A/N I'm pretty sure I just failed my Economics Exam, so to distract me, here's the new chapter a few days early.

I have no idea how the "you have breast cancer talk" works in real life (knock on wood, ladies), and so I did focus on the more plot relevant parts of the talk.

Thanks to everyone who added my story to their alerts or favourites, and to everyone who reviewed. Don't forget, reviews are a fanfic writers paycheck :-)

They were back again in the waiting room of Doctor Cox practice. And again Derek was sitting next to her, his arm casually thrown over the back of her chair. He appeared to be calm, but Meredith knew it was only a façade, if she were able to see his eyes from her position, she knew they would be stormy, just like they had been in the past 3 weeks, ever since she had asked him to follow her into that on call room.

"Meredith Grey." Meredith was calmer this time around and Derek didn't have to pull her up and force her into the exam room, which was weird all things considering. After all, today was the day of her sentence. The wait, first for the MRI and the biopsy and then for the results had been excruciating, but two days ago the call had finally come that the results were in and if she please were to come to Dr. Cox practise so that they may discuss the findings.

As they sat down, Derek grabbed her hand. She squeezed it gently. He had been great. Cheerful, light-hearted, flirty and dirty in almost everything he said to her in private, she had more than once hit him and called him an ass. He behaved like a dirtied up version of the Derek she had first met. And it worked the way he probably intended it to work, it took her mind of things and made her smile even if it was only for a short while. But apparently, he only treated her that way. Over the past 3 weeks Derek had gained a few new McNicknames among interns, calling him McDreary because he had been moping around the hospital. Of course that was nothing about the rumours flying around the hospital that he had reduced an entire OR into tears. That had earned him the title McBastard but no one actually dared to use that one because while they so far had gotten away with the McNicknames, calling an attending Bastard was just too daring. For most interns at least, because her friends certainly didn't have any inhibitions about calling Derek a McBastard or even just plain old bastard.

Dr. Cox walked into the room, her face in the same friendly-professional expression she had the last time, that gave nothing away about her diagnosis.

"Meredith, Derek, hello." they shook hands, before they settled down again and Dr. Cox opened her file. She looked over it quickly, probably making sure she had all information right before talking to her as Meredith liked to do herself before talking to a patient. Dr. Cox looked up. Derek gripped her hand tighter and she herself held her breath.

"The cells extracted from the tumour during the biopsy were cancerous. I am sorry Meredith, but you have breast cancer." Meredith exhaled loudly. Surprisingly the world didn't come crashing down around her like she had expected. Ever since their first doctors visit, she had prepared herself for the news that she had cancer. She had figured if its not cancer she would be pleasantly surprised instead of being totally crushed hoping for a benign growth and being told it was malignant.

"You have a invasive ductal carcinoma which is the most common form of breast cancer. Now, we can't completely stage the cancer until after we know if the lymph nodes are involved which we won't know for a while yet, but the good news is that we could not find anything on the MRI that suggests metastasis. All what we know suggest, that you are in Stage II." Derek's hand shook. She turned to look at him. He looked tense and serious, but calm.

"I know this is probably a bit much for you two to process, but time is of some importance here. If you are up to it, I would like to discuss what happens now. We can, of course reschedule if you need a little time to process what will happen. A few days won't change outcome for you, Meredith." Meredith swallowed.

"No, its okay. We are already here. I can't keep trading shifts much longer before my colleagues get suspicious. Of course that doesn't matter any more because I have cancer and now I have to tell them and..." The pressure on her hand increased. "Right, rambling. Stopping now." Dr. Cox smiled slightly.

"The tumours position and its relative size to the volume of your breasts would suggest that a mastectomy is in your best interest." Meredith tensed. In her whole preparing for having cancer she completely forgot that she might loose her breast.

"That is a very scary thought," Dr. Cox hurried to add, "but the position and size mean we have to remove a significant part of your breast, the cancer you have is known for spreading out tendril like through the tissue, which makes a mastectomy for you much safer than trying to do a breast-conserving surgery and miss cancerous cells."

"Right. Mastectomy." Meredith said flat. She would be one breasted freak. So much for picking up guys in bars. Looked like only Tequila was left for her now. Her head started to buzz.

"There is always reconstructive surgery." Derek said quietly as if he had sensed her thoughts.

"Yes, there is also reconstructive surgery. Now before this goes any further, I think you should take some time and think about things. Come to terms with it or even get a second opinion if you wish to. We will meet again in a few days and discuss the necessary surgeries and treatments in detail. A oncologist will be present as well, talking about what treatments might follow after the surgery. I will also include a plastic surgeon if you wish, who can tell you more about reconstructive surgery." Dr. Cox handed them both a bundle of leaflets. Then the meeting was over, they were walking out to Derek's car for the second time in a month and it was official, Meredith was now no longer the intern who screwed the married attending, or the girl who put her hand on a life-bomb, she was now the intern with cancer. Awesome. Her life sucked. She sighed. Derek had yet to talk. He hadn't said anything since he mentioned reconstructive surgery, being broody and did she dare to even think it, being McDreary.

"So... I have cancer." Meredith said calmly.

"You are calm."

"Ehr, yeah. I'm saving up my huge freak out for work tomorrow. Figured I'd give them a show and then I wouldn't have to tell anyone in person because they'd all hear it from the gossip network."

Derek frowned "That would be heartless."

"Jeez, I'm kidding."

