A/N: I really don't have anything to say so just enjoy! Oh! And Big Time Rush is amazing!
(Carlos thinking ) (the voice inside of Carlos head)
Warning: Selfharm…
Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.
Chapter: 4
In the bathroom…
Carlos was standing in front of the sink, looking at his reflection, he starred with pure hate what he is.
He moved his hand and opened the cabinet, searching for the only thing he want there.
His razor.
They were living on Saturday to Hawaii, and Carlos didn't want to go, of course he couldn't say that to his friends because they deserve a good vacation and he couldn't ruin it.
He brought the razor to his wrist and press it against his skin, and when he was about to slide it a thought came to his mind. His friends. If they could see him right now, what would they think?
He drop the razor and it fall on the floor with a cling…he turned around and sat on the floor.
I'm not going to do that…
Why not? Too scared.
No…
So?
Look at me I'm a mess! And this is all your fault…
Hey I'm doing you a favor… be grateful!
Carlos sighed and grabbed the razor and stared at it for a long time looking at the blade he love so much.
You're ridiculous…
I'm not
Yes you are and accept it…why are you even here? When you could be in Minnesota…I mean everyone here know they don't need you, they are better without you, you are a waist of air. They hate you…
No they don't!
Really? So, when was the last time someone ever told you 'I love you'?
Carlos just look at the blade again, the last time someone ever told him 'I love you' was before the incident. The incident that turn his life upside down, the incident that destroy his family, the incident that destroy him.
You know? You tried to fight, but you never gonna win, I control you…you are mine…and that incident was all your fault…
Carlos shake his head trying to get read of that voice but he couldn't he was under his control.
So do it what do you have to loose. No one will ever care.
Carlos looked at it again and obeying at the voice he it to his wrist and slide. He watch as the blood start to come out, the blood he hate so much, the blood that is filled with venom and hatred, the blood that he didn't want in his body.
The Latino looked at the newest additions at his collection of scars and he love it.
That's my boy…this is what you need, you need that and you need me…
Then he cut again.
How do you call this?
Carlos smile faded and he just stared at what he made he start filing a little guilty about it but the damage was done already. How did he call this? He did know but he couldn't say it, he couldn't admitt it.
I call that euphoria wrapped in danger, release wrapped in loneliness and despair. I call that you.
Can you shut up?
Nop I cant…you need me guiding you…
No
Give it up, already.
No
You already hit rock bottom and you are crumble.
Stop!
It crumbled out and you are falling deeper.
Stop
You are never going to be set free.
Please, stop it.
There is no getting back up from here. You are stuck on my web.
Shut up!
The hardest you fight the worst it will be for you
No .
Why do you keep fighting? You're falling apart your strength is over, it was over a year ago, the year when you give me your soul.
Stop
Do you feel the weight?
Carlos could fill his chest being to tight with all the pressure. He once again put the razor in his skin and slide. All the things the voice said was true he was stuck, stuck in his web and he couldn't get out, he never will.
Nothing will help you. You're alone in this, you are helpless.
Cut
Useless
Cut
Worthless
Cut
Try to catch a breath, you know you can't.
The boy press hard and slide it, soon a lot of blood where coming out, it reached to his long sleeve that he had roll up, soon enough it was turning red. Carlos watch the blood and he start to panic. He stand up and run to the sink he open the faucet and put his arm under it he saw all the sink fill with blood. He went to far this time and he new it. He cut too deep.
"James!" the boy screamed at the top of his lungs. His vision start to turn fussy but he still had a tight grip in his arm
XXXXXXXX
James was sitting on the couch reading a magazine. Kendall and Logan were out doing something. He put the magazine down and turned and looked at the bathroom door, Carlos has been in there too long in there.
"James!"
Then he heard a scream, he got up from the couch and run to the bathroom door but found it close.
"Carlos! Open the door!" he bang on the door.
XXXXXXXX
Carlos tried to move and grabbed a towel but he tripped with his own foot falling to the ground with a thud.
"Damn it! Agh!" Carlos screamed filling the pain in his arm, he stood and put it again in the faucet, trying to stop the bleeding.
"Carlos you are scaring me! Are you alright? Wait I'm gonna look for something to open the door!" he heard James panic voice in the other side.
He kept pressing, he stumble back wards but regained his composure. Soon the door was open and he could already see James face.
When James open the door he wasn't prepare for what he saw, he was expecting Carlos with his foot stuck on the toilet, but instead he saw Carlos standing in front of the sink with his arm under the faucet, he look and saw the blood in his arm and the razor on the counter. He run to the boy side and grabbed a towel pressing it on his bleeding arm.
"Carlos? What the heck?" James exclaimed.
But Carlos didn't answer instead Carlos eyes roll back and he collapsed in his friend arms.
A/N: Ha did you guys thought I was going to do the plane thing, well I was but this came to my mind so I write it, but I still going to write the plane scene.
Um if you are reading this and you have a cutting problem please seek for help or talk to someone you trust, believe me, it will help because our actions always bring consequence, sometimes worst than others. You don't need it to be happy, you don't need to harm yourself. You can go through your problems you're not alone everybody have someone you can believe on.
And if you know someone that cuts and you are close with her or him don't leave his side, it doesn't matter if the people start to talk, it doesn't matter cause you could be saving a life.
So hope you like it and bye 3