Author's Notes: I can't believe it's been nearly 5 months since I last updated this fic! I'm so sorry about the wait. I haven't given up on this story. I just have a lot of stories to work on at the moment. I'm just grateful I took a lot of notes for this one so I can remember where the plot is going. That'll make it easier to get back into writing this fic. Thank you for reading, I hope you'll review, and please enjoy "Poor Relations" :)
Chapter 4
Drag Strip
After dealing with the Stunticons for nearly an earth month Knockout was starting to figure out that annoyance didn't have an IQ. Dead End was intelligent compared to his brothers, but he was annoying. Wildrider was so dumb he was practically childlike, yet he was scary and also very annoying. Motormaster and Drag Strip were somewhere between smart and stupid, but they also had their own degrees of annoying. In short, Knockout was beginning to wish they had never come aboard the Nemesis.
Wildrider and Motormaster had gotten into a fight with each other that resulted in Motormaster tearing off Wildrider's arm and Wildrider shoving his helm spikes directly into Motormaster's neck cables. Of course it was Knockout's job to repair them, and of course Drag Strip and Dead End were there watching as Knockout fixed the two blockheads.
Knockout sighed in near distress as he realized that he was trapped in the medbay with all four of the psychotic Stunticons. One wrong word and Drag Strip might tear him apart, and of course Dead End would do nothing to stop him. If anything Dead End seemed to enjoy goading his ill-tempered brothers into harming other mechs. As for Drag Strip, well...
As Knockout thought about it he realized that he had no real interaction with Drag Strip beyond repairing his injuries. The yellow motorcycle-former didn't talk to him much, he stayed in his quarters when he wasn't making an aft of himself, and he spent most of his free time with Wildrider. Beyond that, Knockout knew nothing about him. That in itself seemed strange, considering how the others practically forced their company on the hapless medic.
"Ow! Watch what you're doin', medic!" Motormaster snapped when Knockout accidentally aggravated the neck injury, "I'm tellin' you Wildrider, you better recharge with one optic open, or I'll bust you up!"
"Ooh! That sounds fun!" Wildrider replied enthusiastically, "Hey guys, you think I can really recharge with an optic open? Huh? I bet I can!"
"No way! If anybody could do that it's me!" Drag Strip bragged.
Knockout was surprised by this interaction. Why would Drag Strip not only encourage Wildrider's delusions, but participate in them as well?
"Hey Dead End, time us!" Drag Strip ordered.
"Time what, if I dare ask? Dead End replied disinterestedly.
"Wildrider and I are gonna keep one optic open," Drag Strip explained, "See which one of us does it longer."
Drag Strip then took off his black visor; revealing standard red optics. Dead End looked absolutely put-upon as he stood in place and used his internal chronometer to count the time they were both holding a single optic open while keeping the other shuttered. Knockout almost wanted to laugh at how silly they looked.
This little game of theirs lasted for fifteen minutes with neither one of them blinking or shuttering their optic. Finally though the game ended when Drag Strip had to close his optic and Wildrider won. Wildrider whooped and hollered; rubbing his victory in the yellow mech's face plate.
"I let you win!" Drag Strip declared even as he pouted, "I always let you win because I can't lose. Remember the racing circuits of Tarn?"
"Yeah, you used to cheat," Wildrider replied without judgment; not really understanding what was wrong with such a practice.
"I did not!" Drag Strip shouted defensively, "I was the best and you know it!"
"You used to race on Cybertron?" Knockout asked before he could stop himself, "That sounds so cool. Personally I've raced all over the galaxy, but my favorite track was on planet Gilgahex. Now those squishies knew how to treat a winner."
"Oh yeah? They give out prizes?" Drag Strip asked; curiosity piqued.
"Of course," Knockout smirked, "On Gilgahex they choose their rulers by racing. I was actually mayor of a small village for a few vorns. Breakdown and I had to leave after we got a call from Bludgeon however. His crew caught some sort of rust plague and we had to sort it out, so a new race was held to replace me. It was pretty nice while it lasted though. Too bad the Gilgax were about as attractive as dishwasher spots. I had several marriage proposals, but Gilgax femmes are just so ugly."
"You're lyin'!" Drag Strip contested, "No way did you conquer part of a planet by racin'!"
"Oh, it's true. I have holovids of the occasion," Knockout replied, "Perhaps after Wildrider's arm is completed we can watch it together."
"No way, I don't wanna see your vacation videos!" Motormaster griped, "Besides, we've got way better stuff from Cybertron!"
"Oh yeah? Like what?" Knockout asked.
"I've got a video of me takin' down a driller with my bare servos!" Motormaster told him proudly.
"Oh! Can we see the holovid of us as sparklings?" Wildrider asked pleadingly, "There's this one where my pedes got stuck in a furnace and melted, so Breakdown made me new ones out of scrap. They didn't look like mine, but they already knew how to walk! Ain't that somethin'?"
"Pedes don't work like-," Knockout almost explained that pedes don't dictate walking ability, but thought better of it when he saw how happy the memory made the big bruiser.
