Song: I'm With You by Avril Lavigne
Touko's POV
In a dream…
I was in Nimbasa City waiting in line for the Ferris wheel. I was only three people away from getting in a car. After a few minutes, it was my turn. I knew it was a landslide, but I was hoping N would be in my car waiting to surprise me. I was going to be a single rider. I stood in front of the car and let the doors fly open. Nobody was there, but when I looked at my feet then up again, there he was standing. I jumped for joy and quickly took my seat beside him. N was so close to me that I almost cried. "N" I breathed out in relief. I got to finally see him after one whole year of searching.
"Touko" he whispered back.
"I can't believe it's you. I've missed you so much" I said holding back tears of joy.
"I've missed you too."
"Are you here to stay?"
"Yes" he said happily.
"That's great! B-But I have something to tell you" I said nervously, twiddling with my thumbs.
"What is it?" N asked raising an eyebrow.
"I-I-I love y-you."
"…"
"N?"
"…"
"N!" I screeched. We reached the top of the Ferris wheel and light poured into the car. I studied N, and he was see through, transparent. He wasn't real. He was my imagination, something I wanted to believe to be real. How could this be? Wait. Earlier when I looked into the car after the door opened, I didn't see anyone. I was grief-stricken and looked at my feet. I looked back up and there he was. I imagined him when I got into the car. Idiot. I sighed. I rested my elbow on the tiny ledge near the glass of the window. My hand held my face up, and the other rested on the red cushion seat. N's figure was next to mine. I knew I was imagining it because I wanted to, but N's hand rested on top of mine. He looked like he was holding it. I stared out the window for the rest of the ride. N stared at me lovingly.
…End of Dream
I jolted up from my bed into a sitting position. I pulled some muscles in the process, but I didn't care. Tears poured down my face from the nightmare. It wouldn't have been so bad if I knew it was just a nightmare, but it wasn't. It was a memory. That sad and lonely memory took place a year after N left. That day was heart shattering. I hate remembering it. I wanted someone to be by my side, but I never let anyone in if they attempted to comfort me. Cheren, Bianca, even my mom have tried to ease my pain but nothing helped. Even now, my mom would not come in at night because she was used to me crying and having nightmares. Just thinking about it made me wail. I sat and cried for about a minute. I could faintly hear someone lumbering around downstairs. The noise got louder as each second passed. The sound got so loud that it sounded like it was right outside my room. The next thing I knew, my bedroom door flew open despite it being locked, and N barged into the room. I stared at him then at the door. The one side of the whole door and the frame was splintered and broken. N looked at me and rushed to my side. He sat down on my bed and wrapped me in a hug. His large hands rubbed my back, and he cooed in my ear. I froze up under him but after a while, I relaxed into his embrace. I let my defenses down and hugged him back.
"Shhh, Touko. It'll be okay. Shhh, nothing happened. It was just a bad dream" N whispered. I tried to grab a fistful of his shirt but nothing came within my grasp. I realized he didn't have a shirt on, so instead of grabbing his shirt I just pulled him closer. I pressed my face into his chest and let the tears flow. Nothing was alright. My life was ruined and then it ended. I don't want to exist.
"No. No. No. No. No. No" I cried repeatedly.
"Shhh, it's okay. I'm here. Shhh."
"N…" I breathed. I almost added 'you weren't there' but didn't.
"Shhh." I continued crying until my body stopped shaking and my wail turned into quiet sobs. Awhile after that, I went silent altogether. N started to lie down on my bed. He pulled me down with him. He was on the side were the bed and wall touched. We lie there together in each other's arms, staring at each other until we fell asleep.
N's POV
Sun poured in through the window. I opened my eyes and peered around the room I was in. It didn't look familiar. I was about to sit up when I heard a moan. I glanced over to my right and saw Touko. Her head was nuzzling into my bare chest. I started blushing madly hoping she wouldn't wake up and see my red face. I took a few deep breaths to calm me down. I just stared at Touko's sleeping form. She looked so peaceful and happy unlike yesterday. I laid with her for about an hour before gently coaxing her awake. "Touko. Touko. Wake up" I said softly.
"No" she mumbled.
"Come on. You have to get up. We have to leave in two hours remember. We're going to the Village Bridge" I reminded her. Her eyes flew open and they were sparkling with excitement. I stared at them in awe. Her blue eyes were back to normal. Touko's gaze rested on me once she realized I was in her bed with her. Her expression went back to being blank and her eyes glazed over again, instantly dulling. She rolled off the bed onto the floor trying to get away. My blue eyes bore into her as she stared at me from the floor. I got off the bed and stood my full height. Five foot eleven. I was trying to intimidate her as she sat on the floor in protest to move. "Please get up. We need to get showers and eat" I said.
"No food" Touko sighed. Arguing wouldn't help. I need to turn on the charm.
"Yes." I walked up to her and grabbed her hand. She yanked it back and held it close to her chest. I sighed. I moved closer and picked her up, throwing her over my shoulder. She screeched and repetitively pounded my back with her fists. At first, the beating felt like a massage but after a few minutes, it started to ache. There was going to be a bruise there in the morning. It didn't matter though, as long as it resulted in Touko eating something. Once I got down the stairs, I released Touko. She tried to run back upstairs but I caught her by the waist. "Where do up think you're going?"
"Up."
