A/N: I'm kinda getting carried away with the song recommendations (there will be more!) but please listen to 'To Whom It May Concern' by the Civil Wars for this one. As I always say, to get you in the right feels!
4. The dreams we lost along the way
Clementine squints from the heavy rain that pellets against them as messy strands of her hair blow in all directions across her face. She's freezing, and the sudden gust of wind that crashes into her sends another creeping shiver crawling throughout her body.
"Clementine!" Sarah shouts to her over the sound of rumbling thunder, shielding her eyes with a raised palm.
It's nearly pitch black around them, without a single light providing any sense of direction except for the occasional lightning strike that casts a blinding light all around them. It's all they have to use as guidance, but regardless of their poor visibility, the two girls don't slow their steps for a moment.
Just as Clementine feels herself wanting to collapse from the exhaustion, another startling flash of lightning flickers from above as they emerge from the woods, and she suddenly realizes what Sarah had been looking at.
She sees it too now, and the sight of that farm house alone, in the midst of a raging thunderstorm, is like a beacon in the dark night sky.
Without further words, they both make a beeline for the isolated building in the distance, frantically stumbling on their own feet as they bolt through the heavy downpour.
The house is completely isolated within the expansive field before them, surrounded by nothing but tall yellow grass that sways repeatedly from the aggressive wind. The entirety of it looks as if it is untouched – no destroyed walls or windows, or any sign that the place may be abandoned in comparison to nearly every other building they've seen. It's two storeys, and has a short staircase that leads up to the porch. The landing, as well as its white railing, circles around the entire front of the house, and there are tall pointed roofs above every window.
Clementine's eyes are glued to Sarah's backside who runs just a few feet ahead of her, but the aggressive snarling close by gradually fades into her ears once more.
When she peers over her shoulder, her eyes are met with another stumbling figure heading directly towards her, and Clementine hadn't even realized it had emerged from the brush behind them. She slows her pace, the walker now approaching from her side with its flailing arms clawing pathetically at the air.
"Clem!" In a panic, Sarah frantically warns her from up ahead, who has now halted in her tracks and is worriedly observing the rotting corpse that nears the young girl.
"Keep going!" Clementine shouts back, figuring she won't be able to outrun the walker with the storm already putting her at a disadvantage. "I'm right behind you!"
Reluctant to continue without her, Sarah hesitantly watches in the distance as Clementine retrieves her hammer from the back of her jeans with determination. The younger girl turns away from her without another word, facing the stumbling walker instead.
Just before it's rotting hands can snatch her, Clementine grunts when her weapon is violently plunged into its skull, and Sarah turns to run in the opposite direction before the body falls to the ground.
While Clementine catches her breath, another walker gradually fades into view just as the first one tumbles at her feet, and she cautiously holds her hammer out in front of her once more. With her forearm shielding her eyes, she strides towards it with aching muscles.
Another flash of lightning strikes from above, the jolting thunder grumbling soon after.
The walker's low snarls now vibrant in her ears, she finds herself standing face to face with the corpse that towers over her, and she briefly peers up at it before raising her weapon above her head. Due to Clementine's height, as well as her obscured vision, the hammer doesn't quite reach its head, and she impales the side of its neck instead.
With one forceful tug, the body is roughly pulled to the ground, and it collapses at the girl's feet as she takes a large step back. Now fallen face forward, the walker's head barely lifts from the mud before the weapon is jabbed into the back of its skull, and the body goes limp when Clementine yanks it free with a spray of blood.
Scanning her surroundings, she struggles to decipher whether there are more coming, but she sprints towards Sarah in the opposite direction before any potential others can reach her.
The older girl just arrives on the porch as Clementine races up the stairs close behind her, and Sarah practically collides with the front door from how fast she had been running. She wastes no time in yanking on the knob with a grunt, but the thing refuses to budge.
"Hello?! Is anyone in there?!" Clementine yells over the howling wind, frantically banging her palms against the locked door.
"Please, let us in!" pleads Sarah.
The screen door rattles as they both pound on the door with rising desperation, only hoping the storm won't kill them before the walkers that are bound to be near are able to do it first.
