[Mike and the bots reluctantly head back to the couch]

MIKE: Alright… What's Ebony up to now, cutting herself for no reason while spending HOURS dressing up?

SERVO: Mike, that's ALL she does.

Chapter 8.

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep!

[Mike lets out a long, suffering groan]

CROW: So she wants people to stop flashing her. I guess that's fair.

SERVO: And if they do, apparently they're… prepared. For something.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXX

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

SERVO: Oh, the angst.

MIKE: At least something is happening. At last.

CROW: The idea of a naked Draco begging the Devil's spawn to take him back isn't what I consider "stuff happening". Oh, who am I kidding?

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly.

MIKE: Bee-loody Mary?

SERVO: Smith? Guess they thought that since her last name was so common, they'd go all out on her first name.

She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on.

SERVO: Not content with just butchering grammar, now she wishes to murder syntax as well.

MIKE: They're all wearing contact lenses, aren't they? All red…

[Mike takes a deep breath]

MIKE: THEY'RE WIZARDS!

She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on.

SERVO: So she looks like EVERYBODY else in this fic. Even the guys! Are they Pokémon? THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME!

CROW: Go, Gothicsue!

Hermione was kidnapped when she was born.

MIKE: Wait, Hermione?

Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch

MIKE: …No, just… no.

but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it.

SERVO: I like how they're so casual about it. Oh, and then her father killed himself. For kicks.

She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed.

MIKE: Not only are they completely similar in appearance, but now in personality as well.

SERVO: Maybe this isn't her friend Bee-loody Mary. Maybe it's just a mirror.

It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger.

MIKE: So they changed her last name, her first name, her appearance and her personality…

SERVO: Why not just make an original character, then?

(Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

SERVO: Why is it that Dumbledore launches f-bombs, but Snape, of all people, sounds like he's under a G-rated hex?

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.

CROW: ...No, Draco cheated on her with Vampire. It's the other way around! She's not even consistent across one chapter!

SERVO: How does she know he cheated? That tattoo could be years old, for all she knows.

Everyone gasped.

MIKE: Well, if this was the regular Potter-verse, this WOULD be quite a plot twist.

CROW: And legions of fangirls sqee with glee.

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me.

SERVO: And now she's having an out-of-body experience.

MIKE: I feel like I just drank a large bottle of drain cleaner. Feels nice.

I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony)

SERVO: Ah, I see. We've suddenly switched perspective, and now Draco is the narrator. How does he know she's bi?

for a while but then he broke my heart.

MIKE: Hopefully with a stake through it.

He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker.

MIKE: Maybe, but at least she puts out.

We were just good friends now.

MIKE: Right, you guys stay here while I go and get shovels.

CROW: Why shovels?

MIKE: For canon, I think it's time to give it a decent burial.

He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

MIKE: This keeps getting worse, they don't even bother to mention what the traumatising events are anymore, she just goes with the general "problems".

SERVO: Hey, Mike, remember when you put your shoes on the wrong feet?

MIKE: Oh my God, I had blocked that out… what a horrible tragedy that was. I'm going to go goth.

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room

SERVO: So she went and deliberately sought Harry out to… run away. Right.

and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility

CROW: Virility? Now that could apply to every male characters of this fic.

to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.

Chapter 9.

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers!

MIKE: What? Who's writing this story? The movies? What is she talking about?

SERVO: I don't know, I think she's crazy.

besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!

SERVO: Snape is a Christian? …How… is that… even…

[Servo's dome emits sparks]

CROW: Why does she feel the need to justify Snape hating Harry? He's always hated Harry because of his parents, no amount of gothic and out of character behaviour is going to change that.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXX

I was so mad and sad.

Mike: Must be the Syphilis.

I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me.

SERVO: But he said two minutes ago he didn't cheat on you, he went out with him and they broke up. It's implied it was before he met you!... Or, was it?

CROW: With the author's screwed logic, who knows?

I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.
Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes

MIKE: Was he wearing contacts?

and no nose and everything

SERVO: EVERYTHING WHAT?!

started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie)

MIKE: Geez, do you think it's Voldemort?

SERVO: I'm not sure, she's trying so hard to keep the suspense.

and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was…… Voldemort!

ALL: (deadpan) No shit.

