Simon's brow furrowed as he shifted in his sleep, his eyes flickering behind his closed eyelids and his body tensing as he struggled against the unconsciousness that left him trapped. His mind running wild with the thoughts of his greatest fears.
"Simon!" That gentle voice called from behind him, all too familiar with that part of himself that Simon was not aware of yet.
His eyes swiveled around to face the flame-headed girl that he knew and yet did not. Clary's pixie like face turned up towards him, that same gentle smile she always wore beaming up at him as she reached out towards him. Her eyes were imploring, the words clearly written in them. " Please, Si'...I miss you! Miss what we had!"
The feelings were clear as day as it shown out of her even as she waited so patiently for him to turn to her entirely. To have him acknowledge her in his own way. She was only ever patient even when her emotions revealed her true hurt at their distance. She stepped forward her hands reaching out for his own.
"Clary! what are you doing here?' Simon's own words surprised him as he looked around for the first time realizing he had no idea where "here" was.
Casting his eyes around Simon's brow furrowed as he saw the chaos that surrounded them. Nephilim, Endarkened, and Werewolves writhed against one another in a vicious battle. Blood washing the fields around them and bodies lining the hills. The ground slick with it.
"give me the sword" Clary implored as she reached outwards and snatched a sword from his hand that Simon hadn't even been aware that he was holding. Staring at it in a stunned stupor even as it left his hold and found it's way into her own Simon could only blink as she turned and her small frame lost amongst the chaos around them.
"Clary!"
Images flashed across his mind, horrible images of what could happen if someone attacked Clary, her small body broken and bleeding under the blade of an Endarkened set on killing her. Shaking his head Simon tore off towards where she had disappeared. His eyes found many familiar faces as he moved.
Magnus Bane, wounded and bleeding. His armor wet with his blood, his fingers delved into Alec Lightwood's hair as the younger male kissed his all too pale lips to give him energy…Isabelle was protectively standing near them, trying to make sure that no one attacked during their most vulnerable moment.
This was a memory, the ache in his chest made this all too clear to Simon even as his mind scrambled to cling to the images now playing themselves in his subconscious. He could see the absolute terror in Alec's face as he pressed a pale hand against the still bleeding gash in Magnus' chest. The fear of losing a loved one suddenly to battle…how quickly life could end.
Simon's body began to move without his conscious thoughts, each step bringing him closer to Isabelle. His eyes seeking hers and holding firm as he wanted to assure himself that she was unharmed, that she was safe. The image darkened as instead of the relieved expression that held its place on the black haired lightwoods face, a look of pain replaced it, and Isabelle was suddenly lying bleeding and all too pale in her brother's arms.
"Izzyyyyyy"
Simon jerked himself upwards his eyes flying wide and his hand outreached as it had been in his sleep.
"Shittt! " The gasp from across the room hit Simon's ears a moment before he could hear the sound of heavy breathing that wasn't his own. " ..Si? You okay mate?"
He was not okay, Simon knew that. He could feel his whole body violently shaking as he sat up his eyes adjusting to the darkness of the room and his heart hammering furiously in his chest. His lungs were heaving for air as Simon shuddered and he brought his hand to his face. Running his cold fingers over his face he was shocked to find and grateful for the darkness that hid his tears that wet his cheeks.
"y...eah" Simon swallowed around the lump in his throat before taking a deep breath and trying again. " Yeah… I'm all right. Sorry George!"
Simon hated how much his voice still shook even as he felt his heart, at last, calming. Felt his trembling limbs stilling and he could feel the silence coming once more. They were just memories; they were mingling and coming at the worst possible times, but they were memories and Simon knew that Isabelle was fine. He had seen her only a few weeks ago, and she was not dying in her brother's arms.
"...want to talk about it?"
Simon thought about his roommate's offer, weighing the possibilities of sharing the horrors of seeing Isabelle laying in front of him bleeding. Finally, he sighed and lay back down on the bed and closed his eyes. Finding that image still lingering behind them he could do nothing but drag them open once more.
"It's just been this business with the London, Institute leader. His story about his Parabatai. I think it's making me think of the things I can't remember fully. It's touched something inside of me and jarred a few ...painful memories loose…"
"Of Isabelle Lightwood?" George inquired calmly in his usual quiet way.
" Yes. I...remember a time...when her skills in battle were overpowered...she was hurt..badly...near death!...so much blood."
