Title: The Most Amazing Thing
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 4.8k
Summary: Little did they know though that later wasn't as far in the future as either of them had thought.
Notes: Born from a prompt from an anonymous source! Part of the If It Hurts This Much universe.
Her eyes are wide and Santana lets her eyes drift to find two pale hands reaching to press either side of Brittany's stomach, both of them finally registering the words and situation that might have arisen without either of their knowledge. She can feel heat spreading across her skin and not in the way she's accustomed too.
This is panic. She's panicking and she knows she really shouldn't be because if she feels this way then how the fuck does Brittany feel.
She drops the box of tampons and quickly moves to Brittany, sliding onto the bed and sitting close to her, her hands finding Brittany's on her stomach and covering them. Brittany's eyes are clouded and dazed, and Santana can't help but stare as her eyebrows knit together, unsure of how she feels.
Are they ready for this?
For a baby?
Her heart almost stops beating right then and she's not sure how she feels so panicked but strangely relieved at the same time. She knows they had a discussion about this a few months back after that fight... But she didn't think they'd be seriously considering it so soon.
Shit.
"Britt... I... What―" she stutters and tries to wet her lips but fails. Her mouth's so dry she's not sure a gallon of water would help her.
"But I'm..." Brittany's mouth parts as she whispers the word, her eyes finally coming back to look straight into Santana's. "I'm on... I mean―I'm on the pill."
Santana's eyes widen and she nods, not entire sure why the hell she's nodding. Her face feels so hot right now, her cheeks spiking with heat but she's not sure how that's possible because the moment the thought, the possibility popped into her head, all the blood drained from her face.
They're both speechless and they stare at each other like one will come up with the answer, but then Santana thinks about it, like really thinks about it and without conscious thought, her gaze is dropping down to Brittany's stomach, to the tanned and pale hands still pressing either side and something inside of her flutters. A sound comes from her throat, halfway between an exhalation of air and halfway between a croak, and Brittany's eyes bore into her own when she looks up, trying to read her.
"You..." She pauses when crystal blue eyes begin to gloss over, fearing she's said the wrong thing. One hand comes up to cup Brittany's cheek and she stares into her eyes, trying to think of the right thing to say.
Usually she can read her wife like a book. It's somethings she's always been able to do but right now, she can't seem to pick up on a single thing. Not an emotion or a flicker or fucking anything, and Santana has this desperate need to know what's going on inside Brittany's head.
"We need―We need to get you a preg―" the word makes her breath catch but she clears her throat, pushing through it. "We need to―to make sure."
Brittany's staring at her but it doesn't feel like she's really looking, and Santana can feel her own perplexed expression on her face as she processes the events that have just arisen.
Brittany might be pregnant. It makes sense. All the symptoms of Brittany's illness points towards it; cravings, throwing up, cramps, hormones. It makes perfect sense and Santana gets into this weird daze as she thinks about it more and more, wondering what this means. What's going to happen from now? Their one and only conversation didn't really lead them anywhere. It didn't have a final decision about the future, it was just left open and now she knows they've got to discuss this. They have to now.
But first, they've got to make sure of something.
"Shall I..." she can't seem to finish a full sentence without interrupting with some bodily function and blinks, shaking away the overwhelming amount of thoughts in her mind. "Shall I go and buy you one?"
It takes her running the pad of her thumb over Brittany's cheek to grab the blonde's attention and Brittany just ends up nodding weakly, like she's not sure what's going on. Santana doesn't think she's seen her wife like this, even when they were 'just best friends,' and honestly, it's scaring the crap out of her.
Standing on shaky legs, she mindlessly picks up a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and begins to change, sliding her belt through her buckle and tightening it when she's finished. Her neck twists and eyes search without choosing to and she glances back at Brittany, who's still sat still on the bed, frozen and void of any emotion and she just has to do something. She has to because she's not sure what's going on.
Is Brittany distraught? Disappointed? Angry? Upset? Santana doesn't know and it's killing her.
But now isn't the time to ask. Now isn't the time to act on what she wants and so she walks back to the bed, whispering to Brittany to get back beneath the covers and that she's going to be back within ten minutes and Brittany just slides into bed, her eyes still clouded and body tense.
And with a kiss to her forehead, Santana leaves the apartment and heads for the market.
