Disclaimer: Spirited away does belongs to Hayao Miyazaki and any other producers or writers. Or the song 'Its my party' that belongs to Lesley Gore.
It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you
Lesley Gore - Its my party
Coming Home
"uh-huh…."Chihiro's brow pinched as Rin started her list of 'what you should do'. So far it consisted of: A small touch on his shoulder when she was talking to him, making purring sounds when he was near (This Chihiro had no idea how to do), flutter her eyes at him whenever he looked her way, staring, staying close to him, talking, steal food off his plate, and some other tidbits.
"Rin," Chihiro started confused at this advice the sable spirtit was giving her. "I feel like your telling me to seduce him." Chihiro didn't notice how the young woman choked a little from her spot on the floor across from her. "But," Chihiro pondered all the things Rin had said and shrugged. "I guess your actions mean different things then ours."
Rin scratched her neck and glanced away from Chihiro, she was not far off her mark when first stated that it sounded like she was setting her up to seduce Haku. Coughing into her hand Rin cleared her throat. "Well, we really should get back to the bathhouse, before Yubaba notices me slacking off." She grinned at Chihiro. "You don't have to do anything tonight, but everyone wants to see you again. After you left everything change…."
Chihiro's thoughts wondered back to Yubaba's new personality. "Ya, I've noticed Yubaba's different." She raised her brow at Rin, waiting her the sable spirit to fill in the blanks while she started to get dressed.
Rin started to laugh, even she was baffled by Yubaba. "After you left she became a whole new person. Nobody knows what happened, but we all think it was your influence on this place."
Blood rushed to Chihiro's cheeks. Certainly she wasn't responsible for changing Yubaba, after all she had not done that much. She was unbuttoning her red shirt when something occurred to her. "Rin, where's my bag?"
"Ah," The sable spirit jumped to her feel and walked over to the sliding door next to where the futons where tucked away. "I kept it in here for safe keeping's." Rin turned to had the odd bag over to Chihiro but froze.
Chihiro had pulled her shirt off and was reaching for her bag when she noticed Rins expression. At first she thought the sable spirit had noticed the discoloration of her stomach.
"What is that!" Chihiro frowned at Rin's awed tone and looked down at her stomach before realizing what exactly Rin was pointing at. Laughing she turned her side towards Rin so she could see the image printed on her side better.
"This," Chihiro ran her fingertip across on of the blue petals of her tattoo. "was a drunken mistake. Its called a tattoo in my world." From her hip to her third rib was a floral image, blue flowers that looked like there were swaying with the red bark of a tree branch. One thing most people over looked at Chihiro's tattoo was at the very bottom of the branch in black ink was two words. 'My Kohaku.'
"Drunken mistake?" Rin asked moving closer to examine the skin art. "Sen this is beautiful!"
Blushing Chihiro lifted her arm for Rin to have a better look. "Well if my parents ever found out about it, it would turn into a mistake. My friend Azul had talked me into a drinking game, I don't remember what happened after but I do remember the morning after. Hangovers are not your friends." She had woken on the floor of Azuls room her side had been bandaged up and hurting. She still confused on how she ended up with it when she was under age and broke. Still every now and then when she was feeling ugly or having a rough day she would run her fingers over the petals and feel somewhat better, and sometimes when she closed her eyes she could actually feel the silken petals instead of skin.
It was then Rin noticed Chihiro's colorful skin, that wasn't her tattoo. "What happened?" The spirit grabbed Chihiro's arms and turned to stare at the blue and purple bruises decorating her back.
Chihiro gave a nervous laugh. "I sort of fell….off my bike."
Rin hand glided over the bruises before she straightened up. "You should never ride this bike of yours, it seems to dangerous for you!" She gasped and looked at her stomach. "How did you-" she stopped and pinched her nose. "Your bike?"
Chihiro shook her head, "This was…uh." She bit her lip. "Zuckie threw her hot coffee on me."
"Who did what?" Rin clenched her hands as she looked at the irritated skin of Chihiro's stomach.
"Its this girl who doesn't like me. She threw her hot drink on me." Chihiro sighed and pulled away from Rin's angry eyes. She started to pull on the bathhouse clothing. "No worries Rin this is a normal occurrence." She winced at her words. "The falling and being bullied not the hot drink part."