Simon had to stop once more as his throat closed up and his body trembled once more as the image re-emerged. Shaking his head he ran his fingers over his face and looked at George in the darkness. Simon had the distinct impression that his roommate was likewise watching him.
"It makes me worry. I mean it can all happen so fast. We will be finding ourselves in extremely dangerous situations… one wrong move could mean our deaths. It's honorable for us to die in battle fulfilling our duty. But what happens to those left behind?
" What happens to those of we leave behind who have to mourn and cry? That pain is something that will never go away!" Simon frowned at the thought of suffering through losing Isabelle. Or even Clary. The part of himself that could barely remember those two, the part that was separate from the Simon he was now, ached like his own heart had been stabbed at the thought.
"That is part of the risks we take becoming what we are working to become Si. But we also gain the strength to protect those same people… we can become their shields?" George's voice was soft as he spoke.
The words however only made Simon frown as he shook his head against their implications. Sure they could become their shields, but that would also mean that they could become the one who died… and he had already experienced the pain and suffering of those that loved him having lost him. He experienced it every time he looked at Clary or Isabelle, even every time he spoke with Jace.
They were looking for the Simon that he didn't know how to be yet. They were mourning the friend that they had lost and whose shadow he walked within, hoping desperately to become worthy of filling. Simon did not want to think about what would happen if they were to watch him die once more...how could he put his friends through that pain again? But how could he avoid such a thing from happening?
The only way would be to become stronger, to become a hero that would shield his friends and would stop needing their protection. He wanted that to happen; he needed that. That the next time that Isabelle and Clary were in danger, it could be Simon who stood between the danger and them rather than Magnus, Jace or even Alec.
The morning lessons had for some unknown reason were canceled, not that Simon was particularly complaining about with how little sleep he had managed to get thanks to his dreams the night before. He yawned as he followed his roommate and the other Dregs into their classroom to sit on their side of the room as they had been instructed.
Rubbing his eyes once to clear the sleep from them Simon blinked as he realized that not even Miss. Loss was in attendance. Instead, Dean Penhallow stood at the front of the class facing them. Just behind her, a male stood leaned against the wall in an almost obliviously casual way. Dammit did all Shadow-hunters step out of a freaking magazine? He could totally do a photoshoot with Isabelle and Jace in that Badass magazine…
The surprising thing about their special guest was that he only appeared to be a few years older than Simon himself. His body broad and muscled, his visible skin scared and marked like a shadowhunter often was, and his face was filled with hard lines. His jaw set in a faint scowl and his thick arms crossed over his face, his biceps was bigger than Cartwright's. His hair was a mess of Black that was obviously disarrayed as if he had just gotten out of bed, ran his fingers through his head and said " yes that's all i need" and came straight here. Simon furrowed his brow a little and damn didn't he look just fine with it. Where Simon's own hair became an unruly mess if he didn't do something with his.
" Good Morning everyone! We have a special guest who has agreed to finish off our lessons about the endarkened!" Dean Penhallow explained as she greeted each of them with a gentle smile. " This is Ummm… Bane… err… " She trailed off with a small furrow of her brow as her eyes flickered towards the male in question.
" It's Just "Bane"... no last name" The other corrected as he stepped forward, away from the wall his eyes trailing over the faces of those in the class. Regarding the faces of the Elites who stared at him with reverence and the dregs who eyed him curiously.
Of course, their class would find this male a fascination, he and his institute had been the topic of many conversations the last few days, and Simon had heard almost as much about Bane - the London Institute's top hunter- as he had Marquis and Karlyle.
"Very well… " Dean Penhallow nodded her head politely, her brow rising at the other's refusal of his bloodline's name. Something Simon was rather surprised at with how important bloodlines were to shadowhunters.
"I came for one reason, and that was to give my regards to my leader… he is the reason I am here...asked me to speak to you kids about how lucky you have it!" The words were calm and calculating, leaving nothing to speculation along with the sneer that it ended in as Bane shrugged his shoulders flippantly.
Stalking across the room his eyes locked on each of their faces. His promising many things, glory, battle, fear...so many things flashed through those eyes as Simon's turn came to meet them, and he swore that his moment was a small fraction longer than the others.
" You will have many chances to show your worth in battle; you will find your place at the sides of your brothers and sisters here in this class. You will fight alongside one another, and you will bleed… you will draw blood. You will kill!... but never will you have to stare into the eyes of your brethren, forcibly turned and watch as their souls die! You will never have to see their bodies rise, and their mouths part as words are spoken that are not their own.
