Hello, again. :)
Thank you all for your support with this story, especially those who follow and review.
I haven't really planned how long this is going to be, but I kind of know where I'm going with it, I think…
I'm not good with feelings, not even my own, so this was hard for me to write. If you have any ideas/ comments/ suggestions, please, let me know.
All mistakes are mine.
"What the-" Emma stood in front of the mirror looking at herself. "I could swear you weren't there yesterday." She spoke, looking down to the baby bump that was now showing. "I guess that I need to get new clothes, soon." She sighed as she rubbed her growing belly. She was wearing tight, black leggings and a yellow tank top with black running shoes.
She went out of her room and walked to the kitchen where her mom was making breakfast and her dad was reading the paper. "Morning, mom." She went to give her a kiss on the cheek and walked behind her dad kissing him on his head before taking a seat next to him. "Morning, dad."
"Good morning, sweetie." They said at the same time.
Maggie placed a plate of scrambled eggs in front each and took the other seat next to David. "Any plans for today?" She asked her daughter.
Emma took a sip of her orange juice. "Yes, actually. I was going for my morning run after breakfast and then come back to get some work done. One of my clients called and asked if I could have his logo design by Friday instead of Monday."
The older woman took a bite of her toast and swallowed. "Honey, are you sure that that's okay? Have you talked to your doctor? I don't want you to over exert yourself."
"I did a bit of research and it said that it was fine as long as I don't push myself too hard. But I 'll make an appointment for this week, I promise." She said as she finished her eggs and placed her plate in the dishwasher. "Thanks for breakfast, mom. See you guys for dinner?" Both her parents had to go to work and she knew they wouldn't be home before six.
"Sure thing, pumpkin. Take care of yourself and my grandbaby." Said David.
Emma grabbed her running backpack and walked towards the door. "Will do. Love you guys." When she was out the front door, she stretched and started a light jog around the neighborhood.
It had been a week since she arrived and she had talked to her parents about wanting to raise her kid on the place she grew up in. They were excited that she was thinking of moving back but they knew she had things to take care of before making a final decision.
After about forty-five minutes, her feet started hurting and thought about going back to her parents' and take a hot shower but she was craving strawberry cheesecake. She hated cheesecake. But she knew exactly where to get it since it was one of Regina's favorite desserts. She hadn't had any morning sickness for the past week so she decided it was okay.
She went in the small café, sat down on a small booth and placed her order with the young waitress. She would usually just place her order on the counter and have it to go, but her feet were slightly swollen and aching.
As she waited, she looked around the place; it's where she and Regina had met. She smiled. Just a second later the bell on the door signaled the arrival of a new costumer. Call it fate, or coincidence, or whatever. It was the brunette and the blonde couldn't look away.
Regina must have felt it because she met the younger woman's eyes, and after a moment of hesitation she walked towards her. "Mind if I join you?" She asked awkwardly.
Emma didn't say anything but gestured with her hand that it was okay. In that moment the waitress approached the table with Emma's order and Regina placed hers. Black coffee, no cream, and two sugars. She looked at the blonde and raised her eyebrow, questioningly.
The blonde gave a small chuckle. "I know, I know. I hate it. But what baby wants, baby gets." She smiled as she took a spoonful of the dessert.
Regina nodded. "I see." She gave a small smile as she looked at the other woman's joyful expression. She wanted to ask about the baby but she knew that it would start a complete different conversation and decided to save the topic for later. "How have you been?"
"I've been alright." There was a pause; she didn't want to get into it. "You?"
The brunette knew there was more to it but she didn't really have the right to push the subject, anymore. "I've been alright, too, I suppose." She wasn't. "I was going to call you today." She looked down at the table. "I've had time to think." She looked up again. "And I would really like to talk. About everything."
The blonde took the spoon out of her mouth. "Okay. I can do that." She gave a small smile.
"Good." The waitress placed the large coffee in front of her. "Right now I have to go, but would you have lunch with me, later?" The brunette asked.
"Yeah, sure. Is one okay? I have some stuff to do."
"One is perfect. Meet me at the restaurant that's next to the park?" The older woman asked, getting up as the blonde nodded. "I will see you later, then."
"See you later."
Regina went to the counter to pay for her order and looked at Emma once again before leaving.
The blonde finished her dessert and asked the waitress for the bill but she informed her that it was already taken care of. She thanked the girl, got up and left.
When she got to her parents' house it was barely nine, she took a hot shower and started working on her client's logo.
Two hours later, she decided to take a power nap. When she woke up at eleven thirty, she called the hospital to schedule an appointment for this week with an obstetrician.
She still had an hour before her lunch with Regina but decided to start getting ready so she'd be on time.
If she had to admit it to herself, she was nervous. Yes, it was just lunch, but there was a possibility that this was the last lunch she'd have with the other woman as her wife.
She didn't know what to expect and that made her both anxious and relieved about getting answers.
She got dressed in a beige woolen sweater, black jeans and knee-high brown, leather boots.
Her mom had given her the keys of her car in case she wanted to go somewhere but it was a small town and she preferred walking. It was sunny, warm and she liked how the breeze caressed her face.
