Author's Note: For the purpose of this story Anna doesn't remember anything after episode one of DA.

Chapter 4

Anna lay on the bed as she watched Mr. Bates, his Lordship and the doctor talk on the other side of the room. Her mind was going a million miles an hour. She didn't really understand what was happening. Everything was all jumbled up in her mind. Of course the hardest thing to try and wrap her mind around with this apparent memory loss was the fact that everyone seemed to think she was married to Mr. Bates. She liked Mr. Bates, even cared for him, but married to him? How could that be? She clasped her hands together and felt a little jolt of shock as she felt the ring on her left finger. She looked down at her hand and realized she was wearing a wedding ring. This was just all too much. She felt her eyes begin to fill with tears and blinked quickly several times to clear them away. She knew it was important to keep a clear head.

She closed her eyes and as she tried to remember what she had been doing before she woke up in the hospital. She shook her head in frustration, everything was just so fuzzy. She just kept on seeing bits and pieces of things. She saw herself laughing with Gwen as they got ready for bed, and getting Lady Mary dressed for some party. She saw herself having tea with Mr. Bates, smiling at something he had said. She couldn't remember any specific details though. All she could seem to recall were flashes of memories.

She looked back over at the corner where the men were talking. She wished she could hear what they were saying. She found herself staring at Mr. Bates. She wondered what their married life was like. Were they happy? She wondered how their wedding had been, and laughed at the absurdity of it all. How could she not remember her own wedding? She felt herself blush and she wondered if they had had a wedding night. She shook her head a bit and winced as she felt the pain. She touched her head and wondered how badly she had hit her head. Obviously it had been bad, since she couldn't remember anything. Would it be permanent? Would she ever remember the past nine years?

She came back to the present as the men once again came to her bedside. She was distressed to see the sadness in Mr. Bates' eyes. He looked shell-shocked. He reached for her hand, but stopped short, instead putting his hand in his pocket. She tried to smile at him, but even she could tell it felt forced. Instead she focused her attention on the doctor. "I don't really understand any of this. Why can't I remember anything?"

"You hit your head pretty hard Mrs. Bates. In some cases when that happens there is memory loss."

"Will I ever get my memory back?"

The doctor looked at Mr. Bates before answering. "I can't give you false hope Mrs. Bates, every patient is different. Sometimes the memories come back after a few days, sometimes with triggers it comes back in a few months, other times it never returns. There is just so much we don't know about these types of injuries."

Mr. Bates spoke up, "You mentioned triggers, what do you mean?"

"Often talking about certain memories or visiting places where key events took place can trigger the memories to come back. It doesn't always work, but some patients have had success with this course of treatment."

Anna looked between all three men, and came to a decision. She wanted to talk to Mr. Bates. "I wonder if I may have a minute alone with Mr. Bates." She saw the look of surprise cross Mr. Bates' face before he hid it away. He watched as the doctor and his Lordship left the room, closing the door behind them.

He turned back to Anna and tried to smile, "Alone at last."

Anna looked at him confused, "What?" She watched him shake his head and could have swore she saw the glisten of tears in his eyes.

"Nothing, it is just something I said to you once, many many years ago."

Anna nodded before continuing. "I'm sorry Mr. Bates; I wish I could remember everything."

"Oh Anna, never apologize. In time you will. I will do whatever I have to do to help you remember."

"I am just so confused. I mean you tell me we are married, but I can't remember anything. I don't remember our first kiss or telling you that I love you, or the proposal or the wedding…" She stopped as the tears began to fall down her cheeks. "I just want to remember my life."

This time Mr. Bates did not hesitate to take her hand. "Please my lo—Anna, don't cry. I will help you remember. I will tell you about all of those things. I will show you the places we have been, tell you the things we have done, speak the words we have said."

Anna looked down at their clasped hands. They seemed to fit so natural. His big soft hand enveloped her small cold one. She felt comfort in that. She didn't feel quite so alone when he was holding her hand.

John watched as Anna slept. It had taken her a while, but she had finally given in to her exhaustion. He had so many thoughts going through his head. He was so happy that he had found her and she was alive, but devastated that she couldn't remember anything about their life together. He was so happy that they were going to have a baby, but how was he supposed to tell Anna she was pregnant? Obviously she would have to be told, but how would she handle it? She didn't even remember being in love with him much less making love to him. He took a deep breath and looked up as the door opened. He saw his Lordship peek in.

"Bates, I think you should come home. You need to rest, you will do Anna no good if you are exhausted."

John started to argue, but realized Robert was right. He needed to get away from the hospital and wrap his head around everything that had happened today. He stood up, wincing at the pain in his knee. He had sat too long. He looked down at Anna and only hesitated for a second before placing a gentle kiss on her brow. "Sleep well my love."

