Upon opening the door, Sans knew he was in trouble. If his thought wouldn't have been elsewhere he probably would have seen the warning signs. The burnt pot thrown out the now broken window, the foot prints running around the house, his poor impaled dummy by the garage.
He wasn't really paying attention to his surroundings or he wouldn't have entered his house and had the pleasure of a spear imbedding into the wall next to him, a spilt hair from striking him.
"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!"
Undyne in his house, yelling at him, what a way to end the day. A spear almost ending his existence was more of a way to start up the day, not end it. He gave Undyne his biggest grin, the one that said nothing she said was going to make a difference and he probably wasn't going to listen or attempt to change.
Let her fire him, he challenged in his head (even if he was already praying Undyne didn't sense that challenge).
"Something got your Undies in a pinch there, boss?" Sans asked cheekily cutting past her with a short cut and winking at his younger brother who was frowning at him (arms crossed and teeth grinding, if he had lips they would be pouting) on the couch.
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, SANS?" Pap moaned leaping from the couch and grabbing his arm and dragging him to the table where he forced him to sit down, "UNDYNE HAD TO HELP ME MAKE DINNER!"
Sans didn't put many rules on his brother, he was twelve and always on his best behavior in Sans opinion but using the stove without him around was forbidden. Last time he touched the damn thing he burned his favorite scarf and nearly gave their home to the flames.
"sorry Paps, I was doing something important."
And he was but he wasn't going to say in front of the woman behind him still seething who probably wanted his blood (metaphorical blood).
"WHAT WAS IT? ME AND UNDYNE WERE SO WORRIED WHEN YOU DIDN'T COME HOME!"
"It was important," Sans said simply winking at Undyne who was still seething, not taking her eye off him the entire time.
Pap did not look convinced and kept his eyes firmly on his brother as he set a plate of unidentifiable pasta in front of him and sitting next to him with another plate for himself. Sans shook his head, Pap had been waiting for him to eat.
Sans poked at the food in front of him, he wasn't even sure if it was edible, it was a burnt messed coated with a layer of glitter. It wouldn't kill him, he knew that much but it would hurt in another way, his poor taste buds were going to hate him. He just shoved it in his mouth swallowing whole, oh he should have stopped at Grillby's. He shuddered and felt Undyne's satisfied smirk.
He groaned as she joined them at the table.
Sans glanced nervously between Pap on one side watching him closely and Undyne on the other scooting her chair uncomfortably closer to him with each bite he forced down. It was a mistake coming home, he thought to himself regretting leaving the ruins at all. He could have just waited until morning and snatched Pap before this murderous fish got up and both run to the ruins never to be seen again.
Feeling Undyne's breathing on his cheek as he swallowed the last bite he could stomach, he almost considered doing that anyway.
How bad could life be stuck in the ruins?
He glanced over at Papyrus's large, goofy grin as he forced another bite of the awful food and gave him a forced smile. He wouldn't isolate Pap like that and he wouldn't abandon Pap like that. No, he needed time to think. He needed an excuse for what he was doing, hiding from work wasn't good enough.
Undyne had likely been through every part of the underground by now searching for him, maybe even called…
Sans nearly dropped his fork, pulling his largest smile he excused himself to the restroom, taking a short cut to his room, Undyne yelling after him that he didn't even need to physically use the bathroom.
He sank against his locked bedroom door, he had enforced it with enough magic to even keep the likes of Undyne from kicking it down (well right away anyway, with her determination she would find a way in). He watched the trash tornado pass him by, grinding his teeth together.
Alphys. He had forgotten about Alphys cameras. He ground his teeth harder together. She knew, he knew she knew. Even if they weren't near the ruins yet, he knew she had been pushing for them when he left hot land a few years ago. He had seen her leave her lab a few times directing her assistant on where she wanted the cameras.
He had forgotten. How could he have forgotten?!
He needed to make sure Undyne hadn't gone to her yet. He needed to get to her first. He shut his eyes and cursed his damn luck, why did he make that damned promise, it caused nothing but trouble.
He straightened his shoulders, it wasn't Frisk's fault, it wasn't Toriel's fault, they were worth protecting he reminded himself firmly.
He looked around his room once more, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and made the first move. He texted Alphys for the first time in four years. They hadn't talked since their disagreement on the cameras, Sans not liking the idea of her having that much control on other people's lives but of course the king had thought it was an excellent idea after the rampage the last human went on.