When the blonde got to the restaurant she realized that she had fifteen minutes to spare. Just as she was debating between going inside or waiting for the older woman to do so, a black sedan pulled over and a man got out the driver's seat and opened the back door, from where the brunette emerged.
Emma sighed and placed her hand on her belly, it was something she started doing to calm herself after she found out she was pregnant. "Let's do this." She said under her breath.
Regina saw the blonde's movement after the car dropped her off and left, swallowing the knot that formed in her throat; she hadn't noticed the other woman's stomach when she saw her earlier but now that she could clearly see the outline of it, it made her feel worse than how she felt already.
Just the thought of Emma conceiving their baby on her own because she wasn't there for her, made her want to curl herself into a ball and cry her heart out.
She was determined to do better. To be better. But it was a tough thing to do when every time she paid attention to details –details she should have been paying attention to, all along- such as this one, she was reminded of how wrong she had been all this time and how badly she had messed up.
Hopefully the conversation they were about to have would clear the air up a bit and Emma would give her a chance to redeem herself. Thing she knew she didn't deserve so she'd understand if the blonde just told her to get lost, but she was going to try nonetheless. "Hi." The brunette said with a tentative smile, trying to clear her mind.
"Hey, there." Emma said with a nervous smile, she noted.
"Shall we?" She gestured to the entrance and the blonde nodded.
The pair entered the restaurant where the receptionist ushered them to a table next to a window that viewed the park. To say that their interactions with each other were awkward and uncomfortable was an understatement.
They studied the menu and after a few minutes they placed their orders with the waiter.
"So, you wanted to talk." The blonde wanted to say some things herself but was intrigued as to how the older woman was going to approach the conversation.
The brunette cleared her throat and fidgeted with the cloth napkin that was on her lap. "Yes." She moved her hands to fold them over the table. "As I mentioned earlier I have been thinking." The waiter chose that moment to bring their drinks. "I-I want to apologize." Emma took a sip of her cherry lemonade, looking fixedly at the brunette.
Regina looked at the ceiling, taking a deep breath before looking back at the other woman. "I want to apologize for everything. I want to apologize for making you think that I didn't care about our marriage, for forgetting our anniversary. I'm sorry for not giving you enough time. I'm sorry for saying all those things I said that night. I meant one thing I said, though; I meant it when I said that there was no choice, because you were never a choice. You were everything and I should have put us, you, before everything else." She said trying to keep her voice from breaking.
Emma turned her head so she was facing the window. She seemed deep in thought for a few moments. "I appreciate your apology. But it's not what I want or need from you." After a few more minutes of silence their food was served. The blonde was still sorting out her thoughts. Regina's apology had hurt more than fixed anything. She had a feeling that the other woman didn't really have a clue of the damage she had caused.
She decided she'd finish her statement after she ate. She might have wanted to have this conversation for a long time and say her piece, but apparently her stomach had become an even bigger, endless pit and her baby was making her hungry every couple of hours.
Regina didn't know what to think. Emma had said nothing and that was never good news. In all the years they had been together, one thing she had learned about Emma Swan was that when the woman said nothing it's because hell was about to break loose.
The young blonde was already halfway through her salad whereas the brunette was taking small bites of her salmon; her nerves weren't really letting her eat. She wanted to be sick.
Minutes later when Emma was done, the waiter asked if he could remove their plates and when both nodded he asked of them to just let him know if they needed anything else.
Neither said anything for a while. Emma looked out the window again and then looked down at the table before looking straight into Regina's eyes. "I want to know why." Pause. "I want to know why you made me sleep alone for days when you decided your early meetings were more important than coming home." She took a breath. "I want to know why I spent days without knowing anything about you because you were too busy to even call me. I want to know why you used me as your personal emotional punching bag whenever things at the office went wrong."
She was getting angry. Regina had apologized, yes. But she had apologized for not giving her enough time. For forgetting. She hadn't apologized for making Emma feel like she had done something wrong. She hadn't apologized for, in a way, making her leave everything behind so that then the brunette would leave her behind. She hadn't apologized for making her feel like she was not worth it.
"I want to know why did you stop caring about our family. Why did you decide that going with me to my appointments wasn't important? I want to know why did you take decisions concerning our future and us by yourself. I want to know why did you ignore me. Why did you stop returning my calls? Why did you just forget about me? When I have pretty much been by your side and supported you and your choices through all these years." She added. "Why did you treat me like I was nothing?" Her eyes never looked away from the other woman.
"Emma-"
"No, Regina. I want to know why you made the choice of just throwing away what we have been building for over seven years. I want to know when did you decide I wasn't even worth an explanation as to why you wanted to break us apart. Did I mean that little to you? For you to just send a lawyer like "Oh, yeah, Mrs. Mills sends this" and Iget served with divorce papers? We didn't even talk about it. Yes, we had our disagreements. But why did you decide they weren't worth working through? " She was really close to hitting something but she kept her calm for her baby's sake.
The older woman looked down at the table, ashamed. "I didn't."
"You didn't what, Regina?" The blonde spat out.
