Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. (Honestly, are these things necessary at the start of every chapter? Do any of you honestly believe that I obtained the rights to Code Geass between chapters 3 and 4?)
Chapter 4: Kick Start
When I got back into my Guren, I immediately tuned into our main frequency. Those of our forces not killed or captured were in full retreat, as per Tohdoh's orders. As I drove Guren down the beach, looking for a place to lie low and plan what to do next, tears streamed down my face. We had been so close. Now Zero…Lelouch was captured and would probably be executed, and all our hopes with him. Most of my comrades were probably either dead or captured as well. It was almost too much bear……Then something caught my eye. Something washed up on the beach, with a recognizable tangled mass of green hair.
I hopped out of the Guren and was horrified to find the body of C.C., crushed to death. Every bone in her body looked broken and she was covered with cuts and bruises. We had never really gotten along, but I couldn't just leave her body there, so I took it with me. I found a cave, remarkably similar to the one where I first met C.C. and started to dig a grave for her inside. I thought that it was the least I could do while I figured out where to go. Once I was done digging that shallow grave, I went to put her body in, but then I noticed that her hand was slightly warm. Not at all cold and clammy like it had been only a couple hours ago. As I looked closer, I noticed that she had fewer cuts and scrapes. Her bones even seemed to be mending in a matter of hours. I checked for a pulse just as one of her eyes weakly opened…
"Kallen?"
"C.C.!! You're alive!" I exclaimed.
"There isn't much that can kill me," she said, taking in our surroundings. "Where's Zero?"
I lowered my gaze. "Suzaku has him."
"But he's alive?" C.C. asked.
"Last I saw," I answered without looking up.
"Good," she said.
"How's that good!? He'll be publicly humiliated and executed!" I exclaimed, not entirely sure if Lelouch didn't deserve it.
"The Emperor won't execute him…not if I'm right," C.C. said with such confidence I wanted to slap her.
"Why would the Emperor give a damn about Lelouch?!"
My use of his real name didn't escape her. "So you know?"
"Know what!! That Lelouch is a bastard that used us all, then abandoned us just when we needed him most…"
"That was my fault," C.C. interrupted. I looked up confused. "I'm the one who told him his sister was kidnapped. I'm even pretty sure I know who did it. Forgive me, Kallen. If I had kept my mouth shut, Japan may be free right now, but Lelouch would have lost his reason for fighting in the first place, and I couldn't do that to him."
"You choose Lelouch over the whole of Japan," I choked out.
"As per our contract," C.C., simply answered standing up slowly, obviously in extreme pain.
"Hey, you shouldn't even be able to stand," I said.
"There's no time to waste. If we are to have any hope of success, we need to gather what little forces remain quickly." C.C. said, moving towards the Guren. "Come, Kallen. I'll try to explain on the way all the things that Lelouch would only trust you to know."
"Lelouch doesn't trust me," I said flatly.
"No, Kallen. Actually, I think he trusts you more than anyone," C.C. answered.
I looked strait into those golden eyes of hers and said, "Not as much as you."
She just gave me a sad smile and said, "Perhaps, but he was forced to trust me by circumstance. He chose to trust you."
Just as C.C. said, we quickly gathered up the Black Knights that remained and still believed in Zero's miracle. Almost all the senior members were either captured or in exile. (Much to my chagrin, Diethard was one of the ones that escaped rather than was captured. I was much more relieved to hear about Rakshata and Kaguya.) The only senior member left that was still free but hadn't fled was Urabe, one of the Four Heavenly Swords. Not surprising, really. Tohdoh and The Heavenly Swords wouldn't abandon Japan even if the entire island were burning to ash around them, save by their lord's leave; they would be samurai to the end. Thank goodness we found Urabe. I'm no strategist, and for all C.C.'s talents, military tactics isn't one of them.
Still, C.C. insisted that we keep the truth about Lelouch between only the two of us. And what a truth it was. He was a prince and Nunnally a princess, the son and daughter of the late Empress Marianne vi Britannia. He fought for revenge against the conspiring nobles that stole his mother's life and his sister's eyes and legs. He fought to create a peaceful world where his sister could be happy. And he did it with the help of the power of Geass. Thus, he donned the identity of Zero in order to protect his anonymity, not for himself, but to prevent Zero from being connected to his sister.
