Welcome back to Ask Deadpo- wait- this is Deadpool's How To. Sorry, forgot what story this is. Anyway, welcome back to a long awaited instalment of Deadpool's How To! This episode is finally about something I'm really good at: murder. As requested by DtheDeity, today I will tell you how to commit mass murder. I know you all think this is pretty easy and, to be honest, it is! Murder was, like, one of the first committed sins according to this book Christians call "the Bible." It takes little effort to kill someone and it takes a little more to kill more than one person.
Definition of Mass Murder
Mass is defined as a large body of matter with no coherent shape or the majority of.
Murder is the unlawful premeditated killing of one human being by another.
In order to commit mass murder, you must combine both of these concepts. You have to plan to kill a large mass of people. Preferably in one fell swoop.
The Weapons
Okay, so we have a clear understanding of mass murder. So, next on the list is coming up with a list of all the wonderful weapons you can use!
Bomb: this is the second most common way to commit mass murder. They're easy to find on the black market and, if you're a talented engineer, you can make one! The problem with this weapon is that it can kill you, too, if you're not out of the blast radius. Plus, if you choose to make multiple bombs, the police can use the materials left from the explosion to hunt you down. Also, if you choose to go on multiple killing sprees, you will develop what the cops call a MO. But I'm not here to tell you how to get away with it. I'm just here to tell you how to do it.
Machine Gun: most common weapon used in mass murders. Doesn't take as much brains to use like a homemade bomb. Just point and pull the trigger. It's best to use this weapon in crowds of people.
Fire: again, another weapon to use in groups of people. It's best to set the fire in a place where it would be difficult for victims to escape.
Toxic Gas: Now, we all know Hitler was a terrible person. But if there's one thing he did right, it's kill himself. But he also killed a shit ton of people. Toxic gas will only work if your victims are locked in an enclosed area.
Victims
These are the people you're about to slaughter! Some people you might want to kill include but are not limited to:
Schools
Churches (warning: killing religious people could make you a target from their god(s). So, make sure you do extensive research on their god(s) before you slaughter them)
Office workers
Police officers
Prison workers/ prisoners
Girl scouts
Family members
Occults
Politicians
A certain race
The Plan
Now, you've got your weapons, you've got your victims selected, now all you need is a plan. It's not required, but the best plan of action is to lock all your soon-to-be victims in an enclosed area (like the mall, an office building, a church, a school) and let loose. If it's in an open area, a lot of your victims could escape.
The End
Great job! If you followed my instructions, you've managed to kill thousands of people! Have fun in prison! Oh, you thought I was going to tell you how to get away with it? Oh no. If I did, I would be out of a job. That's the difference between professionals, like me, and amateurs, like you.