"Oh no you don't. Don't you remember? I broke your door last night. If you went back up there, than I could come in and get you." Touko looked at me realizing what I said was true. She frowned and sat down at the table. Mom was making pancakes. I grabbed two and put them on a plate and set it in front of Touko. "Here." She pushed the plate away. Time to put on the charm. I smirked at her and winked. The only acknowledgement I got, to tell that she noticed, was that she blinked. That, however, was enough to convince me to continue my efforts. I slid her plate over to myself and drowned the flapjacks in syrup. "Mmmm, these are good. Thanks" I said to Mom.
"Why thank you, dear" she said. She must have been in a better mood today.
"Guess what. Touko and I are going to the Village Bridge today" I exclaimed. Touko shook her head no. Touko's mother didn't seem to notice.
"How wonderful. Touko needs some fresh air."
"Touko you should try these pancakes; they're delicious" I said. She looked at my plate hungrily. I got another plate and put one pancake on it. I set it in front of Touko. She looked up at me and stared. I winked again and walked back to my seat and sat down. She slowly grabbed a fork and ate the pancake.
"Wow! N, you and Touko are like an elderly couple. You're helping one another when the other needs help" Mom praised. I blushed at the comment, and I could see a faint shade of pink on Touko's cheeks too. Touko and I finished our breakfast. I went upstairs and into Touko's room. I walked up to one of her dressers and rummaged around for clothes. I grabbed her signature outfit and brought it downstairs.
"Here you go" I said shoving Touko's clothes in her arms. I hauled her to her feet and led her to the bathroom. I gently pushed her inside and closed the door. "Get in the shower. You stink" I said while chuckling. I waited by the door until I heard the water turn on. When it did, I walked over to the television and turned on the news. Touko's hygiene -check. I had a mental checklist.
On the way to the Village Bridge…
"Look! I can see the Village just up ahead" I said to Touko, who was behind me on Reshiram. Her arms were wrapped around my stomach. Her cheek rested against my back. She was looking off in the distance, eyes half-lidded. The whole ride she was silent but I tried to keep a positive attitude. My mind was screaming to go hide in a corner and pout, but I knew I had to stay strong. The vibe and attitude Touko gave off must be rubbing off on me.
Touko's POV
N was trying to be nice and stay confident, but I could tell by his voice that he was losing faith in me. I did give in to his commands a couple of times, but how could I not with him looking at me with pleading blue eyes. His whole attitude and appearance stayed strong, but his eyes gave away grief and doubt. A few minutes after telling me that he could see the village, we landed in the little clear with that random guy whistling or something. He really freaked me out. N and I walked away from him and walked under the bridge. We walked past the sandwich place, but N said we would come back before we left to eat. I never actually ate a sandwich from here yet. I always just served them to the customers. We kept walking until we got to the bridge. N led me to a house. We went in and we visited the fisherman guy. He told me that we were the only two members still. N laughed and said that he would join. The guy jumped for joy and did a little dance. I almost laughed at his actions but didn't. I kept cool. He gave N the initiation and then told him what the catch of the day was. It was a Poliwhirl. He said the name of the Club, but I wasn't paying attention enough to hear what it was. Something Waders. After a few minutes of N and the guy talking, we finally left. "That was interesting" N said. "Now I have to watch out for a Poliwhirl."
"No" I said.
"Yeah you're right. We don't have time for that. Besides, I didn't even bring my fishing rod. Maybe some other time." Our next stop was going to sunbathe a little and get some lemonade and bottled water at the vending machine. I got the water, and N got the lemonade. I wanted a Soda Pop, but N said that water would be healthier for me now. Sunbathing was fun I guess. It was just the right temperature out and the warmth of the sun felt nice. N was getting pink again, so he said that we should stop. He then took me to listen to that guy that liked to sing, and we listened to him. I had to admit that his voice was angelic.
"Let's go get those sandwiches now." I shook my head to tell him okay. I was actually looking forward to this meal. I've heard so many good things about it. We got to the camper and sat down on one of the free benches. A girl, that looked pretty familiar came up and took our orders. N got a Pecha sandwich, and I got a Persim sandwich. I gobbled down the sandwich in pure bliss. N ate his pretty quickly too. There was an awkward silence after that. "So this is kinda like a date" N said sheepishly. I looked at him in disbelief. How could he say something like that? Did he really love me or at least like me? Was I all wrong? My mind was full of questions that I wanted the answers to. My body just didn't let me say them. I was too confused to think. N sat there awkwardly and shifted in his seat. He finally stood up though when I looked at the ground.
"Let's go." I got up and followed him. We went back on the bridge and stood at the top looking down at the water. N rubbed my back with his hand. The water was so calm and refreshing. I wanted to touch it. No I had to touch it. I stepped closer to the edge of the bridge and without thinking, jumped over the edge. I plummeted downwards until I went splash. I was sinking to the bottom. My lungs screamed for air but I didn't want that. I wanted to be one with the water. I wanted my life to be free from pain again. I could end my life right here right now, so I opened my mouth. I sucked in gulps full of water. Bubbles rose to the surface. I watched the bubbles rise, and before I slipped into unconsciousness, I heard my name being screamed. I heard a splash then a silhouette come into my view from the right. It looked friendly but to my left, I saw a light. Both looked tempting to go to, so I let my heart chose for me. I reached out for my target.
A/N: Yes, Touko's trying to commit suicide. Sorry if Touko doesn't act depressed enough too. She is still acting like I said she was earlier though. Can you guess what she chose to go to? The picture cover for this story is about the dream she had in this chapter. Review or Flame. They are both feedback.