Rin sighed and rubbed her temple like she was starving off a headache. "We can have Yubaba or Haku look at those."
Chihiro shook her head. "No, I don't want to be a bother."
"You are never a bother." Rin said sternly. "You can be such a dope sometimes." She mumbled. She was going to push the subject, she knew Sen could be very stubborn sometimes. Her eyes dropped to the silver object hanging around Chihiro's slim neck. "You might want to hid that."
Chihiro's hand went to the locket, out of habit her hand curled around it. "Why?"
"Some of the workers might want to 'borrow' it." She shrugged. "and they don't give it back."
"Noted." Chihiro pulled on her shirt and tucked the little necklace into it, it fell between the crest of her breast. She opted to keep her bra on, feeling more comfortable with it then without. Most the female bathhouse workers did not wear any sort of wrapping, so Rin was thoroughly confused by the contraption holding Chihiro's womanly parts. Chihiro had laughed and explained to her that it keeps them in place so their not bouncing about. Rin had shook her head and told Chihiro that's how most the female workers earned tips.
"That degrading," She held up her hands when Rin gave her a hard look. "I mean that you have to do it to get more money."
Rin shrugged. "Well since Haku took over half the business. We've been getting pretty good wages."
Chihiro paused in pulling up her pants and looked up surprised at what Rin said. "He owns half?" she asked astonished that Yubaba would relinquish so much power and money.
"Yay," Rin laughed. "I told you a lot of things have changed."
Chihiro gave a breathless laugh. "Unbelievable."
As they made their way out into the busy night Chihiro noticed that a lot of the bath-workers were whispering among themselves. She caught bits and pieces of some conversations. "Rin?" Chihiro hurried to the spirits side as she slide into the elevator. "What is this ward everyone's talking about?"
"That," Rin pulled the lever and leaned against the side while looking at Chihiro. "would be the protection ward Yubaba and Zeniba put up after you left. They both came to a compromise. Its meant to ward off stray humans. And now that you got through everyone's wondering how."
"Protective ward." Chihiro whispered. Her thoughts trailed to the difficulty getting past the edge of the forest then to the overbearing pressure she felt when crossing into the forest. So it wasn't her own inability to pass threw the forest it was a spell. Her brow drew together she suspected she knew how she had gotten past it. After all something had been pulling her here. But how did Miyukie get here. It was a little worrisome. There was something that wanted her here.
Rin had still been talking and had not noticed that the brunette had not been listening to her. Chihiro did catch the tail end of her sentence though. "So know we all have bets going. Mines on Yubaba's magic failing." The sable spirit snickered.
"Uh, ya…" She glance to the side, it would be best that she saw Yubaba and talked about the things she neglected to tell her earlier. Not that it was Chihiro's fault she forgot, hell she was just trying to come to grip that she was stuck here again, and that everything had changed. She was discombobulated, she still is. "So where are we going?"
Rin was helping with the kitchen duties this evening. "Easiest job." Rin said winking at Chihiro as they walked towards the large kitchen.
"Rin!" One of the frogs called when he noticed the sable spirit walk in. "Where have you been." Chihiro glanced the busily kitchen. Yunas ran this way with trays full of food while other ran the other way with empty dirty plates.
"Where do you think Frog?" Rin voice was full of sarcasm.
"Well?" Someone else yelled somewhere deep in the kitchen. "How is she?"
Rin crossed her arms and moved to the side to reveal the grown Chihiro "Why not ask her you're self?"
It was like entering the school cafeteria for the first time when everyone was talking and wanted to be heard. Everyone stopped what they were doing to see her. Chihiro felt light headed as the questions bombarded her. Laughing she held up her hands. "Whoa! One question at a time."
There was a silence that entered the kitchens after she spoke. Then one timid yuna in the back called out. "A-are you here to stay?"
Everyone seemed to agree with this question since they all nodded their heads, some even repeated the question again. All were leaning closer eager to here her response.
"Well uh I haven't really decided yet." Chihiro smile as everyone groaned.
"You got to stay!" Yelled one of the frog men, who had a mask on his face.
"Yay lady Sen has to stay!" Called a familiar green frog.