"I have photographs of the last rust infection I ever had on Cybertron. It was on my back struts," Dead End told them; making Knockout want to purge, "I contracted the ailment when a corrupted building crashed on top of me in Helex. I really thought I would die that time."
"You think you'll die every time," Motormaster scoffed dismissively, "Anyway it's not as good as my holovid of-"
"I wanna see the rust photos!" Wildrider interrupted him, "I bet oil gushed out of your armor."
"You were there Wildrider; you should remember," Dead End chided him.
"I'd rather see Knockout's rule of Gilgahex movies," Drag Strip piped up, "Then we can watch my racin' videos from Tarn, Kaon, Helex, Altihex, and that time I jumped a gorge near the Sea of Rust."
"You are obsessed with racing," Dead End remarked haughtily, "Is it a rule that all racers must be self-absorbed?"
"I vote for watching all of them," Knockout suggested, "But Drag Strip's first. I happen to like the action of a good race. Besides, most mechs I meet don't have so many recordings from Cybertron."
"You miss it?" Motormaster asked in a rare moment of almost-concern, "Cybertron I mean."
"Not really," Knockout shrugged, "I was very young during the great exodus. I don't really remember much about Cybertron, and you can't miss what you don't remember."
"You can't?" Wildrider asked worriedly, "But what if I forget Breakdown? I wanna miss Breakdown, and I can't if I forget him!"
"You won't forget him," Knockout reassured him.
"I might!" Wildrider argued frantically, "I forget everythin'! I forgot not to fight with Motormaster, I forgot not to shoot mechs with purple symbols on them, and I even forgot where my room was yesterday! Oh pit, I forgot what Breakdown looks like!"
Wildrider then started screaming and crying, and Knockout didn't know what to do. How did one comfort a giant spiky murder machine that had just admitted to shooting members of his own team? Drag Strip then suddenly knocked Wildrider on the back of his helm, and while Knockout expected Wildrider to attack the smaller mech what happened instead surprised him.
"There, I knocked the sense back into ya," Drag Strip declared, "Now you can remember what Breakdown looks like."
"I can?" Wildrider asked uncertainty.
"Yep," Drag Strip nodded, "What color was his face?"
"Um...orange? No red! No orange!" Wildrider struggled to recall and almost panicked again.
"You're right," Drag Strip quickly replied without clarifying which one was correct, "Now, what color was the rest of him?"
"Uh...blue and...white?" Wildrider guessed.
"Yep," Drag Strip nodded again, and Wildrider's face beamed with joy, "See? No more nonsense. Call me again if you start feelin' stupid, okay?"
"Okay," Wildrider replied agreeably, "So, can we watch the movies now?"
"Sure," Drag Strip smiled, but then with a more demanding glare shouted, "Hey medic! Set up the projector!"
Knockout was caught off guard at being directly addressed after merely being a spectator to that confusing display. He did as he was told, but the previous scene had made him uncomfortable. Judging from Wildrider's behavior, he obviously had a processor glitch that was most likely due to extensive helm trauma, yet Drag Strip would hit him in the helm whenever he wanted to make Wildrider feel better. Nothing about that made any sense, and Knockout was still no closer to understanding how this family dynamic even worked.
It was late at night when Dead End felt someone poking him in the back during his peaceful (until now) recharge. He groaned and huddled further into himself so he wouldn't have to awaken to see who was trying to rouse him from his restful slumber. That didn't work, since he was shoved even harder by whoever had intruded on him in his personal quarters.
"What *yawn* is it?" Dead End asked when he saw Wildrider and Drag Strip standing by his berth with anxious expressions on their face plates.
"We need a ground bridge," Drag Strip whispered.
"Then call Soundwave," Dead End replied unsympathetically; annoyed at having to wake up to their ugly faces.
"We can't do that! He's crazy!" Wildrider exclaimed in a hushed tone of voice; missing the irony of his own statement.
"Dare I ask what is so important that you brought me back to the land of the functional?" Dead End asked wryly, and only then did he notice Wildrider's servos, "And why is Wildrider holding a brown sack with clothes on it?"
"That's his carpool dummy," Drag Strip explained, "I need to buy supplies for the high grade still, but we're in the air. I need a ground bridge so I can go to the store."
"With a carpool dummy?" Dead End asked flatly.
"Yeah, it's real important!" Wildrider insisted.
"Of course. Wouldn't want to face this war sober, now would you?" Dead End remarked sarcastically, "I'm fairly sure your plan is doomed to failure, but it should at least be an entertaining failure. Alright, I'll hack the ground bridge for you."
"Yay!" Wildrider cheered as Dead End forced himself to get up, "We're gonna get overcharged!"
"Yeah, and I'm probably gonna get overcharged by whatever human store I end up shoppin' at," Drag Strip groused as they followed Dead End through the halls.
They walked for several minutes before they found the ground bridge. A Vehicon drone was guarding the room and halted them when they tried to enter.
"Stop!" The Vehicon called out, "Are you on assignment from Megatron?"
"Yes," Dead End lied easily, "Of course if you need further verification you can ask Motormaster. He's in recharge right now, but I'm sure he won't kill you if you wake him."
