"This is your bedroom" Ruth and Annie walk them to their room. Quinn walks around in awe. There is a giant bed, a couch, long beautiful windows and a balcony.
"Wow, this is so beautiful. And the view, wow."
"And here's the bed!" Annie exclaims. Quinn turns around.
"Wow, fabulous bed. Fabulous. So uh, where is Puck's room?"
"Oh sweetheart, we're not living in the 50's and you guys aren't teenagers. He'll sleep in here with you." They all laugh; Quinn feels a little sick.
"Oh great, cause we, we love to snuggle. Don't we love?"
"Huge snugglers"
"Okay well if you need anything, towels or whatever there are extra linens and things in here" She opens up the armoire.
"And if you get chilly tonight use this!" Annie pulls out a long, thick blanket. "It has special powers."
"Oh what kind of special powers?"
"I call it the Babymaker" Annie says.
"Okay then," Quinn hands the blanket to Puck.
"Well, we're gonna turn in, it's been quite an evening. So goodnight, sleep well."
"Good-night. And thank you for everything, again."
-"So you haven't been home in a while." Quinn calls from the bathroom. Puck is in the bedroom laying out blankets on the floor.
"Haven't had a lot of vacation days."
"Oh, stop complaining." The door creeks open a crack. "Don't look okay?"
"OK."
"Are your eyes closed?"
"Yes" Puck's eyes are opened. Quinn tip-toe runs out of the bathroom and to her bed. She is wearing a silk pair of shorts and matching tank top.
"Those are the pajamas you decided to bring?"
"Well I thought I'd be alone in a hotel room."
"Can we just go to sleep?"
"Yep." Quinn settles into the bed. She closes her eyes and lay down for a moment. The sun is still streaming into the bedroom, as it does this late in Alaska. She is trying to adjust to the six pillows and huge, perfectly made bed. She tosses and moves around for a few seconds.
"Well, looks like I won't be getting any sleep with the sun streaming in my face." Puck clicks a button on the remote in his hand and curtains begin to move and blinds begin to close completely on their own. She clears her throat, "Thank you"
-The phone begins to ring and Quinn's head pops up from in between two pillows. Her hair is a complete mess.
"Puck." He doesn't answer. "Puck. Phone. Puck!" She sits up and bangs her head on the headboard. "Shit, Puck. Phone. Puck the phone." She is whispering this entire time. "PUCK!"
"Yeah, right."
"Puck. Where is it?!"
"Purse. Side pocket." He is still laying on the floor, eyes sealed shut. Quinn reaches for her purse and falls off the bed. She quickly gets up and grabs her phone.
"Hello. Hello? Hello." She paces around. "Finn! Finn. Are you there, hello?!" She starts yelling, "I have horrible service, Finn just one minute!"
"OH MY GOD, QUINN." Puck abruptly sits up and Quinn starts whispering again.
"Finn? Hello?" The line goes dead and Quinn throws her phone across the room. It breaks. "Shit"
"What are you doing?" Puck says from the floor.
"I don't even know anymore." Quinn sits on the bed and sighs. Her head is in her hands and she is shaking her head.
"Come on, get dressed, we have some work to do." Quinn looks at him confused. "You know, this immigration thing"
"Right"
-After getting dressed in jeans and a sweater, Quinn joins the family for breakfast. Puck, Ruth and Annie are all seated at the table eating pancakes, eggs, fruit and bacon.
"Quinn! Sit, sit." Ruth gestures to the chair next to Puck.
"Oh thank you."
"How'd you two sleep?" They look at each other hesitantly.
"Lovely. Thank you." Quinn says before reaching for the bowl of fruit.
"Do I have any grandchildren yet?" Annie blurts out and Quinn drops the spoon onto her plate.
"Sorry, sorry." She shakes her head and picks up the spoon.
"Not yet Grams." Puck pushes it aside and grabs the bowl away from Quinn.
"So Quinn, tell us about yourself." Quinn is pushing the fruit around her plate.