It was weird, but hearing about your two lives made me feel closer to you than ever before, Lelouch. Two lives, both acting as a mask for the other. You've been wearing a mask ever since you abandoned the name vi Britannia and became Lelouch Lamperouge. That was your first false life. But false though it may have been, there were nonetheless aspects of that life you needed to protect: Nunnally and the Student Council. So when the time came, you took on a second mask, the mask of Zero.
I would like to think I got close to you in both your lives, Lelouch, even if both lives were masks. In one you were my friend. In the other you were my leader. But what does that make me in your real life? The one without masks. Am I even there? Or is the me in that part of your life an amalgamation of the two, both a friend and a comrade-in-arms? Maybe it's not even simple addition. Maybe it's more than the sum of its parts……Wait, what!? What am I talking about?
Although, I can relate Lelouch. There was a time when I only had one mask, the one I wore at Ashford to hide my true self…the terrorist. But I abandoned that self when I became a Black Knight. Except, I didn't really completely abandon that aspect of myself. Instead, my terrorist-self started becoming a mask, too. One that hid from my Japanese comrades my compassion for the Britannian friends I had come to love so much, because I didn't think most of them would understand. I realize now, Lelouch, my true self is somewhere between my Ashford self and my Black Knight self, just as your true self is somewhere between Lelouch and Zero. In fact, I may be the only one that can understand you in that way.
However, while many of these revelations about you, Lelouch, made me feel closer to you than ever before, there was one that during that whole year drove what felt like a needle through my brain.
When I asked C.C. if Lelouch had used Geass on the Black Knights to make us loyal, she answered, "He's never used Geass on any of the senior Black Knights, except you." Except me? She did not know the details, only that Lelouch once told her that he had already used Geass on Shirley, Suzaku and me. She was aware of the circumstances surrounding the first two instances, but wasn't privy to when or why he Geassed me. She did explain that after they got separated in Shinjuku, it took her awhile to track Lelouch down. As a result, she had no knowledge of what he may have done with his Geass during that time, so that was probably when it happened. I know now what happened, but for that whole year, I couldn't help but feel the whole reason I was staying was because of Geass. C.C. insisted that wasn't very likely since every time Geass activates, it results in memory loss; she said that I was so loyal that if it were caused by Geass, I would have huge chunks of my memory missing. It was only because C.C. told me that that I could sleep at night.
C.C. It's almost weird how close we got in that year. I used to…well, not hate her…but I did not want to be anywhere near her. Now, it feels strange being separated from her so long like this. We almost became like…I hate to admit it…but like sisters. I guess that would make her the condescending older one and me the jealous younger one. After all, she loves making little jabs at my expense (even more than Lelouch), and for some reason, I keep letting her get to me…
Part of me still seethes whenever I remember her favorite little slights that she delivered on a daily basis. "I've kissed Lelouch, you know. The day of the Black Rebellion. Have you kissed him yet? For that matter, have you kissed anybody?" Which was only surpassed by, "You know, most girls get their first kiss before a man sees them naked, let alone multiple men." Honestly, since I knew she couldn't die anyway, there were times I thought about bludgeoning her, but that would have been too hard to explain to Urabe and the others, so I held back.
Still, there have been times during missions, when she thinks I can't hear her, when she says, "I'm counting on you, Kallen." And I have to admit, her approval has come to mean alot to me. She doesn't give out advice to many—I think because she's gotten tired of not being taken seriously—but she always seems to have time to talk to me when I get confused. Tamaki should really learn to listen to her. I know now, C.C.'s advice comes from years of experience, and it's not wise to ignore it. If I did, I doubt I would have survived that year.
Like that time at Aomori. It was early when the Britannians found our hiding place and mounted an assault to wipe out the last of the Black Knights. I had been showering—of course—and was forced to attend the briefing with C.C. and Urabe in nothing but a towel. (Suffice to say, C.C. likes to bring this up frequently.) It was only because of Urabe and C.C.'s quick thinking that let us escape. Unfortunately, they did get a mug shot of me during that operation (fully clothed, thank God).
Long story short, when it got out that the 'Eleven's Ace' Kozuki Kallen was none other than Kallen Stadtfeld, the Stadtfeld family's status in the Empire dropped like a rock. Honestly, I don't give a damn how much of a problem this caused for my step-mother. Still, even though I only met him a couple times a year and I really don't know his reasons for doing so, I can't deny that my father took me, his illegitimate daughter, into his household. And that gave me opportunities I never would have had as an 'Eleven' girl. I don't know what's happened to him since then, but, even if it's only a little, I do feel sorry for the trouble I've caused him.
