Disclaimer: I don't own TOS, that old soap opera Days of Our Lives, Slinky, or any song lyrics/bands mentioned.

Luna: IM SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT! AHHHH! Anyway, thanks for the reviews! And…here's Chapter 4!
Chapter 4: Dwarven Vow #56: Find better chapter names

Lloyd awoke fresh and early the next morning, and found Dirk out by his mother's tombstone.

" Dad…about yesterday. I just…" he began.

" Here's the Key Crest you wanted," interrupted Dirk, " Just remember Dwarven Vow #32, always brush your teeth after every meal."
" Dad! Thanks!" exclaimed Lloyd, but then gave him an odd look at the 2nd comment, "…What are you trying to say?"

Dirk ignored this and proclaimed, " Dwarven Vow #2, Never abandon someone in need. Unless they happen to be condescending assholes. And I'm just going along with the teachings."
" Yay! I'm so glad my Dad's a Dwarven cultist!"

" Its not a cult!"

" But…you keep referring to that like it's the 10 commandments or something-"

" ARGH! Look, just take these things I've put together for you for your trip and leave!"

Lloyd grinned has he received 2 free Apple Gels, 500 Gald and a map.

" So this means I'm off the hook?" asked Lloyd.

" Yeah, but remember Dwarven Vow #24, bathe every day. No one likes people with bad hygiene."

Lloyd sighed. All Dirk was good for was spouting Dwarven Vows, a combination of useless facts turned into what Lloyd would like to call a 'cult'. Well, who cares? He thought, I'm about to embark on an excuse to have an early summer vacation in the guise of being selfless and help save the world.

" I will. Wish me luck."
" And Lloyd, don't ever forget Dwarven Vow #7-"

" Goodness and Love will always win…Right?"

" No. Remember that oatmeal is a main staple for a balanced diet."

" Uh…Yeah…Anyway, I got to run!" said Lloyd, already moving away from good old cultist Dirk.

He would've made it out of there, too; if he didn't bump into Genis.

" Huh? What are you doing here?" asked Lloyd.

" Lloyd, you're still here!" barked Genis.

" Great timing! Thanks to the cult teachings of the Dwarven Vows, I've successfully manipulated Dirk into making your girlfriend a Key Crest!" exclaimed Lloyd, happily.

"…Peachy. But you forgot about our special friend."

"Oh, yeah! About that, I decided to tag along!"
" Are you retarded! Colette and the others left a long time ago!"
Lloyd gave him a vague stare.

" Dur Dur!"
Genis sighed an 'Oh-my-God-why-do-I-attract-all-the-retarded-ones' sigh.

" What?" asked Lloyd, finally registering in his head.

" I came looking for you because you stood us up!"
" You've gotta be kidding me! Colette made it sound like I was picking her up on a date!"

" Lloyd, listen to Dwarven Vow #20," said Dirk, cryptically, " When in doubt, run around aimlessly and panic."

" At the Disco!" screamed Lloyd, unsure of why he screamed it.

Ah, the beauty of musical thurets.

" Yeah! Let's go!" cried Genis, too used to his friend's outbursts to care.

Lloyd and Genis ran off in record time and reached the village. Random-Villager-who-guards-entrance-with-oh-so-deadly-pitch-fork spotted them and said, " Lloyd, Phidra was looking for you."

" Oh. Okay." he said.

Lloyd and Genis raced to Colette's house, as Noishe stood behind. Noishe grinned at the pitch fork wielding guards, and proceeded to take a leak on the nearby flower beds. Noishe enjoyed sticking it to 'the man', so to speak.

Lloyd burst into the house and said, " Where's Colette! I need her as an excuse to-"
" Yeah, we know, we know," said Phiadra, dismissively, " To get out of school."

" Yeah! So…did she confuse Am and Pm again?"

" Actually…no. In fact, she gave us this letter."

