Best Summer Ever – Chapter Three (Part Two)
They were sitting on the couch downstairs in Rachel's basement, the infamous "performance room," complete with stage and state of the art karaoke machine, when Rachel broke the news of her summer plans for attending theater camp with Tina to Kurt. She had hoped to soften the blow with a pitcher of freshly-made lemonade and a batch of her famous "I'm Sorry" cookies, but the way he sighed heavily and shook his head let her know that her plan had not succeeded.
"Theater camp again, Rachel?" Kurt whined. He had an eyebrow raised and an expression of hurt on his otherwise angelic face. "When was the last time you spent an entire summer at home, hanging out with your best friend, otherwise known as moi?"
"Kurt, I truly am sorry, but you of all people should know that an aspiring performer must take every opportunity to hone his or her craft to become the best they can be if they hope to reach the lofty heights of a Bernadette Peters, a Patti LuPone, a – yes, I'll say it – a Barbra Streisand, one day," she pleaded, hoping to appeal to the boy's own inner diva. He shared her dream of singing and dancing on a Broadway stage, but evidently he lacked her dedication, choosing to waste precious time on just "hanging around" during the summer (his own private studies at the Lima Community Theater notwithstanding) instead of attending this prestigious camp with her.
He was having none of it - although she noticed that didn't keep him from eating the cookies and drinking the lemonade – shaking his head and huffing exasperatedly at her once more.
"Oh, Rachel, come on. You have vocal and dance lessons all through the school year, plus Glee, and before you started going to theater camp, you had no problem keeping your voice in shape during the summer while still having time for your friends. So I don't buy the explanation that this is just about your future as a performer." He paused, and a slight smirk spread across his face. "No, I think this is about something else. Or...someone else, I should say."
Rachel tried to keep her face free of expression at this, but the blush that rose to her cheeks told Kurt that he had clearly struck a nerve.
"I would be...less than truthful, if I were to say that the opportunity to spend a concentrated amount of time with Tina, free of the distractions presented by, say, Mike or Artie, was not a factor in this, Kurt - but it's not just about that. Not for me, and not for Tina, either. You may not realize this, but she's every bit as ambitious as we are, and it just so happens that she has come to the conclusion that she wants to develop her talents and abilities to their fullest extent. I, for one, applaud her for choosing to focus on that, and will encourage and support her one hundred percent. And you should, too."
Kurt's expression changed from one of smug self-satisfaction to one of guilt during the course of his best friend's rant. Rachel had been unfairly labeled as a selfish diva at times, but he should have known that she truly had Tina's best interests at heart, even if she happened to benefit from her choice in the process.
"All right, all right. I believe you. I get that it's not just about getting Tina alone, but you have to admit that it was a pretty big shock to everybody when you got together with her. Honestly, we all thought you were crushing on Quinn, and then, out of nowhere – bang! Tina and Mike break up, and the next thing we know, you're sitting together at the Lima Bean and making out over your soy lattes."
Rachel giggled, a dreamy, far-away haze in her eyes as she remembered those first few dates with Tina. She blinked to clear her head and re-focus on the here and now with Kurt, but before she could speak, he began once again.
"So, dish. Tell me how you two got together. You know I should be angry with you for not telling me about it anyway when it first started, but I'll let you off the hook if you spill now," he said, the penetrating gaze of his blue eyes locked directly on hers. He took a sip of his lemonade, then set the glass back on the little folding table where Rachel had placed the pitcher and the plate of cookies. "Did you kiss first and then go out on a date, or was it the other way around?"
"A lady never kisses and tells, Kurt...but I have to admit I've been dying to talk about this new and exciting relationship with you. I just didn't want to...I don't know, jinx it somehow, by mentioning it too soon, while it was so new." Kurt nodded, encouraging her to go on. "It's still new, of course, the relationship itself, but the feelings aren't. As it turns out, we both had feelings for each other well before we actually got together, but neither of us knew how the other felt. She was involved with Mike even as she began to realize how she felt about me, and I was...did you say everyone thought I had a crush on Quinn?"
Kurt nodded in affirmation. He felt badly for his best friend's obvious discomfort over this revelation, but he knew that it was important for her to talk about it, both for her own sake and for that of her new relationship. She had to achieve closure regarding whatever feelings she'd once had – maybe even still had – for Quinn, in order for things to blossom and grow with Tina.
She hesitated, biting her lip and wringing her hands nervously, reluctant to confess aloud what had apparently been obvious to the Glee Club all along. She knew it was silly, this reticence, and so she decided to just power through it, as all good performers must when confronted with nerves and sudden insecurity.
Still, her voice was quiet, almost a murmur, when she finally spoke again. "I did, for a time. Longer than I care to admit, actually. But it became clear to me, as Quinn and I became friends, that the level of attraction was not mutual. That was...difficult. So I chose to distance myself a little from Quinn, not spend quite as much time with her, to ease things a little. That led me to rely more on Tina. I spent a lot of time on the phone with her at first, and then we started hanging out at each other's houses...and soon I began to realize the things about her that I'd sort of pushed to the back of my mind while I'd been so..." she paused, looking for the right word, continuing when she had it. "So caught up with Quinn."