Hopelessly, Clementine finally distances herself from the door, and another idea comes to mind as she races towards the window at the other end of the porch.
Sarah continues to bang on the screen, shouting for anybody that may be in the house.
With both hands, Clementine struggles to lift the window, and she leans into the wall with all her strength as she pulls. "Sarah!" she shouts, attracting the other girl's attention.
Sarah instantly rushes to her side when she sees her attempting to get the window open, helping in pushing it upwards as her disheveled hair is blown in all directions.
With their combined efforts, the window suddenly bursts open, and they push it up the rest of the way when it momentarily gets jammed.
"Quick, get in!" insists Sarah, gesturing towards the younger girl.
A hand still lingering on the frame, Sarah worriedly glances back the way they came as she waits for Clementine to crawl through head first. There are no walkers in sight, but she figures the two that Clementine had just run into can't be the only ones nearby.
Deciding it's best not to stick around and find out, Sarah hauls herself through the window as soon as the other girl disappears through the opening.
She tumbles through to the other side, frantically landing on her hands and knees of the house's interior, and Clementine tugs down on the window directly after she emerges. It shuts with a deafening bang, and then suddenly, all is silent around them.
With panting breaths, the two girls collapse onto their backs after a moment, and the relief from finally being safe indoors is almost overwhelming.
Neither of them say anything for a while, and as they both lay there in a soaking wet heap, all that can be heard is the howling wind and the pouring of the rain on the roof above them.
"You… you okay?" Clementine finally breaths, turning her head to face Sarah on the floor next to her.
"Yeah," she responds, aimlessly staring up at the ceiling with her hands resting by her head. "You?"
"Yeah," says Clementine, though a part of her flashes back to the sheer panic they had experienced just minutes before, and the fact that she wasn't sure if it would ever end.
Sarah swallows through the dryness of her throat, and with her chest continuously expanding and deflating from her pounding heartbeat, she pants through labored breaths, "I never thought… a hardwood floor… could be so comfortable."
Clementine chuckles softly at that, the tension of the situation finally dissolving between them. "Well," she slowly pushes herself upright with strained effort, "better than out there, at least."
Sarah soon follows, shifting to join Clementine who is now sitting up on her knees by the closed window they had just crawled through. Their shoulders brush against each other's, and with paired frowns, they silently stare outwards at the violent storm before them as wet droplets trail down the glass.
Clementine sadly rests her chin on her forearms, her mind only wondering whether they would have survived the night out there if they hadn't found this house when they did.
"Guess this means we're stuck in here," Sarah observes with her fingertips gripping the windowsill. "How long do you think it'll be before the storm stops?"
Clementine's gaze remains fixed out the window, and she ponders the question for a moment. "Probably not until morning," she presumes with disappointment.
"Do you think we'll be safe here? Until then?" asks Sarah. The house can't be any more dangerous than outside, but a part of her is still fearful of the possibilities.
"We're gonna have to be," Clementine sighs. She rises to a stand with slumped shoulders and brushes the wet strands of hair from her eyes. "Come on," she says, suddenly reminded of the fact that they're most likely going to be sleeping in an unfamiliar house tonight. "We should probably check the place out. Make sure there's no one else here."
As she speaks, Sarah pushes herself to her feet, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling of wet clothes brushing against her skin. After firmly tugging down on the hem of her sweater, she releases a sharp sigh with forced confidence in her tone. "Right behind you."
When they wake up, Sarah and Clementine are quick to decide that they want to stay at the house for at least for a few days more. They have no where else to go – no sense of direction, and after their thorough search of the place upon arrival, it was quickly determined from the lack of supplies found and nearly empty rooms that no one had lived here in a while.
They'd woken up with sore muscles in the morning, merely just from having a restful sleep after such a chaotic night of running for their lives. But on top of that, Sarah had begun to notice how often Clementine had been coughing.
She'd thought nothing of it of first, figuring it wasn't something worth mentioning. Not until the symptom had only continued to worsen throughout the day.