And just like that the kitchen was in a uproar. Everyone pleading for Chihiro to stay. Rin raised her hands like she was about to silence everyone but someone else beat her to it. This time when the kitchen fell silent they scrambles away from Chihiro and back to work. Somehow she already knew who had walked in and was standing behind her, and though he wasn't close enough she swore she felt his breath on the back of her neck.
"Already disturbing the work flow Chihiro?"
Slowly Chihiro turned to look at Haku's figure standing in the kitchens doorway. She smiled at him. "Already scaring people Kohaku?" her grin got bigger when she noticed his shiver when she used his name. She took a step back however when his eyes darkened with an unknown emotion. Warning bells went off in her head as she looked into his intense eyes. Something told her she was playing a dangerous game. Yet something exciting fluttered in her stomach making her want to through herself at him. It was this strong reaction that made her want to run and hide.
"I don't scare my workers." he stated.
Rin snorted, she has been watching the exchange between the two and knew the dragon could not stay way from the human. The fact was obvious since he was standing here when he should be off doing his rounds. It was also in the way he was watching Chihiro's every move. It's said that dragons get very hostile during the 'season of the dragon' as the staff at the bathhouse like to call it. But ever since Sen had got back there was a softness to him. His face, eyes, and tone would soften whenever she was around.
"So everyone cowering away from you is just them showing how much they love you?" Chihiro asked raising her brow at him.
He smiled down at her, which made her heart do double time and her cheeks burn. It was in that smile she saw her green eyed boy.
"What was everyone talking about anyways?" Haku asked looking over her head at the diligent workers.
"Oh that, they were just expressing how much they missed me." Chihiro wasn't lying, they were expressing that before they told her to stay. She was not going to tell him that though since it didn't go over well when Rin had brought it up in Yubaba's office. As it were she didn't have to since Rin decided to do it for her.
"We were also telling Sen here how she should stay." Chihiro's head swung around to glare at her friend. She was going to kill her, she decided when she looked back at Haku to see that he was glaring down at her. For an odd reason Chihiro felt a little guilty till she reasoned she had not done anything
"No." Haku stated, his voice hard stating that this was the end of the conversation, there was no other choice. Before Chihiro could argue he was walking out the door. "I must return to my duties. Stay out of trouble Chihiro." he called over his shoulder.
"Coward." Rin mumbled under her breath. She glanced over at Chihiro and felt her heart twist at the look of sorrow on the girls face.
Chihiro watched him walk away and for a moment it felt like her soul was trying to ripe its self from her and follow him. For the life of her she could not figure out why he was he acting like this. Once upon a time all she had to do was reach out her fingers and call his name and he would be at her side. Now if she reached out to him her tips would only touch air, and when she called his name it was like he never heard her. But other times it was like he wanted to sweep her off her feet and keep her all to himself. Chihiro was getting mixed signals here. A gurgling sound jerked Chihiro from her melancholy thoughts. Looking down at her stomach shocked she looked over at Rin with a sheepish expression.
Rin raised her eyebrow and laughed. "If you're hungry all you have to do is ask."
Laughing, because it was better then crying Chihiro smiled up at Rin. "I'm hungry Rin!" She interjected a whine into her voice and earned a smack over her head.
"You such a dope."
Chihiro chuckle and rubbed her head, not because it hurt but out of habit. "But I'm your dope!"
Rin laugh then wrinkles her nose. "My dope who smells bad." Chihiro cringed she knew it was true. "Tell you what," Rin grabbed by her arm and tugged her towards the elevator. "you go take a bath and I'll grab some food for you." She pushes her into the elevator. "You remember where the girls washroom is?" Rin asked.
Chihiro's brow drew together as she thought about it, it had been a while. "Uh the fifth floor..."
Rin shook her head. "Fifth floor six door on the left AFTER the right turn."
Chihiro nodded and waved as the elevator started its ascend. She peeked around into the empty hallway. This was the one floor that was devoid of activity during the night. It was nice to have the bathing room all to herself. She slide open the door and looked around the steam filled room. The bath was large meant to hold multiple spirits at once. It was at ground level too. It reminded Chihiro of the outside public bathrooms her mother took her to sometime. "It's a spa girls." Mrs. Ogino would say. "Relax!"