With two pregnancy tests bought and in a paper bag in her left hand, she walks back to the apartment, suddenly feeling very conscious that everyone has suddenly gained x-ray vision and can see inside the bag. It's stupid because they can't, and it's not like she should worry anyway because she doesn't know what's going to happen from now. But that makes her worry more: not knowing.
Does Brittany want a baby? For that matter, does Santana want a baby?
She knows she was staring at that woman in the supermarket a few months back, wishing that Brittany was carrying a piece of both of them inside her, but was that just a temporary craving?
And now that it's actually here, does it mean something complete different to back then? This is way more serious now.
Shit.
How are they be able to cope with it if Brittany is pregnant? When will they have the discussion about it? They've only been married for a few months and sure, it feels like forever already but is it too soon? Will Brittany even want to keep the baby?
Her thoughts are so muddled and overwhelming that she ends up walking the wrong way home and it takes an extra five minutes to get home, but she gets there and then it hits her. It hits her so hard she reaches that freezing stage Brittany was at when she left and stills on the stoop, staring blankly at the door whilst her hand grasping the key hovers by the lock.
This is actually happening.
She's actually just bought two pregnancy tests because Brittany might actually be pregnant.
Holy crap.
Her son or daughter might be growing inside Brittany at this very moment.
(She tries not to smile.)
It takes her another ten minutes of standing there, riffling through her thoughts and trying to go through every possible path that might occur when she goes inside, whether it's an abortion, or keeping the baby, or even putting it up for adoption, for her to get moving once more.
Her heart clenches at two of those paths, but it smiles at one of them.
Cautiously, she slides the key into the lock and twists it open, pushing the door open and stepping over the threshold, inhaling Brittany and warmth and home. Her heart flutters and she throws her keys into the bowl to her right as she kicks the door closed behind her.
She's pretty much shaking as she walks through the apartment, discarding her jacket and throwing it somewhere before entering the bedroom. She pushes the door open cautiously and finds Brittany lying down in bed, curled up above the covers now, one hand pressed to her stomach and the other wiping tears from her eyes.
Panic immediately shoots through Santana and she drops the paper bag onto the dresser before bolting over to her wife, sliding in behind her and hugging her close to her body. Kisses, small and soft press to pale skin as Santana slips her palm down over Brittany's, fingers sliding between long, slender ones and pushing gently into the fabric covering toned abs.
"I'm here," she whispers, feeling her wife's body wrack with sobs. "I'm here, baby. We'll be fine. We'll be okay."
Brittany turns over and presses her face into a tanned neck, nose nuzzling the skin there as Santana adjusts and shuffles further into the other girl, dropping kisses into blonde hair. She lets Brittany cry for a little while, just calming her down with small murmurs of "I love you" and "I'll be here no matter what" just to let her know. She doesn't know how her wife feels. She doesn't know how she's reacting and it's making her freak out but she won't show that. Not whilst Brittany's like this.
A few moments later, Brittany's body begins to slow down, her shoulders no longer jolting as she cries against Santana's neck. They lay there together, curled up into each other and Santana swallows against a thick layer covering her throat, nervous for what's to come. The paper bag is still on the dresser, staring at her mockingly and she doesn't know how to feel.
She wants to have babies with Brittany. There's no question about that. She wants the sleepless nights and the erratic hormones. She wants to look after Brittany when she cries and be there when she just wants to shout. She wants the panicked run to the hospital and the hours of labor because she knows at the end, she's going to get some perfect out of it. Something that's hers and Brittany's, and something that's come from Brittany.
And nothing can be more perfect than that, in her opinion.
(Apart from Brittany of course.)
But she doesn't know if she wants that now. She doesn't know if Brittany wants that now. It might be too soon.
Rubbing her hand up and down her wife's ribs, Santana rolls onto her back, pulling Brittany with her until the blonde's draped over her body. She just listens to her wife's breathing calming down, and how she sniffles and uses the hand by her face to wipe the drying tears away. She lies there and listens, and stares at the ceiling, wondering how to approach this.
Except she doesn't know what to say.
"Santana?"
Her eyes widen at the sudden voice and she tilts her head down to look into blue eyes. "Yeah?"
"Did..." Brittany takes in a shaky breath. "Did you get one?"
