IV.
So she's lost to him, to the villain, and it sickens her in the worst way; burns her straight through her bones, right down to her core. The thought of being his witch disgusts her. The thought of belonging to him makes her feel ugly and weak.
Bonnie's sick of looking at her reflection now, though she can't seem to find it in her to look away. She doesn't know where all that old life has gotten to. She supposes it's disappeared into thin air, because it's just gone. Just like that, just gone. She wants to feel so new and be new, try to be better and give herself another chance to learn to live. She watches herself carefully and she can't remember ever being this fragile. With her distant eyes, she just stares. They're dull, green and seem to lack saturation in their color.
They're empty, disconnected, discontent, placid, and weak.
Bonnie considers herself, a new self with bright eyes, life and strength. She's too exposed nowadays. She's so open, you can almost see right through her soul. The idea of being translucent makes her squirm and hug herself. Sometimes she thinks she has to hold herself so that she doesn't simply fall apart under all the pressure. She doesn't know her, her own reflection. Her reflection watches her like she's intrigued by all these new revelations. Bonnie watches her reflection like she's disgusted by the emptiness.
How's it feel to be so hollow? She taunted herself.
Bonnie thought of turning her back on herself then. She thought maybe she could just go and find some meaning of her own, explore every slope on the mountains of reason for a purpose.
The thought of her life having reason other than keeping her friends alive was almost laughable. Ever since she'd come to accept herself as a witch, ever since her first spell, all Bonnie had known was protecting her friends' lives and sometimes – such as now – her enemy's. She throws her head back slightly and a bold, hysterical, borderline maniacal laugh comes barreling out of her mouth without warning. And those laughs soon transition into sobs, wails.
So this is rock bottom.
Bonnie hadn't told her friends what had happened, where she was going, or how she'd failed them yet again in their endeavor to kill Klaus. The only one she'd bothered to mention the urgency in her leave to, was Matt. She'd called him in a stream of tears, incoherent strings of words and a mixture of sobs tumbling out of her mouth at an astonishing rate. It didn't take him long to simply say, "I'm on my way, Bon, just hold in there, okay?"
Now, came the waiting.
She felt guilty, only a tad, about not bothering to say goodbye to anyone. She didn't want them to worry. If she could have Klaus compel her out of all of their memories, out of their knowledge, she would without hesitation. She didn't want to think that they were tearing themselves apart in search for a girl whose taker would ensure could never be found. A part of her hoped they didn't look for her, but in the same breath, a part of her sunk into an odd despondence at the thought that after everything, they wouldn't care enough to look.
There was a frantic, urgent knock at the door and it made her flinch. She sauntered toward her window, spotting Matt Donovan's truck parked right in front of her mailbox, despite her father and his irritation with just that. In a beat, Bonnie's trampling down her staircase, just as passionate and anxious to let Matt in as Matt is to get inside to her.
She and Matt's relationship was skewed to her, bittersweet and strange on her tongue, but succulent and warm on her heart. It didn't make sense in her mind, but when they were together, it felt natural. It felt right. They were friends, best friends, but there was always a mix of silent affection in their words, in the way they held one another, in the way she looked to him for support, to fix her when she was breaking, to hold her together through it all.
She opens the door and Matt's standing there in his navy blue MFH hoodie and white basketball shorts. Concern is all over him, attached to every pixel, dimension, and angle of his masculine frame. Bonnie wastes no time pulling him inside and tangling her body with his in one of the most longing embraces they'd ever shared. She inhaled Matt's spicy scent, tears gathering in her eyes again.
"Bon, what's wrong?" He asks in a murmur as faint as her own heartbeat.
She pulls back, keeping her hands wrapped around his wrists, cold tears slithering their way down the path of her cheek. Matt furrows his eyebrows in utter confusion as to what's brought on her broken state.
"I have to go." She says quietly. "With Klaus, I have to go with Klaus."
His eyes widen in horror and shock. His head shakes frenziedly in refusal. "No, you're not going anywhere with him. You're staying here in Mystic Falls. We'll figure something out, Bon. We always do. You don't have to go anywhere."
"No, Matt, it's different." She says. "He threatened my dad and all of you. He's been invited in and if I try to cross him after I said I'd go with no more fighting, he'll kill everyone. My magic won't work against him and I can't stop him! He wins, Matt!"
She's sobbing now, choking on mouthfuls of them. They're tumbling out of her mouth in messy, broken strings and all he knows to do is pull her close and hold her like he never wants to let go, because if he was being honest, he would rather hold on to her forever than to just give her away to Klaus for even a minute.