"Relax." Chihiro mumbled as she stripped and tested the hot water. As she slipped into it she cringed as the water lapped her burned stomach. "Should have taken Rin's offer." Chihiro muttered. She reached up and pulled her hairtie from her brown hair and let it fall around the small of her back. She looked at the band around her wrist. After nine years it still looked the same. Tired she sunk into the water slowly until she completely emerged herself into its murky depths. Chihiro started to think there was something in the water when the aches and pains started to disappear the longer the water stayed wrapped around her body. Chihiro stayed under the water as long as she could before her lungs started to burn for oxygen. Breaking the surface Chihiro took a big gulp of air and started towards the edge of the big tub. As her palm gripped the edge Chihiro heard something. Slowing her breath Chihiro peered over the edge of the tub and strained her ears.
"Damn it, listen to me." Someone hissed outside the sliding doors. Chihiro knew she closed the doors all the way, but now they we're cracked open not enough for her to see who was standing on the other side but enough for her to hear their voices.
"No." someone else hissed. "I will not listen, there is no need to because I already know what you're going to say. She's not staying, she does not belong here."
It did not take a genius to figure out who was arguing outside the bathroom. Chihiro sighed she wondered if the two were ever going to let this go. Probably not, Chihiro thought, not until she left,...or stayed.
"Who says!?" Rin demanded in a low voice. "You? Because last I checked you were not the ruler of people's life's!"
"It's to dangerous for her to stay!" Haku declared.
"And it's not dangerous for her to leave? Big news for you lizard she's not safe there either. Did you see the state she was in when she came here? Have you seen here stomach? Some girl purposely poured a hot drink on her!"
There was a silence between the two. "Did you get her name?" Haku asked. Chihiro shivered, his quiet voice was scarier the his yelling.
"That's not the point." Rin snapped. "The point is she as safe there as she is here and here at least she has us to keep her safe. So I ask you again master Haku" she sneered his title. "Why don't you want her to stay?"
"Because," He whispered. "Its getting harder restrain myself around her."
"Then don't." Chihiro didn't understand his answer and something in her didn't want to know while another part of her wanted to. But the innocent part was bigger and greatly disturbed on the turn of Rin and Haku's conversation.
She sighed loud enough for the two to hear and splashing a little water. Her noises reminded them that the person they were talking about was just beyond a door. Chihiro heard the door opened and looked over at the door with a surprised smile. "Rin?" She called when she didn't see the sable spirit at first. "Is that you?"
Rin appeared in the doorway with a tray of food. She was eyeing Chihiro with suspicion. Still playing her innocent act Chihiro's smile slipped from her face. "What?"
Rin seemed satisfied in what she found in Chihiro's face. "Nothing, I just bumped into Haku on my way up." There was a twitch in her mouth. She knew the dragon could not stay away from the human. Rin had found him pacing the hallway outside the girls washroom. After peeking in to see Sen was busy washing herself she confronted him. This most have been what Yubaba had seen when she set Sen up to help Haku.
"Oh." Chihiro poured some water over her shoulder and not looking at Rin asked. "Is he still mad about earlier?"
"He was never mad at you Sen." Rin said softly as she placed the tray of food next to the edge of the tub.
"You sure about that?" Chihiro did turn to Rin now. She could guess from Rin's expression that the naked pain in her voice was also on her face. "Because he seems pretty mad at me being here."
"No," Rin protested she crouched beside the tub and cupped Chihiro's wet cheek. "He's just not himself right now. You know that, Yubaba told you that yourself."
"I know." Chihiro whispered. "But it still hurts when he says those things."
"It's okay dope everyone's on the receiving end of the dragons tantrums." Chihiro smiled at the mental image of Haku throwing a tantrum on the floor. Rin stood and smiled. "Eat," She order. "It will do you some good. I'll be back so relax and enjoy yourself."
Chihiro waved at her while she left. She dug into the food like a starved man. Rin was right, the food made her feel better. Chihiro sighed and let her head fall back onto the rim of the tub. She closed her eyes and let her thoughts wonder. Rin had been right Haku was like a PMSing pregnant woman and she had to at least try to help him. The next time she saw him she was going to use some of Rin's advice.
Chihiro did not have to wait long for him to show up again. She and Rin had been down in the bathing room for the spirit customer arguing about which levels where what.