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

MIKE: Why the mind control curse? Why not "crucio" or a paralysis spell? Or why not just hit her with a brick? Why?

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him.

SERVO: What, the cat?

MIKE: Why is the cat there?

CROW: Why is she shouting the cat's name at Voldemort?

Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream.

SERVO: The cat's name is a spell?

I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

[Mike and the bots simply stare]

SERVO: She… has Voldemort at her mercy. And she stopped. Because she felt bad for him.

[Servo's dome begins to smoke]

MIKE: She could've rid the world of the most dangerous dark wizard right there and now. And she stops… Oh my God, I can't even laugh or cry at this. I just feel numb.

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!"

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden.

CROW: Right, Ebony, NOW's the time to have erotic fantasies about Harry.

I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?

MIKE: I want to hit her.

CROW: What? Ew.

MIKE: No, I meant litteraly, I want to take a blunt object and just…

SERVO: …Mike, I think this fic is getting to you.

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged.

MIKE: Why a gun?

SERVO: She's got a wand! And she's a vampire! Why does she need a gun.

CROW: Wait, isn't Harry a vampire too? Shouldn't she need a stake!

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"

MIKE: Looks like those dialect lessons Wormtail gave Voldemort for Christmas have really kicked in.

SERVO: If Voldemort can kill Draco so effortlessly, why can't he kill Harry himself?

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

SERVO: That's actually a good question. And I'm surprised this fic is addressing it.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly.

[Mike and the bots simply look lifeless on the couch]

MIKE: I don't even care.

"And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

CROW: Should we point out all that was wrong with that?

SERVO: She went into the forbidden forest and nothing attacked her, Voldemort at Hogwarts, Voldemort knew where she was, Voldemort giving her a gun to kill Harry,

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

MIKE: Yeah, I do. It's NOT funny.

SERVO: His makeup, that's the thing to focus on right now… Good grief, Ebony, did that whole segment with Voldemort already flip out of your head?

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.

SERVO: So she's not even going to address the whole voldemort thing?

CROW: I think that particular plot point already fell in a plot hole. I hope.

Chapter 10.

MIKE: Ugh, it's never going to be over.

AN: stup it u gay fags

SERVO: Isn't that a bit redundant?

MIKE: Like calling Ebony a Mary Sue?

if u donot lik ma story den fukk off!

MIKE: Can't. Bile fascination.

ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!

MIKE: But Slytherin aren't evil, they're just… jerks.

CROW: This girl rapes the canon so much, we should call the police.

SERVO: Canon is going to be walking funny after this story.

MIKE: Crow!

CROW: What? Tom said it!

MIKE: Sorry, force of habit.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day.

MIKE: She slit her wrists. Just 'cause.

I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666

MIKE: Evil.

SERVO: From Hell.

CROW: Who enjoy drowning kittens.

I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR.

SERVO: Really, what kind of people?

MIKE: People who have never heard Good Charlotte, Slipknot or My Chemical Romance.

The other people in the band are B'loody Mary,

MIKE: Playing the triangle.

Vampire,

SERVO: The tuba.

Draco,

CROW: The tambourine

Ron

CROW: I'm going with air guitar here.

SERVO: I would've been happy with "clapping hands".

(although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.)

SERVO: She's not even trying to justify the random name, personality and appearance changes anymore!

and Hargrid.

MIKE: (unsure) Okay, I guess.

Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming

CROW: Yeah, I find that suspicious.

SERVO: Just today they're depressed? Seriously?

and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too

MIKE: Did she make him into a vampire? Or has he always been a vampire?

SERVO: Have his parents been retconned into vampires too now?

CROW: There is going to be one big author's note next chapter.

and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak)

MIKE: Ok, Servo, you head to the nearest church, Crow, with me to the butcher's.

SERVO: That's probably not what she… oh, what the hell.

and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride.

[Everyone stares]

MIKE: …Yeah, ok.

I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not.

CROW: We don't think that, slut.

SERVO: Yeah, I mean, you put on revealing clothes and put out on the first date. In the forest. That's what every respectable girl does.

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

MIKE: Must be the depression.

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

MIKE: …Well, at least I'm sure that concerted voice is really going to come in handy during band practice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry!

SERVO: Don't you mean Vampire?

