Chapter 3: They Are...Just Plain Angry
Everybody stared in shock, several pairs of eyes widening to the size of golf balls. An eery mood dawned around the teenagers, as if the night haunted them. They couldn't believe what just came out of Shino's mouth. In fact, they didn't even expect it at all. If it came from anybody else, none would be too surprised, but this was Shino they were talking about. And Shino was no a schemer...according to popular belief. They all took a step back away from Shino, who was clueless to the situation. The mystery around him only grew intenser.
"What the fuck?" Neji asked, annoyed yet more creeped out.
"S-S-Shino...w-w-why are y-y-you locking people in c-c-closets?" Naruto stuttered, nervously awaiting his answer. "You know that's not normal...right?"
"It was necessary to achieve my intentions."
Everybody's jaws dropped to the ground. All simultaneously moved a few feet backwards, away from Shino.
"WHAT KIND OF SICK INTENTIONS ARE THESE, YOU CREEPER?" Ino shouted.
"THE INTENTIONS FOR SEX BUDDIES!" Kiba roared in glee. Nobody listened to him.
Shino sighed. "Unfortunately, you people aren't smart enough to realize the real troubles of their tension."
Tenten scowled. "No duh there's tension! That's what we're trying to figure out!"
"I don't care why there's tension; I just despise what comes from it," Shino answered bitterly.
Once again, confusion spreaded among the Konoha 12.
"Uhhhh I think you should just get to the point Shino," Naruto suggested, grumbling.
Shino nodded.
I'm not quite sure why, but Sasuke and Sakura have this incredible tendency to coincidentally always be where I am. And every time that happens, they somehow end up annoying me. No, they don't actually walk up and start randomly poking me like you do Naruto. Or play the "penis" game like Kiba. Or complain to me about teenage girl problems like Ino. Or demanding to be your training partner Lee. This is more a subtle thing. I'm sure they don't notice it (or me to be exact, not that I'm worried) since they always do the same thing. It was very routine. And often, it was when I was bound to be nowhere around them. I least expect them to be where I went, but they were always there, like they put a tracking device on me. I recall a moment in the tea shop. It was right after a long, dreary mission and I was eager to simply relax and rest. But unfortunately, I was rudely interrupted.
"Why can't you ever behave yourself for once?" I heard Sakura shout in the corner.
"Then don't act like you need my help, Sakura!" Sasuke yelled.
"How are you supposed to know anything? You didn't have to be that rude, Sasuke!"
"Stop being so annoying, Sakura!"
"YOU'RE SUCH A JERK!"
I think I wanted to go back to that A-rank mission that threatened my life with rogues that could have tortured my life for information. Anything but here in the teashop. The waitresses here were too slow. Of course, I just sat through it, even though I left before they were even close to finishing their little argument. I have no idea what happened, but I didn't care. They ruined my moment. But I thought it was okay. Because I thought it would be the first and last time I would have to endure their shouting match.
Unfortunately, I was wrong.
While star gazing at the beautiful night sky, I heard an argument break out in the middle of the night.
"Stop being so stupid, Sakura!"
"Just quit it Sasuke! YOU'RE SUCH A JERK!"
I wished upon those stars to turn into comets to either kill me or those two.
Another day, I was at the hospital to visit Kiba after he broke his arm during a mission. Sadly, Sakura worked there.
"You come back here, Sasuke! You're not ready to go out!"
"I'm going to train. This is a waste of time."
"You're in crutches!"
"I don't need your help, Sakura!"
"OH MY GOD YOU ARE SUCH A JERK!"
I wonder where the hospital keeps their sedatives. That way, I can dip my bugs inside it and infect Sasuke and Sakura with them. I should do some exploring in the future.
I received a coupon for a free hour at the hot springs up the valley. I took the chance and found it very warming and relaxing. Incredibly quiet and peaceful. It was my oasis. I was free from any noises and interruptions. I was calm at last. No arguments from two certain idiots couldn't ruin this. Nothing could disturb this.
That was before I heard them.
"SASUKE T-T-THIS IS THE G-G-GIRL'S SIDE! GET OUT!"
"Just shut up before I rip your towel off myself, Sa-ku-ra."
"YOU JERK!"
Somebody, murder me.
"OH SNAP! BUUUURRRRRNNN!" Kiba screamed, pointing everything accusingly. He jumped in joy like a child who just received his first lollipop.
Shino shook his head. "No, Kiba, it turned out Naruto just used a transformation jutsu to be Sasuke, messing with Sakura." Naruto instantly snickered.
Kiba, crackling his knuckles, glared at Naruto. Sensing Kiba's deathly aura, Naruto squeaked and hid like a mouse behind Hinata.
Continuing on. Sasuke's and Sakura's problems followed me around like bees. Once they found a victim, they never stop attacking until they force me to crack. I tried to be strong, but they were everywhere, fighting fire with fire. Every moment of hearing their yelling and arguing ticked me off. It became a horrible habit to somehow run into them in a middle of a fight. I couldn't stand it. But luckily, Tsunade answered my call. She summoned me to her office, stating I had a three-month long mission investigating the murder of a powerful politician in Desert Country. Desert Country was a small place with only a population of 100. It was in the middle of a desert (perfectly named) and the nearest village or town is a 1000 miles. Away from two people's stupid love quarrels. I could hear angels singing my name. They heard my plea.
Then, Tsunade recited the worst words of my life at the moment.
"Oh by the way, you'll be working with Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura."
Something snapped in my brain. I had this sudden realization I never thought of before: I would pay someone to just throw 1000 kunais at my body, even in death, over working with those two.
"Understood, Godaime-sama," I answered obediently, bowing quickly before exiting her office.