"I'm telling you that it's the steam room, I remember it." Chihiro crossed her arms.
"Sen, you've been gone for nine years and I'm telling you there has never been a steam room on that level." Rin was picking up dishes that spirits had left behind and Chihiro was helping her even though Rin had argued that she did not need the help and that Chihiro should rest. Chihiro was having non of that, she had been pampered enough and the bath had rejuvenated her.
Chihiro just happened to look over to see Haku heading their way. It was also then that she noticed everyone in the bathhouse, including the customers, were giving him a wide birth. "Uh-oh," Rin juggled the tray of dirty dishes to her hip. "Here comes king mood swings."
Chihiro coughed into her hand as she hid her smile at Rin nickname for the dragon, who seemed dead set on coming to them.
She decide now would be a good idea to practice some of the advice Rin gave her, before he reached them that was. Chihiro didn't know how purring was going to help him, but she was willing to give it a try. And she did try to purr, or produce something that sounded like a purr, just like Rin had suggested. But what was supposed to be and what it was, was two different things. To Chihiro's horror she sounded like she was choking on her saliva, and then she did choke on it. Eyes watering Chihiro started to cough.
"Chihiro!" And there was Haku patting her back. "Are you alright?"
Chihiro started to nod, her cheeks aflame. She didn't think she could talk through her embarrassment. Rin seemed to be having a choking problem too, but when her and Chihro locked eyes the young woman could see mirth dancing in the sable spirits eyes. Damn her, Chihiro thought, she knew Rin knew exactly what was going on with her. Chihiro was distracted from her murderous thoughts by the feel of Haku's hand as he rubbed her back, at first it really hadn't bothered her but the longer it stayed rubbing small circle motion between her shoulder blades the more flustered Chihiro became. She could feel his warmth sweep through her clothing, and Chihiro felt horrified when she thought about how it would feel it he was touching her bare skin.
"Oh she's fine." Rin said taking mercy on Chihiro. "I need you to do something for me Haku, you see Chihiro and me were talking about what levels had what." Haku then withdrew his hand, though his fingertips did linger longer then the should have, or Chihiro thought as she suppressed a shiver.
Standing stiffly Chihiro watched as Haku and Rin talked, But the young woman quickly became bored when the two started to argue about certain levels had what. She started to think the two had a fondness with arguing. So she went to what she had been doing, trying to purr. She tried to roll her tongue just like Azul had tried to show her long ago. At first it came out as a gurgle, like she was rolling spit around, but then her tongue vibrated spilling a smooth purr through her lips. Chihiro beamed so proud at herself she did not notice Haku stiffen next to her. but she caught an amused look on Rin and turned to look at Haku who was staring wide eyed at her. She watched as his emerald green eyes darkened along with his face. She stared in fascination as Haku's face started to turn red, as red as a tomato. Confused Chihiro reached out to touch his shoulder. "Haku-?"
Her lips parted when he stumbled back. he mumble something about having to be somewhere and took off into the crowd, bumping into people. Chihiro was confused by this, she had never seen Haku so flushed before. Someone's laughter brought Chihiro out of her bewilderment as she looked over at Rin who was clutching her sides.
"Oh man," She gasped while dashing away her tears. "Did you see his face!?"
"Ya," Chihiro mumbled, she did, and she wasn't going to forget because there was a glint in his eye, the same one she had seen earlier. The same one that made her want to run away and run to him at the same time. But it was he who had run, it was he who had the look of horror branded on his. She looked down at her hand. A great pain spread through her chest when she realize there was a look of disgusted mixed in with horror.
"You did great Sen!" Rin said not noticing the forlorn look on Chihiro's face.
"So that's the reaction you're aiming for?" Chihiro asked softly.
"Well, yes. It's better then him yelling." Rin looked over at Chihiro. She frowned when she saw the young woman's face had been wiped clean of emotions. "Sen? What's wrong?"
"Nothing." She mumbled. "If you don't mind I like to be alone." Before Rin could object Chihiro merged with the crowd. She didn't stop even when Rin called for her. She did not know where she was going until she spotted the elevator. The one that descended to the very bottom level. Without putting much thought to it Chihiro grabbed the lever and pulled it down. She closed her eyes and breathed past the pain. She pushed Haku out of her mind and thought about an old spider spirit she had not seen in nine years. Chihiro felt a little guilty that she had not even thought of Kamaji until now. It was time to see her grandfather. Perhaps he could give her some answer to Haku's reaction. She cringed when his face popped up in her mind.