"Are you… feeling okay?" Sarah asked out of concern for the girl's health, but Clementine had brushed the question off as if she hadn't been hacking continuously since they got here.
"I'm fine," she'd told her dismissively, and Sarah soon realized that much was expected from a girl that never allowed attention brought onto herself.
Only a day later, Clementine had reached the point where she could no longer breathe easily through her mouth, and the constant sniffling and coughing from her had kept them both up at night.
It isn't until she finds herself unable to get out of bed one day, her energy too drained to rise but her symptoms preventing her from getting a comfortable sleep, the answer became clear to both of them – Clementine was sick, and it was no doubt from the stormy weather they had unfortunately found themselves caught in just a few nights earlier.
So, the little girl burrows herself in the blankets of their comfortable bed, her hat delicately placed on the bedside table next to her, and Sarah's sweater comfortably worn around her shivering form.
It's clear that the garment is far too big for her, but after they'd hung their clothes up to dry, Clementine had snatched her hoodie up before Sarah could even react, then refused to give it back because she claimed it was warmer than her puffy jacket – which clearly isn't true. Still, Sarah hadn't argued about it after that, soon realizing that Clementine had probably gotten her germs all over it by now, anyway.
"I told you. You should've let me take a look at you," persists Sarah as she sits on the edge of the mattress, peering down at the other girl.
Clementine sniffles, the blanket held tightly all the way up to her ears as she lays curled on her side. "It's nothing, really," she says in a small voice. "I'm just… tired." She briefly recalls the moment Sarah had previously insisted on making sure she wasn't dying or anything of the sorts. Clementine resisted, of course, claiming that a simple cough was hardly a big deal in a world such as their own.
Sarah sighs at her refusal to admit the obvious. There's no reason for her to be tired - they haven't been doing anything for two days, especially her.
"You're never tired," Sarah says softly, far from convinced. As in, it's not something Clementine would say.
She doesn't get a lot of sleep as it is, which is one of the many things that Sarah still doesn't know how she manages to do. But if anything, she's used to being tired, and isn't the one to ever bring such things to attention.
Then Clementine suddenly turns away from her, shifting to lay on her opposite side while facing the wall instead. An overwhelming wave of sorrow rushes over her, unfazed by how quickly it had taken Sarah to see through her lies. Still, she doesn't bother denying herself any further.
"You shouldn't have to worry about me," Clementine says quietly, almost emotionless.
Sarah almost smirks at that, thinking about how much of a ridiculous thing that is for her to say. "It's my job," she replies, and her hand lifts to gently rest on the girl's forearm.
Clementine closes her eyes at that, but doesn't turn back to her. The simple physical gesture as well as Sarah's comforting words are enough to bring a tingling sensation to her nose – the first stage of beginning to cry. Clementine holds it back though, and instead, internally scolds herself for suddenly becoming so emotional, just because someone is showing genuine care for her.
It's a concept so unusual to her, as painfully true as that is. Sarah's words are soothing, yet almost foreign in a tragic way.
But she's right, it's the way it is now. They don't even know how long it's been since they last saw their group, or whether any of them even made it out alive, but if there's one thing they know for sure, it's that they'll take care of each other until then, and that's all they can do for the time being.
The next day, Clementine's sickness had only gotten worse.
Sarah presumes it isn't anything more than a common cold, possibly a fever, but it's hard enough having to generally fend for themselves while also taking care of a sick child without hardly any sources of medicine.
She still hasn't gotten out of bed, but she's been sleeping a lot throughout the day as well as the nights, much from Sarah's encouragement to get lots of rest.
And while wanting to provide as much company for the girl as possible, Sarah still finds herself sitting on the edge of their bed more often than usual, even when Clementine is asleep.
She'd just woken up, her soft tired eyes slowly fluttering into consciousness, and Sarah is there by her side holding a damp cloth to the girl's forehead.
The older girl had come upstairs to check on her only few minutes earlier, just to make sure she didn't need anything if she'd woken up. But Clementine had been completely still, just as she had left her, with the hood of Sarah's sweater pulled over her head while she slept like a soundless baby.
