A/N: Another chapter revised. Updated 1/8/2011.
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell or any character associated with Roswell.
Chapter: 4 What I Really Meant To Say…
What I really meant to say
Is that I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
I never meant to be so cold
I never meant to be
So cold…
Max stood outside of Liz's classroom a silent voyeur as she put away various school supplies used during the course of her day. This was his first glimpse of her in nine years, seven months, and eighteen days. And yeah, his knowing that fact was all kinds of creepy and weird, not to mention sad and pathetic on multiple levels.
Still, Max used this brief moment in time to examine her from head to toe. And maybe it was unfair of him, but what the hell, life was unfair. He knew that better than anyone.
So Max watched her as she moved gracefully from desk to closet putting books away. He took note of her profile, the slenderness of her body and how it had changed very little over the years.
But changed it had.
Liz had always been petite. Now, she looked positively fragile. Her jeans rode loosely around her tiny hips, and her red bottom down sweater hung from her tiny shoulders like a table cloth. Upon closer inspection, Max noted the paleness of her face. She looked completely washed out. If he didn't know any better, if he didn't know Liz any better, he'd suspect her of being anorexic. But that was the point. He didn't know Liz. Not anymore. If he ever had.
The doctor in him was quickly silenced as Liz looked up, and they both froze. Seriously, cause his life was just that damned melodramatic. Like some silly assed soap opera, only Max didn't know his lines.
Liz fought the urge to throw up as she stared into Max's amber colored eyes. She thought she was prepared for this meeting, this moment. Well not really prepared, but at the very least resigned. Not so much. What she felt was the nagging ache of loss and the burning taste of bitterness. To be faced with the only man she had ever loved, and to know that she would never get to have him was pure torture. Anyone willing to subject themselves to this type of mental agony was the textbook definition of crazy, or either a masochist. Liz was neither.
"Please come in and have a seat Mr. Evans," she said quietly, needing this meeting to be over and done.
If this was how she wanted to play, so be it, Max thought as he strode into the room his face like stone.
With deliberate calm, Liz gestured for Max to take a seat across from her desk. Once they were both seated, she tried to find the best way to broach the subject. How did she talk to him about his daughter without seeming petty or vindictive?
She studied him from beneath her lashes while idly shuffling tests papers around on her desk. This was Liz's first glimpse of Max in nearly ten years, and no matter how painful, she couldn't look away.
Max watched Liz watching him as he watched her. And once again, the doctor in him reared its ugly head. He couldn't help but notice the dark shadows under her beautiful brown eyes. She looked tired. She looked more than tired, she looked…
Liz cleared her throat then began to speak. "As you know Mr. Evans, the purpose of this meeting is to discuss your daughter—Margret," Liz paused as the word daughter stuck in her throat. Making her expression as blank as possible she continued on, "I thought you should be made aware that Margret has been less than attentive since the start of the school year. She refuses to complete assignments or to turn in homework. At first I thought she might need some extra help. When I broached her about the subject, let's just say her behavior was both rude and disrespectful."
Liz sighed and shook her head sadly before meeting Max's eyes. "I put off speaking with you about it because I knew this meeting between us," Liz gestured with her hand, "would be awkward and painful. But that was wrong of me. My first priority as an Educator is to my student, not my own personal feelings. I apologize for that. But this thing with Margaret can't be allowed to continue. I—"
Liz stopped speaking as Max rose angrily to his feet. The look of contempt on his face had her eyes widening in shock.
"Max…"
Max raised his hand immediately silencing her. Then, "Are you really that twisted and bitter that you'd take it out on an innocent child? My child?" He emphasized and Liz felt like she'd been knifed in the chest.
Staring at Max in disbelief she asked, "Are you—are you accusing me of making this up?"
Why not, Max thought. Tess used to make things up all the time. By the end she'd been so inventive, Max questioned if Maggie was even…no, he wouldn't go there. "I think you have your own agenda," Max finally said in answer to Liz's question. "Like using my kid to get back at me for marrying Tess instead of you."
That was the most hurtful thing Max had ever said to Liz. Did he really know her so little? "I would never deliberately hurt a child. Especially a child of yours," Liz said in a strangled voice.
"What about a child of Tess's?" Max asked spitefully. He flinched inwardly when Liz made a sound like a wounded animal. Still, something egged him on. "I bet it just about kills you that Maggie is my child with Tess. A child that could have been yours if you weren't such a liar and a cheat." He stopped when Liz swayed and all the color leeched from her face. Moving quickly he reached out a hand to steady her.
Liz shrugged away from him as tears ran down her face. "Don't touch me!"
Max lowered his hand nodding stupidly, and wished for a do over. "Liz…" he began then stopped. There were not enough words in the English language to excuse his behavior, nor to make up for the battered look on Liz's face.
"Don't say another word," Liz managed to get out while fighting a bout of nausea. "Judging by what you just said to me, you never really knew me at all. And I definitely didn't know and don't know you." Liz stopped to run a shaky hand across her forehead. She'd broken out in a cold sweat. Whether it was due to her argument with Max or something else she didn't know. "I'll speak with principle Whitman about changing Margaret's class," she said her voice devoid of any emotion. "Now if you'll please excuse me, I have several tests to grade." Liz glanced pointedly at the door and waited for Max to leave.
When Max was gone Liz sank into her chair and rested her clammy forehead against the surface of her desk. She wanted to believe her symptoms were a result of arguing with Max but she knew better. At this rate, it wouldn't be long before she'd have to tell her father the truth. And what about Max? What did she do about him? He still didn't know the truth about what happened all those years ago. Did he even deserve to know? More importantly, did it even matter now?
By the time Max reached his car he was literally choking on remorse and shame. Climbing quickly inside, he sped from the parking lot. He felt like a criminal fleeing a scene. And as the guilt from his confrontation with Liz ate at his soul, he was determined to get to the bottom of this thing with Maggie. He hadn't exaggerated when he told Liz that Maggie was as much Tess's child as his. He'd caught her in several lies over the years. And just like Tess she craved constant attention. Had he stopped even for a moment to think about this, he would have never blown up at Liz the way he had.
Or would he?
Max didn't even know anymore. The hateful words that had flown so fast and furious from his mouth came from dark place that resided inside him. And as much as he wanted to lay the blame solely at Tess's door he couldn't. Liz was the one who'd closed the coffin. Tess had merely nailed it shut. Discovering Liz in bed with Kyle all those years ago had wounded Max in ways he'd yet come to terms with.
And over the years those wounds had festered. Without an outlet, it was not so surprising that his pent up anger and rage had exploded all over Liz. Still…the look on her face. Till his dying day Max would never be able to forget nor forgive himself for it.
"God!" Max swore softly as he pulled into the garage of his home. As if his life weren't—fucked up enough, he now had to go in there and confront Maggie. To find out once and for all if she was her mother's daughter.