" you will never have to watch as something that is not your comrade walks and fights and talks as if it is." Bane's lips curled up in another sneer and his eyes crackled with fire. " That horror has passed, and if we are very lucky, we will never have to witness such a horror again. Those of you who have suffered the fate of a loved one becoming an endarkened, know that the blood that washed their hands...that they spilled and reveled in. Was not theirs… They died the moment that Sebastian forced them to drink from that damned cup!"
The silence in the room that followed was a heavy one and yet Bane did nothing to fill it. He had turned himself away from them momentarily his body unwinding from how tense it had become as he had begun speaking. Leaning his head backward to stare up at the ceiling Bane's black locks hid his face from view momentarily before those same fierce eyes once more locked onto the eyes of those watching him with bated breaths.
"Some of you will make fine Shadowhunters...others of you will fall...and even fewer….will run from the tasks ahead of you!" the words were a promise, not a statement.
"I think I know who he's talking about!" Jon Cartwright hooted as he threw a pencil towards Sundil a few of the other elites chuckling cruelly as they whispered about the dregs.
"What do you know of this boy?" The sudden chill in the class drew Simon's glare away from Jon's face to stare in stunned silence at where Bane now stood between Sundil, the pencil in his hand. How had he moved that fast?
Apparently Jon was thinking the same thing as were everyone in the room. Staring in opened mouthed shock, Jon rocked back in his seat twisting his head to avoid as the pencil was suddenly imbedded in the wall behind his seat. Following the path it had taken it was obvious that it had been thrown back like one would throw a knife.
"...When you meet the faces of your enemy be they demon, rogue or your kind… Will you stand and fight? Or will you run? " The growl came from Bane as he locked his eyes on Jon's. " Will you choose to give up your lives for others or will you quake at the idea of death?will it become the deciding factor in your lives?
" We Nephilim love passionately and will all that we ar. We do everything early and young. We find love young, we marry young, we have families young, because our lives are a violent and dangerous one...but we are what stands between the mundanes and demons… creatures that do not care for the mundanes or Nephilim. They would devour this world and leave it as ash as quickly as we breathe."
Simon could feel his body thrumming with every word that Bane spoke, understanding a deep ache as he nodded along with the older hunter's words. He could still remember the image of that world from his dreams, the demon dimension, and each of the other's words spoke to the parts of himself that Simon had felt shaken these last few days.
" The point is not to fight blindly towards glory...it is to know why you fight… to know for who you fight. To strive to do what is right… or wrong...but to throw your whole selves into the act. Because if you are divided, torn. That is when you will get yourself and others hurt!" Bane's eyes swept over the faces over the class before rolling towards the ceiling as he heard a small sound as Dean Penhallow cleared her throat.
Sitting on the edge of Miss Loss' desk Bane drew his arms across his chest once, and he settled in his body tense a moment as he finally sighed. "I watched three of my institute leave to join the battle against Sebastian… only two of them returned.
" I then met the one that did not come back. He had been turned and now gladly stood at that brat's side. Happily betraying everyone that he had loved… I saw the eyes of those that fought at the side of the Endarkened and they were no longer Nephilim...they were meer puppets for their master.
The battles they faced were violent and cruel and the act itself of taking our people from their homes and forcing them to become one of them was as much to destroy our moral as it was to gain a ready army that would further weaken our numbers. Previously devastated from the war against Valentine and his demons."
Silence fell as Bane's eyes snapped to the hand that rose amongst the others. Julie was staring intently at the older male her eyes imploring. Simon could see the look on her face from where he sat, and he felt a tightening in his chest.
"This isn't a lecture in which I take questions!" Bane growled his eyes narrowing on her before softening a fraction at her unwavering resolve. "fine what?!"
"You said that it was not them! How...can you know for sure? What if they could have been saved?...what if they could have been reverted?"
Bane met her eyes for a while longer before finally sighing gently as he folded his arms over his chest. Shaking his head as he thought about what had been asked, even looking up to the back of the room. Nodding to something he seemed to let his shoulder sag.
" They were not themselves!... I watched as someone I had known my whole life was forced to drink. His eyes were wide and filled with such fear...and then the light in them faded and died. When he opened his eyes, next there was nothing of the person that I had always known...none of the person who had smiled at me and taught me… Someone who was as close to me as a brother. I watched him try and kill his other half...and finally die by his parabatai's blade...Those Endarkened were no longer Nephilim as proven when their runes left them….and confirmed because when the infernal cup was destroyed each one of them died! That is the whole kit and caboodle of the situation. Many families were torn apart as their members were kidnapped and forced to drink from the cup. Others were slaughtered needlessly. You are the next generation meant to replace the many that we lost. You are lucky that you will never have to face against Sebastian and his army of our own."