Matt places a kiss in her hair. "We'll figure this out."
A moment passes by as Bonnie's digging deep into herself to pull out the right words to explain why she called him over, why this is her last goodbye, why this is the last time Matt will see her again. She's trying to think of ways to say all that she needs, all that she can before she's being led out the door and Klaus forces an unfathomable amount of distance between herself and Mystic Falls.
"I need you to do something for me, Matt." She says softly, pulling away from him.
"Anything," He breathes.
"I-I don't know when it is I'll be back. I don't know if I'll ever be back. I just–I need you to keep this quiet for as long as you possibly can. Don't let the others look for me. I know it's a lot to ask for, but I just need to do this without them causing trouble."
His eyes narrow slightly, full of accusation. "You need to do what?"
"Kill him," She whispers. "I have to kill him. It has to be me. And if I succeed, I won't live to relish in it. I don't know how I'll do it when my powers won't work against him, but I have to figure out a way."
Bonnie can't cut corners. She can't leave her intentions lingering in the shade. If anyone needs to know that she's building up the strength to walk headfirst into her inevitable death, it's Matt. She trusts him, more than anyone these days. Elena and Caroline were her best friends, but Elena had proven time and time again that discretion was simply not her strong suit when in the presence of Damon or Stefan and Caroline would break if you pressed hard enough. Nobody would bother Matt.
He's the incapable, inadequate human to them. If he says he doesn't know, they don't second guess it.
But Bonnie's chest began to ache when she looked into his faded, blue orbs. All the pain and confusion shamelessly swimming around his innocent irises, it made her stomach turn in disgust with herself once more.
"Matt," She croons. "I'm sorry, but I have to do this. I want you all to be safe."
"I-I get it, Bonnie. I guess it's just that I'll miss you."
She smiles tenderly, subtly, safely. He just stares at her, trying to take in every part of her; the warmth in her voice, the confidence in her sage eyes, the beauty and fury of her strength, her overwhelming loyalty, because he wants to remember her this way; strong, selfless, and breathtakingly beautiful. Bonnie. He wants to relish in her most defining moment as a human being, as his friend, as someone that he loved. Because the moment she left, the moment she walked out that door, all he would have of her would be memories and maybe she'd be the length of a dream away from him, but it still felt too far.
Bonnie reaches into the pocket of her jeans, pulling out four porcelain-colored envelopes. One is labeled "Lena" in Bonnie's elegant script. Another is labeled "Care". The other is labeled "Daddy". The last is labeled "Matty". The sudden and devastating feeling overcomes both Bonnie and Matt then, hitting them so abruptly, it steals their breath. This feels like goodbye. This is the end.
A single tears spills out of the corner of her eye. "I'll try to call once a week until I'm ready to go. If three weeks pass and I haven't called, then I did it and I need you to give these to Caroline, my dad, and Elena."
She tries to hide from his eyes as she places the envelopes in his hands gently. Matt's lips are trembling at the feel of her fingers brushing against his. When someone that's settled so close to everything you are and everything you love dies, their death is the most painfully consuming and unanticipated thing in mind. Bonds like these, they blind you, and delude you into thinking that there is a forever with the comfort of someone else.
But it was much different, much more painful, to watch them die, to feel their life slip away right at the tips of your very own fingers, to see them on the cusps of death, knowing that you can't save them, knowing that you can't pull them back in and make them feel again.
"Can I-can I give you something?" He asks, his voice fragile.
She was taken aback for a moment. "If you want to."
He nods resolutely and pulls his dark hoodie from over his head, revealing the thick fabric of his black t-shirt underneath. He folds it messily, stuffing it into her hands.
"Hold on to that, because I want that back." He tells her, smirking.
A giggle fell out of her mouth. Though Matt knew she wouldn't return, he wanted to hope with everything he had that she would. That's how everyone in this town operated. You left with no intentions of ever coming back, but you could never stay away for too long. The front door to her house opened, revealing an obviously amused Klaus. He walks inside shamelessly, closing the door behind him and leaning against its frame, his arms folded lazily over his chest.
"Well isn't this cozy?" He jokes, peering around her home. "All ready to leave, love?"
"Klaus," Bonnie mutters.
"Hello, sweetheart, where's the rest of the gang? I was rather looking forward to the final confrontation and maybe a bit of gloating." He pouts just a bit. "You, human boy, where's the goodbye party? The confetti? All the tears and trivial human pleads against her leave? Where's Stefan and his broody forehead?"