Lloyd grabbed it and it read:

Dear Lloyd

By the time you read this, I will be dead. O.O That's what you get for not returning my love! ; XD! Just kidding! I'm sorry for lying to you, but there will be much shinies on the journey. Shinies for me. ME. I don't need to share. Because sharing is caring, its not fun, I have 2 and you have 1, haha-

Lloyd skipped down 3 lines in which it restated the whole 'sharing is caring' rant. It continued:

And I need to save the world and stuff. Thank you for being a sexy tool to stare at! X And for your friendship and stuff.

Love, Love,

Colette

" What's this?" asked Lloyd.

" It's a letter," pointed out Genis.

" No! I mean, I never knew I was a tool!…Ewww. And it sounds morbid! Colette usually signs her name with 3 smiley faces, not 2!"

" You see," began Frank, " The Chosen is already-"
He was cut off by a large explosion.

" Whoa!" cried Genis.

" What was that?" asked Lloyd, with and OMG! Expression pasted on his face.

" Well, we would help you but it just so happens that the season finale of Days of Our lives is on, so-" began Frank.

Lloyd knew better than to depend on Mr.Mom, and abruptly left.

Outside, Desians were torching many a houses. And mysterious, Patchy the Pirate, bad blue dye job Desian ever so casually strolled in; as if he did this 'torch the village' deal every day. There, Lloyd and Genis witnessed Random-Villager-who-guards-entrance-with-oh-so-deadly-pitch-fork cornered by 2 Desians.

" Lloyd, we have to help him!" insisted Genis.

" Why?"

Genis sent him Glare #30, and its only chapter 4, folks.

" I'm kidding…geez."

The 2 some dispatched of the Desians with ease.

" Oh, thank you! Since I'm a useless NPC, I'll give you this!" said Random-Villager-Who…ah, you know the rest.

RECEIVED APPLE GEL!
" Come on, Lloyd, we have to save the rest of their useless asses!"
" Yeah! And then we'll get more free stuff! Cause everyone loves a freeloader!"
Yup. Just like everyone loves a Slinky.

Genis and Lloyd by-passed Genis' burning house on their gung-ho 'save the villagers' quest. And his house was burning. Brightly. Especially the roof.

" No! Our…house…" said Genis, in shock.

" Ah! The roof! The roof! The roof is on fire! We don't need a water bucket let the motherf-" began Lloyd.

Genis continued his monologue, ignoring Lloyd.

" We finally found a home…where we could stop running…" he began, cryptically.

" Huh?"

" I mean, I don't have a deep, dark, mostly blantly obvious secret…"

" Oh. OMG YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE!" screamed Lloyd, a delayed reaction.

Sometimes, having stupid friends works in your benefit. Sometimes.

Anyway, they made it to the plaza where nameless Desians and townspeople gathered alike.

" Will the real Lloyd Irving please stand up?" asked one Desian.

" Yes, I'm the real Lloyd Irving and I will-" began Lloyd.

" How about no?" spat Genis, and slapped him; reverting Lloyd into angry mode.

" I've had it! Your attacking the town, again!"

" What are you talking about…?" asked Desian #234.

" Someone has been drinking the bong water," commented another.

" He speaks nonsense, ignore him," came Pirate Desian's voice, " I am Lord Forcytus, one of the 4 Desian Grand Cardinals. I'm a superior half elf who-"
" Half elf?" asked Genis, dumbly.

" Do I stutter?" asked Pirate Desian, because that's funnier than spelling 'Forcytus'; and forgive my misspellings, " Lloyd, come with us. You have an Exsphere and you've violated the Non-Agression Treaty. I bring judgment upon you!"
" You violated the treaty too!" cried Genis.

" Yeah! You made it hurt inside when you tried to kill Colette!" said Lloyd, failing to back him up.

" Us…kill the Chosen? Ahaha! Yeah, that wasn't us. It was them." said one cryptic Desian.