But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice,

MIKE: You know, when's not boinking my boyfriend, cutting himself, being depressed or drinking people's blood.

even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears.

SERVO: Here's a solution, go back in time and this time, DON'T release Voldemort from your spell when you have him at your mercy.

MIKE: Again, why can he kill Draco, but not Harry?

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall.

MIKE: And into another wall, bang!

CROW: There's a wallbanger.

SERVO: So many…

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?)

[Everyone stares. Again.]

ALL: …YES?!

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

CROW: Caution, wet floor because of all the crying.

SERVO: BAM! Draco accidentally slipped on the floor, slipped into Harry and impaled them both on an inconveniently placed… steak… yeah.

MIKE: And Ebony too, even though she was like 20 feet away.

We practiced for one more hour.

MIKE: They had to wait for low tides, apparently.

Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

SERVO: Stomach ache?

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely.

MIKE: Crying wisely... yeah, sure, why not?

CROW: Is there, like, high pollen concentration in this room?

SERVO: How do you even know they're in a room. This fic's been a formless void of description, 'cept for clothes, since the first chapter.

CROW: I just assumed.

(c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y)

MIKE: (deadpan) Please, don't keep us waiting. The suspense is killing me.

"Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists."

SERVO: Didn't she just said like… ten lines above that Draco is a vampire and wouldn't die by slitting his wrists?

MIKE: This simply doesn't make sense! Why is it Ebony's fault? Why did Draco kill himself?

CROW: Huh… Because Voldemort wanted to kill him because Ebony wouldn't kill Harry?

MIKE: So Draco could've killed Harry, and he and Ebony could've just ridden into the sunset.

CROW: And burn to ashes.

MIKE: Yeah! I like that!

SERVO: So we're calling him Harry again, then, not Vampire?

Chapter 11.

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus!

SERVO: For those of you not outfitted with universal translators, that was "it deals with really serious issues".

CROW: Like suicide, vampire suicide.

MIKE : And people trying to pressure you into doing things you don't want to. Like killing your friends.

SERVO: Things teenagers and young adults deal with every day.

sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting

MIKE: A fine psychologist, Dumbledore.

SERVO: Was he swearing?

but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

[Mike stares blankly for a minute, then takes one of the couch's cushion and proceeds to scream into it. After a minute, he puts it back down].

MIKE: I'm all good now.

Anyway,

SERVO: (slightly scared ) Yes, anyway.

I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists.

MIKE: But I'm a vampire, so I won't die!

SERVO: But then, so was Draco, and he did die.

CROW: Ebony's head then explodes from the contradiction.

They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak

[Mike and the bots move to the edge of the couch]

MIKE: Do it, don't tangle the dream and then take it away.

and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide.

SERVO: Almost?

CROW: Damn tease.

I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly.I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings.

MIKE: Even through all the drama and depression, it's nice to know she still has time for clothes.

I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!

MIKE: Masticating the video tape? That can't be good for the tape.

They were sitting on their broomsticks.

MIKE: So that implies her room is above ground.

SERVO: And has windows.

CROW: And hopefully sunlight, lots of sunlight.

SERVO: incidentally, I thought the Slytherin dormitories were under ground.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!"

SERVO: You're not naked now, you're dressed!

I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it.

MIKE: Is that, like, her final piece of clothing?

SERVO: That's a very nice towel-dress.

Suddenly Vampire ran in.

CROW: So he can bust in without looking like a perv?

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb.

SERVO: Now he's a depressed, gothic, TRANSEXUAL vampire.

MIKE: (singing) I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania.

I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times

MIKE: I hope that was figurative.

CROW: Whatever.

and they both started screaming and the camera broke.

SERVO: I thought Harry had just used the killing curse on them?

Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

MIKE: So, is he upset because Harry killed both Snape and Lupin, because Ebony turned them into bloody mist with a gazillion bullets, or because the tape of her naked has been destroyed.

SERVO: It's nice how all of this took our minds away from Draco's death.

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

MIKE: Ran outside. On his broom.

SERVO: Why outside? They're in Ebony's room!

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"

MIKE: …Gimme the cushion, gimme the cushion!

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.

MIKE: …Tzigane?

[Tzigane pops up from behind the couch]

TZIGANE: 'sup?