After that, we had to move our base...again. It was becoming a hassle. We simply didn't have the men to do everything we needed to get done. Particularly with the search for Nunnally taking such high priority for reasons that only C.C. and I understood. At least it wasn't hard to find Lelouch. Just as C.C. said, the Emperor didn't harm him. As it turned out, an old acquaintance of C.C. (she's never elaborated on that) gave the old man a Geass, too. The ability to rewrite memories. So that's what he did. He rewrote Lelouch's memories, as well as the memories of the Student Council members. He replaced all the faculty at Ashford with Intelligence agents. He even completely replaced most of the student body. Then he gave Lelouch a fake brother to keep tabs on him, basically making Ashford…my Ashford…into a prison for Lelouch, and a trap…for C.C.
Because it was a trap, we had to plan carefully. C.C. knew that we, the Black Knights, needed Lelouch back if we were ever to survive. I think part of her felt guilty. After all, she admitted that if she hadn't told Lelouch about Nunnally, we could have won the Black Rebellion. Therefore, trap or no, we had to make a move soon. And C.C. knew she would have to walk right in and spring that trap to free Lelouch.
Attacking Ashford was clearly out. Besides the fact that it would have put my friends in danger, it was too well protected by the Intelligence Agency. We needed to get Lelouch in a place where there weren't lots of innocent people and the Intelligence Agency couldn't move freely. Fortunately, one thing Lelouch did not lose with his memories was his gambling habit. And he was going to progressively more shady places to satisfy it. It was almost like part of him knew something was wrong, and he was stretching himself out, pushing his life to its absolute limit to find out where the lies ended. That's when he started frequenting Babel Tower.
It was pretty much the lowest of the all the low places in all of Tokyo. Fights to the death. Prostitution. Slavery. And, of course, gambling. Since it was controlled by the Mafia, the Intelligence Agency would have limited access there. Plus, it was conveniently located near the Chinese Embassy; I don't know how or when C.C. first made contact with them, but she already had a contact or two that would prove useful later on. Therefore, that's where we decided to make our move. All we needed was to secure Lelouch and then get C.C. close enough to return his memories. Securing Lelouch fell to me…I almost felt honored, until I found out what it entailed.
That bunny suit. I hate that suit. Lelouch and C.C., both mention it whenever the opportunity arises. It was revealing and humiliating, but it was the easiest way to get in without looking suspicious. I remember, as I gawked at the revealing outfit, C.C. just said, "It's not like any of the rest of us can pass ourselves off as a Bunny Girl." What a load. C.C. could have just fine, but I was in too much shock to think that at the time.
I later confronted her about it, that damned bunny suit, leading to yet another…wardrobe malfunction in the process. Fortunately, one of the guys there was a eunuch, but the other one, Xingke, that was simply humiliating. The fact that he then attempted friendly conversation only seemed to make it worse. But that particular conversation was cut short, so I had to bring it up again later when Lelouch was there. Lelouch smiled and said, "If my captivity was merely a trap for C.C., wouldn't it have been unwise to make her the…'front man,' so to speak." "Precisely," C.C. said even though it was clear that this was the first time she had thought of that herself.
I hate it when they do that. When the two of them gang up on me. It used to be that Lelouch would be the one to rise my ire at school, and C.C. would do it at Black Knight H.Q. Now that Lelouch doesn't need to hide behind the Zero mask in front of me anymore, they can do it together. Either one of them can be annoying; both together is downright infuriating. The only upside is that C.C. seems equally willing to gang up with me against Lelouch. Now, those moments, I enjoy. You know, for some reason, Lelouch and I have never ganged up on C.C. Maybe it's because we both sense that it would be…unwise.
Still, the point is, I HATE that bunny suit. But, it was for you, Lelouch…and for Zero. And I needed to get close to you, to ask you why I should still believe in your miracle.
So I did. I got close to him. I spilled some drinks on him, purely out of spite. I shot those words that he had once told me in the park back in his face, and he told me not to push my values on him. It was such a relief to hear that voice again, but at the same time, I was starting to get angry, making the whole Bunny Girl act much more difficult. I needed to place the tracker on him quickly, but that's when that mafia bastard grabbed me from behind, calling me merchandise.
I could have killed him in a second, but it would have ruined the whole mission. Lelouch's fake brother from the Agency was right there, and I had no idea of his capabilities. I needed to separate the two if the plan were to work. And that's when it happened. Lelouch, even though he had no memory of me, put himself on the line to save me…with a chess battle.
