04. TADASHI & YOU

The city was quiet, with the stars twinkling brightly, but the city lights brighter. There was a soft breeze blowing through your hair, which you have finally let down.

It felt good, after a long time of feeling bad, this felt good.

You were alone, looking above at the night sky on the SFIT bridge. You couldn't lie, you did miss everyone. GoGo, Wasabi, Hiro, and even Fred. You never got too close to Honey Lemon, however, you were hoping she was making Tadashi happy.

Tadashi. .

His name hurt still, and you weren't too sure why. You were making attempts to move on, started talking to someone new. The person was a nice guy, charismatic, smart, kind, honest, passionate. You scowled, as you finally realized something.

That person was very much like Tadashi, but he just wasn't. You were trying to find someone new, but talked to someone just like the person you were trying to avoid.

Suddenly, your thoughts were put to a halt as you heard your name being called not too far from you.

You pointed your head toward the direction, and seen the very last person you wanted to see. Tadashi Hamada.

It has been a week or two since you met him alone, or even face-to-face.

There was a small smile in his face, and for the first time in a while, he didn't have on his hat. He usually did when he was on campus. He was walking over to you cautiously, as if he was afraid you would run off.

You didn't.

"Wow, you're still here, huh?" He stood beside you, resting his forearm on the railing and staring at you with the eyes that made you feel so many things at once.

"Yeah, had to tutor some people." You said, looking away.

"How's life?" He asked.

"How's Honey Lemon?" You responded with instead, instantly regretting it. You didn't mean to ask that, you were biting your tongue.

Tadashi chuckled, and moved his eyes toward the sky.

You watched in astonishment, at how his eyes twinkled. His beauty never failed to amaze you.

"She's. ." He couldn't hold back his mirth. "So awesome! She always has bright colors on, and her skills in heels are amazing."

You looked down at yourself. You were wearing a maroon sweater, and skinny jeans, with flats. Right away, you felt like you weren't good enough. Your hands fell to your sides and you kept your head down a little. It was pathetic, you felt ashamed.

"And also, whenever she talks about her adventures or things she loves, her eyes are like the universe." Tadashi marveled.

While he continued, you noticed his face. It was full of love and happiness, and you dug your nails into your palms for thinking that his expression right there should have been about you. Why couldn't you just let him be happy? Why were you so obsessed with him?

"I have a new friend, his name is Kaleb." You abruptly said, a tiny bit of annoyance in your voice.

Tadashi stopped talking at once, and turned his eyes toward you. "He seemed like a nice guy, I seen him with you a few times." His tone showed that there was possibly a lace of jealousy in it. Or something like that. You didn't want to get your hopes up.

"He's. ." Just like Tadashi? "Wonderful. A great guy, sincere, social, sweet, bright. He's great." You weren't too sure if you were describing Kaleb or Tadashi anymore.

It was quiet between you two now, and you were angry at yourself for making it like this.

"I'm going to go home. I don't feel well, anymore." You felt the words choking in your throat.

Tadashi's lips curled down, and before you walked away, he grabbed your arm. You were holding back the tears, and couldn't look at him because you knew that the moment you faced him, you would explode and everything would fall apart, even you.

"Why don't you want to be with me anymore?" He asked desperately.

You still wouldn't face him, and you tried to wiggle your arm free from his grasp.

"We were best friends! I've known you for years, I was always there for you and you were always there for me. We had no secrets between each other, why are you pushing me away?"

He let go of his grasp, and bit the inside of his cheek. "Do you hate me?" He muttered.

You bit your lower lip and shook your head a few times. "Of course not, I'm just tired." And you didn't know what else to say although you were full of words you wanted to tell him. So you started walking away, leaving him there.

You walked all the way home, and once you arrived, you went into the kitchen. Your mom was working a late shift, and she left you a note saying dinner was in the fridge.

You didn't just grab the dinner though, you also grabbed a cartoon of chocolate ice cream, and big spoon, and some wine.

All those food and you, on your bed.

You took out your laptop, and went over to your stack of movies. You wanted something funny, and heartwarming. But you ended up picking up The Vow and watching it.

As you ate your ice cream, you begun to cry.

Whenever you fantasized about something, you would always end up thinking it was just like a movie and smile to yourself. What was happening right now, was just like a depressing movie. Like a movie where a woman eats tubs and tubs of ice cream while crying and has cats around her. Just like that.

Tons of times you sobbed due to what the quotes in the movie.

"It's not fair? I see the way you look at him. I know because you used to look at me that way."

"Oh my gosh, I feel you, Leo!" You cried pouring yourself some more wine.

"How do you look at the woman you love, and tell yourself that its time to walk away?"

