Author's Notes: Wow... Now I remember why I usually wait for a story to be finished before posting it anywhere. I hate abandoned fics, so I'm sorry. The next chapter is forthcoming, I swear. Just so you know, there's a new reference theme in this chapter. Have fun - I know I have!

This also marks my attempt at a few badge moments, which are probably incredibly lame, but whatever. Also, this chapter contains my interpretation of a line spoken in 1x04.

Many thanks to Olivia for beta-ing. It's definitely better than it used to be, but I know you're busy, so I decided to just go with what I had.

Chapter 4: Brent, or The Abecedarian Termination

As luck would have it, it wasn't a week before O2STK did indeed recommend a new sidekick for the Middleman to take on. (Of course, O2STK is so secretive that I'm not allowed to know what led them to Brent.) By this point, you would think that the Middleman would be a bit gunshy about taking on yet another sidekick, but if you were thinking that, then you don't know the Middleman. He took Brent on without question (mostly because questioning O2STK is something you just don't do) and looked forward to another opportunity to train another apprentice (darn it if the Middleman isn't unbelievably positive).

Brent was the kind of kid who was a dutiful worker at one of the small local music shops, but spent most of his time at the comic book store. Brent's mind was almost like a pinball machine, and his imagination tended to get the better of him from time to time. The result was a young man with almost boundless energy and a tendency for being a little over-enthusiastic. Brent was like the hyperactive little brother in this Middlefamily (though maybe he was more like the puppy). Brent's near-obsessive knowledge of the comic book world led him to jump into the Middleman organization with both feet. He tried to be involved in every aspect of his new job, excelled in every skill and aptitude test that was thrown at him, and even managed to limp out of his introductory session with Sensei Ping, which is pretty impressive, considering that Sensei Ping showed Brent not only the Claw of the Nine Sunrises, but the Troubled Triangle as well. Brent was such a good sidekick that the Middleman figured Brent had the staying power to stick around where other sidekicks had failed. (There are a few more stories that could fit into this chronicle, but I'm forbidden from chronicling them. There are a lot of perks to being one of the few "mere mortals" allowed to know about the Middleorganization and O2STK, but it's not as cushy as you might think. I refer you back to the fact that I was threatened by a handful of paranoid and celibate martial artists. Repeatedly.)

One day, a few months after Brent had first donned his Eisenhower jacket, he and the Middleman had to investigate an incident involving possessed mailboxes, an investigation which began at the home of a Miss Jules Argent...

THE HOME OF JULES ARGENT
5:12 PM

The front yard of the Argent home was a mess - flowers had been uprooted, the lawn had been torn to pieces, clods of dirt had been thrown all over the front of the house with reckless abandon, and shreds of paper covered the entire scene like snow.

"Wow, it's like the North Pole South," Brent remarked, "on the night Santa went crazy."

"Yes, it is rather gruesome, Brent," the Middleman agreed, as the two walked up to the young woman currently trying to clean up the mess. ⌠Good evening ma'am, this is Kevin Thigpen, and my name is Greg Lee, and we are with InsuranceNet. We're here to investigate the incident. Would you please tell Agent Thigpen about what happened while I take a look around?" At Jules' nod, Brent led Jules inside the house. Meanwhile, the Middleman pulled out his BTRS scanner and began to wander around the yard, the scanner making its customary sound. (How exactly would you describe that sound? It's just weird. Anyway...)

A minute or so later, Brent joined the Middleman, who had put on a pair of bright yellow glasses. (The glasses link to Ida, so she can scan the scene herself.) "She says she has no idea what started everything," Brent reported. "She found the house this way when she got home from work - she didn't even get to check her mail."

"Hmm," the Middleman murmured as he processed this information. "Only one piece of mail survived the mailbox attack," he explained, showing Brent the fortunate piece of mail. It was an advertisement, hawking a sale at Carmen's House of Patio Furniture (and promoting prices so low they were "a steal!"). "Based on Ida's scan, it is bursting at the gills with a strange substance. Ida believes it is called Illudium, which is capable of triggering a morphological change in these mailboxes. The kind that would set them off on a metallic rampage. Ida's working on tracing the source now." Seconds later (the H.E.Y.D.A.R. works really fast), the Middleman's Middlewatch brooped. "What is it, Ida?"