Would you have done that for any of the other poor bunny girls, Lelouch? Or did you have some sort of subconscious memory of me that compelled you to protect me like you used to? You've told me that during that year, you and the other Student Council members spoke fondly of me. And even though I have a hard time picturing you speaking of anyone fondly other than your sister, it means so much that all of you did not hate me for what I did. Still, your eyes didn't seem to register my face when we looked at each other. I know that many of your memories of me must have been jumbled with the memories of Zero that were taken from you, so I guess it's no surprise that your memories of me would be, at best, fuzzy. Even so, you stood up to rescue me. I suppose whether you remembered me or not is a moot point, because while you were sitting there, playing a game with my freedom on the line, all the anger I had pent up over the past year started to fade…
Which was good for you, otherwise, I really would have let you have it.
Of course, for all your brilliance Lelouch, you can be a real fool. Did you honestly think that a man from the mafia would just let you and me go because you won a game? Things were deteriorating quickly, and I was running out of time. The Black Knights would be making their move soon, and I still needed to secure Lelouch. Fortunately, Urabe and C.C. had been monitoring the situation and moved in early. That gave me enough distraction to grab Lelouch and run.
But then I lost him. I don't know how, but I lost him. It's like I just…spaced out for several seconds, and his fake brother was suddenly there running off with him. It was so humiliating. I went through all that trouble, degraded myself so much, and I wasn't even able to complete my objective. Which meant we just had to search for him, even if that meant tearing through every Knightmare the Britannians threw at us. That honestly suited me fine; I much preferred the Guren to that bunny suit anyway.
Of course, the first one to get to him just had to be C.C. It was the best case scenario since she needed to be the one to return his memories anyway, but it still annoyed me…for some reason. Within minutes after C.C.'s contact with the 'target,' we heard that familiar voice, filled with confidence, giving out commands as if the whole past year had not even happened. And just like that, a miracle started to occur; we were outmanned and outgunned, yet we were winning easily. I knew Lelouch must be somewhere where he could see all the action and get each unit into position accordingly. I knew that for now, I should be Q-1 and deploy as he commanded. But I'm not just Q-1; I'm Kozuki Kallen. And before I did one more thing for this man…these two men, I needed an answer.
"What do you want, you who abandoned Zero at Kaminejima?" Okay, he was pissed. But so was I, and fortunately, I was the one with the gun. C.C. said I had been Geassed, but also said that it couldn't have been to make me loyal to Zero. But I still needed to hear from him…Lelouch…Zero, it didn't matter which one. But when I asked him, at first, he just laughed at me. Lelouch's laugh. Then his voiced changed into Zero's—Which one are you?—and told me that my will was my own. He approached me, even though I told him not to move, and he grabbed my gun, never removing it from over his heart. "You don't…believe me?" That was Lelouch again, not Zero.
I guess that's when I realized that I had hurt you at Kaminejima as much as you hurt me, Lelouch. If what C.C. told me is true, you trusted me. In fact, you chose to trust me more than any other. Yet when you needed me the most, I ran away. You couldn't see the turmoil in my heart; you just saw my back as I turned away from you. That must have hurt. Then you were taken back to the Emperor and had all your most cherished memories taken from you. And the one person that could have prevented that from happening was now standing in front of you. The person that you trusted with your very life was standing there, unable to put her trust in you. I wanted to believe, even if it meant I was a slave. That's what I told you. And for moment, I think you saw things from my point of view, too. I still wasn't convinced…not completely, but it was enough. I would stay…but then why did I still feel, if ever so slightly, like running away?
"Maybe it's because this was the first time you truly saw that Lelouch and Zero were the same person. Maybe it's because it was at that moment that you began to realize that your admiration and love for Zero and your friendship and rivalry with Lelouch were combining into something more. And that thought terrified you."
Wait…what!? What was that!? Easy Kallen, you haven't been in prison long enough to go stir crazy yet. After all, the first sign of insanity is talking to yourself.
"And the second sign is when you start answering yourself back."
……Okay, that was weird.
"It's not weird. You've just been taking so long to realize it, your mind feels you need a little kick start."