The familiar ache was there in Rachel's chest whenever she thought of Quinn returned, but it was a dull echo of what it had once been, having slowly but surely replaced by the warmth that filled her heart as her mind turned to thoughts of Tina.
Kurt smiled as he saw the progression of emotions on Rachel's face, from remembered pain and sadness to new-found wonder and joy. She had never been able to keep her feelings far from the surface, and he was particularly adept at reading them. Some people thought he was nosy, a gossip hound, inquisitive only for the purpose of getting juicy details to snicker over with Mercedes, but that wasn't true at all. He asked questions in order to better understand his friends, to gauge their motivations, their sincerity, their true feelings, so that if ever they needed his help, he would know exactly what to say and do.
"What things, exactly?" he asked, gently prodding. When he saw the look of incomprehension in Rachel's eyes, he prompted her again. "You said that there were things about Tina that you had noticed, but pushed to the back of your mind. What things were those?"
"Oh," she breathed, as though he had startled her, but she quickly regained her composure and answered him. "Yes. Well, there were many things. Simple ones, at first. Her smile, for example. While it may not possess the movie star-like quality of Quinn's smile, it's more open, genuine and honest. When Tina smiles, it's like her whole body does too, and it radiates so much warmth, and I just want to feel that warmth around me all the time. And her laugh is the same way, so inviting and contagious. Those two things led me to think more and more about how pretty she is. Again, not movie star gorgeous like Quinn, or even Santana, but a more interesting, exotic kind of beauty. Once I allowed myself to see it, I couldn't stop thinking about it."
She paused then, to lift her glass of lemonade to her lips and drink down about a third of it in one long gulp. A small, apologetic smile crossed her face before it returned to its previous pensive state. "Sorry. I was a little parched there. So - the more time I spent with her, the more I wanted to be around her. She...she just captivated me. She's so gentle, and so kind. Whenever I would vent to her about the injustice or idiocy of the day, whether it was Mr. Schue, or Azimio, or Karofsky, she would just listen and hold my hand, never judging, always understanding."
Kurt wanted to interrupt her then, to remind her that he had always done the same thing for her, but he knew better than to try to stop a Rachel Berry ramble in full flight. So he said nothing and let her continue.
"And then, sometimes, she would say something, or make a suggestion, and suddenly, with only a few words, she would get me to look at things in a way I'd never even considered before. I don't know how she does it, Kurt, but she has this amazing ability to cut through to the heart of things, to make me think entirely differently from one moment to the next. Honestly, she's most likely the most intelligent person I've ever met! And oh, Kurt, she's so funny. She makes me laugh so much. And did you know that in addition to being a fantastic singer and a gifted dancer, she's a talented visual artist as well? Ask her to draw something for you sometime. You'll be quite surprised, I assure you. Every time I'm with her, I learn something new about her, and it just makes me feel...fascinated. Yes. That's the word. She fascinates me, not because she's a mystery like Quinn has always been, but because she's so open to sharing things about herself, and there's so much to share. It's like discovering a whole new world every day. I'm telling you, it's a shame that more people haven't taken the time to get to know her as I have, Kurt, it really is, because she's an absolutely amazing person."
Kurt was enthralled at seeing so much genuine emotion and enthusiasm about something other than Broadway musicals pouring out of Rachel; it was startling, amusing, and altogether endearing. Her passion was always the thing that made people either love her or hate her, but it couldn't be ignored. And this? This was a previously unknown dimension of passion.
Or could it be – dare he even think the word – love? He needed to know more, but the question he wanted to ask was one he knew might be dangerous ground on which to tread.
"What happened between her and Mike? Did you – I mean, did she – they didn't break up because of you, did they?"
Rachel froze. Her spine stiffened, and the happy look on her face vanished, replaced by a complex expression of emotion that Kurt couldn't quite place. He thought he saw anger there, for only a moment, and something else. Not guilt, or shame, but...more like disappointment. Not the kind of disappointment he'd seen in her face when she didn't get a solo in Glee, or when she only got an A-minus on a test when she'd been certain she'd get an A or an A-plus. No, this was a deeper disappointment, a hurt, an expression of bewilderment that seemed to ask how she'd gotten something so wrong somehow, in the midst of something so right.
She got up from the couch, then reached for a cookie, bit into it. It didn't taste the same now as it had before.
"I...I don't think that's my story to tell, Kurt. I can only say that it was an...unfortunate situation, unpleasant for everyone involved. I truly feel badly for Michael, despite the happiness that Tina and I have found subsequent to their break-up. He's a really good guy, he really is...he'll get over it and move on." She paused, listening to Kurt's quiet breathing and the sound of her own heart beating in her chest, each tap against her rib cage a syllable. Ti. Na. Ti. Na. "Eventually."
Kurt rose from the couch, stepped towards Rachel. He opened his arms, beckoning Rachel into them. As he held her, she remembered her words to Tina and swore to herself that she was going to make them come true. This really was going to be the best summer ever. No matter what.