You had to pause the movie and was basically chugging the wine bottle down now. You were drunk, and you closed your laptop and pushed it away from you. You had finished your ice cream, and the dinner you had was half-eaten and cold so you decided not to finish it.

All the emotions were filling you up, mostly frustration. You drank in hope you would forget Tadashi but really you forgot the beginning of the movie, and what your essay was about and what time it was. It was getting late.

But you remembered Tadashi's favorite color, and how he once fell snowboarding and the look in his eyes when he talks about the thing he loves, which was Honey Lemon.

You chuckled to yourself, and then your phone started ringing. You allowed it to ring for a while, then lazily picked it up from the floor.

"Hello?" Your words slurred a little.

"Are you drinking again?" It was Tadashi.

"Why did you call me?" You flatly questioned, sobering up a little however, still drunk.

"I knew you would drink or something." He really knew you like an ABC book.

You sat up and leaned against your wall, viewing the city through your window. You could see the moon, large over the sea horizon.

"Do you hate me?" You asked, bending your knees and pressing it against your chest.

Tadashi breathed through the phone a few times, "Nope."

"I hate me." You kept looking at the clouds and moon, and bright lights. "I really hate myself," you searched around for the wine bottle and when you found it, you drank the last of it down. The last thing you wanted to be was sober.

He didn't say anything, then you heard him exhale deeply.

"I use to think that at the end of this year, I'd get the courage to do something." Which was to confess to Tadashi. "Something great, and not be afraid of the rejection or changes. And then this stupid obstacle comes around and I'm just not enough to get past it." Though you were drunk, you were still a bit aware of the words you were saying.

"Do you hate me?" This time it was Tadashi that asked.

"Never." You didn't even have to think about it, because you knew that you never would or could despite the heartache.

"Do you wish we weren't friends anymore?"

"I don't know anymore." You would never want your friendship to be ruined, it was just that if maybe you two never knew each other or forgotten about each other, it would save the heartbreak. "Have you ever tried something? And you try, and try, try, try, and it just doesn't work out?"

Not too far from your house was where Tadashi lived. And he was doing the same, looking out the window.

"Of course, you were there during the times I was making Baymax." He said.

"But that ended up working out!" You unintentionally snapped. "It took a long time, but you did it. And that thing is great, it's going to save lives. I'm talking about failing and failing and just never getting it right." You explained.

"I think you're good enough, [Y/N]." Tadashi responded.

You were silent, and without even noticing, crying.

"But not good enough for you," and you hung up, knowing that there really wasn't anything left to say.

The next day, you stayed in bed the whole time. Your mom had come in the room and cleaned up everything for you, tsking at the wine bottles and unfinished food. Yet, she didn't bug you. She guessed what had happened and decided to let you sleep.

Tadashi had come to visit, but your mom didn't let him see you. So the two of them sat downstairs in the kitchen talking.

"She was drunk, Ms. [Y/L/N]." He told her.

"I know, drunk and heartbroken." She added, not being able to look at him. She wanted to yell at him, but knew it wasn't his fault.

"I just want to make sure she's okay." Tadashi fumed in distress.

Your mom thought about it, then stood up. "Fine, but I have to go to work so don't idle around. Try not to wake her up, please."

Tadashi nodded and thanked her quickly in anticipation to check on you.

He scurried up the stairs and knew your room without even having to check the door.

When he was in there, you were already awake, sitting up and rubbing your temples. You knew someone was downstairs and now in your room, you heard him.

"Hello," he greeted.

You opened your eyes and rubbed them, before dropping back down onto your pillow. "Please get out." You groaned.

You didn't intend to sound rude, it just was painful to see him.

"I bought you a some ice cream and your favorite cake from the cafe." He said.

Your hand patted the nightstand next to your bed, gesturing to put it there.

Tadashi did as told, and stood by your bed. He was tall, and his shadow hovered over you.

"It's GoGo's birthday today." Tadashi examined the room, and noticed that most of the picture frames that were once on the desk and walls were in a box at the end of her bed. He walked over there, and inspected the ones on top. They were pictures of you two, and yourself with the others.

He gulped and placed them back down carefully.

You noticed him lurking around, and looked at him.

"Tell her I said happy birthday." You spoked.

It was evident that you were crying last night, your eyes were still puffy and cheeks pink.

"You're not going to go?" Tadashi asked, surprised. You were close to GoGo.

"I am too tired to move." You said.

Tadashi scratched the back of his head, meaning he was thinking. Then, he went over to you and carried you up.

"Come on, I'm going to help you get ready." And he dragged you into your bathroom.

A/N: Want a more sweet Tadashi x Reader fanfic? Check out my other fanfic 'Bittersweet'! This story is also on Quotev!

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