Okay, first of all, I do NOT need a 'kick start.' Second of all, that conclusion of yours makes no sense because the very next thing I said to him was…
"But it's Zero I believe in. Not you, Lelouch." He—I believe he was Zero at that point—said that was fine. Then he asked me how long I was going to stay dressed like that. Dressed like what?...The bunny suit!! I had forgotten. I called him a perv, and he asked if that's how one should address Zero. Yeah, right…that was definitely Lelouch talking then, and I told him so. I was about to suggest some kind of series of hand signs we could use to let me know which of them I was speaking to at any given moment when C.C.'s voice came over the comm.
The new governor, a cruel man, was finally making his appearance, and we were surrounded on all sides. For a moment I was scared, but then Lelouch draped his jacket over me—A platonic gesture? A sign of respect?—and declared his victory. And I knew, we would win.
But it wasn't a victory without cost. We lost Urabe, to that Vincent Knightmare Frame with impossible speed. According to Lelouch, he's our ally for now, but at the time, I thought we were dead. He could literally move in the blink of eye. Even Lelouch was baffled at first, but God Speed or no, I knew we couldn't lose Lelouch, so I threw myself between them. I was surprised to hear the panic in his voice as I did this…he was obviously the one this Vincent was after. He was the one about to die, but he was worried about me.
Later on, he actually scolded me for my rash actions. He said that that's what gets me into trouble. I can't argue with that; it is after all why I'm here right now. He said, "If I can't figure out what tactic an enemy is using, what chance do you have?" I was insulted and about to protest when I realized he was right. Then he said something odd. "Kallen, if I can't figure out what tactic an enemy is using, it means we've probably lost already. So just retreat. Don't do that again."
Fortunately, C.C.'s timing was impeccable. On Lelouch's orders, she had been strategically placing charges all around the building, so it was time for Lelouch and I to make for the ground floor. Once there, Lelouch hit the button and Babel tower came crashing down, crushing all our opponents above us. I thought I understood, but as usual, I was thinking too small. Lelouch's plans always have at least two or three overlapping objectives. Not only did the collapse of the tower destroy the enemy forces, it crushed the governor's mobile base and provided us cover to escape to the Chinese Embassy.
I know that C.C. had already laid the groundwork for our alliance with the Chinese Federation, but I was shocked how quickly it came together when we arrived. Geass, I guessed.
I wish I could have seen the look on faces of those Britannians back at their military H.Q. when Zero made his reappearance and announced the reestablishment of the United States of Japan. There was nothing really new about his speech; it mostly just reaffirmed Zero's stance on creating a free country were the primary virtue was justice. Justice for all. Still, the past year had been so hard, and now here I was believing that there would be a miracle again. And that miracle, that 'New World of Justice' would be brought about by this man…whether, this man was Zero…or Lelouch.
Turns out though that "this man" was neither. It was C.C. They had switched places on me…again. Damn, that annoyed me. Looking back, it makes sense. He needed to get back to Ashford to avoid suspicion. After all, we still didn't know where his sister was, and if Britannia knew Lelouch was Zero again, it could have put her in danger.
You must have recorded the speech while we were snaking our way through the ruins of Babel Tower, quickly Geassed the Eunuch General and escaped, right? Still, the fact that you didn't spare a moment for me hurt, Lelouch. Although, I guess we had our moment at Babel Tower. But you're supposed to trust me. That's what C.C. once told me. Now she seemed to be reveling in my clear discomfort over it. After our year with pretty only each other to lean on, she has come to know me so well…too well it feels sometimes.
That's what was really annoying me, I guess. I've come to really care for C.C., but being with her and only her all the time was really starting to grate. I thought, now, with you back, Lelouch, there would be someone else that I could talk to…that knew all these things that I knew, but that I couldn't talk about with anybody except for the others who were 'in the know.' In other words, C.C. and Lelouch.
But just like that, he was gone again, with no way to contact him safely. The days went by like that until suddenly, the Britannians decided to not let this 'New' Zero start anything, by executing everyone: Ohgi, Tamaki, Tohdoh, everyone.
We were stuck. There were too many Britannians for my squadron to fight alone, even with the Guren. The man Xingke used the opportunity to stage a mini-coup and kill the Eunuch General, then basically blackmailed us into taking the blame it. And as for Lelouch…Zero…,we had no way of contacting him or of knowing whether he could even shake the security that was watching him every moment of every day.
The execution day arrived. C.C. had to hold me back, telling me I would just get killed if I attacked. Still, I had the Guren and our other Knightmares in position, hoping that Zero would deliver another miracle. That's when he appeared, in his custom Burai from behind enemy lines, asking for a duel with the Knight, Guilford. His only weapon, a police shield.
