A Discussion on Leia

About a month after Padmé had explained as much of the situation to Sola as she could, she saw Hera in her dreams again.

"How is Leia?" Padmé immediately asked.

"She's doing alright," Hera hedged.

"What happened?" Padmé snapped. "Is she safe? Is she alright?"

"She'll be fine, she, well, she just has a bit of a habit to leave wherever she is, go to Naboo, go to your grave, I'm guessing she's talking to your spirit, and then falling asleep and spending the night at the grave," Hera replied. "I had no idea how much she still needs you."

Padmé nodded, troubled by the knowledge that her daughter wasn't sleeping well. "How often does this occur?" She asked worriedly.

"Hmm," Hera hesitated.

"Please, tell me the truth, Hera," Padmé begged.

"About every night," Hera replied softly.

"What about Luke?" Padmé questioned. She should probably check on her more, well, more stabilized child—the one less likely to go off the deep end on her.

"He went to the grave once to get closure and only returns on their birthday or if he's had a particularly bad night, which isn't as often as it is for Leia," Hera explained. "What happened to cause this?"

"My best guess is that is because she was never allowed contact with her blood family, the family here on Naboo or the family on Tattooine, although technically Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru were really stepfamily, on the twins' father's side, and the only one she was really related to on Tattooine was Luke," Padmé explained. "And she was tortured by her father."

"Why are you so much concerned about Leia than about Luke?" Hera asked suddenly.

"I'm equally concerned about the both of them," Padmé squawked defensively.

"I know, but you're more upset over the fact that Leia seems to be having so many rough nights," Hera replied.

Padmé sighed. "We might as well sit down, Hera," Padmé began. "It's a long story."

Taking a deep breath, Padmé once again began her tale, "I was fifteen and I couldn't sleep that night. We're just moving from Yavin IV to Hoth or somewhere, we were leaving Yavin IV, I don't remember where we were headed, I was a little busy, keeping track of two adult children, and we were all living on the various transports. The twins and I were, thankfully, on the same transport. I decided to check on them for some reason, I don't know why, but I just felt like I should. Luke, I knew was fine, he had been at all three meals the day before. Leia had not. I knocked on her door. She didn't answer. I eventually forced the door open and saw something that sickened me."

Hera studied her friend carefully. "What was it that you saw? She wasn't doing anything stupid, was she?" Hera asked cautiously.

Padmé shrugged. "That depends on your definition of doing anything stupid, Hera," Padmé said darkly.

Hera shivered—for the first time, she was afraid of Padmé.

Then in that same dark voice, Padmé continued, "It was my worst nightmare. Leia was hunched over, pressing a razor blade to the inside of her wrist. I was beyond horrified. Thank the Force I was able to recover as quickly as I did. I ran over to her and grabbed her hand and smacked it, sending the razor flying. She got pretty mad at me. 'Padmé, what are you doing?' Leia demanded. 'I could ask you the same thing,' I responded, at first, only feeling anger, taking her hands in mine. I slowly calmed down and that anger turned to fear. 'Leia, were you trying to kill yourself?' I asked, hoping with all of my might she wouldn't say yes. 'Yes,' Leia responded. I then asked, 'Leia, why? Why would you do this to me? To Luke? To Han?' 'It's my fault my people are dead,' Leia replied. I held her and said, 'Listen to me, Leia. It's not your fault. It's not Tarkin's fault.' 'Yes, it is my fault,' Leia insisted. 'I should have realized Tarkin's plot,' 'Leia, Tarkin was an evil man and he took advantage of you,' I replied. Leia then responded, 'Tarkin was right. I am too trusting.' 'Leia look at me. Pay attention. It is nobody's fault. The great circle of life has begun, but, you see, not all of us arrive together at the end. And those who fell on Alderaan will still be with you as you remember everything they taught you. In a way, you'll never be apart for you're still a part of each other.' I reassured her. Leia nodded. Then I asked, 'Leia, do you trust me?' She nodded again. Taking her hands again, I said, 'Leia, I need to listen very carefully to my next words. Look at me. Remember, here you are safe. You are loved. You have people who care about you. If you're in pain and you need to let it go, don't use self-harm. Talk to someone. You can come to me any time. I will always be ready to listen. I don't want you getting hurt.'"