Santana bites her lip and nods slowly. "I got two. Just―you know, to make sure."
Brittany stares at her with red eyes and keeps the hold for a long moment before bobbing her head, swallowing and rolling off. Santana's following her not a second later, a step behind as the blonde walks towards the dresser and reaches out with a quivering hand to grab the paper bag, her breath stilling as she peels it open and takes a peek inside.
Silence is all that is around them as Santana waits. She knows she needs to be patient even though everything inside of her just burns with the need to know. But she won't give into that. This isn't about her and what she wants. She isn't the one that might be pregnant. She isn't the one that might be carrying a baby for the next nine months or the one that might be taking a trip to Planned Parenthood and coming back with something less than she got there with. She'll be the one standing by the side watching and trying to help but failing since there's nothing she can do.
Oh, God. This is actually happening.
Santana sucks in a deep, shaky breath at the thought.
"I'm gonna―I'm gonna go and..." Brittany trails off, eyes dropping to the bag to finish the sentence she can't.
Santana steps forward and cups her cheek. She doesn't know what to do. Should she go in with Brittany whilst she takes the test? Or should she give her some space and privacy and just wait in the bedroom, instead? She doesn't know. So she asks, instead.
"Shall I wait out here?"
Blue eyes gaze into hers, whilst Brittany chews on the corner of her lower lip and thinks about the answer. She's clearly deep in thought and Santana still doesn't know what to do. And frankly it's sort of pissing her off. Why doesn't she know? She thought if the time came she'd know exactly what to do, to say, to make Brittany feel better, or to take some of the pressure off but she doesn't.
And she doesn't know whether that's a good or a bad thing.
Fuck.
"Yeah," Brittany finally answers, the uneasiness in her voice evident as her eyes dart between brown ones. "I have to do this on my own," she whispers afterward, mostly to herself, Santana thinks. "Is that―Is that okay?"
Shocked that she's being asked that, Santana sort of just stares blankly for a moment, trying to think whether that's okay. She knows that this is definitely to do with her so she should have some input into the matter at some point, but at this stage? The not knowing part? She doesn't know whether she's allowed to say anything.
So she just makes this weird, throaty sound that sounds like a confirmation, but she knows it might not come across like that to Brittany and begins to move her head up and down in a strange, awkward half-nod. Her hand drops from her wife's face and squeezes at her hand grabbing the bag as she takes a step back, letting Brittany step past her and she just observes as Brittany heads towards the bathroom, head dropped and eyes most probably focused on the bag she's carrying.
And when the door closes, Santana does all that she can not to collapse onto the floor and manages to get to the bed, dropping down onto the edge and burying her face into her hands.
The next few minutes are about to change everything.
Even though it's only several minutes of wanting, it feels like hours.
Santana sits on the bed, feeling her stomach twist with nerves and hands shake, too and just thinks about her wife on the other side of the bathroom door. With a deep breath she picks her head up and flops back to the bed, legs still dangling off the edge as her elbows stick up in the air and hands come back to cover her face.
This is so hard, just waiting and thinking. She doesn't know what's going to happen, and her thoughts are too wild to even consider what might happen. She breathes out steadily, trying to keep her heart rate down but failing as she listens to the intense thumping. She can't even imagine how Brittany's feeling because Santana herself is a nervous wreck.
Never once has she imagined this situation. She thought many times about having a baby with Brittany and their future with children, but all those thoughts were filled with what comes after the birth. She never thought about the finding out, the conception or the actual birth itself. And fuck, she's seen childbirth. She remembers sitting in the back row with Brittany in high school watching some gruesome video that was way too graphic for a bunch of thirteen year old's, and quivering at the detailed scenes on TV, selfishly glad she'd never have to go through it herself.
She's heard how painful the birth is and she doesn't want Brittany to go through that, not if she doesn't want it. She can't imagine Brittany being in that much pain and Santana having absolutely no method of making her feel better.
It's awful. It really is. Santana feels so helpless and she wants to be there for Brittany, but she doesn't know how.
Swallowing hard, she scrunches up her face and lets out an angry growl, pushing up from the bed and pacing around the bedroom, one hand cocked to her hip and the other on her forehead, fingers pinching her temples. Her facial muscles are aching from ages of frowning and worry, and she doesn't know what the hell she's doing, just walking around like this.
