A/N: Oh, how many moons have passed since I've written a single word. Really, many, many moons - like MONTHS of moons. I blame so many things (mostly my own lack of inspiration), but here it is - in the middle of exam week, when I should be studying, an inspiration of the worst kind. Why is is that I'm always writing songfics when I dislike them so much? Oh, well. Enjoy, mis chicas (y chicos? I suppose there are some male-types on this site.) Anywho, poor Booth… how he struggles with his Catholic ideals, his moral inclinations, his strident desire for justice… and his intense desire for his seemingly unattainable partner. Here it is, folks: my return to writing in a one-shot inspired by "Gravity" by John Mayer (which I don't own). I hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer: Sadly, no.
Gravity
Is working against me
And gravity
Wants to bring me down
He sits at the bar, as he has so many nights. He sits, and he watches the beer sloshing against the sides of the bottle, as he has so many nights. The hours after work typically find him here. Drinking away his sorrows in such a cliche way it makes him sick. He can see the scene, technicolor with a dark hue: man, tortured by his past deeds, turns to gambling, eventually drinking. He sighs, knowing the futility of trying to erase what he's done. The other part of him - the masochist, he likes to think of it as - forces him to take another swig of the lovely alcohol. Why is it that the masochist has control so often these days? Even - no, especially - when it comes to her.
He knows. He won't say it, but he knows. Just how much she is to him, everything she shouldn't be. "Partners," "guy hugs" - the words mean nothing to him anymore. "Girlfriend" - now there's a word he hasn't even thought of in months.
Oh, I'll never know
What makes this man
With all the love
That his heart can stand
Dream of ways
To throw it all away
So many opportunities, he's had. He knows it. He's endowed, certainly (oh, in so many ways). But somehow, he can't do it anymore. He can be the "perfect boyfriend", bringing flowers and paying for cabs, but it doesn't mean anything anymore. Because all of his heart is somewhere else entirely. Trapped, really, by her brilliant eyes, her hidden vulnerability, her passion for everything he tries to stand for.
Oh, Gravity
Is working against me
And gravity
Wants to bring me down
Oh, twice as much
Ain't twice as good
And can't sustain
Like one half could
It's wanting more
It's gonna send me to my knees
He has a friend, an amazingly unique and extraordinary friend. Has he ever felt like this before? No. The answer, resoundingly, is no. What if they were to go for more? Would it all fall apart? How would the bickering, nagging, typical relationship… shit, for lack of a better word, ruin them? If there's one thing that scares him, it's losing her. Losing all she is to him because she would see him without the lines, without the boundaries, completely unbridled in the form that he's only let her see a few times since he's known her. Could she handle all that he is? She's strong. God, she's strong. But he can barely stand his own self sometimes. How can he expect her to do the same, day in, day out, when all it comes down to is the two of them? He doesn't want to be the one to break her - and, in the process, break himself.
Oh, twice as much
Ain't twice as good
And can't sustain
Like one half could
It's wanting more
It's gonna send me to my knees
Oh, gravity
Stay the hell away from me
Oh, gravity
Has taken better men than me
Now how can that be?
What is this headfirst free fall he's been going through since he met her? It's like, he sees in her eyes all the things he's thrown away over the years (some to regain, others not) - hope, love, fear, pain, strength, heart. How is it that she can be all of those things? Make him feel like he's losing himself in his past, present, future, falling into those old patterns of slowly causing his own downfall - gambling, killing (government-sanctioned or not)… drinking on nights when he can only see the disappointment he is to his parents, his ex, his son, his superiors… to her.
Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
He can't let himself go for her. He's killing himself, loving so unrequitedly. He knows he has to keep his head above this, remember the logical ramifications of caring for her too much. It's what she would do, after all. Rationalize and deduce and conclude that "romantic relationships are not conducive to an effective working relationship" or something like that.
C'mon keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where, keep me where the light is
"Booth," he hears. Oh, that voice. The one that makes his poor heart leap. He knows how much trouble he's in with her around.
But still, he can't help the smile that spreads across his face as he turns around to see her standing there. And he can't help but think, maybe it's worth the darkness just to be near her light.
Of course it's worth it, you dumbass! Now if only the people who actually own this show could figure that out… Oh, well. Read and review, peeps. [Oooh, now I really want Marshmallow Peeps. A whole box of Marshmallow Peeps to each reviewer! Or Booth. Whichever you prefer. I'm sure I'll be running out of Peeps… ha.
-FR