As the elevator stopped she stepped out into the dark room. The air around the boiler room was hot and damp, just like she remembered. Memories stirred in Chihiro's mind. She smiled as she thought about how Kamaji had been so gruff at first but ended up helping her, even going so far calling her his granddaughter. She remember the terror that she had felt when Rin had entered and spotted her. Chihiro remembered how she had thought about how she had not followed Haku's directions and how she had failed and she would never save her parents. Then Kamaji had spoken up. Ten year old Chihiro had not really known how far Kamaji had stuck his neck out. He had put so much on the line. If Chihiro had told Yubaba who had helped her Kamaji probably would be dead. But Chihiro had kept her mouth closed, not because of him but because she had been worried about Haku.
Chihiro sighed, she had been very selfish back then. She pushed the little sliding door to the boiler room and peered in. And there he was rotating the wheel and grinding herds while the little soot balls ran back and forth between the furnace. Climbing threw the portal Chihiro looked around the tiny room that had not changed since she last saw it.
She shifted her feet and waited for a lull in the spiders work before announcing she was there. Kamaji however did not wait.
"What do you want?" He snapped not once looking in her direction. It made Chihiro wonder if he had eyes in the back of his head.
She crossed her arms ad tried not to smile at Kamaji's gruffness. "Is this how you greet your granddaughter after all this time?" Her face cracked into a smile when the old spirits head snapped into her direction. She chuckled as she watched his face as he put the pieces together.
"SEN!" He cried. Chihiro gasped when she was suddenly embraced by two pairs of arms. For an old spider Kamaji sure moved fast. Laughing she looped her arms around his neck and hugged him back. Again she felt peace settle in. Here in this hot room in an embrace she felt like she was home and whole.
"Look at you!" He cooed, pulling back from their embrace. "Your all grown up."
Chihiro laughed again. She felt like she was bursting from the seams with happiness. "It's been nine years for me Kamaji." She glanced over at his station when two bath tokens dropped.
"Ignore them," Kamaji said as he crawled back up to his spot and started to turn the wheel. "Tell me, my dear, what happened. Not much comes down this way. But I did hear about the state you were in when you got here."
So while he worked she retold the entire story even including Miyukie. After she started to tell him how she woke up, Yubaba's new attitude, what she told her about Haku, and then she told him all about Haku.
"I don't get it," She whispered. "I mean I do but then... I don't I mean you'd think he would be happy to see me." She wiggled her toes at the soot balls who squealed and went in circles around her feet. It was a game she played with them in between bath tokens.
"Haku is going through a rough time, my dear. We just need to be patient with him."
Chihiro ducked her head she felt ashamed at her attitude. Her feelings had been hurt and all she could do was think of herself when Haku had been suffering. "I'm try Kamaji it's just when he tells me to leave it... It hurts."
Kamaji 'hmmm'ed and rubbed his chin. "You told me you did not know if you were staying or not. Have you changed your mind?"
"I don't know!" Chihiro ran her hand through her bangs, that were mostly dry. "I want to." Chihiro whispered. "But if I stay here I will never see my family ever again." Kamaji nodded. "But if I leave I will never be happy, I will always be looking back and wondering about the 'what if's.'" She knew she would never move on from this place if she stays she will never see her family again if she goes she will never be complete again and would live in misery all her life. "My decision would be easier to make if Haku wasn't being so... So impossible!"
"Then talk to him my dear." Kamaji suggested.
"I would if I could!" Chihiro started to pace in the middle of the floor, the soot balls weaves in and out of her moving feet. "Everytime I try to talk to him it's like my tongue gets stuck to the roof of my mouth or my brain just dies! Every time he's around it happens and when he looks at me with those eyes! I can't think around him Kamaji, when he's around I feel like a fool."
Kamaji was chuckling at Chihiro. "It sounds like love to me."
