Disclaimer: I'm just a poor, innocent, teenager.
Pfft.
Well, even if I'm not that, per se, I AM most definitely not the brilliant Rumiko Takahashi, and thus, must settle for pretending to control her colorful characters. So don't sue me, because it's not cool to sue minors with an alliteration fetish.
~Kamibi
Witch-Chips
"Hah! I knew it! You're actually a witch!" the crazy woman he lived with shouted triumphantly, pointing her finger and jumping out from behind a corner.
"Witch?" he replied, disinterestedly.
"I had my suspicions, when you were able to sense me no matter where I went; then, you were able to change the expiration date on the milk, so that I wouldn't drink your dairy. Finally, you're eating the Witch-Chips!" Kagome crooned, flopping down beside him on their old, gingham couch.
"…Witch-Chips?" Sesshoumaru decided that, for now, his curiosity outweighed his disdain for the term.
His girlfriend leaned in closer, and told him in a hushed tone, "Witch chips. The Kettle brand is actually a brand of chips deliciously concocted by Witchy-Witches!"
What the hell?
She nodded eagerly, "Yup! They're made in Salem, Oregon, and their name is 'Kettle,' which is eerily similar to 'Cauldron!' What does that tell you?"
"…That they're made in Salem, and their name is 'Kettle,'" without missing a beat, he continued on to his next point, "Kagome, you do realize that I am a youkai?"
"…Salem is Witch-Town, and Cauldron is the Witch-Object, yes, I know you're youkai."
Think self-control, don't let your eyebrow twitch, self-control, self-control… Sesshoumaru chanted in his head, determined not to let her win, no matter what evil little 'Woman-Scheme' she tried to get him with. It was sure to be complicated, ingenious, and very, very devious.
She blinked blankly at him.
He twitched.
Damn her and her Woman-Schemes.
"Youkai are capable of sensing people no matter where they are, you hallucinated about the milk-expiration thing, and you gave me these chips." Before she could retaliate, he added in, "And 'witch' is not an adjective, it is a noun!"
Her mouth opened again, and he could tell that she was about to say something obnoxious, so he did the first thing that came to mind.
He stuck a chip in her mouth.
Her eyes went wide with horror, and she gasped, "Oh my Gosh, I'm a witch now!"
"…Kagome, you're a Shinto priestess. You don't even believe in witches, although I can't say I'm surprised, given that you know next to nothing about Youkai…"
She rolled her eyes, then pretended to die on the couch. "Oh, Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Save me from my insensitive jerk of a fiancé, Romeo," she cried out, throwing an arm over her eyes dramatically.
"Fiancé?" What was she trying to say?
Kagome peeked out from under her sleeve, grinned, and flipped the bag over on his lap. As he was about to protest, he noticed something shiny on his now-ruined sweatpants.
Stupid salt and vinegar grease…
Picking it up and brushing it off, he found it to be an engagement ring, as he had suspected.
"That's the ring I want you to give me tonight when we go to that fancy Italian place at six-thirty," she told him matter-of-factly. Sesshoumaru smiled down at her, in a 'You're such a goofball' face that only she could decipher.
And that was why they were together.
Surreptitiously, she plucked a chip from his lap, popping it into her mouth with a satisfied crunch.
"I thought they were witch chips?"
"Whatever. They taste awesome, for evil, poisonous items crafted by demented women."
Shaking his head, he snuck the ring into his pocket, and finished the spilled mess with Kagome, watching some cartoon all the while.
"Wow, salt-and-vinegar witch-chips are delicious…" she mumbled around a fistful of crumbs.
The strange animal on the screen fell off of a cliff.
*Can You Repeat the Question*
Author's Note:
The witch-chip thing came to me as I was eating a bag of Kettle's salt-and-vinegar finest. They're amazing.
~Kamibi