This Chapter sucks ass. Don't complain. You've been warned.
Bounce!
Wunschkind
"Where are you going Kanda?" Allen asked over his cereal. Kanda had found a job (or so he had said. Allen wasn't sure whether to believe him or not) Kanda merely shrugged and muttered something about work then walked out of the door.
When the door closed Allen threw his bowl of cereal intio the sink unfinished and marched into the bathroom. He was used to Kanda being distant but he figured that since the little incident not too long ago that maybe Kanda wouldn't be such an ass!
Allen looked at himself in the mirror. There wasn't anything special about him, unless if you counted him being cursed. "Why would he want me anyways? He told me he doesn't touch cursed people."
Why then did he feel so miserable a hopeless?
oOoOoOo
Kanda had been working for two weeks and he had still refused to tell Allen where he worked. His life was still ruined but he didn't feel like letting himself be even more humiliated by letting the stupid Bean Sprout knowing where he worked; even if he maybe harbored feelings for the other boy.
No! What was he thinking of course he didn't like Allen like that! It was just a little kiss like those sissy pecks at weddings- No! Allen and weddings do not go in the same thought waves. Even if they were technically married it wasn't like they had consummated it or anything. Then the thought hit him Allen writhing below him.
A blush pierced Kanda's cheeks and he immediately began banging his head against his desk. He had done this without thinking of the 30 wandering eyes that would surely stare at him for this action. Though Kanda had not thought of this all he knew was that he needed to cleanse his mind from these impure thoughts.
Kanda stared back at the class and the class stared back. There was no way in hell that he wanted to do this. It sounded more entertaining to ass-rape himself with Mugen. Kanda mentally cringed at the thought.
"What is a penis?" Kanda asked and stood from his desk. Now they were getting into the reproductive organ anatomy, which was sure to be the most awkward part of this class. Well, until he got to show the STD slideshow or else the birth video.
A short blond raised her hand eagerly in the back, the only one to show any sign of wanting to answer the question. Kanda lazily pointed at her to answer.
"Isn't it a muscle?!" She half yelled with excitement and hyper activeness lacing her voice.
Some of the more mature people had the decency to not laugh while other more immature kids began laughing and each subconsciously looked to the nearest guy to them.
Kanda cocked an eyebrow in annoyance and asked, "Really? And how would you go about exorcising it?" If Kanda were any other person they would not be able to say this with a straight face.
"Masturbation!" A guy yelled.
"Sex! Lots of it!" Another one yelled.
"Lift weights with it!" (1)
Kanda stared at the class. Right now it seemed to Kanda that God had prepared him for this moment by sending Lavi into his life, just so Kanda wouldn't kill these imbeciles on the spot.
"It's an organ," Kanda gritted through his teeth. He wanted nothing more then to strangle each one of them. "Plus masturbation wouldn't exorcise it. It exercises your arms." The last part was said and Kanda immediately regretted it.
"Does that mean that if you only use you're right hand then you'll get a shitload of right arm muscle and your left side would be all wimpy like?" A boy, who had obviously been sleeping in the back for most of the health period, asked with a face that looked sleepy.
"What?" Another boy screamed.
"Alternate hands!"
"But it's not as good with my left!"
"Now that I think of it Professor Badger seems more muscular on his right!"
"Professor Kanda! Is it true?"
There were many reasons why Kanda had not told Allen about his job. Before Kanda thought that he was not innocent he wasn't a virgin, he thought of sex more often then he let on, and he masturbated often… or else he used to then he started sharing a hotel room (which they had bought some weeks back) with Allen. But now that he surveyed his classroom Kanda knew that he may be 18 years old but he was innocent compared to these perverted children.
OOoOoOo
Allen walked through the town and for once let himself mope around. Today Kanda had yet again taken it upon himself to ignore Allen. It shouldn't have bothered Allen this much, but it still did. He was so deep in thought that he didn't even notice that he had passed the store where he was supposed to buy groceries for dinner and quickly took a double take.
Him and Kanda had only been here for a few weeks and they still had not found the innocence. During the briefing, Komui believed that the person who held the innocence would be someone who was integrated with the society. But who could it be? And why did Allen feel as though he had sensed the innocence.
Allen walked into the supermarket and grabbed various items (he purposefully left out Soba noodles though, it wasn't like he was happy with Bakanda!). Allen then stood behind two women in the line and bored fully listened to the women's conversation.
"Did you hear about the new teacher at the High School?" One excitedly whispered. The other woman gave a menacing glare that clearly showed her distaste over something.
"My son came running home and asked his father if it was true that if you," she paused blushing, "do certain activities with one hand if your muscle's would be different on your right arm rather than your left."
The other woman was biting back a laugh and Allen couldn't help but feel amused. "They probably got him from some bar, you know what happened to the other sex ed teacher."
"I hope that professor Kanda will be better."
Allen froze. Did they just say professor Kanda? No, it must have been his imagination. "Um, excuse me," The women looked at Allen in acknowledgement. "Did you just say Kanda?"
"Yes, Mr. Yuu Kanda. He is one of the new teachers, why?"
Allen rushed a 'I thought I recognized the name, my bad' excuse. Paid for his things and noticed that it was 11: 05, which meant that he had plenty of time to confirm if whether he heard was true or not.
OOoOo
"For the last time!" Kanda yelled "It's not a Christmas wreathe or a crown, it's genital warts!" Kanda then began to circle the drawing and relining it as if he were trying to convince the class (It wasn't like he drew STD's –cough excuse me- STI's for a living… well now he kind of did, but he didn't have to be proud of it!).
"Since it's Flint's birthday you should give her a genital warts crown!"
oOoOo
Allen stood outside of a door that was clearly labeled W3 (what kind of screwed up school has south, west, north, and east wings?). He was a little apprehensive about entering the classroom and had bought Soba noodles specially so Kanda wouldn't kill him too bad.
Allen checked himself over, made sure that his fake breasts were in place then opened the door and the first thing that he heard when he entered the classroom was unexpected.
"It's a Penis and those are Genital Warts! What about Penis and Genital warts do you not understand," the dry erase marker in Kanda's hand broke from his furry and now black ink was splotched everywhere including on Allen even though Allen stood feet away (not even Kanda had noticed Allen's presence yet).
Kanda turned and stared at Allen when Allen began spluttering. The rest of the classroom, like conformists, let their attentions also wander to the white haired boy who looked freakishly female (though the class thought Allen female because Allen was dressed up like a female).
OooOoOo
(1) American Pie fans will appreciate that one! Naked Mile was funny not as good as American Wedding, though.
Normally I wasn't going to update for at least one more week maybe two, so be glad you got a chapter no matter how short it is. Damn these AP exams. May 8 I have THE AP European History exam PLUS I have an AP Euro final! Yeah by Wednesday I have to make sure that I have 500 years of history MEMORIZED then take a college level exam even though I'm 15 and dumb!
Also note that I am trying to LESSEN the amount of OC's. OC's piss me off….
Maybe thinking about starting another fic…. Bleh. Uchihacest (aka ItaSasu) –nosebleed- or NaruSasu –lesser nosebleed- (I hate Naruto with a fiery passion, but the ff are fun!)
HAPPY BELATE B-DAY FLINT!