Careful not to wake her, she had raised a palm to the girl's forehead and felt that she'd been burning up more than usual. Then she realized that Clementine had been sweating as she lay there, yet she was curled underneath the covers with nothing but the top of her head peeking out, as if she were freezing at the same time.
"How are you feeling?" Sarah comforts just above a whisper as she continues to dab the cold cloth to Clementine's skin.
"Sick," she says miserably, her stuffy sinuses evident in her hoarse voice.
A part of Sarah finds it quite comical how angry Clementine looks as she says that, her blunt answer completely ruining the gentle tone Sarah was attempting to give off. Still, at least she's finally admitting to it.
"What?" Clementine pouts with creased brows when she notices Sarah grinning at her, her voice muffled from the thick blanket she holds over her mouth.
"Nothing, it's just… you look really cute right now," she admits in response.
Sarah knows a part of her should feel guilty for saying such a thing when Clementine feels so terrible, but the precious sight of her all tucked away with a red nose and half-lidded eyes only makes her want to giggle even more.
"Oh, shut up," Clementine bickers, scrunching up her nose from the teasing comment.
They both know she hates being called that, but Sarah doesn't miss the faint smirk that hides behind her words.
She chuckles at Clementine's expected reaction before pressing the wet cloth against her head once more. "Hold this. I'll go get you some soup."
One of Clementine's hands peek out from underneath the blanket, and Sarah bolts out the door after she weakly rolls onto her back to hold the towel to her own forehead. She can hear the thumping of Sarah's footsteps when the girl races down the stairs, then all is quiet as she's left alone.
Clementine doesn't realize she had almost fallen asleep again until she hears a loud thud at the doorway a few minutes later, followed by a hushed 'ow' from Sarah as she enters the room while rubbing her elbow.
"Sit up," Sarah says after a moment while holding a bowl in one of her hands, careful not to spill its contents as she approaches the bed.
As Clementine does so, the older girl generously helps her shift the pillows with one hand as she returns to her place on the edge of the mattress. "It's not hot or anything. I just got it from a can, but I hope it still tastes good," Sarah informs while cautiously handing the soup to the younger girl.
Clementine sniffles, blood rushing down from her head as she sits up. "Thanks," she says softly, before raising the bowl to her lips and taking a sip.
"I think there's something in it that's supposed to help with sore throats or… something like that," Sarah continues, shrugging her shoulders.
"Sarah?" begins Clementine, breathing heavily through her mouth from her stuffed nose. "I mean it. Thanks for… you know, taking care of me," she says, her shy tone sounding as if she's embarrassed to admit to such a thing.
"Well… yeah, of course. That's what friends do for each other," beams Sarah, as if her statement is obvious – as if Clementine doesn't need to be thanking her.
Still, she feels like she has to. Despite all the times it's been true in the past, Clementine was never the one to admit to needing help. Especially about something as insignificant as being sick.
"Right," Clementine forces a weak smile, before raising the bowl to her lips once more.
She ponders Sarah's statement. It's a warm thought to have – that friends are supposed to be there for each other, but… Clementine wouldn't really know what that's like. She's still not even used to the fact that the two of them are considered friends in the first place.
"I mean, I know I'm not as good a doctor as my dad was, but…" Sarah's rambling dissolves, completely oblivious to Clementine's dire thoughts, and her voice trails away into an uncomfortable silence.
Clementine tenses up in the middle of taking another sip, the bowl suddenly freezing against her mouth. Then, she slowly lowers it to her lap, awkwardly swallowing as Sarah remains unmoving at the mention of her father.
Clementine isn't sure what to say after that. Neither of them have spoken of Carlos since the night in the woods nearly a month earlier, after they had escaped Howe's. And judging by the sorrowful look on the other girl's face, she hadn't meant to mention him at all.
A while of silence passes by before Clementine speaks again in an attempt to change the subject. "Is that what you wanted to be?" she asks, her gaze lowering to the mattress between them.
"Huh?" asks Sarah, her head perking up as if she had just been snapped out of her thoughts.
