A rather angsty chapter.
I don't own any of KFP characters or locations.
It was still dark and Tigress was lying on her bedroll in her room. She hadn't managed to fall asleep again, worrying about the future of the Palace. She didn't know how many hours had passed since she had lain down in her clothes late at night. And she still couldn't get used to that new situation.
What should I do as the leader of the Five?...
Should I start to treat them and Po like my students?
I can't demand some special respect after being one of the Five for so many years...
She turned on her side.
Should I take over the duties of the Grand Master?..
Is Shifu expecting it from me?..
I don't want him to think that I just waited to take his title after being denied the Dragon Scroll.
But they still need someone to lead them..
Shifu doesn't care about the Jade Palace anymore...
Not that it's surprising... but we can't slack off for too long.
Something has ended...
I'll never see him waiting in the corridor for us.
The feline couldn't imagine the hell the red panda was going through; to be imprisoned in his own body and to need someone's special care continually. She tried not to cry but it was very difficult when she realised the situation better.
What if he doesn't intend to return to his duties in any way?..
He surely wants to die.
Tigress closed her eyes, remembering everything she had seen in the red panda's face lately. And she remembered only that agony she couldn't ease to help him no matter what she did. She was certain - he didn't want to live anymore.
And maybe it would be better for him...
...to be dead...
She hadn't heard the rest of the Five wake up and go into the corridor; the gong hadn't rung even once since that fight and its consequences. She had told the servants not to use the gong for some time because she didn't want to make Shifu feel that his absence didn't matter.
Someone knocked quietly on her door.
"Tigress?" Monkey's voice came from behind the door. "Are you asleep?"
She opened her eyes. It was too late to fall asleep, even if she wasn't planning to train that day. "I'm getting up!"
This moment had to occur someday and Shifu, although he had accepted the fact that Po would be caring for him from now on, was still scared to death by the vision of him being treated like a baby and exactly like a baby.
Everytime he thought of taking a bath he remembered why he had wanted to die and why his death wouldn't be so bad idea. Until now, Tigress had bathed him every time, with some help from one of the other warriors. She had been caring for his hygiene since the fight until Po had offered to take responsibility for tending Master Shifu.
The red panda accepted the change gratefully, because being bathed by Tigress or worse- by someone else from the Five was too brain-killing and mind-crushing to him. Not that they were unfriendly, of course they always tried to show him maximum kindness and respect, but it all was just impossible to Shifu. They had known him for too long as an independent person. He didn't want the servants to see him being like that too. He wasn't sure what was worse- being washed and fed by the geese or his own students. He wondered if they even still considered him their master. Did they have any reason to think about him like that? Viper's extreme protectiveness was yet another reason for Shifu to ponder on begging for death. He was certain that one day, Viper would become an amazing mother, but her sweetness was too much than Shifu could stand.
But with Po everything was a bit different. For some reasons, Shifu wasn't so much tensed up in his presence. Maybe it was caused by the panda's unbelievable understanding, maybe because he was almost a stranger to Shifu and furthermore, he was a male. And maybe it was because.. he had found him first in this miserable condition after that fight.
Po pushed the door leading to the Grand Master's room with his back. When he turned around, Shifu saw a wooden basin full of water in his hands. The panda quickly put the vessel down on the floor nearby Shifu's desk and started to pant heavily.
"It's very heavy." he explained to fill the awkward silence between them.
Shifu didn't say anything. This stubborn silence always caught him when the worst was approaching. He preferred to avoid conversations before taking a bath to be left alone faster afterwards. Po had prepared a big, white towel and a small bathrobe found in Shifu's cabinet in the bathhouse. He had also got a clean diaper and when the red panda saw Po laying it on the desk, Shifu's eyes closed tightly as his mind started to beg every god and goddess in the universe for instant death.
And of course, no one was available in that moment.
Po finally approached the bed and spoke to the red panda. "OK, let me help you take off this dia-"
"Please, Po! Don't use that word in my presence!" Shifu pleaded, wincing at the hated word.
The giant panda picked up the master, surprised slightly by his particularly long utterance. "It's a good idea, Master." he said with a smile, sitting the red panda down on the desk.
Shifu fell into a terrible stupor again when Po took everything off him and was doing what was necessary and what Shifu really, really didn't want to see or hear. Po was glancing at the red panda's expression from time to time and although he tried not to show it, his own heart was breaking, bleeding and screaming as he saw the look of utter suffering in the small panda's eyes. He put him into the wooden basin as soon as he could.
Shifu was sitting in the water, waiting for the end of the torture, while Po was soaping him, turning him over and changing his position in the water to wash him properly and suddenly something strange came to the red panda's mind: Po reminded him of his master somehow. It was surprising even to Shifu, because how could an... unusual young panda have anything in common with his old wise turtle master? It was definitely something more than those green eyes. Some mysterious, inborn wisdom Po was still not aware of and the same energy emanating from them.
Shifu's mind could finally rest when his thoughts were wandering freely to his master, to the Wudang Mountains, to the stars, and to Jade Mountain itself and he didn't even know how many times Po had rinsed the soap off his body.
And suddenly, Po picked the soaked red panda up again and sat him down on the big soft towel on the desk. As he was drying him with the towel, the red panda saddened again and waited for the end of the bath or better- for anything that could end his hopeless existence. But even if he died right now it would be too late, for he had already managed to experience the worst humiliation in his entire life. And to think that he had been sure that one day he would die in some battle or a fight.
