Chapter 4.

"You feel warmer?"

Rose was sitting snuggled in her fleecy, bath robe at the edge of her bed seemingly lost in thought and didn't hear him enter her private bedroom.

"Yeah, thanks." Her words were empty and subdued.

The Doctor crossed cautiously to her side of the bed and sunk slowly into the velvety mattress.

She jumped a little and both mentally and physically shrugged deeper into her gown.

The Doctor braced his fingers in a little, steeple arch between his legs and surveyed her subtly. She was tense, defensive, legs crossed away from him, body half turned and arms crossed grabbing too tightly at her shoulders.

"You want some speciality, T.A.R.D.I.S. secret recipe hot chocolate, might take the edge off?" he tried brightly.

Her head snapped round, "Off what?"

"Ah…the cold." He mussed at his hair. "I could get her to up the temperature a bit. She only messes around with the thermostat in my room."

Rose turned away again satisfied and shrugged and the Doctor felt like his eyes were heavy and unusually attracted to the floor.

"I'm sorry if you felt uncomfortable…"

"Uncomfortable?" The piercing blank stare was bank and he could almost see the bricks being laid in concrete behind her eyes.

"Yeah, you know, when he was touching…"

"I don't want to talk about it."

She hastily stood, grabbed a pair of pyjamas from her bottom draw and disappeared back into the bathroom. The Doctor sat in silence unsure what to do but after a few moments he heard plaintive sobs from behind the door and stood and knocked.

"Rose."

"Go away."

"Not 'til you let me see you're ok."

"I'm fine. Just getting ready for bed."

His hand had gone reflexively to the handle and he debated whether to push down or retreat.

He pushed.

She was sitting on the toilet seat, her robe on the floor, in 'man in the moon', pink pyjamas which usually made her look adorable. Tonight, however she looked so small, fragile and childlike and the mocking moons' smiles laughed at him.

He came immediately to her side and knelt on the floor taking her hands wherein a scrumpled up, soggy piece of toilet roll dwelt.

"It's ok, Rose. It's over. I'm here and you're safe."

She let out an undignified snuffle.

"I'm so sorry, Rose. I never wanted to hurt you or make you feel helpless or degraded. I have so much respect for you. I could never see you as weak. You keep me strong, always bouncing back and laughing and taking care of me and I'm so, so sorry that I failed you, sweetheart."

Her body shook as she looked at him, "I'm just being stupid" and she turned away, embarrassed.

"No, no, Rose, you're not." He stood, pulling her up with him and taking her in his arms.

He lead her quietly back to the bed and pulled back the sheets to tuck her in.

"I just feel dirty. I mean I didn't let him actually touch me. I gave him false directions but still. I mean it wasn't like when you've touched me, always so careful and clinical when I get hurt, making sure I feel comfortable and not exposed. There was intent, you know, the situation made it sexual and he was getting off on it. It's not his fault, I started it but it felt like he was taking something personal, something mine and tainting it, that he had no right to use me as some porn fantasy. And I'm scared it's changed the way you see me as well. I mean I know I had to do it but it felt despicable and selfish. It's weird, if I had to do it for you, if it was saving you and not me, I think I'd be ok 'cause I'd have had a good reason and you just sat there like some slimy punter in that sleazy bar where people came for sex like it was a trip to the zoo. I know you couldn't help me but I couldn't help wanting you to. To make me believe it upset you."

She was ripping that wretched looking tissue paper into shreds and talking a mile a minute, whatever came into her mind, jilted and disconnected but the Doctor was so happy that she was talking and even more so that she felt she could still talk to him.

"Of course it upset me. Rose, I felt sick and angry and hurt at the thought of you sharing something so personal and intimate with some grabby, blue idiot that didn't appreciate you or even you - how extraordinary you are."

"I'm really very ordinary, Doctor."

"Not to me." He blushed, the words leaving his lips before his magnificent brain could censor them.

For a beat they just held one another's eyes.

"You want to know what I see when I look at you now?"

Rose couldn't hold his gaze afraid of what he might say and yet knowing that he'd never deliberately hurt her. He wasn't going to shame her or mock her, or hate her. He would try to make her feel better but she wasn't sure she wanted that either. Hamlet said 'words, words, words' and that's all they are, full of giddy air, symbolising nothing. She wanted honesty. She wanted something real and not to be treated to a disingenuous Doctor. She wanted to feel more like herself and not further removed.

"You are so beautiful." The statement came out in a breath that brushed her skin and feathered over the contours of her face as if the words simply always escaped on the breeze, unspoken but always present.

The Doctor, oh so gently, stroked a light finger over her moist cheek. She felt like she should jump. Even her own touch had felt disembodied and unwelcome but this was so unlike the firm pressure from earlier that her senses opened to it like a cape daisy, opening and closing by sun rise and set and he was her light.

"My Rose." He seemed hypnotised.

"Sorry," he cleared his throat. "Not mine. I'm not saying you belong to me like some possession or….hmmm…sometimes I find words difficult." The blush was back and he looked so frustrated that she had to grace him with a smile.

"All those things that I mentioned I felt?" she nodded her understanding. "Well I also felt…jealous. Which is ridiculous," he hastened to add. "Time Lord's don't do jealousy."

"Or pouting, or snoring, or confusing the 20th century with the 19th, or..."

"Ok, you can stop now."

She laughed despite herself.

"What I mean to say is, I find your presence conducive to my well being and esteem your opinion of me, as a man, more than is appropriate for a superior in intellect and years."

She stared open mouthed at him. "That's what you MEAN to say? Wow. How's a girl supposed to react to that?"

"Oh no, no, no, no…I…you…" she was laughing freely at his discomfort now and although he was glad to see her enjoying herself, even at his expense, this was no laughing matter so he kissed her.

To be continued…