Matt rolls his eyes, taking a step to protectively stand in front of Bonnie, rebellion flaring in his baby blue eyes. Though he knew it would be fruitless, he couldn't just let her go without a fight. This revelation, the realization that this puny human was the party and the refusal for her leave with him, it made Klaus laugh hysterically, placing his knuckles to his forehead as the musical sound barreled out of his mouth without an end it seemed.
"Are you challenging me?" Klaus asks, amused. He takes a step forward toward Matt, coming nose-to-nose with him. "I'll have to ask that you step away from my witch or I'll have to do something I can assure you I will not regret."
Bonnie steps beside Matt, her eyes cold and angry on Klaus. He's grinning in amusement; a soft chuckle rumbling in his throat before he reaches out to stroke his newly acquired witch's cheek. Bonnie slaps his hand away instantly upon contact. She may have been tricked into handing over her loyalty to him, but that didn't mean she at all respected him. It didn't mean she hated him any less than she ever had.
"You won't hurt him. That wasn't the deal." Bonnie spits.
"You'll have to forgive me, sweet pea. I've yet to kill someone today and you can say I'm having a bit of a withdrawal. I'm a bit on edge. I mean no harm if he means to comply."
"Let's just get this over with." She mutters through gritted teeth. She turns to Matt, his sweater still stuffed in her arms. "Remember what I said. I'll call when I can to let you know I'm okay."
He hugs her one last time, securely and fervently, mustering up as much warmth and regard as he can. He's going to remember the light that seemed to cling to Bonnie's being, all the good that was her, everything she stood for and he wants her to remember him as the guy who loved her with everything he possibly had, even if it wasn't enough for someone as extraordinary as her. When he leaves, all that's left behind is the ghost of his zesty scent circling the atmosphere.
"Touching display," Klaus says sarcastically. "You humans have reached an entirely new level of pathetic now through the centuries. Have you no shame?"
Bonnie snorts derisively. "The only shame I have is being stuck with you. You think I'm pathetic? Let's discuss the man who killed and boxed his own family up to force them into wanting him through fear. Let's discuss the psychopath who is obsessed with creating an army of hybrids, because he's oh-so lonely and has daddy issues. Yes, it is me who is pathetic, because someone actually loves me and I didn't have to threaten them, kill someone they love, or compel them for them to do so."
With that, she pulls her three suitcases right outside of her door for his hybrids to carefully place inside the back of Klaus' truck, leaving a fuming hybrid trailing behind her with half a mind to reach down into her throat and rip out her lungs with his bare hands.
The silence engulfs the car in the raunchiest way. It makes her anxious, terribly so. She can't think of a time when Klaus has been speechless or silent. She can't fathom the villain associating himself with a peaceful state. It feels chaotic for her to think that Klaus is calm, to think that he is okay while she is falling apart on the inside. She does not want to be here, not with him, not at all. She has a home and she has a family. She doesn't believe she should pay because he has neither.
"It's too quiet." Bonnie demands, turning on his radio.
Klaus' jaw ticks and he clicks the radio right back off as he threatens her. "You will not touch what does not belong to you, witch."
"And you," She begins, turning the radio on yet again simply to spite him. "Shouldn't have stolen what doesn't belong to you from her home then, I guess."
A low growl begins in his throat and yet again, he silences the music. He knows the witch will be difficult no matter who he threatens to kill, no matter what he says or does to her. She will never stop fighting. Secretly, it warms that little organ in his chest, which never seemed to beat anymore and seemed to be cached in layer upon layers of ice. Of course, it would take more than her haughty attitude to melt it away and break on through.
"Who do you belong to then, witch? Enlighten me. Is it that rat pack you call friends? Isn't it amusing how they never seem to want you unless you're picking up the pieces of the little things they break or cleaning the messes they make? You belonged to no one, because no one honestly wanted you. But I am prepared to appreciate your gifts, Miss Bennett. You belong to me, because I want you and in time, you will warm up to the idea of wanting to be wanted by me as well." Bonnie cackles.
"Like hell I will. I'd rather die."
He smirks, glancing at her briefly before he shrugs. "Yes, well, that can be arranged as well once I'm through with you."
*Terribly sorry for the lack of Klaus in this chapter. I'm happy to inform everyone that I've successfully decided on an ending for this fic. It will be a dark, twisted, treacherous journey to its end. And Matt and Bonnie's relationship here is an extension of what I wish it was in the show still. Now, the mystery of the story will begin to unfold. Reviews are greatly appreciated. I love to know what you all think or things I can do to improve the story! Follow me on tumblr: zachyroerig . tumblr . com
Disclaimer: I don't own TVD or anything of it, okay.