High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

This chapter is dedicated to Jedithon, sammygirl2010, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, SarahJaneTennant, jj1507, and black011. I have decided to do Edward, so sorry to those of you who wanted someone else, but I'll do everyone eventually!

Frustrations of a Mind-Reader

Edward POV

School hadn't even started yet and all of us had already tried to kill someone. I pondered over something earlier… "Sunshine chips should get eaten by ponies…"? Emmett had been thinking about some geeky-looking secretary for the school with a nameplate that said "Chip Sunshine." I inwardly snorted. What a stupid name… (AN: Again, no offense to people with any part of that name!) So "Little Miss Sunshine", which he'd been so considerately dubbed by Emmett, had flirted with Rosalie, like most human males did. Then there was a very disturbing mental image. There were dancing potato chips in the sun, all with faces of the secretary imprinted on them, and then comes the purple pony from that TV show "My Little Pony", which, for some reason, Emmett watches, and the pony eats the chips while they scream bloody murder. Fascinating, Emmett…

I took Bella's hand as we walked to our first class. For some reason, we had the same schedule…I know nothing. We had AP Chinese, art, History, Gym, Lunch, Biology, English, AP Calculus, and Chemistry. We'd taken Spanish and French at the last schools, and Chinese is becoming an increasingly more popular language.

The teacher was a very wrinkled old lady who looked eighty-some years. Knit one, pearl two, knit one, pearl two…in Chinese. She was knitting a…was that a giant muffin hat? Okay, that's weird…

The class was milling around the room. Most of them were staring at Bella and me.

Eek! Edward's in our class! Okay, remember the doctor told you to breathe, blink, sit pretty. Great, Alisa was in our class.

Check her out, dang, she's hawt! I glowered at the skater boy eyeing Bella.

Oh, new students, they look nice, I wonder if they'd like to be friends…Good, at least there was another Angela Weber at this school.

Yeah, she so wants me, come on, girl, leave pretty boy, Matt wants you. He was acting like Bella was a dog! So my hit list before the subjects die was: Newton, Mallory, Newton, Stanley, Newton, Crowley, Newton, Yorkie, Newton, Banner, Newton, Monica, Newton, Alisa, Newton, Zoe, Newton, skater punk, Newton, Matt, and…oh, yeah, did I mention Newton?

Bella and I headed for the back, where it'd be harder for the others to look at us…hopefully. The bell rang, but the teacher just kept knitting. Finally, ten minutes after the bell, another teacher poked her head in and said very loudly, "Mrs. Pong, it's time to start class."

"Oh, thank you, Barbie," Mrs. Pong said as she continued knitting.

"It's Barbara," she muttered as she walked away. When's she going to retire…?

"Class, get a worksheet and do it, give it to Barbie after class to grade," she said while her needles clicked. Knit one, pearl two…

I got up to get the worksheets before Bella could say something about not letting her do anything. That was not true, I was merely being a gentleman and chivalrous.

I just grabbed two worksheets when I heard someone think, Well, hello, beautiful!

I whirled around, a truly vampiric expression on my face. Matt had plopped down in my seat by Bella. "Well, hello, beautiful!" Wow, he actually needed time to rehearse what he was saying…nice going, Einstein. Those clothes look hot on you, but they'd look better off. He wouldn't. "Those clothes look hot on you, but they'd look better off." He would.

"I think you'd look better buried six feet under," Bella replied. I subtly tipped over his chair so Matt fell onto the floor. Everyone burst out laughing at him.

Mrs. Pong looked up, annoyed. "You, big-nose, detention today. Bring your knitting needles." He did have a bigger than average nose…

I slid into my seat before Matt got up. He trudged back to his seat, embarrassed. Dang it, it's all Cullen's fault!

Bella smiled at me. "Did you have a nice time?"

I grinned back. "Yes, I did. Matt rehearses his words in his head before he speaks."

She laughed her beautiful laughter, and we did our work at the fastest human speed possible. I wonder what sort of detention requires knitting needles…

Like Mrs. Pong said, everyone gave their worksheets to "Barbie" after class. She didn't seem very happy about it. Bella and I headed to art, where there were potter's wheels set up all around the classroom.

Our teacher was a very nerdy-seeming Mr. Tiberius. He was bald with mousy sideburns, and his glasses were thick, with even thicker rims. He was lanky and muscle-less. This is my first ever class, I hope I do okay! Okay, Relaxing for Dummies, page 107, breathe in, out, focus on your happy place, think about ponies…Alright, what was with all these ponies today?

Unfortunately, Alisa was still in this class. "Um, like, Mr. Toto, like, what are we, like, doing?" No, we can't be doing pottery, because he just felt like putting these potter's wheels randomly around the classroom. Huh, I was being rather sarcastic today.

"Pottery, no duh," one smart aleck sneered from the back.

"WHAT?" Alisa freaked. "But, like, this shirt is, like, designer."

"Don't worry, wear a smock," Mr. Tiberius said, holding out a huge old blue dress shirt was stains over it.

"Ew, like, that thing, like, is so not, like, designer, I, like, can't, like, wear it."

"It's either this or your shirt gets stained," he pointed out.

"Ugh, like, fine!" Alisa snatched the smock. Bella and I sat at the wheels nearest the door in the back. We put on the smocks and got to work. I was about to grab some clay when I saw Bella examining the wheel.

"What's the matter?" I asked her.

"I've never used one of these before, I'm just seeing how it works," she replied. We both started. Pretty soon, we both had very intricate vases.

"Yours is good," I told her.

"Same for you," she replied. "So, what do we do now?"

"The vases are put in an oven with a very hot fire." Oh, wait, how were we going to deal with the fire?

"Oh, you're the first ones done! Give them here, and I'll put them into the oven." Well, problem solved, then! Let the human burn, they won't die as easily that way.

Bella and I looked at the other's creations. Most were still half-formed, but a few had finished a basic vase. Alisa's looked like…well, what food looked like when Emmett cooks it, though why he cooks when he can't eat I'll never know…

Bella turned to me thoughtfully. "Edward, would you like to pull a harmless prank?"

Why was she asking me this? "I guess…"

She grabbed another huge glob of clay and carefully set it on the wheel. She tilted it at an angle and started spinning the wheel. She gradually got faster and faster, until the clay flew off and landed…on Alisa's head. I smiled, and then waited for the fireworks.

"Ew, like, OMG, like, get this, like, thing, like, off of, like, me!" she squealed.

"Aw, but it's such a great improvement," Bella said sarcastically. She must not be happy when other people flirted with me.

The bell rang, and Mr. Tiberius pushed everyone out, hands washed or not. "Good-bye, class!" Yes, I made it out alive!

"But, like, what about, like, my, like, hair?" Alisa whined.

"I said bye!" he said, freaking out. Breathe, BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay… "Bella, what's the number for the local asylum?"

Okay, I finished this very early in the morning, so the ending may suck. OK, the votes for who to do next so far: Bella, 1. Rosalie, 3. Alice, 1. Jasper, 2. Esme, 0. So I'm doing Rosalie next, unless more votes come in for one of the others. And if you give me any ideas, I'll extra-dedicate the chapter in the person's POV when I finish it!