"A doctor," Clementine clarifies.
"Oh," she says, suddenly realizing that she's talking about before this all started, then begins to chew on her lip in thought. "I don't know. I know he wanted me to, but... I never really thought about it."
Clementine nods faintly in understanding. Then her gaze trails downwards again as distant memories return to her, and she finds herself speaking her thoughts without even noticing it. "My mom was a doctor," she laments, and Clementine isn't even sure why she says it. Maybe she just wanted to take Sarah's mind off of her dad.
There's a brief lull between them, before Sarah's form suddenly perks in her seat, and the situation is significantly brighter.
"Really?" she beams, "That's kinda cool. How we have that in common."
Clementine had never mentioned her family to anyone - not even her past, for that matter. At least, not to Sarah. But the older girl is still glad it's something she's beginning to open up about, no matter how brief it may be.
"What about you, what did you want to be?" questions Sarah, playfully nudging the other girl's knee.
Clementine's thoughts linger on the question. Now that the topic is brought to attention, it's not something she had ever been asked, let alone something she thought she would need to worry about again. Not with the world the way it is.
If she's honest with herself, Clementine is not really sure what she saw herself as. But thinking back to the girl she once was, and the dreams she sometimes still has for a brighter future, she finally decides on a plausible answer.
"An artist, maybe," says Clementine, and the nearly forgotten memories of how much she used to love drawing connects with her again after so long.
She had distanced herself from hope a long time ago, but when she's with Sarah, the hopeless parts of her don't actually mind dreaming of what could have been.
"Really? I didn't know you could draw." Sarah pulls her legs up and tucks them underneath her as she heavily shifts on the mattress, suddenly interested in the girl's supposedly hidden talents.
"Well, I wouldn't say that I knew how, I just… I know I liked doing it," explains Clementine as she casually sets the bowl on the bedside table.
An idea coming to mind, Sarah flashes her a wide grin. "You should show me one day."
Clementine chuckles nervously, an inescapable blush rising to her cheeks at the unexpected suggestion. "I don't know, it's been a while," she shakes her head, embarrassed all of a sudden. "I don't really draw anymore."
"Oh," frowns Sarah in disappointment. "Why not?"
She shrugs her shoulders, realizing it's a question that even she isn't sure how to answer. Twisting her mouth in consideration, Clementine's fidgety hands tightly grip her own ankles as she sits cross-legged underneath the blanket. "It just kinda… reminds me of things, you know? Like home."
Then realization finally hits Sarah at the insecurity evident in Clementine's somber tone. She figures it's probably best not to push the fragile subject any further, but that nearly foreign word only continues to echo in Sarah's mind.
She had a home… once. And Clementine – where is her home, anyway? The question lingers at the tip of her tongue, but maybe that's something Clementine will eventually choose to share with her in the future.
Instead, Sarah simply sends her a delicate smile, and hopes it's enough to at least lift the girl's spirits. "Well," she absentmindedly adjusts the blankets covering Clementine's lap. "Maybe that'll all change one day."
Her dreary thoughts of the past now drowning out the desire to speak, Clementine only flashes a weak smirk that vanishes all too soon, although she admires Sarah's optimism for a better future.
The older girl considers her silence as a reminder of how tired Clementine must be, and grabs the empty soup bowl by the bedside table while rising to a stand. "Anyway, you should get some more rest," Sarah advises, "I'll be downstairs if you need anything, okay?"
At that, Clementine realizes she had almost forgotten how drowsy she'd felt earlier, and lets out a lengthy yawn while leaning back against the pillows. She pulls the blanket up until it covers her shoulders, her sickly voice now muffled. "Okay."
After several moments of hesitation, Sarah's palm then lands on the other girl's shoulder, and she leans forward to plant a quick peck on top of Clementine's hair.
She leaves without another word, shooting a final glance over her shoulder as she slowly pulls the bedroom door closed behind her, and Clementine drifts away into a deep sleep once more.
A/N: This chapter turned out way longer than I expected, so I apologize if all the italics exhausted some of you! I really only use them to avoid confusion between the past and the present.