Chihiro froze, every molecule in her body froze along with the breath in her lungs. The beating of her heart picked up double time slamming against her rib cage trying the break free and spill all those emotions she had for a certain spirit. Her gray eyes slowly turned to look at Kamaji's reflective glasses. Swallowing she slowly sunk to the step. "Love," she whispered. Slowly it clicked into place the last piece of the puzzle. Why he rejection hurt so much. She had always known she loved him, but never had she acknowledged it. It took someone saying it out loud for her to realize she loved Haku.
Stunned Chihiro accepted the cup of tea Kamaji gave her with numb hands. She did not know how long she sat there absorbing the facts. When she came back to reality her cup of tea was cold and her back hurt from its hunched position. "Okay." She said looking at Kamaji's back. "So I lo-" She took a big breath and cleared her throat by drinking some cold tea. "So I love him. Now what?"
"Tell him." The way Kamaji said it made it sound so easy.
"And if he doesn't reciprocate my feelings? Then what?" Chihiro was back to pacing. "I can't do that Kamaji! I can live with feeling incomplete, but I would never survive a broken heart!" Tears swelled in her eyes. She looked away from Kamaji so he would not see them.
It was apparent to everyone in the bathhouse who paid attention that the dragon loved the human. Kamaji would not tell her that though, she would have to get it from the dragon herself. "And what if he does feel the same?" Kamaji asked. "Don't look at just the bad."
Chihiro gave a wobbly laugh and looked at Kamaji. "Thank you." She whispered.
"You welcome."
They sat in a comfortable silence. It was a while before the silence was disturbed by the sliding door. A familiar head poked in.
"There you are." Haku said climbing gracefully through the door. "Rin has been worried."
Chihiro smiled at him, not bothering to get up. "Sorry, I wanted to see Kamaji."
"Ah my granddaughter was jut paying her respects"" Kamaji grumbled not really bothering to turn and look at Haku when he bowed to him.
Chihiro patted the spot next to her when Haku stood beside her. He shook his head and she pouted. "please." She fluttered her eyes at him. A red tint entered Haku's cheeks as he slide smoothly beside Chihiro. His clothing clad thigh touched hers and she tried not to think about the contact.
When she tried to broach the subject of her staying the words got stuck in her mouth. So she decided to try something else. She racked her brain for a conversation. "Haku, did you know it's been nine years?" She whispered, rather happy that this was a subject that wasn't caught in her throat.
"Nine years?" He seemed to mull over the expansion of time that she had spent away. "It's only been a year and five months here."
"I know Rin told me." She paused and licked her lips. "Why has everyone look the same bit you?" That had been a question that had been nagging her. When she last saw him he look thirteen now he was in his twentys, twenty-two if she kept the same time difference between their ages.
He was looking at his hands when he answered her. "This is what I originally looked like. I had changed my appearance when I saw you on the bridge."
Chihiro frowned and looked up from his folded hands to his face. "Why?"
Haku smiled, it was small and sad. "Who would have you trusted? A boy your age or a man?"
Chihiro felt like she was falling into his eyes. She felt closer to him now then she had in the entire time she had returned. "I would have trusted you regardless of what you looked like." She answered honestly, but that was probably because she knew him now. "As long as you were you."
He seemed taken back by her admission. His eyes roamed over her face. They lingered on her mouth making Chihiro's stomach do that delicious tightening feeling. Her lips parted and she almost swayed forward, if it wasn't for Kamaji she just might have.
Chihiro nearly jumped put of her skin when she heard Kamaji's voice. "I will be stepping out to get more water." He was already slipping out the door. And if Chihiro had not been paying attention she might have missed his quick thumbs up.
Suddenly that pleasant feeling in her stomach turned into her heart dropping and anxiety twisting through her. She clenched her fingers and looked at Haku who did not notice Chihiro's inner struggle. "Haku," Her voice felt far away with all the blood rushing in her ears. "I wanted to talk to you."
Haku's peaceful expression quickly became apathetic like he shoved all his emotions into a box and locked it. She took a breath mentally chanting that she could do this. "I wanted to talk about staying here."
It was like the magic words suddenly he was standing over her with his fist clenched. "NO!" He roared. "Absolutely not!"
"Bu-"
"Do you know what your asking? Do you understand what will come of that!"
Chihiro was already drawling away from him, behind her was the door that lead to the rickety stair case. She held her ground even though she wanted to run. "Haku." She held up her hands trying to break through his angry haze, but he carried relentlessly.
