Chapter Four, up and running! Thank you so much to all the lovely people who took the time to write reviews; you guys are the best!

Chapter Four: Thor and Jane Play Mario Kart, The Dark Elves Finally Awake, And Odin Is (Yet Again) a Jerk

Deep in the golden glowy dungeons of Asgard, Loki and Thor sat on the floor playing chess.

"Well this makes sense," Loki said flatly as he moved a pawn.

"Yeah, last I remembered I was taking Jane back to Asgard. How'd I get here again?" Thor asked, moving his knight.

"Beats me, she's probably pulling some Inception crap on us. Not that I'm complaining. Screen time!"

"You are hopeless. Now kiss your rook goodbye!"

"Dangit, Thor! Why are we playing chess, anyways?"

"Because chess is awesome and all great bromances in the movie industry play it together?"

"Oh yeah? Name one."

"Charles Xavier and Erik Lensherr, Jim Kirk and T'gshdshgd…Spock…"

"Okay, fine, it's a cliché bromance game. Ha! There goes your pawn!"

"Curses! Loki, you sneak."

"Hehehe. So even if this is some freaky Inception dream, why are you here? And why are we getting along?"

"Because we're awesome brothers of awesomeness?"

"Well duh, that's a given. But wasn't it already established that you never came to visit me?"

"Well, yes, but only because I've been in every other realm possible fighting stupid battles! Otherwise I'd have visited you every day!"

"Aw, and here I thought you were a jerk."

"Thanks, brother. And I still haven't forgiven you for stabbing me, by the way."

"Aw, come on, it was a little slice of love!"

"Loki, I swear."

Deep in the deep depths of deep space, the Teen Titans Tower floated around aimlessly. Ahem-I mean the dark elves' evil ship of death. Despite its peaceful appearance, however, inside a great evil was reawakening.

"I LIVEEEE-oof!" Malekith's cry of triumph was abruptly cut off as he face-planted to the floor.

"Dangit," he muttered. "Knew I should have taken a stretch break every century or so."

Standing up, he shakily made his way to an observation deck.

"And now, my minions," he thundered majestically. "Our time has come again! Awake, my brethren!"

He was met with a cacophony of snores.

"Ahem," he cleared his throat irritatedly. "I said, AWAKE!"

More snores.

"Blast it all, you lazy slugs!" the mighty Malekith swore. He made his way to the ship's control panels, muttering all the way.

"Bloody sleeping elves-oof! Stupid Asgardians-asleep for centuries-I'm way too majestic for this slave labor-" he continued his angry ranting until he reached the panel.

"Alright then! Let's see, let's see…" he flicked a few random switches, bringing the ship's displays to life. Majestically, of course.

"Hmm…Justin Beiber-no…Kesha, no….Lady Gaga, maybe-no…oooohh Miley Cyrus! Wait, no…ah! Perfect!" A wicked spread across Malekith's face as he put his majestic earplugs of doom in and clicked play.

"OOOO-OOO-OOOOHHHHHH, YEAHHHHH-YEAH-YEAHHHHH," Music blasted through the ship, and the sleeping elves began to stir uncomfortably.

"SEVEN AM WAKIN' UP IN THE MORNING, GOTTA BE FRESH GOTTA GO DOWNSTAIRS," The eyes of all the dark elves popped open in synchronized horror.

"No!" one cried, but alas, he was already too late.

"IT'S FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY, EVERYBODY'S LOOKIN' FORWARD TO THE WEEKEND, WEEKEND!"

"AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!" All the dark elves screamed, breaking free of their freaky sleepy-things and running through the ship, desperate to escape the awful grating at their ears. Chairs were thrown, braids were ripped out, and chaos reigned supreme.

"Hehehe," Malekith snickered, safe with his ears plugged. "Serves them right, suckers."

"Now that I have your full and undivided attention," Malekith said, addressing his calmer but slightly less sane troops. "We have important matters to discuss!"

"More important than the destruction of your despicable music taste?" An elf muttered.

"Silence, worm!" Malekith boomed. "Yes, anyways, the Aether has been found!"

The crowd of elves stared blankly.

"I said, the Aether has been found!" Malekith hissed.

More blank stares.

"You know, the evil red glowy stuff that's going to give me-us, I mean us- world domination?"

"Ohhhh!" all the elves exclaimed.

"Why didn't you say so in the first place?"

"I assumed you all had brains," Malekith muttered. "Anyhow, it's on Asgard! I know this because despite never having actually possessed it, I formed a deep and powerful bond with the Aether so I automatically know where it is! Ha!"

"Yay!" the elves cried. Then- "Wait, Asgard?"

"Isn't Asgard, like, super-protected?" one elf gulped nervously.

"Yes, yes," Malekith said, rolling his eyes. "But we're awesome, so it won't matter. Besides, Algrim here is going to ensure our safe arrival by stabbing himself and shoving burning rocks in his wound!"