The words were odd from someone who seemed so similar in age to them all and yet Simon could see Jace speaking the same way to them, if not maybe a little less coldly and with a great deal more sass. This man was a shadowhunter who had been tested in battle and who stood before them to tell of his experiences, who knew what they did not. The risks and the implications of what their choices meant. Bane stood up now that he was finished his arms falling to his sides before he pointed at Simon.
" Lewis!... The London Institute owes you a debt!..." With that the black-haired man turned and stalked from the lecture hall, effectively dismissing them all.
"That was soo different!" George was murmuring as they were one of the last to leave, having to let the Elites rush from the room in hopes to catch up to Bane, or even just to get a closer look.
" You're telling me… I mean he seemed half telling us we were going to die… and yet to be telling us that we were going to do great things!" Maureen sighed faintly shrugging her shoulders. " Like he was trying to both encourage us and to deter us from continuing our training."
Simon went to say something but stopped blinking in surprise as he noticed Catarina Loss Set up at one of the many tables in the Dinning Hall. She was sat across from someone Simon had never seen, and the two of them appeared to be pouring themselves over a chess board. Studying the beautiful male, Simon felt his stomach twist as he caught a flash of cat eyes and he momentarily thought of Magnus Bane. But no this was not Magnus. The man had trimmed black hair and wore a rather conventional black suite with a navy blue shirt that hung open a few buttons. And a black peacock coat was flung lazily over one of the empty chairs a silver topped cane resting on the table.
" Who's that!" Maureen squeaked her cheeks going red as she studied him appreciatively.
As Simon looked around the room, he noticed two things, one being that they were not the only students regarding the stranger with their warlock teacher. Many of the elites were warily eyeing him in some of the guys' cases and a few of the girls - Julie and Beatriz to name a few were staring at him dreamily.
The second thing Simon noticed was that at a larger table not to far from the two sat Marquis and Bane. The two were not speaking, and neither of them was eating and had apparently been joined by two newcomers. A smaller looking male with straight, shoulder length black hair sat at Marquis' side and from the way, he was leaned into the blonde whispering to him, along with the gentle, almost loving look in the blonde's face as he answered him. Simon was positive he could be sure that this black haired shadow hunter with the slightly Asian look to him had to be the "partner" that Marquis had spoken about several times.
The fourth person at their table made Simon's body tense and relax simultaneously as he recognized that mess of blonde hair and the form of the male he had seen just yesterday. Karlyle AshShield was sitting among his shadowhunters, and was eating a healthy helping of the food the cafeteria offered.
From what he could see much of the discolouration from his injures were gone as were many of the bandages and although the other was pale - far too pale - Simon could see none of the green complexions that the other had had previously. He also had a cane leaned against the table near him and when Simon chanced a glance he noticed with relief that the bandages on his leg were gone.
Simon hadn't realized he was staring until he looked up and caught Marquis staring up at him as he was rising from his seat waving Simon and George over to the two empty seats at their table. The enthusiastic smile on the blonde's face was increasing as he seemed to catch the disgruntled look on Jon's face as he and a few of the elites a couple of tables turned to glare at Simon.
Slipping over to their table Simon felt himself shift uncomfortably, looking down at the food that was sitting on trays in those empty seats. Raising a brow as he noticed that it was Japanese food again he looked at Marquise.
" Are these someones?"
"...Hell no! Whoever made that crap should be shot!" The black haired male at Marquis' side growled, his eyes glowing with a peculiar malice and his accent tilting upwards at the end. It was an odd combination of the English accent that Simon was beginning to recognize amongst the shadowhunters of London, and something else.
"Marquis was mentioning how you would stab the cooks!" Simon agreed with a nod as he sat down and pushed the tray slightly away from himself.
"I would if he would let me up" The black haired shadowhunter grumbled indicating irritably at how the blonde's legs were weaved in amongst his apparently trapping him from getting up.
" We're here to pick up Karlyle. not leave the Academy in need of a new cooking staff love!" Marquis teased as he leaned in to whisper something into the other's ears that Simon couldn't hear from where he sat. He could, however, see the pink tinge that rose in the other's face.