" They?" asked Lloyd, " You mean, there's some suspicious 3rd party involved?"

" I have no need to expand myself, to continue the plot development. Your crime includes having contact with host body number 86490897-"

" I did not have any type of contact with her!" cried Lloyd, taking it the wrong way, " she was Genis' girl, not mine! I mean, older woman are hot, but come on now! That's just…ew!"
Genis buried his face in his hands. He asked God, I mean, Martel, why?

" Are you dense! We told you not to go near the ranch!" cried the Mayor, looking as if to break down in tears in any second.

"-648904-" continued Pirate Desian.

"…I'm sorry."

"…34567-"

That's when a large thing hobbled up to them, a bad Cyclops ripoff with green skin and long arms.

" Eww…" stated Genis.

The monster attacked. Lloyd busted out with many a Gopher Fang and Shadow Thurst. Genis did Fire Ball and Stone blast. Oh. The Variety.

" Eww…I don't wanna touch it!" whined Genis.

" Shutup! Your long range! I actually have to touch it!" snapped Lloyd.

Long story short, they defeated it, easily. If you consider easily as in using all your Apple and Orange Gels and one Life Bottle. Anyway, Pirate Desian was talking about how he wanted Lloyd's Exsphere when the creature grabbed him from behind.

" Genis…Lloyd…Run away…" came a voice.

" Run away! Run away if you want to survive! You've got to break free, oh-oh ohh!" finished Lloyd, " Hey…that voice sounds familiar…and that episode I had was with-"
" Marble?" exclaimed Genis.

" Genis…you were like a bratty grandson that I never had…Goodbye." said Marble, twitching.

And she went KABOOM!

" No. Wait. Protect Lord Forcytus," said one Desian, monotonously.

So the Desians surrounded him as he grumbled, " As long as you have that Exsphere, we'll stalk you til you die."
Genis, on the other hand, was having a nervous breakdown.

" Marble! NO!" he shouted, falling to his knees.

The Mayor was eager as ever for a scape goat.

" Look what you done! This is your fault!" he screamed.

" I'm …sorry." he said, sheepishly.

" You think you can fix this with an 'I'm sorry'!"

" Seeing you cry, almost makes me feel like saying sorry!"
The Mayor screamed.

" God damn trigger songs…" said the Mayor, " You must leave, do you understand? Your on the Desians black list! Your now exiled!"
" What!"
" That's not fair! Lloyd just tried to save Marble by putting dozens of other people at risk; and failing to save her anyway!" cried Genis.

" Well, now that you put it like that…" said Lloyd, sarcastically, " Some help you are."
" Any involvement with the ranch is forbidden! Now, go!"
" So its okay for others to suffer as your as your bad toupee ass is covered?" asked Genis, fuming.

The Mayor looked thoughtful for a moment, and then replied; " Yeah. Basically."
" Psh. You humans are all the same…" he said, bitterly.

" Eh?" asked clueless Lloyd, " Anyway, this is my fault. We had to leave anyway, so we might as well go out with a bang!"
Lloyd and Genis turned to leave as the townspeople began screaming at the them to leave, and waving the oh-so-deadly-pitch-forks. Figuring Frank and Phiadra were still watching the finale of Days Of our Lives, the 2 exiled criminals were off.

Before they left, Lloyd picked up the Exsphere Marble wore and said, " Hey, why don't you use it? It'll be a waste here. That's Marble's soul compressed into a tiny marble. Ha ha! Marble? Get it?"

Genis didn't laugh, but just glared at him again. And then put the Ex sphere on.

" I swear by those who have died, that I will protect Colette." said Lloyd, " Wow…"

" What?"

" My laid back reason to go on this jounry has suddenly turned angst filled." commented Lloyd.

LLOYD OBTAINED THE TITLE OF 'OMGF! ANGSTY!'

Luna: Its sorta shorter than the others, but I hoped you enjoy it! Review!