"Yay!" the elves cheered.

"Heh?!" Algrim cried.

"Sorry, Algrim," Malekith said. "This is for a great cause. Lots of sacrificy junk for the greater good and honor crap. Now, stab yourself, sneak into Asgard with a cool montage, and let's begin our attack!"

"I knew there was a catch in that offer for screen time," Algrim muttered.

Meanwhile, as Algrim got into an Asgard with a cool montage and music and crap (er-before, actually-we're going back in time a bit here-ack! Never mind!), Thor and Jane were rocketing up the rainbow bridge to Asgard.

"Wheeeeeee!" cried Jane. "This is awesome!"

"Isn't it, my love?" Thor said happily. Then, under the beautiful swirling lights of the rainbow, he leaned towards Jane, who leaned towards him, and their lips drew near, and-

"Take-a this, suckers!"

"Oof!" Thor and Jane broke apart as they were both nailed in the heads by a red turtle shell.

"What the heck, Mario!" Thor yelled. "For the last time, this is the rainbow bridge, not rainbow road!"

"Ah, I'm-a sorry, friends!" The red and blue plumber drove off. "Later, losers!"

"Blast it all," Thor and Jane muttered as they were deposited on Asgard, tender moment ruined.

"Ah, Thor," Heimdall said. "You have returned from once again destroying any orders your father gave you."

"Oh, whatever," Thor said. "The worst he can do is add my name on the disgrace list and banish me to Midgard again."

"I liked you getting banished to Midgard," Jane said.

"As did I, dear."

"Oh geez, take your love somewhere else," Heimdall begged.

"Fine, fine. Come along, Jane! To the Asgardian doctors!"

Thor would come to regret this decision a second later, because all the doctors really did was get shown up by his girlfriend, tell him useless junk, get blasted by his girlfriend, and bring his stupid father into the mess.

"MY SON, I FORBADE YOU TO SEE THIS PATHETIC MORTAL!"

"Excuse me?!" Jane exclaimed.

"Oh sweet Valhalla, father, can you be any more jerkish?! She was in danger!" Thor burst out.

"IT MATTERS NOT! SHE WILL DIE EVENTUALLY ANYWAYS, DISAPPEARING AS QUICKLY AS THE LAST CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE ON VOLSTAGG'S PLATE!"

"Insensitive jerk," Thor muttered.

"Can you at least find out what's wrong with me?" Jane begged. "For the sake of the plot?"

Odin paused, considering. "Alright, for the sake of the plot." Then, grabbing a giant book full of cool swirly designs, he cleared his throat and the lights dimmed.

"The disease that resides inside your stupid girlfriend's flesh is actually this evil red glowy stuff called the Aether. Basically, all you really need to know is that it's super powerful and can bring about the end of the world. Or at least a bunch of darkness. It's not entirely clear, actually…"

"But can I get it out?" Jane asked desperately.

"Nope!" Odin said cheerfully. "You're stuck with it until it drains your life-force dry, sucker!"

"WHAT?!" Jane and Thor both cried.

"I told you you should have gone with Sif!"

"Father, this is ridiculous!" Thor cried. "You must save her!

"Yeah, you must save me!" Jane echoed.

"No can do, buds," Odin snipped. "Now go away and let me enjoy my screen time."

"You're impossible!" Thor huffed. "Where in the nine realms is mother? She'll have some sense about this! And a decent sense of parenting."

"Still waiting for her long-delayed epic entrance," Frigga muttered darkly from a corner.

"Sit tight, dear, it's coming," Odin reassured her. He turned back to Thor and Jane. "Now, take this mortal and-"

BOOM!

The throne room shook.

"Aw, crap," Odin muttered. "Better go buy insurance."

Down in Asgard's glowy golden dungeons, Loki sat-

"Screen time! YAYAYAYAYAYYYY!"

Yes, now hush or you'll lose it.

"Hushing!"

Anyhow, Loki sat in his stupid white cell, bored out of his mind. He gazed at the dumb white wall, trying to decide whether he was going to decorate it by painting a picture of him ruling earth, or a picture of Odin drowning in a pit of lava. He had just decided on a lovely collage of Odin being eaten by frost giants while Loki was surrounded by cheering, adoring crowds when the poor, underpaid guard trudged in dragging a particularly ugly convict.

The convict and Loki had an epic stare down, each sizing each other up.

"Come along," the underpaid guard sighed dragging the convict, better known as now-Undead-Algrim along.

"Possibly an ally," Undead-Algrim muttered. "But definitely a brat."

"Definitely an infiltrator," Loki muttered. "Ooooohhh, I hope he kicks Odin's butt!"

Next Chapter: The Epic Battle Begins, Some Asgardian Red-Shirts Die, Thor Shows Off His Rippling Muscles, and FRIGGAAAA!