I was sleeping peacefully until I felt someone staring at me. I opened one eye to see Carli's beautiful face with a smile plastered on it. I smiled back and pulled her closer to me. I buried my face in her neck and kissed her softly. She giggled and pulled away.

"Good morning." she said softly.

"Morning. How long you been awake?" I asked stretching.

"Only about 20 minutes." she replied.

"You should have woken me up."

"I did." she said sweetly.

"I meant when you woke up, smart ass." She smiled.

"Well, you looked like you needed it. And you were so peaceful." she said simply. I knew what she was getting at.

"Not right now, Carli. It's too early. Let's eat and then we'll talk, I promise." I assured her. She looked skeptical but nodded. We called room service and they actually delivered it. She had told me about their mess up last night. We ate breakfast and watched tv for a about an hour when I noticed her fidgeting.

"It's killing you, isn't it?" I asked.

"Yes. Jack, I'm worried about you. So is Bobby. I know it's not like him but he is." she told me.

"He does not. He cares about himself and no one else." I snapped at her. I saw the hurt in her eyes. She got up and walked into the bathroom. I heard the door lock and walked over to it. "Car, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. I know you're worried. How about we go to my house and talk? I need to change." Nothing but silence. "Bobby can talk with us, if he wants to." I sighed. She opened to door and walked out smiling. I shook my head and we left. We drove to my house and luckily Bobby was not there. I heard her let out a frustrated sigh.

"We're still going to talk, right?" she asked hopefully. I sighed and nodded. "Good. Come on, let's go to your room." We walked up to my room and she started talking as I changed.

"So where do you want to start?" she asked. I sat down and put my head in my hands.

"Why'd you leave?" I asked. "Tell me what happened. I wanna know."

"No you don't." she said softly. I shot my head up and looked at her.

"Look, this is a two way street! If you want me to spill my guts to you, you spill your..." I started yelling but she cut me off.

"He tried to touch me!" she yelled, her voice cracking at the end.

"Who?"

"Frank." she said simply. "He was drunk and my mom wasn't home yet. He came up to my room and tried to touch me. I screamed and my mom came running in the room. She knew what had happened and she told me we were leaving and for me to stay with you that night."

"You let me...let me touch you after what he tried. God, Carli, now I feel like I took advantage of you." I said feeling guilty.

"Don't. The moment I stepped into your room that night, I knew I was safe. You didn't do anything I didn't want you to. I didn't regret it then and I sure as hell don't regret it now."

"What happened after you left?"

"Nothing. She divorced him, he apologized, went to jail a few years ago. We just tried to start over. You have no idea how guilty she felt for taking me away from you. She missed all of you each day. But she couldn't stand to be back here." she cried softly. I took her in my arms. I held her and let her cry. I sighed and buried my face in her hair.

"It started when I left the hospital. The drugs that is. They took my pain medicine away and I needed something else. Patrick helped me out. I started coke and then a few choice other things that I'm not proud of. I only do powder now and some pills every so often. I drink a lot. It makes me forget. Forget how I felt when the shots rang out, forget the pain I still feel in my chest and legs. To forget the fact that my family doesn't give a shit about me now."

"That's not fucking true!" Bobby's voice bellowed through the kitchen. His eyes were sparkled with tears. "You're my brother! It killed me seeing you there, bleeding to death. I didn't do my job, I broke my promise. I blame me for what happened. It doesn't bother me that you blame me too. I know it was my fault, but damn it Jack, I want my brother back. We all do." He pointed to Angel and Jerry behind me. They too looked on the verge of tears.

"We know we haven't been the best brothers and we know we should have never brought you into this but that does not mean we don't love and care for you, Jackie. You're our baby brother, you always will be. No matter what you do or where you go. It wasn't that we were too preoccupied with other things to not be here for you. We were afraid to see you. It's because of our foolishness that you got shot. Every time I see you..." Angel choked on his words. "I see you laying in the snow. It killed me. And then you got so angry, I knew you weren't the same. I couldn't be around you because it hurt. Sofi's yelled at me more that the norm because she knows your hurting too and we're too scared to say something." he finished. My heart kept sinking as they all spoke. And as if it could sink any further Jerry spoke up.

"Jackie, my girls...They just want their Uncle Jack back. They miss you. The old you. They miss playing ball with you and you taking them to the park." Jerry said softly. "Hell, I miss the old Jack. We all do."

"The old Jack is dead. He died outside that day in the snow." I said heatedly. I didn't want this confrontation. Not now, not ever. Only because I knew they were right.

"No he didn't." Carli spoke for the first time.

"Oh really now? And how would you know that?" I asked snappily.

"Because I saw him last night. I felt him holding me all night and I woke up to him this morning. He's not dead, you just locked him away and replaced him with a very, very angry and spiteful man." she said softly. I looked at her and I felt my heart jump a little.