"Um, what would you like to know?"
"Anything. Where you're from? Will we meet your family? What's your favorite food? I don't know."
"Um, sure. I grew up in Toronto and came to America to go to school. Well my family is dead, well my mom is…my dad could be, I wouldn't know because we haven't spoken in over 10 years. Favorite food? I don't know bacon? Although I try to avoid it at all costs." Everyone at the table is left speechless. Quinn pops a few grapes into her mouth, unaware of how affected everyone is.
"Wow, Quinn I'm so sorry about your family." She looks up from her plate and sees the emotion in Ruth's eyes.
"Oh, no. No no, it's really okay. I was young when everything happened. I'm okay." She smiles, although her heart still hurts thinking about it.
-Puck and Quinn are on the porch. Puck's family insisted on giving them some alone time. Puck grabs the packet of questions he brought with him.
"Okay, let's start. There's a lot to cover so we'll do a section a day." Quinn sips her tea and nods her head.
"I want to ask you these questions too, because I doubt you know EVERYTHING about me. And we should be prepared, just in case."
"Fair enough." He sits back in his chair. "Full name, Birthplace and Date of Birth? Do you wanna take this one Ice Queen or should I?"
"After you."
"Lucy Quinn Fabray, born in Toronto, Canada and you were born April 30th 1987."
"Okay, well that was an easy one. Now you answer because I obviously have no clue."
"Noah Elijah Puckerman. Born in Sitka, Alaska on August 8th 1988."
"Hm..only one year younger. Interesting."
"What holidays do we celebrate together?"
"Well I know well enough that Puckerman is a Jewish name."
"And I know that you are a devout Christian and you wear a cross almost everyday and hide it." Quinn looks shocked.
"I don't even know how you know these things and quite frankly, I don't think I want to know."
"So we celebrate both holidays?"
"Sure. Although if it comes up, we are raising our kids Christian."
"Oh there's just no way."
"The 8 pound human comes out of my vagina, therefore, I make the decisions." Puck thinks about it for a second.
"Fair enough. Our imaginary babies will be Christian. Although it pains me"
"Oh get over it"
"What time do you and your spouse arrive home from work?"
"I'm home at 8:30."
"I'm home around 9:00"
"So late?"
"Well, you make me stay until your out and then I have to take a bus and two trains so yes, that late." Quinn slowly nods.
"What is your annual salary?"
"Well, I know this one. Finally."
"As do I."
"Oh yeah? How would you know that?"
"You make me deposit the check."
"Right."
"Yeah, Ms. $110,000"
"Oh please, your $35,000 is generous."
"How many cars do you have?"
"None."
"Yeah, same."
"What TV shows do you watch together? Hmm..this will be fun."
"I only watch one show. And it's a guilty pleasure and you can't make fun."
"This is so exciting for me."
"Forget it."
"Oh come on, just tell me."
"No."
"Tell me."
"I will not." Puck leans over and starts tickling her sides.
"Tell me!" Quinn is wiggling and laughing so hard.
"Okay! Okay! I'll tell you!"
"Awesome." She closes her eyes tight.
"The Bachelor." Puck starts cracking up and Quinn punches his arm.
"Ugh, the woman who has no time at all for love watches a show about finding love and ohh I get it." Quinn looks away and Puck clears his throat.
"Uh, Favorite food? Steak for me" Quinn lightly laughs.
"Typical."
"Hmm, who does the cooking? That'd be me."
"Oh come on, I can cook."
"No, you can't" She rolls her eyes.
"Since we're living with you…what size is your bed?"
"Queen."
"For all the prostitutes that stay the night?"
"Next question."
"Electrical or regular tooth brush? I have regular."
"As do I."
"Okay, that's good for now."
"Thank God."
"Now give me a hug, they're watching" Puck nods his head at the window.
"No."
"Bring it in"
"No, please no." Puck pulls her in.
"There we go. Yeah that's nice." Puck rubs her back. He moves his hand to rub her ass.