But shit, she's being so selfish for thinking like this. It almost makes her want to punch herself in the head because Brittany's alone, in the bathroom, peeing on a stick that in a few minutes will forever change both of their lives. Maybe even their relationship.
Pregnancy wasn't in there short term plan. They're only twenty seven for God's sake. Sure there are other couples in the world's with children, Santana was freaking staring at one mother who must have been younger than her a few months back but that doesn't mean they're ready.
Yeah, okay, that whole staring thing led to an argument with Brittany, but she explained everything. She explained why she was staring and it all turned out okay because they decided not to have that conversation there as it was too early, and decided it could be something pushed until a later date. Instead they traded cute little comments and ended up rolling back onto the bed, laughing into a kiss.
Little did they know though that later wasn't as far in the future as either of them had thought.
Her thoughts are so muddled and powerful that she doesn't hear the bathroom door open behind her, and doesn't even notice Brittany's now come out until she hears her name being called. She spins round urgently, heart jumping and jolting and she rushes to her wife, stopping in front of her and letting her eyes roam around Brittany's face.
"Did you do it? Did you do the test?"
Brittany's bottom lip begins to wobble and her eyes begin to water, and Santana's heart almost stops as her wife begins to nod sheepishly, lifting something between them. It takes a few seconds for brown eyes to drop to Brittany's hands, but then she finds them, two sticks clutched inside a pale hand, the little screen revealing the result covered by slender fingers.
Her eyes grow wide and her body almost stops functioning altogether. She knows right there, not more than ten inches away is the answer that'll change her life. Their lives. She swallows heavily and looks up, stomach twisting nervously and the lump in her throat growing bigger and bigger.
"Did you..." she croaks out, unsure if Brittany knows the answer already. Her lips are so dry at this point and her heart is beating so fast that she can't focus on words or the ability to speak. So many scenarios are playing through her mind and she's looking at Brittany who couldn't look more terrified if she tried, and she doesn't know if she even wants to know the answer. "Do you know?"
Brittany's mouth drops open but no words come out. Tears begin to slowly trail from her cheek and Santana panics. Is that a yes? Do the tears mean Brittany's pregnant? And if so, do the tears mean Brittany's unhappy about being pregnant?
Oh, fuck. Santana's so not ready for this.
"Yeah," Brittany whimpers, voice so small she almost doesn't hear it. "I know."
In the corner of her eye, she watches a pale hand rise further between them and fingers begin to release the stick, ready to reveal the answer but Santana moves quickly, wrapping both hands around the sticks and the hand, and stops, eyes boring straight into blue ones. She needs to say something before Brittany does it, because no matter what the answer is, she needs to tell Brittany this.
"I love you, Britt," she sputters. "I love you and I'll never stop, no matter what happens from now. Whatever you want to do, with this," she squeezes Brittany's hand to emphasize the meaning. "I'm going to support you. I love you and I..." she swallows, not knowing what to say. "I just love you and I need you to know that."
They gaze at each other for a long moment and Santana watches as Brittany nods, jaw clenching as she pulls her hand out from beneath tanned ones and brings it between their chests, uncurling her fingers until the screen is visible.
And Santana can't breath. Her eyes are still locked on Brittany's face and she knows she should look down―she wants to look down―but she's frozen. Her vision is blurring and she can feel the pressure coming down on her like a ton of bricks, and she sucks in her lips, holding a deep breath as blue eyes flicker down and back up to meet deep, brown orbs again.
Then Brittany just says it. Straight up. Without even a stutter or hesitation.
"I'm four weeks pregnant."
The words hit Santana like a baseball bat to the gut and she chokes, mouth dropping open and eyes bulging out, finally peering down to look at the tests to find two blue lines on each and a little four in the corner before coming back to take in the expression on Brittany's face. Her blue eyes are frightened. They're frightened but happy and Santana sees none of the confusion or panic she sees before. This time as she stares into her wife's eyes she can see the happiness and joy at the announcement before Brittany even has time to say it and she exhales through a smile, it coming out as a grin.
Brittany's pregnant.
Brittany's fucking pregnant, and the best part, Brittany's fucking happy about this. She's fucking happy which means they're keeping it.
