Flinging open the door with an abandon she didn't really feel, Alex was unsurprised to see Jimmy Deakins at her threshold.

She took a deep breath before exclaiming, mock-cheerfully, "Hey, Captain! Come on in!"

Taking in the scene with a practiced eye, Jimmy noted the bottle resting on a file, and he knew which file that had to be. Redirecting his attention to Alex, he saw the slight glassiness in her eyes; she was a bit unkempt and not entirely steady on her feet, but seemed to be maintaining. It amused him to think that Goren wouldn't have needed the visual clues; the smell of cognac, while not overpowering, was certainly present. Bobby would, very likely, have ascertained it from the driveway.

Sitting down at Alex' gesture, he declined her offer of a drink, and simply observed as she sat on the couch; just a foot or so away, but with her mind clearly elsewhere. Speaking gently, he indicated the file. "So you know."

She nodded.

"Bobby came to me."

"I figured he would," she said softly. "Leave it to Bobby to be unable to leave anything alone." She almost smiled, but her facial muscles wouldn't allow it.

Jimmy sighed, "Well, I checked it out, and it's true. The little scumbag's lawyer filed an emergency application the day after you were kidnapped. The notice was sent to your house."

"I never got it," Alex whispered. "I would have gone, regardless of what any doctor said, but I never got it."

Jimmy nodded, "I know that, Alex. It's sitting in an evidence bag downtown. It took a couple of days for the CSU guys to process this place, and they took the mail as well, in case Jo Gage posed an ongoing threat. I think they just assumed that any Notice To Appear would be null and void, since…"

With a mirthless chuckle, Alex finished, "since everybody and their brother, and their fucking lawyer, knew about the kidnapping. Except, apparently, for the parole board."

Jimmy ran a hand through his hair. The combination of his own frustration and hers, palpable in the room, made him antsy. "They didn't make the connection; when you didn't show, they assumed it was because you didn't have anything to add, not because you hadn't been notified." By force of will he kept his seat, hoping that his outward calm would help her maintain hers.

It was not to be.

In a flash, she was on her feet, face red and eyes blazing with anger. "Nothing to ADD? For three years, every since that thing first tried to get out, I have dragged my ass upstate and humiliated myself by crying in front of these people, just so it would STAY where IT BELONGS!" She was shaking outright now, the tears that Jimmy felt privileged to be one of the few people to ever see threatening to overflow.

Speaking as soothingly as he could, Jimmy said, "I know, Alex, and I have made sure that the board knows as well. Believe me, they are aware of how badly they've screwed up here." Pleading with his eyes, he asked, "Do you think you could sit down now?"

Regaining a bit of her composure at his look, Alex nodded, then sat down beside him, her eyes still brimming.

"Can they do anything to fix it, Jimmy? Ruiz killed a COP; didn't that mean anything to them?"

Tentatively, he placed a hand on her shoulder. "It means a lot, Alex, and more importantly, it means a lot to people much smarter than the board members, and those people are the ones who will help us fix it."

Almost whining, she asked, "But how did it even happen? How could they let him go?"

Jimmy let out his breath in a huff of frustration and anger. "His lawyer is very good, that's how. He based his application on Ruiz' age at the time of the murder, his perfect prison record and the usual discovery of God, and the fact that his wife and child are on welfare without him providing them an income."

"Income?" she snorted. "The only thing Ruiz has ever made a living at was selling drugs to kids. Doesn't the board realize he'll just go back to that?"

Nodding, Jimmy sighed, "They did suspect that, which is why they set up a rigorous probation program. But…"

Fear cut through Alex' remaining alcohol haze like a knife. In a low tone, almost inaudibly, she asked, "But what?"

Dreading what he had to say, Jimmy struggled to keep his voice even. "But he's missed his last two check-ins. There's an APB going out for him as we speak, and he will go back to prison when he's caught."

"IF he's caught," she spat angrily. Rising again, she began to pace, her heart rate skyrocketing. "Do you think he's going to come after me, Jimmy? I had a lot to do with his conviction, and with his previous parole requests being denied. He may very well have…issues with me." Even to herself, Alex' voice sounded high and strained. I can't do this again. I'm just starting to not be afraid of every noise in the night. I can't live my life in fear.

Jimmy rose to his feet and stopped her meanderings with strong hands on her shoulders. Leaning down slightly to look into her eyes, he said, "Listen to me, Alex. I have already spoken to Ross, and if we need to put a 24-hour guard on you, that's what we'll do. Ruiz will NOT be permitted to hurt you, I can promise you that."

Disbelieving, she stared at him. "Hurt ME? You think THAT's what I'm afraid of, Jimmy? Understand this: if that piece of shit comes within a mile of me, he is a DEAD man. I don't care if I go to prison, I don't care what happens, but if I see even a glimpse of him, he's DONE." She pulled away forcefully and stormed off to the kitchen, running cold water and splashing it on her face. I will NOT live in fear. But he better.

Now even more concerned than when he'd walked in the door, Jimmy was at a loss. I'm not the one she needs to help her with this. I need to convince her to let him in. Following her to the kitchen, he was touched by how small she appeared, leaning on the kitchen counter, desperately attempting to breathe. Keeping a safe distance, he spoke gently, "Alex, whether you like it or not, we're going to need to keep you safe from Ruiz, and keep you from doing something I know you would regret, whether you think so or not. I want you to let me…"

"NO."

Angered at her outright dismissal, he spoke in a harsh tone she'd never heard before, "Alexandra Eames, you need help. And he needs to help you; whether you care at this moment what he needs or not, you do most of the time, so think about it. Get your head out of your ASS for a minute. You can help each other, and I want you to let me call him and get him over here." More gently, he added, "Alex, I really think it's the best thing for you, and I know why you're resisting it. But would Joe really want to see you like this?"

Shocked, she turned her tear-stained face to him, eyes wide. Tearfully, she answered, "No, he wouldn't. He would understand, but he wouldn't like it."

Deciding that paternal firmness was the way to go, Jimmy said strongly, "Can I take that as a yes, Alex?"

She took a deep breath. Ready or not…

"Call him."