"You touch my ass one more time I will cut your balls off in your sleep. Okay?"
"Yeah."
"Great."
"Now, Grams and my mom want to take you out for a surprise, so get your stuff together."
"No, please I hate surprises."
"Aw, that's a shame. You're going."
-Annie and Ruth take Quinn to a bar. They walk in, it's a little dark and Quinn is squinting to find an empty table. All of a sudden a spotlight is shining on Quinn and she stops walking. She turns around to look for Ruth and Annie but they're nowhere to be found. Two men come down off the stage and grab Quinn's arms. They carry her onto the stage, sit her down in a chair, and start dancing and stripping.
She looks out into the crowd, bringing her hand up to block out the bright spotlight. She sees Annie, Ruth and Rachel at a small table dancing and jumping up and down. One of the strippers puts a veil headband on Quinn's head.
-After about ten minutes the strippers finally let her leave the stage. She goes out back for some air. She takes the veil off her head and fixes her hair. The back door swings open and Rachel walks out.
"Hey! There you are! How you doing?"
"Oh fine, fine. Just…working on my tan." Quinn jokes and they both lightly laugh.
"Yeah, the Puckermans can be a bit overwhelming at times. You'll get used to it."
"Yeah"
"It's a little different from New York, huh?"
"Little bit, ever been?"
"No. No way. That was always Puck's dream. Not mine."
"You guys were pretty serious, huh?"
"Well I mean we dated in high school and all through college, but we were just kids."
"And you guys called it off because Puck wanted to go to New York?"
"Well uh, the night before we graduated, he proposed. He said he wanted to elope and run off to New York City together and…"
"You said 'no'."
"Yeah, I said 'no'. I've never been anywhere but here. This is home." Quinn looks out at the view. "But, anyway…you're a lucky girl. Puck is truly the best. Which, I'm sure you already know." Rachel takes a swig of her beer.
"Oh, yep. Yeah I do."
"Well, cheers to you guys."
"Oh, uh…" Quinn picks up her empty plastic cup and clinks Rachel's beer. "Thank you."
-Ruth, Annie and Quinn are walking back to the house. From a far they see Puck chopping wood with an ax. His headphones are in and music is blasting.
"Oh no, Puck! Puck, honey is everything OK?" Ruth yells
"What's he…What's he doing?" Quinn asks Annie, a bit confused and concerned.
"Best to leave him be when he's like that. Come on, honey." Quinn lifts up her sunglasses to get a better look. Puck is going to town on a stump of wood, pieces flying everywhere.
The girls get into the house and Ruth marches into the living room where Puck's dad, Joe, is watching TV. She turns off the television and stands in front of him.
"Why is Puck out there axing the life out of that log again?" Quinn is standing there awkwardly, pretending to look around the house.
"Well maybe he's planning on actually building something this time." Joe says while looking for the remote. Quinn cuts in wanting to remove herself from this conversation, which she sees unfolding into an argument.
"Wow, I am so tired. I think I'm gonna go upstairs and take a shower."
"Sure" Ruth nods and smiles.
"I had a great day today, so thank you." She walks away, slowly.
"What did you do?" Ruth turns back to her husband.
"I didn't do anything, I mean I just had a short and brief conversation about his future."
"Oh, well that's a great idea. That's just a great idea, Joe because he will never come back home now." Quinn is lingering in the kitchen, trying her best to listen but not be seen or heard. "He is my son and I only get to see him every three years because of you. All because of you. I've had enough." The little white Maltese spots Quinn and starts barking. "You are gonna be supportive of…" The dog continues to bark.
"Shhhh!"
"marrying Quinn and that's the end of it." The dog is barking more and more.
"Shh…shh!" Quinn runs away to her bedroom.
"You are gonna fix this Joe!" Ruth yells. Puck walks in from the other room, music blasting. He walks to the bedroom.
-Quinn shuts the shower off. The bathroom is steamy and she can't see much.