Shit. She's going to be a mother.
Santana chokes out a few more puffs of air, her lungs unable to function properly, before her stomach begins to move and shoulders begin to shake and then she's grinning. She's grinning because they're having a baby. They're having a baby and she never thought anything could feel like this because fuck, this is amazing.
Instantly her knees buckle and she crouches to the floor, her face burying into Brittany's stomach and arms wrapping around her legs to hug her closer. She presses as many kisses to her wife's clothed abs as possible and squeezes her eyes shut, feeling fingers rake through her hair and nails graze gently over her scalp, whilst Brittany's stomach move with her laughter.
"We're having a baby," comes from above and Santana pulls back to look up at Brittany who looks so overjoyed that she can't possibly control her emotions and shoots up from the floor, throwing her arms around her wife's waist and picking her from the floor, spinning her around in a circle as they both laugh and smile.
Fuck, they're having a baby.
Hands clutch at her shoulders and she slows down the spinning when they slide up her neck, her own hands dropping to Brittany's ass to hold her up as long legs wrap around her waist, adjusting into a more comfortable position. Forearms press into her shoulder blades and clutch her closely and she buries her face into Brittany's neck, now standing in the middle of their room with Brittany in her arms and they're both so fucking happy she can't even begin to explain it.
She reels back to stare at her wife, and Brittany's grinning so widely that Santana's heart flips and flutters at the sight and she glances down between them to her wife's stomach just because. There's a baby growing in there. Their baby growing in there and holy shit, she's so fucking happy she could cry.
"I love you," she chokes out, a second before Brittany comes towards her and kisses her softly. She presses harder into it, wetness beginning to trail down her cheeks and she pulls back with a sniffle, pale hands reaching for her cheeks to wipe away the tears of joy that she didn't know were there.
"I love you, too, baby," Brittany replies, still smiling, her eyes brighter than ever and Santana just shakes her head and brings their mouths back together, kissing her wife.
Because Brittany's pregnant. And it's the most amazing thing ever.
"You're pregnant."
It still feels so surreal to say that, even as they're lying in bed, Brittany on her back and Santana further down the bed, ear pressed to her wife's bare stomach where it has been for the past half an hour, after she'd insisted that she needed to introduce herself to their baby without the blockage of clothing. Her fingers trace mindless patterns across toned abs and Brittany giggles above, stroking through dark hair with a gentle touch.
"Are you ever going to stop saying that?" The other girl jokes, her body shaking with the chuckle that follows.
Santana twists her head, chin now resting on her wife's stomach. "Nope," she pops the 'p' and grins. "I just can't believe it."
"Neither can I," Brittany breathes. "It just doesn't feel real."
She knows exactly what Brittany means and presses a kiss to soft skin. "We're actually going to start a family, Britt Britt," she breathes, grinning at her own words. "We're going to have a little Lopez-Pierce running around."
Brittany bites down on her lip but the smile can't be hidden. She chuckles and the grin spreads so wide across her face that Santana has to kiss it, so she shuffles up, nudging long legs apart and settles between them, supporting herself on her hands either side of blonde hair, her own dark locks curtaining around them, and drops her head to suck Brittany's bottom lip into her mouth.
Pale hands slide down her back and around her ribs, squeezing gently as Santana opens her mouth against Brittany's and lets Brittany's tongue stroke against herself, making a low moan come from deep inside her chest.
They kiss, long and slow, and so, so deep, and minutes pass just like that, their kisses only growing longer and deeper, until Brittany smiles against her mouth and the kiss is broken. She pulls back, eyebrows frowning a little but lowers herself, her entire body pressing down onto Brittany's and forearms digging into the mattress as their noses brush against each other, kissing because their grinning mouths can't.
And then they opens their eyes, smiling at each other and taking in the words and thoughts that flash behind each others expressions. Santana begins to think about the future where she and Brittany are going to be in a few years, sitting in their house outside the city, on a loveseat on their decking, watching their children run about in their back yard, chasing after their golden retriever.
And she can't help but smile.
Because she knows what the future holds for them, and as she shifts to the side and lowers one hand to press her palm against Brittany's stomach, she knows she can't wait the future to begin.
The End! Hope you enjoyed and look out for more filled prompts coming! :)
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