This was the last straw. I couldn't believe this. What were the chances of this happening? No, I could not take this. Not in Desert Country. That was supposed to be my escape (like every paradise in the past). I was supposed to be relieved of them for three months, hopefully longer if the mission called for it. Sasuke and Sakura were parasites, destroying any chance of peace I had. No, I would not have this. I will go back to the genin days if I could avoid those two. I will not be stuck with them, traveling, investigating, rooming, or eating with their love problems. Seriously, those two need to see a psychiatrist but considering the fact that everybody in this village has mental problems at some level, I doubt that was going to happen.
And to no surprise, I hear them walking down the hallway, doing their usual thing.
"I don't have time to deal with this Sasuke!"
"This isn't my fault, Sakura! Get over it!"
If I hear Sakura say "You're such a jerk" one more time, I swear I will-
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SASUKE! YOU'RE SUCH A JERK!"
Okay, that's it. I will not accept this mission with those two lunatics. Not wanting to explode my head off early this morning, I had my insects do their job. I instructed them to sneak up to Sasuke and Sakura very quietly and instantly, throw those two in an empty closet. Before they even realized what just happened, my insects locked the door behind him. The real mission: success. There's no way you can stop an army of insects when they jam the lock. Not even Sasuke's chidori could blow it to pieces. They would asorb all the chakra and build up more strength on the lock. Not so powerful, aren't you Uchiha? Now if they wanted to actually escape from this closet, they would have to sort their problems out first. And I will know, because I have my insects listening in. I won't let them out until they realize what an annoyance they have been to me.
I'm really sorry to disappoint you, Kiba, but this was how their true conversation went.
"Sasuke, get off of me NOW!"
"Like hell I can! I won't deal with this!" Sasuke yelled, beyond pissed off. A few boxes fell, and Sakura squeaked.
"God you're so loud! When can you shut up for good?"
"Oh yeah, since you seem to be perfectly fine just like that, you jerk!"
Seriously Sakura, I think there are other ways to call someone a "jerk" then just that word. You're a smart girl; Use your enormous vocabulary stuck in your huge forehead.
"Enough Sakura and help me move these things!" Sakura tried to move around, but she couldn't. The closet was just too tiny. She moaned.
"Damn it Sasuke, how the hell did we get inside this closet! This is all your fault!"
"Shut up for once, Sakura! You're too annoying, it's hard to even move already!" Sasuke complained angrily.
"Well I'm sorry I can't be a cold ice cube like you!"
I was starting to doubt if this was really going to go anywhere, but I had to be strong. It was either this or stuck with these two in the middle of a desert for three whole months with no communication or escape. Actually, I could lead them into quicksand and hopefully, they'll bury to their deaths. But then the ANBU would be after me. It sounds very ideal at the moment. I guess I would settle with fixing their problems for now, even if I did force them in a stupid closet. It's not like nobody would notice (Until I discovered Kiba thought they were sneaking in angry sex. Of course you would think that).
Then, I thought it was done too soon. Sasuke was pushing himself up, his eyes concentrated on the ceiling. He better not think about escaping. It's too soon.
"Are you really going up there?" Sakura asked dangerously, raising an eyebrow. "You're going to a dead end, idiot!"
"Why the hell wouldn't I?" Sasuke gritted through his teeth, attempting to stand up. But then, his hands landed on something quite...well, soft if I might add. A loud slap followed. Considering it was from Sakura, it definitely hurt. Even Sasuke couldn't hide the pain on his face.
"SASUKE THAT'S MY BREASTS YOU PERVERT!"
Kiba giggled uncontrollably. "Hahahaha he touched her boobies."
Naruto joined alongside too, his face giddly. "Hahahahaha Shino said Sakura's boobies were soft."
Tenten punched them from behind.
"GROW UP, YOU TWO!" She lectured loudly. "Continue, Shino."
As I was saying, Sasuke unfortunately skimmed across her breasts unintentionally. But see, Sasuke didn't care because he never cares. If he cared, he wasn't Uchiha Sasuke. If he wasn't Uchiha Sasuke, then he was nothing to Sakura. He just scowled. Typical.
"Shut up and listen to me for once! I'm trying to get out of here but you just keep complaining!" Sasuke retorted furiously. "God, you're so fucking hot-tempered! What happened to the girl I knew three years ago?"
Honestly, I did not see that coming. Not from Sasuke at least. I'm pretty sure I recall mentioning Sasuke didn't care. Apparently at these words, I can say he did care. These two really knew how to annoy me. Because Sakura really knows how to fire back against Sasuke.
"Well Sasuke I'm sorry if you expect to come back like nothing's changed," She stated coldly.
The closet went silent. They had now realized why they were so angry at each other. But that didn't matter. It didn't get better. That's when I came to the conclusion:
There was no way in hell I'm spending three months with these crazy people.
"So there you have it," Shino ended. "They are just plain angry."
Kiba whimpered. "So...no angry sex?"
Shino shook his head. "Just angry."
Ino scoffed. "This is ridiculous! They are beyond the point of angry! That was ages ago! I know exactly what they are now!"
"Um, m-m-maybe they're dating?" Hinata asked nervously.
Roosters croaked. Much to everybody's surprise, Tenten laughed.
"HAHAHAHAHA YEAH RIGHT! THOSE TOO ARE WAY IN DENIAL FOR THAT TO HAPPEN!"
"But they clearly have a thing for each other!" Chouji argued.
"Did you just not hear my story? They're angry at each other," Shino muttered under his breath. Nobody paid attention.
"It doesn't mean they're dating yet! They have to at least acknowledge it!" Tenten responded.
"Do you have proof that they haven't gotten together yet? Or they're still angry?" Naruto asked.
Tenten nodded her head excitedly.
"Oh please, Sasuke and Sakura are the poster children for an in-denial relationship."