I knew something had to be up. I know nothing of strategy, but there were three things I did know then: One, fighting a Knight of the Empire with nothing but a shield was suicidal. Two, Lelouch wasn't suicidal……He's a very messed up man, yes, but not suicidal. And Three, Lelouch's plans have never once made sense to me at the beginning. So for the moment, I just decided to sit back and watch the show.
I didn't have to wait long. It's surprising really that none of us saw this coming. It was the Black Rebellion, in miniature. Our POWs landed in our territory and Zero ordered my squadron to move in. We pulled them out as quickly as possible and got them into Chinese Embassy territory, where the Empire couldn't touch us. It was such a relief to see them all again, especially Ohgi and Tohdoh (even Tamaki). But there was one unsettling thing. The Vincent that nearly killed Lelouch and I, that had killed Urabe, had inexplicably been protected by Zero during the fight. And in return, that Vincent had protected him.
The meeting that night with C.C. and Lelouch was infuriating. It almost felt like I was there merely as a formality. He wouldn't tell me about the Vincent's pilot. Neither he nor C.C. would let me into their conversation about Geass and the Emperor. Why won't the two of you trust me more? Okay, I'm only really good at piloting a Knightmare, so I probably can't do much about Geass. The only Geass I'm immune to after all is Lelouch's. C.C. is immune to all Geass to the best of my knowledge, so anything pertaining to Geass is best left to her. I'll acknowledge that. So are you two just not telling me to protect me? Because you're both afraid I'll attempt to help and end up doing something half-cocked and screw everything up?...The worst part is that I can't deny I wouldn't…
But still, the Vincent. It's a Knightmare, one of the few things I DO know about. Lelouch said he was now an ally, but not because he Geassed him. He could turn against us; he could switch sides again. If he does that, I should know how to counter him in my Guren. I'm the head of Zero Squadron. It's my duty to protect you, Lelouch, in case he betrays you. Even if that Vincent has God Speed. Even if it has speed that by all accounts, is impossible…
Impossible? Like Geass should be impossible. Is it not the Vincent that has God Speed? Is it the pilot? A pilot with Geass. Then C.C. would be the only one with a chance of fighting him without getting caught up in whatever effect that Geass has to make that Vincent so fast. So, Lelouch…C.C.…are you protecting me again? Protecting me from Geass? If so, I wish you two would at least tell me that much. It's too hard being left on the outside like this…C.C., you once told me you knew what is was to feel true loneliness. I don't know if what I feel even compares to what you've been through C.C., but you can appreciate what I feel at least a little, right?
And Lelouch, I appreciate it when you protect me. But I'm your bodyguard. I'm supposed to protect you…so I need you to trust me.
"Are you sure that's the only reason you want him to trust you?"
Oh no, not you again.
"Hey now, if you refer to your own mind as a different person, you really are going crazy."
Whatever. I don't have time for your crazy theories.
"Like you just told yourself, this is your own mind. It's your own crazy theory. This is just the voice trying to get you to listen to yourself."
Listen to myself. About how in my mind, Lelouch and Zero are combining into something more…or at least my feelings for them are. And that's why I need their trust? That's stupid. Lelouch is my friend; Zero is my commander. It makes perfect sense that I would want both to trust me.
"It makes sense, but it's still not the only reason."
Look, I've got alot of things on my mind right now.
"Yes, but if you keep tuning this voice out, you really may go crazy."
Go away…
"Just keep that in mind."
……Lelouch, Zero, what have you done to me? Sometimes, I wish I had never found out you were the same person. That I could go back…not to my old self—she was just a terrorist—but to when you first changed my life. When I first became a Black Knight. Things were so much simpler then…
The Black Knights. I was so relieved that Ohgi and Tohdoh stood up for Zero. I knew that, like myself, many of the members would want an explanation about why Zero left in the middle of the most important battle of our lives. Many of our friends had died. Most of those present had been imprisoned for a year without any hope of rescue. And furthermore, if our fearless leader hadn't been executed as was common knowledge, where the hell had he been for the past year? If Ohgi and Tohdoh hadn't spoken on Zero's behalf, I don't know how many would have left. I had very nearly left myself, and I knew almost the whole story, plus I had received Lelouch's assurance. The fact that Ohgi and Tohdoh were able to put aside their doubts and have faith in Zero with neither that knowledge nor that assurance almost made me feel…I'm not sure, but it didn't feel good.