar?" She removes her jacket in front of Guo Jia.
GJ: Oh hello!
Single Man
SY: Tell me about your women.
GJ: I've been keeping company with a number of nice ladies.
SY: What is her name?
GJ: That is Lian Shi.
SY: Wow.
GJ: I have to make her cry first, but it's worth it. This one here is Zhu Rong.
SY: Whew!
GJ: She wants it in a wheelbarrow, Arabian Goggles, the Arsenio Hall-
SY: Who-who-who-Whoa. I even don't know what these are!
GJ: You're married.
SY: Good point.
The two walk in the city.
SY: You're living the dream, Guo Jia. Having children, it's like living with little mini drug addicts.
Guo Jia turns to look at him funny.
SY: They're laughing one minute, and they're crying the next. They're trying to kill themselves in your bathroom for no good reason. They're very mean, selfish, and they burn through all your money. And they break-
GJ: Guy, guy, guy, come on.
The next shot is them peeing in a fountain.
SY: You know, I was just saying that I envy your life, Guo Jia.
GJ: I envy yours.
Both: I wish I had your life.
*thunder and lighting*
Guo Jia wakes up and hits the wall in front of him.
GJ: Guo Jia? Why am I in your apartment...?
SY: Open the door!
When Guo Jia opened the door, the two both look in surprise at their own faces.
SY(as Guo Jia): I knew it.
Change is Coming
SY(as Guo Jia): You wished for my life back when we were pissing in that fountain!
GJ(as Sima Yi): We wished for each other's lives!
SY(as GJ-you get, right?): I was just trying to be nice!
GJ: OH MY GOD!
Guo Jia is Sima Yi
Sima Yi is Guo Jia
SY: For the first time in your life, you're good-looking, you're single, what's going on between us is crazy, but what's more crazy is not to use it.
Wang Yi walks in the room.
WY: Have we met?
SY: Hold on, you two should go out.
GJ: Wait, what?
Wang Yi and Guo Jia are at dinner.
GJ: How do you like working with Sima Yi?
WY: Actually, I used to kinda having a crush on him.
GJ:*talking through teeth* Oooh...noooo...you diiiiidn't...
WY: No, but he's married, so obviously-
GJ: Obviously, obviously! Obviously... Super married...
The two walk in the driveway of this big house.
SY: What do I tell Chunhua? She wants to have sex tonight.
GJ: You're not having sex with my wife, Guo Jia!
SY: She comes in like a hurricane, a guy can only withstand so much.
Shots of you-know-who...well...removing clothing?
SY: I am going to ruin her! Oh my god...
*fart noises*
I need to cool it on the Thai food!
SY: Oh my god... He sinks under the bed covers.
The Change-Up
Zhang Chunhua gets into bed with "Sima Yi".
SY: No, no, no, no, no! Don't back that thing up to me! I can't believe you're coming at me, guns hot!
*static*
Zhang Bao yells at Yue Ying. "Um..." The shot changes to a truck with censored objects sticking out of the back. "Which one?"
"What the hell's going on?! There all these d*cks sticking out of the truck! How many d*cks does the owner have? How greedy was he?!" Guan Xing interrupts him, "No, those are peniclams from Planet Seafood. They look very similar to the male organ of Earth humans, but they're known to be delicious."
"Don't you mean dicklicious?! Why are they so similar? In both name and appearance?"
"They must have fallen out of the box. This is bad... We can't tell which one is the old man's d*ck!"
*static*
Sun Ce is in the bathroom and is front of this board. Lu Xun, Lu Meng, and Zhou Yu see him there. "I...can't...pull it out..." The three walk away and left the bathroom, leaving Sun Ce in tears.
*static*
Zhao Yun says to Ma Chao, "Phht, screw gravity!" He floats up with Ma Chao looking up in a amazement.
*static*
Bao Sanniang has her purse being taken by Wei Yan. "Someone help me, I'm being robbed!" Guan Suo runs to them. "I'll save you! tree powers, activate!" He just turns into a tree.
*static*
Jiang Wei looks at his watch. "I forgot how to breathe."
*static*
Ma Dai laughs at the book he is holding. "Haha...I can't read..."
*static*
The first two are trailers, next two were Gintama, and last ones were more asdf.
I'm aware Cao cao is not Xiahou Ba's grandpa. But you can imagine Cao cao being that bad grandpa from Bad Grandpa. I certainly can't use Sima Yi for this even though he is a grandparent, but really? Him taking Sima Yan on silly adventures? That's something I would love to see, but Cao Cao seems more fitting.
Sima Yi and Guo Jia would totally work in the Change-Up. What?
I have officially ruined my image of Zhang Chunhua now...
You can really imagine Zhao Yun saying "Screw gravity."