"I ran a global search, and found a trail of Illudium shipments leading to a man named David Yazbek. He works for Victor International Letters and Envelopes. Their main product is stationery, but here's the kicker: they have a division that prints junk mail."

At that moment, Brent pointed out a small note in the bottom left-hand corner of the Carmen's House of Patio Furniture mailer: "V.I.L.E."

CEO'S OFFICE
VICTOR INTERNATIONAL LETTERS AND ENVELOPES
6:34 PM

A secretary led the Middleman and Brent into the office of Sean Altman, the CEO, who was currently in a meeting with the Senior Vice President of Advertising Mail, one David Yazbek.

"Hello, sir," the Middleman said cheerfully yet all-business as he and Brent flashed their fake IDs. "My name is Chase Devineaux, and this is my partner Zackary Darren, and we're with the Acme Detective Agency."

"Seriously?" asked David. "That sounds so cliché."

"Yes, we get that all the time," the Middleman smiled. "We'd like to ask you a few questions about..."

The Middleman didn't get a chance to ask his questions, because at that moment, a mailroom worker came running down the hallway, chased by an unruly cloud of flying envelopes and mailers. This cloud was followed by a rather large package that came unevenly rolling down the hall.

Upon seeing the Running of the Envelopes, Sean became unhinged. "You idiot!" he shouted. "They weren't supposed to come back to us!"

Not to be outdone, David shot back, "I told you that if one - just one! - of those things got sent back, we'd be in trouble!"

While Sean and David yelled and fought with each other, the Middleman turned to Brent. "We'd better leave before the Five-O show up."

LAMANNA-BURKE MEMORIAL BOULEVARD
6:45 PM

Brent could hardly contain his excitement as the Middlemobile drove down the road. "Wow, this is the coolest job in the world! That whole thing was like, the lamest plot to take over the world ever!" he laughed, but the rest of the ride was silent until the Middleman pulled onto Brent's street. "So, um, Boss... I've been thinking. Since you're called 'the Middleman,' can I have a cool nickname too? I mean, all the comic book sidekicks have superhero names: Robin, Kato, Captain Yesterday, you know."

"I see what you're saying," the Middleman nodded, never letting his eyes leave the road in front of him. "I don't see why you can't choose a nickname for yourself."

"Can I be 'Middleboy'?"

Before another word could be said, a small device appeared from the dashboard and flashed a bright red light right in Brent's eyes.

At this point, I must take a break in this story to tell a different story, one of a young man named Leonard Carl. Leonard was a Middleman-in-training back in the 19th Century, and soon became the Regency Middleman's most successful sidekick, and he ended up being given the nickname "Middleboy." However, an incident involving the evil shapeshifting aliens of Kneemoi revealed that Leonard had in fact been planted by the Kneemoians to undermine the Middleorganization in an effort to take over the planet. Ever since, the Kneemoians have tried the exact same plan with every new Middleman (the only thing they got better at was making more convincing humans), and after 150 years of dealing with the imposters, O2STK had become tired of dealing with it.

"Where am I?" asked a stunned and disoriented Brent.

"My name is Officer Kerman with Metro Police," stated the Middleman with a deep sigh, "and I'm escorting you home. You were found completely lost and wandering the streets. Now, where do you live?"

"1985 Siefkin Drive," replied Brent. "Wait a sec. That's my house down the street."

"Well, go home and get some sleep," the Middleman said. "You look like you had a hard night."

Brent ended up going back to his regular life, except he came to find he had quit his job at the music store. Luckily for him, his favorite place in the world was hiring: the local comic book store. He never was able to figure out what happened in his life during those missing months, nor exactly what caused his amnesia, but he led a happy, uncomplicated life.

The Middleman, however, went back to his Middlelife, and waited patiently for the perfect sidekick to come along...