The Vehicon gulped and then stepped aside for the three brothers. No way was he going to provoke that brute, and that was exactly what Dead End was counting on. Sometimes it did pay to have a monster for a sibling.
The trio then had full access to the ground bridge, and Drag Strip stepped onto a platform and struck a pose that he thought looked heroic. Of course, his cool pose was wasted on his brothers since Wildrider didn't understand what he was doing and Dead End didn't care.
Dead End, wanting revenge for being awakened, set the coordinates of the ground bridge for the least convenient location he could find pre-installed; 20 miles away from a desert town called Jasper, Nevada.
"Have fun, Drag Strip," Dead End said with the slightest hint of a malicious grin.
"Ooh, ooh, ooh! Don't forget the dummy!" Wildrider called out as he handed Drag Strip the makeshift doll.
"Oh I didn't forget, I just can't take you with me," Drag Strip quipped teasingly, "I'll be back before you can say 'Optimus Prime is a pile of scrap'!"
With those words Drag Strip transformed into his motorcycle mode and buckled the dummy into his seat with a seat belt he probably shouldn't have had. He wished he'd sprung for buying a hologram projector back when Cybertron still sold those things, but they were so expensive and the Stunticons were always so broke.
Eh, when life gives you slag, melt it into a distillery. Drag Strip thought before chuckling at his own musings and speeding off down the road into the morning twilight.
Drag Strip was so mad at Dead End. Not only did that burgundy ghoul bridge him to a location that was far away from civilization, but the nearest town he did end up finding didn't have even half the parts he needed. He also had trouble purchasing anything because the dummy didn't have movement capabilities, and there were no drive-thru hardware stores. Ultimately he wasted his entire morning buying nothing, and now he was cruising down the road with the carpool dummy trying to blow off some steam.
"Stupid Dead End...Stupid non-helpful grocery store humans..." Drag Strip grumbled under his breath, "I hope the humans all die, and I hope Dead End lives forever, because that'd really show him..."
Drag Strip saw a green SUV coming up behind him, and he wasn't in the mood to interact with the squishies or their imitation Cybertronians. These vehicles were just like having dolls driving all over the road, and not even the fun kind of doll you could order to explode. Just boring driving dolls.
As Drag Strip sped away he noticed that the dummy fell off him and was instantly run over by the other vehicle that had no time to stop for it. Growling angrily, Drag Strip stopped.
Dang it! That was Wildrider's dummy! Drag Strip thought. He's gonna be so upset when I come back without it. Stupid humans! They'll pay for this!
Meanwhile, Bulkhead and Miko stopped in the middle of the desert road shortly before the yellow motorcycle did.
"Oh, no!" Bulkhead gasped in horror, "Miko, I ran over a human!"
"Dude, he just fell right off that thing!" Miko replied, also shocked and appalled at what just happened, "Do you think he's still alive?"
"I dunno," Bulkhead replied shakily, "Get out and check."
"No way dude! I don't wanna see a mangled corpse. You do it," Miko ordered.
"I can't," Bulkhead insisted.
"No one else is here, Bulk," Miko assured him, "No one will see you."
Just then a shadow fell over them, and Miko looked up to see there was a new transformer standing in front of them with a black visor and a murderous snarl. She also saw the sigil...
"Bulk, Decepticon!" Miko screeched.
"You stupid humans ruined my carpool dummy!" Drag Strip bellowed, "Prepare to get scrapped!"
Bulkhead then transformed with Miko in his hand. He set the girl down gently, and then turned to face the raging yellow Decepticon.
"An Autobot, huh? About fraggin' time!" Drag Strip exclaimed gamely, "I'm gonna make you scream!"
"Huh, yeah, a shrimp like you?" Bulkhead scoffed skeptically, "I don't think so."
Just as they were about to exchange blows, a light clicking sound was heard, and Drag Strip looked down to see a human with a pink cell phone snapping a picture of him.
"Ooh, an admirer," Drag Strip preened as he looked down wolfishly at the human, "I hope you got my good side."
"Actually it was kinda blurry," Miko commented, "Can you hold still so I can do it again?"
"Miko, this is serious!" Bulkhead griped, "This guy is probably dangerous."
"Probably?" Drag Strip asked; offended, "You bet your aft I'm dangerous! That bein' said, I might just forgive the incident this time. Your little human pet obviously has good taste."
"Who are you, anyway?" Bulkhead asked, slightly confused and annoyed.
"The name's Drag Strip," Drag Strip replied with a toothy grin, "Fastest Cybertronian ever built and an important soldier to Megatron's cause. Who are you?"
"Bulkhead," Bulkhead snorted derisively at the 'Con, "Former Wrecker."
"Yeah, I know," Drag Strip replied; the smile never leaving his face plate, "I'm definitely not tellin' the guys about this! If they find out I didn't try to take your helm off they'll have mine instead. That bein' said, how much you want for the human?"
Bulkhead replied by punching Drag Strip in the face, causing the smaller 'Con to fall flat on his back. Drag Strip hazily sat up in time to watch Bulkhead and Miko drive through a ground bridge, and Drag Strip figured he'd better call for one himself before the Autobutts sent reinforcements.