What a disappointment.
He wanted to cry.
Po didn't need to talk to the red panda or to ask him any questions. Shifu's thoughts were very visible and the hopelessness and suffering on his face was making Po feel like he was torturing him with every second of letting him live.
There must be something I can do to make him feel better. Po thought, trying to keep his composure and drying the red fur when Shifu was lost in his own bitter thoughts again. Death cannot be the only way out for him.
Finally, he dressed Shifu in his small bathrobe and laid him on his bed, letting him rest for a moment without the thing he hated so much. Po sat down on the floor and rested his chin against the edge of the bed to take a short break too.
Shifu was lying on his left side and he wanted only to cry, sleep or stare at the wall. Then his mind found one of the most painful memories from his life.
He was lying in his bed like a little porcelain doll with his empty blue eyes staring at the ceiling above his bedroom.
He didn't want to get up; there was no reason to do it. Even if he wanted, he couldn't anyway. He lay and stared up into the space, regretting that he wasn't dead. And he had to spend a few next months in the same bed in his room, staring at the same ceiling and feeling the same horrible pain radiating in his body from his broken hip. But he deserved that pain and could only cry and suffer silently. He couldn't forget what had just happened, he knew he would never forget Tai's attack, how he had broken his bones without any hesitation, and everything what he had done in the village.
"He tried to kill me like I was nothing to him..."
"He killed those people as if he were an ordinary murderer."
"How was that possible?"
Shifu was sure that Master Oogway hated him now and if it weren't for his broken hip, he would just kick him out of the Jade Palace and forbid him to return.
Oogway had to fix somehow everything his son had done in the village, he had to send him somewhere and make sure that he would never see the Valley and also that no one would ever see him.
The rest of his life his son would have to spend now in some prison.
"And it's all my fault..."
He cried and regretted everything.
But he didn't know that Master Oogway's thoughts and feelings were exactly the same; Shifu had every right to hate him now.
He tried to kill me twice... so maybe he never loved me...
...maybe I never taught him how to love.
Shifu was tired of thinking of his life and his mistakes again and again, he started to wonder if he had ever done anything good. He sighed, trying to forget about everything, the only thing he wanted now was to clear his mind completely.
"I don't understand..." he heard Po's voice, which drew his thoughts back from the past to the present. "Your tail is always so fluffy, but now, although it's dry, the fur is so.. crumpled."
Because Shifu remained silent, Po looked at the red panda's face and saw a slight blush on his face. He didn't understand why he was blushing, but something was clearly abashing him about the whole subject.
"I.. used to brush it after every bath." the small panda replied.
Po couldn't believe what he had just heard. He looked at the red panda with wide eyes. He almost exploded with laughter, stopping himself from it in the last second and crushed his lips together to hide his smile. He had a really vivid imagination, but he could never, ever imagine a grand master brushing his tail. Fortunately, by some miracle Shifu didn't notice his reaction.
"OK. So.. where is your brush?" Po asked in a normal tone.
"In the first drawer on the left." Shifu answered, pointing at the drawer. He really felt that his finger was pointing, but when he looked at his hand, he saw that the hand was lying limply beside him.
That sight really hurt.
Po found the small hairbrush, he turned the red panda over on the bed and picked up his tail. He ran the brush through the soft long fur a couple of times and soon Shifu's striped tail looked as fluffy as always. He helped him to put on the damned thing as quickly as he could not to depress him more.
"Would you like something to eat?" Po asked, as he started to gather the things he had brought to prepare the bath.
"No.. I just want to rest." Shifu answered, trying to fall asleep, hoping that he would never wake up again.
Po looked at him heartbroken. He wanted so much to find some way to lift his spirits. He knew that there had to be something he could do for him. But what? He was about to leave, when he heard Shifu's quiet words.
"It's only the matter of time..."
Po walked up to him again, putting the things on the bed.
"...before I die."
The panda sat down on the floor and grabbed Shifu's paw, he didn't even remember that Shifu couldn't feel it.
"Don't say that."
"Po, I'm dying and you cannot change it."
"I can cook you whatever you want, I can wash you everyday, why would you die?" Po assured desperately.
"It's not the matter of food, or even those horrible baths." Shifu explained, a bit exasperated. "I'll die soon of pneumonia or a blood clot."
Po didn't look like he actually understood. Why? It's quite warm in his room and his blood cannot just dry. he wondered in his thoughts.
"You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?" Shifu sighed and his ears fell flat on his head. Why am I even concerned?
The panda wasn't sure what he should do or say, so he just embraced the small master. "You won't die." Po assured. He had always believed that one honest hug could change everything. He only hoped that his hugs would not anger Shifu even more.
"Why is everyone acting like it all was normal?" the small panda asked with bitterness in the embrace. "Don't they know what happened to me?"
"I know what happened to you." Po assured, stroking the small panda's arm comfortingly. "And it's not normal." But I promise, I'll do everything to make your life happy.
Shifu was surprised how calming those simple words were. He didn't want to say anything because it could only destroy that weak sense of calm he needed so much.
Soon, Po gathered the things they didn't need after covering the red panda with a light blanket and he left the room lost deep in his thoughts.