"Leia shook her head. 'Leia, listen to me, you are loved,' I insisted. 'If I had been smarter, I wouldn't have gotten myself captured,' Leia replied. I wrapped my arms around her and replied, 'Listen to me.' She nodded and I began to sing. 'Don't give up. It's just the weight of the world. When your heart's heavy, I…I will lift it for you. Don't give up because you want to be heard. If silence keeps you, I…I will break it for you. Everybody wants to be understood. Well, I can hear you. Everybody wants to be loved. Don't give up because you are you loved. Don't give up. It's just the hurt that you hide. When you're lost inside, I…I will be there to find you. Don't give up because you want to burn bright. If darkness blinds you, I…I will shine to guide you. Everybody wants to be understood. Well, I can hear you. Everybody wants to be loved. Don't give up because you are loved. You are loved. Don't give up. It's just the weight of the world. Don't give up. Everyone needs to be heard. You are loved.' It wasn't very good, but that didn't matter."

"Leia smiled softly at me and said, 'I'm actually a little hungry, I think.' I led her to the mess and sat next to her, brushing her hair out of her face. 'Thanks,' she murmured as she ate. I glanced at the tray when she moved to get up. 'Sit,' I ordered. She sat back down and looked up at me nervously. 'Neither of us are leaving until you've eaten everything on that tray, young lady,' I said firmly. She nodded and she finished her meal."

"We then returned to her quarters. 'Leia, can I trust that you won't be attempting to harm yourself again?' I asked bluntly. Frankly, I was more concerned over how protective I'd have to be. Leia didn't answer. 'Leia?' I asked, worriedly. She slowly shook her head. 'Can you help me?' She asked. I nodded. 'What do you need me to do?' She then handed me her razor and blaster. 'Only let me use these when I need to,' she began. 'And sit with me at meals.' I nodded. 'Leia, thank you,' I murmured. 'For?' She asked. 'For trusting me,' I replied, sitting the weapons aside and hugging her. She hesitantly returned the hug. 'Leia, remember, you are safe and you are loved. Your friends, care very much about you, even Han,' I reassured her. 'You have people who care about you. There is nothing to be afraid of. No reason to fear. Look at me. There is only your friends and love.' She nodded."

"'Um, Padmé,' she began. 'Yes?' I questioned. 'Um, I was wondering, well, um, could you, uh, spend the night with me, tonight, please?' Leia asked, nervously. I nodded. 'Into bed, Leia,' I said, pulling the covers back so she could climb under them. I laid down next to her and awoke to the sounds of crying, rather abruptly. 'Leia, shh, shh, it's alright, you're safe, I'm here, I'm here,' I eventually got her to stop crying. She looked up at me and I said, 'Change of plans, I'll be staying as close to you as possible from now on.' She nodded. Then I asked, 'What happened?' 'Had bad dream,' she mumbled. 'Leia, if you have any more nightmares or bad dreams, I want you to tell me immediately,' I ordered. 'Even if I have to wake you?' She asked. 'Even then,' I replied. She nodded and said 'Alright, Padmé.' I nodded and hugged her. 'Now, back to bed, little one,' I said."

"After that, it was a discussion on age and which one of us was older," Padmé admitted. "Technically, I was older, plus I was her mother, but Luke and Leia were physically older than me."

Hera gasped when Padmé had completed her story. "I had no idea it was that bad for Leia," she murmured sympathetically.

Padmé nodded as tears silently ran down her face. "That's why I'm scared for her," Padmé replied. "Losing Anakin—in that future—was bad enough. I don't think, no, I know I would not survive losing either of my twins. I need them—they're the best legacy I ever left the galaxy—no, they are my legacy."

Hera nodded and said, "I'll look after Leia as well, I might even ask a few of my daughters, to help."

"Which daughters?" Padmé questioned.

"I was thinking maybe Artemis, goddess of the wild, but definitely Pallas Athena, goddess of wisdom," Hera replied.

Padmé nodded and then the two women parted in silence—one relieved that the other knew why, while the other left in shock.