'hey Alph, it's me, Sans.' He wrote simply and placed his phone in his pocket knowing it would be awhile before she got back to him. He knew her too well, she was probably in a nervous sweat staring at her phone, knowing exactly what he wanted.
He then took a short cut directly onto the couch making even Undyne jump at his sudden appearance next to her.
"Sorry about that but that spaghetti ran right through me," he said with a wink to Undyne and a groan from Papyrus.
"I PROMISED UNDYNE WE WOULD PLAY A BOARD GAME WHEN YOU GOT HOME, SO I THINK WE SHOULD PLAY IT!"
Sans gave his best smile, he was a skeleton, so it wasn't hard after all and just kept counting in his head to keep himself from grinding his teeth.
Papyrus excitedly ran over to the entertainment center and yanking open the cabinet, digging through it naming off the games they owned. Sans said nothing letting Undyne provide the commentary on what she thought of all the games and stared down his own reflection in the TV.
It had been one of his greatest accomplishments getting that damn thing to work and even pick up one human broadcast channel (it was a Spanish network and he couldn't understand it but it was better then nothing). He was lazy sure but in these lazy bones was enough determination to pull this off.
He watched Pap set up the board game and yell out the rules all the while in his head he was setting up his own pieces and thinking up a strategy of his own.
He glanced over at Undyne and just shrugged as she pettily stole his favorite game piece, the trombone.
His father was a lot of things but he gave him two things he would need to use to his advantage to keep his footing in this game and not slip up thus destroying his brother.
His intelligence and his powerful magic use. He just needed to out smart Undyne and if he didn't…
He hated it, but she was standing in the way of the people he cared about's lives and futures. Kind Toriel, the baby who did nothing and Papyrus's chance at having a future without any of the misery and regret his brother carried.
It was nearly an hour into a game, really, it was only being played by Papyrus. Undyne and Sans staring each other down, both trying to read the other.
Pap had thought it would be more fun to combine two board games together and had smashed the rules of both games into an unplayable mess only he could really keep up with. Undyne with her endless determination, gave it her all to keep up with the game and even beat them but in the end only Pap could win this game.
Even if the rules weren't nonsense only Pap understood, her eye was locked on him, she wouldn't keep up with Pap's boundless energy distracted like this. Eye constantly scanning over him for any sign of the area of the underground he was hiding in. Sans took relief in this scrutiny, it meant she hadn't gone to Alphys, no she wanted to find out on her own. This was her game to win.
"Don't be rude, see me out," Undyne commanded as she headed towards the door and Sans made no attempt to follow her.
"GO ON SANS! DON'T BE RUDE!"
Sans rose from the spot he had previously been sitting on the floor, leaning lazily against the side of the couch, lightly dozing while his brother and his 'guest' finished up their game. He had been disqualified from the last round for being lazy and not caring enough and had just been ready to take a nap before getting Pap ready for bed when Undyne declared he escort her to the door. He grumbled something about rather seeing his thoughts to dream land but he was ignored, as always.
He took a short cut and landed in front of Undyne leaning casually against the door frame much to both Undyne's and Papyrus's annoyances.
He opened the door and mockingly bowed to his boss as she exited, shoulders stiff and teeth grinding in frustration at his display. She hated it when he didn't take her seriously.
"Don't think I don't know what you were doing," Undyne said suddenly making Sans tense.
"I wasn't going to say anything in front of Paps but I know what you did," she got up in Sans personal space, she jabbed at his chest making his eye twitch a little in annoyance, but he said nothing.
"I know it was illegal," she pressed, Sans was once more than happy to not have a nose with the fish monster's hot breath hitting him in waves.
"Well?" Sans challenged using all his energy to keep that lazy smile hiding his frustration, "Don't leave me in suspense. What was so fishy about my activities?"
Sans saw through her bluff, he wasn't just any sentry who would cower in fear under her, he wasn't just any monster in the underground doing some small and insignificant illegal thing.
Undyne flashed him that smile, that smile that you knew she was using to try to be cool and fill her victim with dread and intimidation. That smile Sans could only guess she got from some awful anime Alphys dug out of the garbage. That predatory smile that would should have sent shivers down her prey's spine.