It had been several weeks since the accident and much to her frustration; Anna still did not remember anything. To make matters worse now she was being released from the hospital and she had no idea what she was going to do. Where was she to go? She knew she would be returning to Downton Abbey, but where would she live? Mr. Bates had explained that they had a cottage on the property. Was she to live there? Would she be offered a room in the main house? What did she want? She wished she knew. Mr. Bates had told her he wanted her to live wherever she was comfortable. On one hand, living in the main house made sense, how could she live with Mr. Bates when she didn't even remember their marriage? On the other hand, if she lived at the cottage maybe that would jog her memory. Mr. Bates had already told her if she chose to come back to the cottage he would sleep downstairs or if it made her more comfortable he would take a room at Downton until she was ready for him to live at the cottage. Would she ever be ready for that? Did she want him to stay at the cottage? Would having him at the cottage help bring back her memories? Or would it just be uncomfortable?

She looked up as the door opened and Mr. Bates and the doctor walked in. His Lordship had returned to Downton last week, allowing Mr. Bates to stay at the house in London. He had been to visit her every day. They spent most of the time making small talk, but sometimes Mr. Bates shared a memory with her, hoping it would trigger something and hiding his disappointment when she couldn't remember the moment he was talking about. He was so kind and sweet with her. He never lost his patience with her. She might not remember their life together, but she knew he was a gentle and caring man.

She tried to smile as the men came to her bedside. She couldn't help but notice they both looked nervous. She was confused. What could they be nervous about? "Mr. Bates, Dr. Grant is something wrong?" She watched as Mr. Bates looked at the doctor as if to ask permission to speak. Anna frowned, what was going on?

Mr. Bates cleared his throat and sat down. "Anna there is something the doctor and I need to tell you. You see there is something about your condition we have not shared with you. We didn't want to upset you even more. However now that you are getting ready to return home, I mean return to Downton, you really need to know everything."

Anna began to feel nervous. What else could there be. She had no memories of being married or of the last nine years, what else could there possibly be? She could tell Mr. Bates was struggling to speak. She spoke out in exasperation. "Mr. Bates, I wish you'd just come out with it!" She started as she had a flash of memory. She remembered walking down the street and Mr. Bates in a cart ahead of her. She looked up, "I just had a flash of something; of you in a cart." She watched as a smile broke across Mr. Bates' face. She felt her breath hitch. His smile was beautiful.

"You said that to me once. We were walking down the road going to the flower show. It was a beautiful day. I was talking around something and you called me on it." He wanted to tell her that she had told him she loved him, but didn't want to do it in front of Dr. Grant. Besides they needed to tell her about the baby. "We can talk about it more later. Anna, there is something I need to tell you." He took a deep breath. He knew he couldn't prolong it any longer. He reached for her hand and looked in her eyes. "Anna you're pregnant."

Anna looked up at Mr. Bates in shock. Her eyes filled with tears. Surely she had heard him wrong. Her hand unconsciously reached for her stomach. "What? A baby?" She felt the hot tears streaking down her cheeks. How could this be happening? "I'm sorry, but I don't even remember being married to you, Mr. Bates. How I am supposed to have a baby with a man I don't even remember being married too?" She winced at how cold that sounded and tried to forget the pain that crossed his features. "I'm sorry, I just-I just don't know how to feel. I think I just need to be alone for a minute. Please." She watched as John nodded and released her hand and stood up. He looked like he wanted to speak, but just turned and left with the doctor. Once the door closed, Anna felt the tears flow harder and she let herself go and began to sob. How could all of this be happening? Everything felt so out of control. How could everything be so terribly wrong? A baby? How could she have a baby? She turned her head into the pillow and let the tears and sorrow overtake her.

John stood outside the door listening to Anna cry. It took every ounce of self-control to not go back into the room and take her in his arms. He knew he couldn't, as much as her tears broke his heart he knew Anna had wanted to cry in private and besides she barely knew him, she probably wouldn't want him to comfort her. He felt his own tears fill his eyes. He quickly blinked them away. He would not let his emotions get the better of him. He had to be strong for Anna.

He turned and walked down the hall. Anna was going to be released in a few hours and there was still so much to do. His wife may not remember their life together, but he was going to do whatever he had to do to help her remember. Anna had always fought for him, and now it was his turn to fight for her. He would help her remember and if heaven forbid she never remembered, then they would have to start over. He would make his wife fall in love with him all over again.

I hope this chapter was okay, I found it much more difficult to write from Anna's perspective. I find it much easy to write from Bates's point of view! I guess that is why he is my favorite character. As always please feel free to review!