"You...must be Marquis' partner?" Simon asked reaching his hand out. " I'm Simon
" Lewis… I know!" The other interrupted as he accepted his hand. Shaking it firmly with a faint quirk of his head the slighter shadow hunter regarded him curiously. Frankly, this male made Simon relax a little as he noticed how slight he was. However despite the other's narrow frame and build there was a strength in that hand shake that made Simon think that if he chose to, the other could easily kick his ass.
" I'm Mingli CrossFire"
Simon blinked and stopped in his examining of the other as he realized that he was introducing himself. The name making Simon's eyebrow shoot up. Sure Simon could see a slight Asian look to the other, but his accent was almost fully British.
"I've lived in London most of my life! But I was born in Japan…on one of the smaller Islands," Mingli explained catching the look. With that, he turned to George and offered him his hand as well. " I hear you're a Lovelace!... we owe the Lovelace!... one of theirs saved our institute from Sebastian… I think I speak for all of us when I say that when you ascend, we'll welcome you…since you'll be needing an institute to work with!" Mingli flashed the stunned Scott a grin.
" ...I make statements like that Ming!" Simon jumped at the sudden words from Karlyle as the other pulled himself up from where he seemed to be trying to shovel three people's worth of food into himself. His eyes, however, weren't annoyed or angry as he met the Japanese shadow hunter's eyes, more amused behind that lingering pain.
"Yeah yeah well you were snarfing food, so I figured I'd make it!" Mingli rolled his eyes and waved a bored hand in his direction before eyeing his tray with disdain. " How are you eating that swill?"
"...try almost dying and then you will become less picky at what goes into your stomach!' Karlyle answered matter of factly before wiping his mouth with a napkin as he leaned in and held his hand out to George as well. " … I also make the same statement as Ming. When you Ascend, you are more than welcome calling London home lad…"
" Thank you!" George squeaked as he accepted the handshake, staring at him in dumbfounded shock.
Simon couldn't help the grin that crossed his face at the small smirk that spread over the other's face as Karlyle eyed George and finally sat back. The faint twitch made the muscles around his mouth and eyes deepen like they were used to a bright smile on his face that had not been used for quite some time. Almost as if that was his face's natural state, smiling and happy despite the pain that was still evident.
"Yo! Hellspawn! We're ready to leave!"
Simon leaped in his seat at the booming voice from across the table from him. His head snapping to look at Bane, who sat leaned back in his seat, his arms across his chest and his eyes closed. His face was otherwise impassive as he sat in silence.
" Really now? how fascinating...have fun walking back to London from here Nephilim!" That amused voice was laced with a cold tone that made Simon shiver as he glanced towards the owner of the voice.
The black haired man who had sat with Catarina Looked up from the chess board lazily; his eyes very much slit-like cats narrowing on Bane's face. The dark haired shadowhunter rose a brow at him and tilting his head to regard him just as coldly. Looking him over from where he now sat one hand extended almost lazily towards them, palm upwards.
" Crossfire it's your turn to pay him!" Bane grumbled.
" Huh? no way I'm not paying him you're the one that said you could get the warlock to transport us!" Mingli cried his eyes murderous as he glowered at Bane.
" No, I said I could get us here! and you would have to worry about getting back."
"You arse!"
"Riveting" The warlock murmured as he glanced between the two his eyes rolling skywards before he returned to the board between himself and Catarina.
" Fine!" Mingli growled as he rose to his feet and pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and stalked around the table to shove a handful of money into the other's still waiting hand. " I will pay you the other half when we are returned to the institute!"
"Very well Nephilim!" the warlock rose and for the first time, Simon sucked in a breath as he realized that the other had more than just cat's eyes. A long tail flickered lazily by his leg and atop his head sat a set of black cat's ears that had been hidden among his hair.
Gathering up his cane in one hand, the black haired warlock reached outwards. Catching Catarina's blue hand in his own and brought the back of it to his lips. Skimming a light kiss on her knuckles before releasing her fingers and stepping away.
" it is a pleasure as always Miss Loss!"
"Ah, Bache! it is as refreshing as ever to see one of your ...heritage that behaves in a civilized manner" Catarina drawled before rising to her feet, a faint furrowing of her brow as with a flicker of Bache's hand the chessboard disappeared.
" Not all of us behave as Magnus does. I know you do not associate with many of our kin but you'll see that now and then!" The warlock, Bache, promised before turning towards where Bane, Mingli, and Marquise had all risen from their seats to watch as Karlyle, at last, pulled himself from the chair he had been sitting in.
