Naruto: The True Story
By: Tour Guide62
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I have neither the creativity nor artistic talent.
Chapter 3: New Team
It was morning in Konoha. The birds were singing, the sun was shining…
"OH F***!"
…and our energetic protagonist was cursing like a sailor because he realized he was late. Just another regular morning in Konoha.
"WHY DID I SLEEP SO F***ING LATE?" asked Naruto as he quickly got dressed. He grabbed his goggles, tripped, and fell onto the floor of his room. His forehead protector fell off his dresser and onto his chest, and he stared at it for a moment.
That's right… he thought …I'm going to be a ninja today. He got up and put the goggles down on the dresser. Then he quickly ran into the kitchen, ate a quick breakfast of milk and toast (ignoring the lumps in his milk), tied the forehead protector on, and ran out the door.
Several minutes later, Naruto was sitting in his classroom giggling like a little girl. One of his classmates looked at him and said, "Hey Naruto, what're you doing here? This class is only for those who graduated."
Naruto looked up and said, "Can't you see the headband?"
The kid opened his mouth to argue when a voice said, "Excuse me."
The two turned to see a girl with long pink hair. She was wearing a dark red dress and a forehead protector was placed on the top of her head. She had an annoyed expression on her face that she was trying (and failing) to hide.
Sakura? Thought Naruto, What's she want? A light blush came to face. No way. She doesn't want to… sit with me does she?
"Naruto?" He thought he heard her say. "Move please."
But if she wants to sit here, does that mean she likes me too?
"Naruto!" She seemed to say a little more forcefully, "Let me sit there!"
God, I hope she doesn't ask me to hold hands with her. I mean, I'm all for wildly making out, but holding hands? That's a level of commitment I'm not ready for…
"Naruto!"
Plus my hands get all sweaty…
"NARUTO!" Sakura screamed at him. "MOVE YOU DOLT! I'M TRYING TO GET PAST YOU!"
"Say wha…" said Naruto. If she doesn't want to sit by me… then who…
Naruto turned and looked down the row at a black-haired kid with a dark blue shirt and white shorts. Ah, so it's Sasuke… thought Naruto, That jerk. I wonder what he's thinking…
Sasuke was simply sitting with his hands together, and he was the picture of calmness. Inside his head, however, was a different story…
So if I take out Naruto, I can take over the whole series. Finally, no more orange jumpsuits, no more ADHD, no more Ramen OCD. I'll be the star, get the royalties, get the perks. And then…
He paused for a moment.
THEN! THEN I'LL LAUNCH MY OWN BRAND OF HAIR-CARE PRODUCTS! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Breaking out of his egomaniacal tirade of thought he turned and saw Naruto glaring at him. His eye twitched as he stared at his only obstacle to fame.
"What?" he said.
"What's that supposed to mean?" growled Naruto. "You wanna start something, you stupid bas-"
Sakura picked Naruto up and threw him across the room. Then she turned to Sasuke and said sweetly, "Hello Sasuke-kun! Is this seat taken?" Without waiting for an answer, she plopped down onto the seat.
Sasuke's eye twitched again. It's that pink thing again! He thought. Maybe if I ignore it, it will go away.
Naruto crawled back into his seat, looking furious.
Sakura, however, was focused on getting closer to Sasuke. Today's the day Sasuke will be mine! Said her Inner Sakura. And no one's gonna get in my way!
Sasuke noticed Sakura scooting closer to him, and he mentally cringed. Why won't she go away?
Naruto looked over at the pair. Oh man, he thought, Sakura's all over Sasuke… That jerk. Why does he always act so cool…
Sasuke was expressionless, but in his head he was crying like a baby.
Naruto jumped on the desk in front of Sasuke and glared at him. Sakura shouted, "Naruto, you jerk! Back off!"
Naruto and Sasuke both glared at each other and paid her no attention.
This jerk. Thought Naruto. What's he thinking?
He has beautiful eyes… thought Sasuke.
Meanwhile, an undercover agent from the SasuNaru Forever League made her way to the desk Naruto was on. She giggled, pulled out a camera, and then pushed him towards Sasuke. She took a picture of their "accidental" kiss. She then ran off to go write Fan Fiction about it.
The two boys leapt away from each other and started spitting on the floor, in hopes of ridding their mouths of the other's horrible taste.
He tastes like ramen! Thought Sasuke.
He tastes like angst! Thought Naruto.
Before Naruto could turn around to yell at "Sasgay", a hand grabbed him by the hair and turned him around. "OW! Careful of my golden locks!" he screamed. He looked up to see the face of his captor…
…only to look into the eyes of a very angry Sakura. He gulped nervously and attempted to smile at Sakura. Sakura ignored the smile, and, with a furious roar, started pummeling any part of Naruto she could reach.
Several hours later, after a beaten and bruised Naruto regained consciousness and used his chin to crawl back in his seat, Iruka finally walked through the door.