"I didn't send the papers." She looked up and ran her hand through her hair. "My mother did."
Emma sat there in shock. She wanted to scream and yell at the other woman but she wasn't going to make a scene inside the restaurant so she slowly got up from her chair. "I need some air." She said walked outside.
The brunette paid the bill and went looking for Emma who was pacing on the sidewalk. "Ems-"
The blonde stopped and turned around abruptly. "Don't you fucking Ems me, Regina Mills." She almost growled. "You mean to tell me that you were going to divorce me because your mother said so? Just like that? Did you even think about it or you just went along with that decision? Did you even try standing up for us? I knew she hated me but this is a new level of psycho." Emma was livid. She knew the older woman had issues with her mother, she knew Cora was controlling and manipulative, but this? This was all kinds of wrong. And the worst part was that Regina was going along with it.
"Emma, it's not like that." She let out a frustrated breath. "Walk with me?" She said not even waiting for an answer and she headed to the park that was across the street and Emma followed, irritated.
"What is it like then? Because you ignored my calls and my messages. You completely ignored me for more than three months. You were just done with me. Even a week ago when we saw each other, the only thing you say to me after months is ask why didn't I sign the papers. You didn't seem to have any regrets until I mentioned-" The blonde stopped walking. She felt as if someone had slapped her across the face. "That's is the only reason you are doing this, isn't it?"
"What do y-"
"All of this. The apologies, you talking to me, having lunch. It's all because of the baby, isn't it? Is that another of your mother's plan you are going along with? To take this baby away from me? Is that why you are being civil towards me? Did she tell you to be nice to me so that it would be easier to-" The blonde was almost shouting and she had both hands over her stomach as if she was trying to protect her unborn child.
"No! Emma, no. That's not-"
"Then what is it? Help me understand because right this second that looks like the only reason." She ran a hand through her hair. "I'm such an idiot. Do you even love me? Do you eve-"
The brunette didn't let her continue. "Because I hated myself!" She yelled back.
"What?"
"I ignored you because I hated myself. Because I failed at everything I promised I'd do, on our wedding day, to love you, to be there for you, to be your equal and always support you. I was ashamed and couldn't even look at myself in the mirror without feeling disgusted with all the things I made you go through." The brunette looked down at the grass and then back at the younger woman. "I was embarrassed and too proud to admit that me, a grown-ass, 32 ear old woman is still scared of what her mother thinks of her and is always hoping for her approval." She sighed.
"I know none of this make what I did okay, because it is far from okay. And it is not an excuse either. Yes, everything changed when you said you were pregnant, but that's because it made me realize how stupid I have been. You are not the idiot, I am. You've given me all I ever wanted since the day I met you. You are the most amazing woman I have ever met in my life and I was a fool to think that everything was okay just because we love each other the way we do and because you were always there. I thought that leaving would make things better, that you'd be better without someone like me.'" She entered the blonde's personal space. "I was selfish for not taking your feelings into account." She grabbed both the other woman's hands in both her own. When she didn't pull away she continued. "And I know I am being selfish now for wanting you to forgive me. For wanting you to give me another chance to prove that I can be better."
Emma couldn't help it and leaned closer to rest her forehead against the brunette's. "I I-cant." She let out a shaky breath. "You really hurt me, and I can't. I can't forgive you, yet."
"I know." The older woman whispered. "I'm not asking you to forgive me just like that. All I want is a chance to prove to you and our baby how sorry I am and that I will be better. That I am better." She said a bit firmer this time. "Just let me try to fix the mess I made."
"Okay." If the brunette weren't so close, she wouldn't have heard her.
"I will try my hardest, but if I fail you are free to sign the papers and I promise you, no one is taking our baby away from you."
The blonde nodded.
"I love you so, so much, Emma." The woman moved her head so she could kiss the blonde's forehead. "And I am so very sorry for everything that I put you through. I don't deserve you." She was openly crying, now. From both regret and relief.
"Yes, you do." The tears were flowing freely. "I love you, too." She gave a broken sigh and then a small chuckle as she stepped back so she could clean her face with the palm of her hands as Regina did the same. " I think that was too many emotions for one day."
The brunette hugged herself and Emma placed her hands on her jean's back pockets. "You think?" The older woman said with a small smile.
The blonde hummed. "I think I'm going back to my parents' now, but uhm, I called the hospital today and made an appointment with an obstetrician for tomorrow, and I wanted to know if you'd like to come with me?" She knew the other woman wanted to fix things but she wasn't going to make her do anything, if she did something it had to be her own decision. "It's at nine, you don't have to come but I'd thought I'd just give you the option and-" She was rambling.
"I'd love to go with you." Her smile got wider.
"Okay, great! I'll just- yeah." She pointed to the street signaling that she was leaving.
"I could drive you, you know?" Said the older woman.
"No, it's okay. I could use the walk."
"Very well, then. See you tomorrow?"
"See you tomorrow." The blonde smiled broadly and turned around walking away.
This was just the first step of the many Regina had to take to be able to fix her marriage and her life.
The next one? Confront Cora Mills.