Disclaimer: All the credits belong to Suzanne Collins and, I don't take any payment for this story. This is just for entertainment. I don't own anything related to Hunger Games.
4 – Shattering Dreams
In a strange way, being honest with Gale was the best thing that I could have done to break the barrier that grew between us since our escape. He seems ready to move on with our lives, forgiving me for my mistakes and, my erratic behavior.
I'm trying my hardest to be as cooperative as I can, even walking hand in hand with him when it's possible. We haven't talked about the romantic aspect of our relationship after the night he confronted me. I'm too insecure to bring it up and, he's too cautious to provoke another fight.
I don't even want to talk about it with Prim or my mother. I hear ours mothers talking about us when they think we aren't paying attention, though. They believe that we're together now and, I really don't even know what we're doing; he hadn't tried to kiss me since that night but, he's treating me differently, holding me close for a few minutes every time we change turns during the night, giving me flowers that he finds in our way, among other little things I'm sure he never did before.
Does that means I'm his girlfriend now? I can't find the energy to ask him, or to name it to myself. All I know is that I don't like to think that I'm Gale's girlfriend. It's stupid and, I know it but, it feels so wrong to do this without explaining it to Peeta. I try to tell myself that it doesn't matter anymore. For all I know, he can hates me now. Unfortunately, thinking like that only makes me depressed.
Besides, it irritates me. It seems like my love life is fated to be decided for me. Before the Games, everyone just assumed I would end up with Gale because of our friendship. After the Games I was forced to get engaged to Peeta. In both cases, nobody consulted me. My opinion is the last thing anyone cares to ask.
We're following the same routine of heading southeast, always making sure to keep track of District Twelve behind us. At some point in our new arrangement of being honest, I shared my concerns with him about the lack of retaliation from the Capitol. Surprising me, he told me that he has the same feeling that something is not right. Or perhaps I should say that he feels something is even more wrong that it should be.
Hearing a strong and cold hunter confirming my preoccupations is positively the worst thing in this moment but, Gale was never one to lie, especially to me. I wish I really have some kind of military training for this evasion thing; instead we only have to trust our instincts. We don't even know if going in a straight line is a good strategy but, somehow, knowing were our district is kind of comfort us.
I know that we're hundreds of miles away from District Eight but, I keep hoping to see signs of the factories at each hill we find. There's nothing to do besides walking, walking and, walking. The kids are restless, our mothers showing signs of fatigue with dark circles under their eyes. Even Gale and I, used as we are with the hardness of the woods, are starting to get tired. I don't tell them, because it would be just cruel but, I feel exactly the same way I felt in the arena. We're all in a big Hunger Games, only this time we're fighting to keep everyone alive instead of killing one another.
Out of pure boredom, we start to talk about what we wish to find when arriving our destiny. The kids' fantasies are really entertaining; Rory wants to dye his boots, Vick wants to learn how they do wool's quilts and so on.
All the talk about what to do in District Eight activates Gale's hopes to join the revolution. I know I said that I don't want to fight in a war that's not ours due my worry with my family and his but, I'm also aware that this isn't true. It's our war. The revolution, if succeeded, can put an end in the madness we live, can bring justice for all the repressed and massacred districts.
"Think about it, Catnip. You're their inspiration. It doesn't matter to them if you were just faking to have a relationship with that guy in the arena. All that matters is that you're alive and, you managed to escape under their noses. If we join the fight, you can inspire them. We have a chance this time, I know we have. Can you imagine how it would be without having to run away? How good must be to not live in fear?" says Gale, deep in the night, when everyone's sleeping and, we don't have to worry that our mothers catch his words.
"That guy." He doesn't even say his name, as if his denial would impede my guilt.
"I don't know, Gale. I need to think about it," is my lame excuse of an answer.
But, the true is that I can see it. There's nothing that I wish more than to live freely, happily and fearless. To be able to go back to District Twelve and, make sure everything and everyone is okay, to see prosperity, to never see my people starving to death again and, be able to hunt, work, laugh and say whatever I want without looking over my shoulder. To not worry about having my children yanked away from my arms to be thrown in a sick game to fight for their lives. To marry whoever I want.
And this trail of thought lead me, once again, to the boy I left behind – the only person that had shown me kindness in the time I needed the most, my boy with bread – knowing that, by doing so, I would be shattering his heart in million pieces. Once again, the mere thought of Peeta Mellark is capable to take all the air out of my lungs and, I have to embrace myself tightly, as if trying to prevent that my body splits in two.
"Something's wrong?" Gale asks, taking me out of my inner battering.
"Nothing. I was just thinking that it would be really good to go back home. Without fear," I say, determined.
It's useless to deny it. When I choose to leave, choosing Gale in the process, I also choose the revolution. As everything else in my life so far, I was just procrastinating the inevitable. In the moment President Snow threatened my family, I knew this would come. I just kept avoiding it because I was so scared for the ones I love. But, the only way I have to really protect them is trying to change things.
Gale is right. When we get to District Eight, we should join the uprising. It's the only hope.
Part of my decision is made by the desire to go back home and see Peeta again, to beg for his forgiveness and, try to be friends with him once more. I own him at least my friendship; I'll always own him. But, I can't think about it right now, so I just lock this thought in a well hidden place in my mind, hoping to forget about it.
In the morning of our ninth day in the woods, something happens.
Nothing is different in the trees or the vegetation that surround us but, the animals get agitated, leaving their refuges, running wildly. The birds get strangely quiet. Gale and I get full alert, our hunters' senses telling us to be extra careful. We find shelter in a small cave a few yards ahead, leaving our families there and, climbing in the trees to observe our surroundings better. Nothing seems to change, though; despite the three hours we spend watching the forest's every move.
By noon, we decide to keep going. Whatever scared the animals isn't coming in our direction and, we won't take the risk to get caught by accident. We're just gathering our supplies when we hear a loud noise and, the sky turns yellow.
An explosion.
We can't identify where it happened but, we run anyway. Posy starts to cry, clutched in Gale's neck again, Prim pulls my mother by the hand and, all of us are so terrified that they run faster than ever, which is a blessing. There's no time to be gentle with the kids, the only thing we can do is try to make sure everyone is together and, look over our shoulders to see if we're getting chased.
A thunder announces another explosion, only this time bigger than the previous one. This one is so loud; bringing a fire so high that's impossible to not know where is coming from. Because all this time, we made sure to walk in a straight line. A third bomb explodes and, suddenly, I know where.
District Twelve.
It's the final vengeance of President Snow and the Capitol. He's making sure I don't have any place to come back for. He destroyed our home.
But, nothing matters right now, not his petty revenge, not the unfairness of all this, not the destruction caused by the bombs, because there's only one thought in my mind and I freeze in place.
"Peeta!" I scream at the top of my lungs.
My knees gets weak and, my vision, dark. I feel myself falling to the hard ground before the world goes blank.
A/N: I hope you like this chapter. I tried to make it dramatic but, I'm only slightly satisfied. What do you think?
I want to thank all my reviewers again. Every time I read your comments I get all warm inside. You really make my day.