"I don't really find it funny." He huffed. The car pulled over where they used to watch the sunrise and the ferries when they were still together. Meredith hadn't even noticed where they were going, she had just assumed he would drop her off at home like the last time. "You have cancer, Mer. They are cutting of your breast. You have a survival rate of 75%. 25% of the woman who were where you are now are dead, Meredith!", he was breathing heavy now.

"I have no idea was the survival rate is for holding an unexploded homemade bazooka head in your hand for hours, I don't think they even have statistics for that, but let me tell you, the survival rate isn't high. And yet here I am. Last month, I could have turned into the pink mist at the blink of an eye. What would have happened if I had sneezed or something? I would have been gone without a chance to get my affairs in order, without a chance to say goodbye. So what if I have cancer? Even in the very worst case scenario where everything goes wrong that could go wrong because Murphy just likes to fuck me over, I still wouldn't die instantly. I'd have time to do what I need to do. And compared to where I was last month? That is a fucking great prospect." Meredith breaths came in short, forced bursts.

"I guess?" Derek said hesitantly, obviously taken aback by her outburst. Meredith put her head on his shoulder. He gripped her hand again and his thumb was drawing lazy circles on the back of her hand. He had been doing that a lot since the on call room. Just touching her, nothing too intruding. A hand on her elbow to get her attention, a hand on on the small of her back when they were walking somewhere together and every once in a while when they were alone, mostly in the elevator he would hug her. It was as if he was constantly reaffirming that she was still there.

"What pisses me off the most is that they are going to cut of my breast" Meredith said into the silence of the car. "I kind of had come to terms with me going barhopping, picking up guys for a night after surgery until they would force me into a nursery home. That's never gonna work with just one breast and huge scars on my chest." The car was silent. Meredith knew she shouldn't have said that to Derek, it would be something she would say to Cristina, but Derek and her used to be a couple and it was just wrong.

"Your ass is still great though." Derek said after a while.

"Excuse me?"

"You were wondering how to pick up guys after the mastectomy."

"I know but, my ass?"

"Your breasts are great, I give you that, although can I just say, right now? I absolutely hate them. But your breasts aren't the only thing to catch a guys eye. Your ass is great. Just make sure that whoever you want to take home gets a good look on your ass, sway your hips, play a little with your hair and they're gonna follow you willingly. Besides you could always wear a prosthesis, then it wouldn't be noticeable under a shirt."

"That might be true, but its still not a solution when I finally got a guy go home with me."

"Meredith," Derek sighed "just keep your shirt and bra on and if you're still not comfortable, just turn around." Meredith blinked.

"Did you seriously just tell me how to have sex once I am a one-breasted freak?" Derek groaned and let his head slam forwards against the steering wheel.

"I think I did. Lets forget all about it, pretend it never happened and never mention this conversation again?" he looked at her hopeful.

"Why? You want to forget that your advice basically was when in doubt, turn around?"

"I hate you" he said weakly.

"No you don't" she said grinning "You love me." For a moment, time froze and they looked at each other. Meredith heart beat fast in her chest. She hadn't meant to say that. Crap. All the lightheartness from moments before, as weird as it had been, was gone. "I am your best friend after all." Meredith said after moment, hoping her smile looked convincing, like she had been planning on saying that all along. A small smile formed on Derek's face, but it was sad and reminiscent.

"That you are." They sat in silence for a while before Derek started the car again and drove towards her house. The atmosphere in the car wasn't exactly tense, but there was no teasing any longer, only silence. Stupid, Meredith, stupid, she thought. You just had to open your big mouth.

"Do you know a good lawyer in Seattle?" she heard herself suddenly say. My, her thoughts were all over the place today.

"What for?"

"I just remembered, that when I was holding the bomb, I was freaking out and I went on and on to Burke about how Izzie and George shouldn't have to move if I died and..." she shrugged. "I am responsible for my mother. I have to organise who will care for her in the worst case scenario. I have to decide what should happen with the house..."

"I was a client of a big law firm in New York. They have a office in Seattle. I can give you the phone number tomorrow."

"It just makes it so real, you know? I am responsible for my mother. Kind of like I were the mother." she laughed, but even to her ears it sounded hollow. He took a hand of the steering wheel and it found its way into her own.

"Have you thought about telling your friends? Or the Chief?"

"I don't really have anything to say to the Chief yet beyond I have cancer and I will need time off. You think its okay to wait until I have something concrete like a surgery and treatment plan before going to the Chief? Because I have no idea how long I will be out yet."

"I guess you can wait another week before telling the Chief, but Mer, your friends, they would want to know. You shouldn't keep this from them any longer."

"I know. I have no idea how to tell them."

"You'll figure it out, Mer. It doesn't has to be a polished speech. Just tell them, that's all they'll want from you." She nodded. They pulled up in front of her house.

"Thank you for going with me again today."

"You don't have to say thank you everytime I go with you to the Doctors, Mer."

"Yeah, I do. You take time of work and rearrange your schedule around my appointments which are at really weird times because I'm an intern and the hospital owns me."

"And I wouldn't have it any other way. If your appointments were in the middle of the night, I'd still go with you."

"Thank you." she winced as the words left her mouth. Derek started to say something but then he just shook his head and sighed.

"Its getting late, Addison will be waiting for you. You should probably head home."

"I should." He made no move to loosen his grip from her hand. She sighed and gently removed his hand from her own. He frowned.

"Call me when you have the date for your next appointment?" he asked when she opened the door. As she looked back to him, relief spread through her. He still wanted to be there, even though she would now tell her other friends.

"I will. Good night, Derek."

"Good night Meredith." she closed the door of the car and watched him speed away from the curb.

Be nice and review, please. My day sucked and I need something to make me smile