Leaning on the cane, Karlyle took a tentative step forward, wobbling once before straightening upwards and shooting Mingli a dark look as the smaller shadowhunter had moved to help him. Moving forward again, with more confidence, Karlyle approached the two warlocks.
" You have my thanks Catarina Loss!"
"You are welcome Nephilim. Remember that your wounds need time to heal even with my healings and the silent brothers...and your leg may never fully recover. But you will be okay with time."
Nodding his head once more, Karlyle turned to regard Simon with one last, Simon almost wanted to say grateful, look before making his way from the dining hall. The three following with him a few steps behind.
Simon watched them go, jumping at the cat eyes that met his as Bache stopped and turned to look at him. " hmm...one who ruined (insert Magnus father's name)s plans hmm?... you boy are a fascination… I will be watching you ex daylighter!"
Simon felt as if his skin was prickling at the look in those feline eyes and the image of this warlock studying him before turning to leave. Without meaning too, Simon rose to his feet and found himself following the group out of the academy, watching with the others in silence as they began to disappear up the path into the forest.
" I was worried about him for a while there."
Simon tensed at the voice that came suddenly from his right. His eyes widening a fraction as he saw a male sitting on the stairs where Simon could remember finding Karlyle two nights past. He was leaning forward, his arms resting on his knees and his eyes locked on Karlyle's back. His black hair was a messy array of strands, and green eyes were gentle and relieved.
Simon was almost shocked at how little he was surprised to realize that the male before him was mostly transparent. He looked up the man just in time to see Karlyle's back disappearing into the woods behind his shadowhunters.
"Thank you!" The male turned then to Simon, his eyes gentle and grateful. "You saved my soul's brother...so thank you!"
Simon was left staring in dumbfounded shock as the image before him slowly vanished before him, leaving Simon standing on the stairwell staring off into the forest. Only to blink in surprise as an all too familiar blonde appeared making his way out of the woods.
" Jace?"
"Hi, there wiggles!" Jace saluted casually at him, his lips breaking into a cocky grin.
"What are you doing here?"
"Hmmm...Dean Penhallow was worried about a lecture that was given earlier, so she had Catarina Loss send a message to the Institute about getting one of us to round things out" Jace shrugged faintly, clearly bored at the idea of it.
"Oh god seriously?" Simon groaned and sighed shaking his head following him inside.
Tilting his head faintly as he thought about it Simon finally stopped and turned towards the blonde. " Jace!"
" hm?"
"...Do you ever worry about the others...you know...dying?"
Simon felt his stomach roll, and his fists clench slightly at the raised eyebrow that arched sharply at his question. Simon had the fleeting impulse to punch Jace solidly in his " I'm too cool for this school" face, only holding back because he knew that Jace could easily take him. And then some.
Simon didn't even know what words he should use to defend himself...he did not want to go into details about the vivid memories he had of Clary being in danger and Isabelle bleeding almost to death. Hell as he stood here now staring at the blonde Simon also had a flash of an image of Jace himself standing engulfed in flames while someone screamed in pain.
Something changed in Jace's face then as he cast a look around before finally turning to face Simon completely. Crossing his arms over his chest, he almost seemed to curl into himself as he appeared to be thinking of Simon's question.
"Of course, I do! I remember what it felt like to come back to the Penhallow home after the attack on the Alicante and find out that Max was dead...
" I remember seeing Alec as he lay bleeding to death after that greater demon stung him, feeling the connection that is our parabatai bond straining thinner and thinner as he got ever closer to death. And I remember thinking that we were going to lose Izzy to...so yes Simon...I do worry."
Simon stared in opened mouthed shock at the blonde as Jace spoke so candidly. There was just something about the way the other stood there, his body curled into itself and his face almost unreadable. Simon couldn't recall in his short time of knowing Jace, or even in the brief flashes of his other life, ever seeing Jace this way.
"Then how do you keep going on?...How do you fight knowing that tomorrow any of them, or even you, could not come home?"
"...I do it because I am good at it...And I am good at it so that I can protect everyone I care about!"
Simon watched as Jace turned then to make his way through the halls towards their lecture room once more, the other students trailing after him apparently eager to learn anything that Jace Herondale had to teach them.
Despite how little Jace had actually answered, Simon did feel a great deal better for having heard his response. He had thought when he first came here that this was all about becoming the hero he had once been. Building up to be Simon Lewis Conqueror of evil and saviour of Nephilim and downworlders alike. But now he had to wonder if it was not a better goal to train as he was not to be important and heroic...but instead to protect and guard those he cared for and loved?