Sans however was unamused and titled his head and shrugged his shoulders. Undyne's face fell, her one and only tactic hadn't worked, really proving how unprepared for this job she was. Crime just didn't happen in the underground, it was hard to really prefect skills into getting people to confess them if they never happen and people were usually just up front about whatever had occurred.
They both stood, glaring at one another, the wind whistling through the trees and fluttering Undyne's hair, the perfect scene before the perfect battle.
Sans's flashed his goofiest grin effectively ruining the moment and shrugged.
"You got me….what I was doing was pretty bad, even for me."
She kept staring at him demanding he go on as the seconds ticked by and the wind picked up making goosebumps break across her bare arms and her teeth grind against the cold.
"Oh? You want me to say?" he asked feigning shock, "I thought you already knew?"
"I do know," she ground out, "And you aren't going to like the consequences!"
"Which are?"
Undyne's feet began to stomp the ground a little in annoyance and cold, teeth continuing to grind in frustration, her tactic didn't even phase him.
"From this moment on, you are to report to the waterfall sentry station at five am sharp! So-"
"You can keep an 'eye' on me?" Sans asked with a wink which Undyne sneered at before stomping off.
Sans's smug smile turned into a frown as soon as he saw her leave. He knew it was a matter of time before she went to her best friend about this, Undyne would not give up. He needed to get to Alphys first and take that footage from her. Maybe even loop the footage around the ruins from now on.
It was only a matter of time before he was caught and he needed to cover everything up fast.
Sans didn't want to bring his frustration and annoyance inside, so he kept it outside with him hoping the cold air would cool his nerves. He leaned against the shed and just stared down the road where Undyne had vanished.
He hated her right now. That was a sentiment he usually saved for no one, it took too much time and effort and work to hate someone and keep up that level of anger but boy did he feel it right now.
He looked up at the ceiling, the lights were dimmed to indicate how late it was, the closet thing they had to light.
He should give the hate he held at this moment to the baby, he thought, their species was the reason they had to rely on artificial lights to begin with.
He shook that thought away as soon as it arose, Frisk was a baby and he was dealing with Undyne and her nonsense to keep them and Toriel safe. Toriel was his friend and he promised to protect the baby and he was, even if that now seemed to include not seeing either again.
Really, he was ok with that, that was protecting everyone. His brother, his friend and the child he promised to protect.
He raised his head out of these thoughts at the sound of crunching snow.
"Sans?" he smiled towards his younger brother, tilting his head towards the vacant spot by him so he could take a load off next to his big brother.
"What's up bro?" he asked making his smile somehow bigger, just for his brother. He didn't need to put in much energy, Pap was the only thing close to hope he had in his life and that alone was reason to smile about.
Papyrus didn't take the offered seat, just standing in front of his older brother twitching nervously.
"You don't have to hide it anymore, I already know what was going on."
Sans instantly straightened at that, spine painfully popping not used to doing anything but slouching. This could turn bad…
"Hiding what…?" he managed to get out as his teeth ground together, the cogs in his head turning, he needed a lie, he needed one fast.
"I found the baby cloths in the dryer when I got home, you never do laundry, I knew it was something special. A secret, the thing you had to take care of you mentioned in your note, it was a baby."
"Pap, I don't have a baby."
"Well, not yet!" Pap yelled at him making Sans more confused then ever staring at his younger brother, "You have to file the appropriate paper work with the special person you are always making those awful jokes for to the stork!"
He just stared at his younger brother, maybe he should talk to him about some things.
"Pap you don't need to file paper work to get a baby….there is no passion in that. You have to draw your baby."
Papyrus seemed to consider this, placing his hand on his chin making Sans somehow smile brighter. He loved that innocent and determined stare his brother had when he was figuring things out.
"I suppose you would have to be passionate to make a baby even half as great as me," he concluded with a firm nod making Sans laugh wrapping his arm around his brother's neck.
"It would really be grating for me to attempt to make anyone half as great as you, Paps."
"Sans!" he yelled shoving his brother away.
"Face it, you're smiling, bro!"
He laughed following after his brother as he made his way inside.
"I am and I hate it!" he declared rushing up the stairs, his brother not far behind.
Sans flipped his phone open after he noticed Pap had finally fallen asleep (though not for long knowing his brother). He didn't waste time taking a short cut to hot land seeing the response.
'uh hi sans…'
Followed by a more serious message seconds later.
'I know about the human, Sans.'