"You would give up everything! Do you know how many yearn to have what you have you selfish human." One moment Haku was glaring down at her the next her hand was colliding with the side of his face.
"You don't know anything." She hissed before fleeing through the door leaving a shocked Haku behind her. Her lip was trembling and hot tears spilled down her cheeks as she raced up the stairs and away from Haku.
By the time she reached the top she was sobbing. Lightning streaked across the sky above her and all at once the sky opened up, crying along with the broken hearted woman. Chihiro let her feet carry her away from the bathhouse until she reached the stairs the disappeared into the river.
Her arms circled her waist as she let her tears fall and join the rain. She gulped for air and tried to grasped something that would stop the over flowing pain. The pain the felt like someone had crushed her soul.
"Chihiro!" Haku called.
She did not turn to look at him but she hunched into herself trying to make herself as small as possible. She hissed and jerked away from his touch. "Don't!" She gasped and glared at him.
His green hair was plastered to his face just like his clothing. His hand hung in the air between them. "Chihiro." He whispered softly. "I'm sorry I did not mean what I said."
Chihiro's heart clenched as she stared forward away from Haku's pleading gaze. She tried to stop crying but her tear ducts had a mind of their own. "I know." She whispered, how could she stay mad at him when he was looking at her like she was his life strings. "I know." Her defenses fell and she stared back into his green eyes.
"Do you really want to stay?" He asked. "Do you understand what you would be giving up?"
"Yes!" She snapped. "I understand. I understand that I couldn't breath, I was constantly tormented, and here," she rubbed her eyes and spread her arms wide. "here I feel whole again, I can breath, I don't have to constantly force a smile on my face or act like I'm someone I'm not!" She was panting and she stepped forward and poked Haku in the chest. Anger and sorrow were spilling further from her lips, with each word she felt better. Her next words however lost their edge of anger and she seemed only to be able to whisper them with sorrow and a tinge of self loathing. "Do you know what's its feels like to have your heart missing, or to not to be whole? To have to drag yourself through life without feeling anything but a great empty pain?"
"Yes, I do." He whispered. He knew that feeling the moment she left his life.
Chihiro had never heard Haku because she had stepped away from him and the roaring thunder had stole his voice, his answer.
"Just answer me this Haku," She felt exhausted mentally and physically. She was soaked and was feeling empty again. Chihiro knew the next question would be the end or beginning. She would not be strong enough to survive this pain if she continued, but she had to know. It would tell her if he did feel the same she did. "did you ever plan on keeping your promise?"
She didn't need him to say anything, the guilt on his face said it all. She had been a fool and what was she thinking. That this river god had actually had feelings for the lowly human. A bitter laugh slipped out between her lips. "You were right," her head hurt but it was nothing compared to the pain her chest. It felt like someone was ripping her heart out. Technically she was. "I don't belong here!" Her tears mixed with the wind and rain.
"Chihiro." Haku whispered reaching for her.
She jerked and whirled to face him. "Why would I want to stay when the only person who mattered to me doesn't want me here!" She spat. Again a bitter laugh left her "I'm done!" She cried. The wind whipped her brown locks around. Turning she started her march back to the bathhouse. A hysterical laugh left her vocals as she realized the sun was peaking over the horizon and threw the storm clouds. "Happy fucking birthday to me." The soaked broken hearted woman never noticed the shadow slinking after her retreating form. Or the determine glint that entered the sorrowful green eyes at her comment.
Well now you've done it Haku! Poor Chihiro, life can be such a cruel mistress sometimes. I wonder what Chihiro's purr meant to Haku, (Winky wink!). I adore Kamaji, I wish I had a grandfather like him. He's always full of advice, good or bad, but the point is he's always there. And here is my chapter, I got it out before I expected to. Whoop! Now I would like to thank my reviewers for there awesome reviews and supports:
WhiteTiger246, FruitySmell, TsukiyoTenshi, Precious Thing, Guest, ElementIcy, JasmineGreenTea, emeralda363, Jess2709.
You guys are the best. Guest I did not get to PM you since I have no idea who you are, but thank you for your review and I am glad you enjoy this story. I want to thank my readers to, thanks! I could not write this without ya'lls support. Enjoy this chapter and I will see you next time. ~GizmosToys