"Carli, you have way too much trust in me."

"So, I care about you, Jack. This isn't you." she stated.

"I know that! But I'll never be that guy again, Carli. I can't give you that guy back. He's gone. Stop being so naive and look in front of you. Look at me. What do you see?" I yelled at her getting in her face. She let a few tears fall and gently grabbed my face to place a soft kiss on my lips.

"Certainly not the Jack I fell in love with. But I'll tell you again. I felt him last night, he was there. Just like he was there the night before I left." she said looking at me in the eyes. I felt tears start to surface as I watched her walk away again. I slammed my fist on the table and looked around at my brother's.

"Where's Daniela and Amelia?" I asked softly. I saw a big grin spread across Jerry's face and laughed a bit. "I almost forgot how big your teeth were, Jer." And for the first time in a long time, we laughed together.

"Well, how about we never let you almost forget again?" Angel asked walking up to me and putting a hand on my shoulder.

"That'd be nice." I replied. He smiled broadly then stopped and turned serious.

"No jokes about my teeth. I did not get them whitened. You boys are just jealous because I gotta a pretty smile." he declared. We laughed again and this time Bobby spoke up.

"Alright, so maybe Jack was never the fairy. Maybe you were Ang. Because I've never heard Jackie boy refer to anything on him as pretty." Bobby joked. Angel scowled at him then smiled again.

"Well, he's had Carli on him and he's called her pretty, so does that count?" he teased. I punched him in the arm.

"Don't push it." I warned him. We all walked to the cars and drove over the Jerry's. I knew I would have to talk t Carli later. But right now, I know she'd want me with my family. I walked into the backyard and heard two high pitched squeals. I looked over to see my two nieces running full speed in my direction.

"Uncle Jack!! Uncle Jack!" they screamed and hugged me. I laughed and picked Amelia up.

"Hey, girls. Wanna play some ball?" They nodded and we played for about 20 minutes. I took a break and walked into the kitchen. I wasn't feeling to well. I hadn't taken anything since before I went to Carli's last night and I was feeling th effects. Camille walked in and smiled at me.

"Girls wear you out, Jackie?" she asked.

"Yeah. Been a long time since I've played that hard." I replied. She looked over at me oddly.

"You ok, Jack? Your jittery." I looked down to see my leg bouncing rapidly. I stopped and looked up at her.

"Sorry.." she cut me off.

"I know what you've been doing, Jack." she told me as she set a glass of water in front of me.

"I'm sorry, Camille. I don't want you to make me stay away from the girls. I'm trying." I started to ramble. She smiled and kneeled in front of me.

"Jack, I would never do that. You're there uncle and you're my brother-in-law. I don't think less of you, I'm just worried. I know you're tired of hearing that but we all are. Jerry's not the same. He's so much quieter. He gets so depressed sometimes. We want you to get better, ok?" she told me. I nodded and drank the water.

"Thanks, Camille. I guess I better go back out there. Bobby looks like he's getting mad." I said looking at Bobby with the girls.

"Yeah, he's tried to fill in for you and the girls don't like it. Last time we had the bat come threw the window." She told me. I laughed and walked outside to relieve Bobby of his duties. We stayed until late that night, watching movies and talking about the girls' school activities. I hadn't realized how much I had actually missed them. As we were leaving I told Bobby and Angel that I was going to see Carli and talk to her. I tried to call but she didn't answer. I parked the car and grabbed a case out the trunk of my car. I walked to her room and knocked. She opened it and smiled.

"Hey." she said softly. I smiled and held up my case a little. Her smiled got bigger and let me in.

"Just left Jerry's. I forgot how energetic they were. You need to go by and see them sometime. They'll like you." I told her sitting down.

"So did you guys talk a bit?" I nodded and unlocked my case. "Did you have fun?" I nodded again and pulled my guitar out. It was dusty but it never felt so good in my hands. I looked it over then looked up at Carli.

"I wanna play you something. It came to me on the way over here." She nodded and sat back on the bed. I tuned the guitar and started to play.

Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold

To you I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now I can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me there's just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold

I stopped playing to looked over to her.

"I'm going to try, Carli. I missed my family, my nieces. I missed you. I can't promise you anything but I can tell you that I will try. But I need you. I need your help." I confessed to her softly.

"I'm here, Jackie. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. We'll get better together. I know it will never be like it was but it'll be better." she said confidently and kissed my lips. I pulled her down next to me and wrapped my arms around her. As I fell asleep I thought about today and how happy I was to feel apart of my own family again. The looks on Dani and Amelia's faces were priceless. I felt guilty for not being there and happy to finally be back. But could I do it. Could I give up the thing that helped me for the past year? I wasn't too sure but I knew I had to try. For my family, for those two little girls and for Carli.

"I love you, Carli." I whispered as I fell asleep.

Song: Cold by Crossfade