He smiled and thought, Ha! Four hours late! Beat that Kakashi!
Iruka cleared his throat and announced to the class, "Today, you are no longer Academy students, but full-fledged ninja. But, you're only Genin, the lowest rank. Your greatest challenges lie ahead. You all will be given missions on behalf of the village." He saw the some of the heads were starting to droop (and in Naruto's case, simply passed out from boredom), and he rolled his eyes. He continued, "The other, more experienced, teachers have advised me to tell you that you will get money for completing missions."
Everyone's head shot up at that. Except for Naruto.
Iruka grit his teeth in frustration. "And that money," he continued, "can be used to buy weapons…" No response from Naruto, "Clothes…" A puddle of drool started to form around Naruto's head, "…and ramen."
Naruto's head shot up as he screamed, "WHO SAID THE R WORD?" He fell over backwards of his chair.
Iruka shook his head. "We will start," he continued as though nothing had happened, "by dividing you into three-man teams. You will then be assigned a Jounin teacher."
As Iruka started calling out teams, several students in the class let their minds wander.
Naruto, who was still on the floor, thought, I hope Sakura's on my team… and maybe that Ino girl as well. Aww, yeah. Two girls for the big N-dog.
Sakura repeated a mantra over and over in her head, Sasuke not Naruto… Sasuke not Naruto… Sasuke not Naruto… Sasuke not Naruto… Sasuke not Naruto…
Sasuke, however, was pondering. I wonder that if I kill my teammates, they'll just promote me on the spot due to my levels of sheer awesomeness.
Meanwhile, a dog-like boy named Kiba was, just like Sakura, repeating a mantra. However, his was a bit…different. Kibbles n' Bits… Kibbles n' Bits… Kibbles n' Bits… Kibbles n' Bits… Kibbles n' Bits… Kibbles n' Bits… Kibbles n' Bits… Kibbles n' Bits… Kibbles n' Bits… Kibbles n' Bits…
The small gray dog on the top of Kiba's head looked down at his master. His name was Akamaru and he was a bit concerned. Why doesn't he take me out for walks anymore? Should I do more to prove my loyalty to him? Aw, screw it. I'm pissing on his head later…
A quiet, slightly creepy, boy wearing sunglasses was sitting a couple of seats behind Kiba. His name was Shino, and although he gave off a calm-if-somewhat-scary disposition, he was panicking. DEAR GOD, I THINK MY BUGS HAVE EATEN MY EYES!
Another quiet student, a girl named Hinata, was staring at the orange-clad protagonist on the floor. I hope I'm on Naruto-kun's team. I love his whiskers, his ADHD, his orange and ramen obsessions… And with that, her pale lavender eyes rolled up into her head and she fainted.
Meanwhile, a chubby boy named Choji eating chips. He thought, If I run out of chips, I am going to eat my teammates. I hope Shikamaru is on my team, he thought as he glanced at his friend, His head looks like a pineapple… and I loves me some pineapple.
His friend, Shikamaru, was sitting by him. Shikamaru was thinking, Man this sucks. I hope Choji's on my team. But as for the third person…anyone but a girl. And especially not that purple-wearing She-Satan Ino. I really don't want to hear her go on about Sasuke.
Said purple-wearing She-Satan was switching between looking at Sasuke and glaring at Sakura, and was thinking, I hope Sasuke's on my team. If so, then Sakura can't be, since her massive forehead counts her as two people.
"Team 7," Iruka stated loudly, breaking everyone out of their stupor. "Will be… Naruto, Sakura…"
"YES!" Shouted Naruto from the floor.
"NO!" Shouted Sakura.
"…And Sasuke."
"Yes!" Cheered Sakura.
"WHAT!?!" Shouted Naruto as he sprang to his feet, grabbed the kid behind him, and chucked him at Iruka.
Iruka caught the kid and put him back on his feet. The kid took off out of the classroom, screaming something about blonde, orange-wearing devils. "Naruto, please don't throw your classmates at me."
"THEN TELL ME WHY I'M ON A TEAM WITH THAT EMO BASTARD!" Naruto yelled.
Iruka sighed, "It's too balance the teams, Naruto. Look here." He held up his clipboard and pointed to Sasuke's name. Beside it was a large A+. "Sasuke had the best grades in the class, closely followed by Sakura. You however," He pointed to Naruto's name, which had a crossed out F by it. Somebody had written a D- instead. "Had one of the worst grades."
"That's right," said Sasuke. "So don't slow me down you moron."
"WHAT? YOU EMO ANGSTY BASTARD!" Yelled Naruto.
Iruka watched as Naruto tried to get at Sasuke, who was hiding behind Sakura, who was hitting Naruto again. He sighed and thought, They'll work it all out eventually. Then he watched as Sakura kicked Naruto in the crotch. …Maybe not…
Another chapter done, another iota of guilt erased from my conscience.
Review please!