"Where's a towel?" She says to herself. She gets out of the shower and prances around the bathroom looking everywhere for a towel. "Towel…towel…towel" She says softly. She picks up a bath glove she finds on the sink. "Is this all they have for a towel? I can't dry with this, this is ridiculous." She starts drying off her face with the glove.
In the bedroom, Puck still has his headphones in. He opens the linen closet, which makes a noise.
"Hello?" Quinn yells from the bathroom. "Hello?" She walks closer to the bathroom door to see if she can hear anything.
Puck grabs a towel from the linen closet and walks outside onto the balcony. Quinn opens the bathroom door and sees the linen closet wide-open, towels neatly folded inside.
"Oh!" She covers her boobs with her hands and her privates with the bath glove. She tip toes out of the bathroom, trying not to make a noise or get water anywhere. The dog comes in and starts barking again. "Oh, oh, oh. No, no, no no." The dog chases her back into the bathroom, "Just shoo, I'm sorry." The dog won't let her get out, barking and jumping at her. "Let me just get a towel, please." She is pushed back and sitting on the bathtub as the dog barks from outside the door. "Come on, I'm sorry for eavesdropping back there, just let me get a towel."
Puck is on the balcony facing the beautiful view, music on high volume. He takes off his shirt, revealing his abs and v-line.
"Go away, go away" Quinn is whisper shouting at the dog.
Puck puts his iPod into his mouth to hold and takes off his pants.
"You know what, hold on." Quinn walks to the sink and plugs in her blow dryer. She puts it on and points it at the dog. "Yeah, that's right." The dog slowly backs away. "How you like that, huh?" The dog is still barking and Quinn is still holding her boobs in her hand. "Take it, take it. That's right, that's what I'm talking bout, you like that?" The dog takes one more step back and then lay down, and stops barking. "Oh, you really do actually like that, don't you?"
Puck pulls his boxers down and hangs the sweaty clothes on a chair on the balcony.
"Come here, come to mama." Quinn slides the bathmat towards the barking dog. "That's right, get on the carpet." The dog takes one step onto the mat. "That's a good boy! Yes, good boy. Come on!" The dog walks completely on the mat and lay down, Quinn slides the mat behind her and runs for the door, closing it behind her.
Puck walks inside, naked and walks directly into a very naked Quinn. They sandwich together and slide to the ground.
"What the?! What the hell?" Puck shouts.
"Oh my God, oh my god! Why are you naked?!"
"Oh my God! Why are you wet?!"
"Oh my God, don't look at me, don't look at me!" They roll off each other in different directions.
"I don't understand what is going on!"
"Why are you naked! DON'T look at me!" Quinn is trying to cover everything she can while bouncing backward behind the bed. Puck is hunched over by the closet. "Oh my God, you're showing everything, you're showing everything! Cover it up for the love of God!" Puck stands up and wraps the towel he was holding around his waist. Quinn makes is safely behind the bed and grabs the first blanket she sees. "Oh God not the Babymaker!" She throws it across the room and grabs another blanket. "Explain yourself, please!"
"Explain myself?!" He whisper-shouts.
"Yes, explain yourself."
"I was outside!" He points to the balcony.
"Oh really, and you didn't hear me?"
"I was listening to…what are you even doing home?!"
"What?!"
"Then you just jump me out of nowhere?! What's that about?!"
"Oh come on, I did not mean to jump you! Your dog was attacking me and I had to run and I ran into you!" She is making obscene hand gestures while crouching behind the bed.
"Attacking?"
"You know what…just go!" She points toward the door. "GO!"
"Fine" He puts his hands up to surrender.
"Go take a shower, you stink!"
"Fine!"
"Nice tattoo by the way."
"What?" She covers her lower back. Puck opens the bathroom door and the dog comes out barking and leaves the room.
"See! See, exactly! Did you see that?!"
"Woah! Barely made it out alive there!" He says sarcastically. "See the size of the teeth on that thing!" He closes the door behind him and Quinn shoves her face down onto the bed.