MIKE: Is the air vacuuming out of the apartment? I feel like my brain is lacking oxygen.

SERVO: It's not you, Mike.

TZIGANE: Everything is A-Ok, Mike, but…

[Tzigane takes a look at the fic]

TZIGANE: Oh dear. I could depressurise the apartment, if you want me to. You'd die in horrible agony, but…

MIKE: Thanks, I'll keep it in mind.

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

MIKE: I'm going to die! But it was worth it!

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

MIKE: His clock?

SERVO: His cook?

CROW: His…

MIKE: Don't.

CROW: What?

MIKE: You were going to say the actual word.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

MIKE: Who. Is. she. Talking. about?

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly,

SERVO: They're all very dramatic.

waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.

[Everyone grabs a sofa cushion and proceed to scream into them for a good minute]

MIKE: That is just. That is just… I have no word.

SERVO: That is the worst thing. EVER.

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

SERVO: Right, I forgot, Snape is a Christian now.

"Because I LOVE HER!"

MIKE: Ugh, everyone's in love with her.

Chapter 12.

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu!

MIKE: Address? The issue is a very, VERY faint spot on the horizon.

SERVO: You know, we're using that all caps thing a lot lately.

CROW: It's to symbolise our growing descent into madness.

how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok!

MIKE: …Ok, if I am going to survive this, I need to change my attitude.

SERVO: What do you mean?

MIKE: Ok, so Hagrid got into a freak accident with a time turner and is now a Hogwart student again, but retained his maturity, which is why he's a pedo. But, surprise, it wasn't really Hagrid, but really Cedric, who had used polyjuice potion to masquerade as Hagrid. Makes perfect sense.

[Mike begins to chuckle madly]

XXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him.

SERVO: Please, do.

He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

SERVO: Thought he didn't have a scar anymore.

MIKE: Obviously, in between the time everyone ranted about random stuff in
Ebony's room and the time she decided to kill herself, Harry ran into Voldemort, got into a fight and got another magic scar.

I stopped. "How did u know?"

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!"

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco…………….Volfemort has him bondage!"

MIKE: Ah, a very clever plot twist! Voldemort used ancient forbidden magic to revive Draco, and is now holding him bondage, in the hopes that Ebony will kill Harry to get it back.

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too.

MIKE: I like how she keeps introducing all these new characters, Hairgrid, Hargrid, and now hahrid. Names gets a bit confusing, though.

They were going to St. Mango's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz.

SERVO: Poor Ebony, must be difficult to be the only buttface in a school full of hot "gurlz".

Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked.

CROW: Has he tried prunes?

I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

MIKE: Hm, I wonder if this is the real Hagrid, or if this is Cedric disguised as Hagrid.

CROW: This fic really keeps the mystery alive.

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik.

MIKE: A bit of character development. Hargrid had been mean to Ebony, now what about Hairgrid and Hahrid?

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses."

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

CROW: Yeah, what a jerk.

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin."

SERVO: It's really hard to tell who's talking here.

CROW: Let's see. "you saved me" should mean that Ebony is talking, but the "your shower scene" bit means it has to be Hagrid.

SERVO: Unless Lupin and Snape made a video of Hagrid in the shower as well.

Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong)

SERVO: Yes.

to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! .

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely.

SERVO: So, you used the cat's name as a spell earlier.

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!"

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn't a prep.

MIKE: I still can't tell if this is Hagrid or Cedric-as-Hagrid.

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?"

SERVO: How would he know?

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said,

SERVO: ACK! Where'd he come from?

watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?"

CROW: That's it. I can't take it anymore.

SERVO: Crow?

[CROW gets up and leave]

SERVO: Crow! You can't leave! Mike, say something!

MIKE: She must find herself… this is so deep.

SERVO: …Oh God.

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled.

SERVO: I have found myself! I'm here. I think.

dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!)

SERVO: If you don't know who she is, you've been living under a rock.

[Servo looks around. Mike is smiling absent-mindedly in the air, and Crow is still nowhere to be found]

SERVO: Also, how's she going to walk around with her hair in her eyes?

[A loud noise of an object banging against a wall is heard]

SERVO: There you go.

and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly.

SERVO: That's just…

[sparks fly out of Servo's dome]

"Fangs (geddit) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes.

SERVO: FINALLY! That's the first time she's done that in 12 chapters!

Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures.

SERVO: Taking care of the hair of magical… magic… creatures.

He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff.

SERVO: In the middle of the classroom. Nobody stopped him. Riiiiiight… And they know where Draco is, Voldemort has him in bondage.

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way.

SERVO: Gleeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then……… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

SERVO: You're doing it wrong.

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.

SERVO: So they had sex in the middle of the class?

"Vampire you fucker!"

SERVO: That sounds about right.

I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

SERVO: Again… That's all she ever does. Cut herself, scream and run away. She's literally three-dimensional, one scale for self-mutilation, one scale for screaming and one scale for running.

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco…………….Volfemort has him bondage!"

SERVO: Huh, déjà vue.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXX

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I

SERVO: Ugh…

[Servo's dome explodes]

-----------------------------------

[Mike is staring at the ceiling absent-mindedly, drooling a bit]

[The fic disappears from the TV, replaced by Dr. Erhardt's face].

DR. ERHARDT: Mike? Servo? Crow?

[ He looks around the room, and a smile creeps on his face]

DR. ERHARDT: I've... I've done it. That's it! I found it! The Master Fic which breaks the human mind! HAHAHAHA! Yes! In your face! In yoo face!

MYSTERIOUS MAN'S VOICE: Not so fast, Larry!

DR. ERHARDT: What?

[Suddenly, Joel Robinson pops in the screen and tackles Dr. Erhardt. Joel is carrying a large comic-styled bomb, with "No More My Immortal" written on it].

[Crow walks back to the living room and sits in front of the TV]

CROW: Thanks Joel!

JOEL: No problem.

[Joel sets the bomb, it rapidly explodes in a large flash of light… and appears to change absolutely nothing, but a few seconds later…]

[Mike comes to].

MIKE: Huh? What happened?

DR. ERHARDT: What'd you do?!

JOEL: I've heard rumours about the infamous, legendary badfic, My immortal, and I had prepared for just such an occasion! I programmed Crow to make sure he would contact me if it would ever come up! I just needed time to finish my anti-my Immortal bomb. It was lucky I happen to finish it five minutes ago.

[Dr. Erhardt stares]

DR. ERHARDT: …WHAT? That makes absolutely no sense! Not to mention completely out of character!

Joel: You should really just relax, Larry.

[Dr. Erhardt gets up to his feet, takes a large mallet out of hammerspace, and hits Joel over the head with it, knocking him out].

DR. ERHARDT: Relax this, Joey-jolly-puddin-'n-pie.

[Dr. Erhardt turns back to face Mike.]

DR. ERHARDT: I am NOT happy. Alright, alright. I can be patient, there will be another My Immortal, Mike, there always this…

[Dr. Erhardt looks at Joel, before turning back to Mike]

DR. ERHARDT: You should prepare the futon, Mike. You'll be getting another arrival very soon.

[Dr. Erhardt presses a switch, which turns off the TV].

MIKE: Another arrival? What do you supposed he meant by that?

[Tzigane crawls to the living room to replace Servo's head]

TZIGANE: I hope he's not going to send him up using the umbilicus…

[She unscrews Servo's exploded head and replaces it with a brand new one].

TZIGANE: Hmm… I only have one spare head left, I hope he won't blow up again soon.

[Later…]

[Mike & The bots are playing Cluedo]

CROW: Alright… I'm accusing Mrs. White with the rope in the kitchen!

[Mike checks, Crow got it right]

SERVO: I think you're cheating, Crow.

CROW: And what do you base this on?

SERVO: Well, first, you have X-Ray eyes, and second, we have been playing for twenty-two seconds.

MIKE: That's incriminating evidence.

[Tzigane gasps]

MIKE: Are you alright?

TZIGANE: …I think I'm about to give birth.

[TZIGANE coughs, and her mouth extends and opens. A huge bubble comes out of it, countaining… Joel!]

[The screen reads "CAMBOT BATTERY LOW"].

Author's note: I know I haven't finished MSTing my Immortal, but the story was simply too bad to keep going. By now, all I could think of for riffs is point out the continuity errors and wallbangers, which got stale after a while. Join us next week for another MSTing!