AN: Wow, thanks everyone for all the support! Well, sadly this is the last bit, hope you all enjoy it! So sorry I didn't update on Saturday like I said I would, but one day late isn't that bad right? Let's give my amazing, wonderful, (not enough words in the English language to express her greatness) beta DJDizzy! If you all like my stories, I know you'll love hers!

Chapter 4: Step 4: Always, always listen to Sue

"Dad." Kurt beamed.

Burt turned, staring at his son with eyes shimmering with relief and overwhelming love. "Kurt," He said gruffly and in a few long strides wrapped Kurt in a tight bear hug, "Thank goodness. You're okay. You're here." Softer, Kurt heard his father whispered, "Thank you Mollie."

Kurt hugged his father back just as fiercely, squeezing his eyes shut against the tears he could feel coming. "I'm fine Dad. I'm okay." He reassured his father.

Burt pulled back and with both hands gripping Kurt's shoulders, he ran his eyes over Kurt's frame, checking, double checking that he had all the essentials, 10 fingers and all. Kurt smiled, a silent signal that everything was fine.

Before Burt could say anything else, Carole was suddenly in his arms, small tears splattering against his neck. Kurt chuckled softly and lightly patted her on the back, "It's okay Carole, I'm here. Everyone's fine. I'm fine."

She cupped his face with both hands and stared into his eyes. Without any words she kissed him on the forehead. She stepped back to stand next to Burt and with his arms empty, Kurt was all but tackled to the floor by his friends. His arms were full of some fierce Mercedes, with awkward patting Finn at his back. Tina, Quinn and Rachel were hugging him and with a cry of "Group hug! I love hugs!" from the recently caught up Brittany, Kurt found himself in a dog pile of teenagers. The room was then full of excited, nervous chatter, everyone shouting over everyone else.

Puck asked, "That's a pretty wicked bruise on the side of your head, Hummel. How badass where you out there?"

Artie wheeled himself through the crowd and gave him a fist bump, "Yo dude, glad you made it back."

Rachel smiled at him sweetly, like the smiles they shared at Sectionals. "Now I expect you to keep the screaming to a bare minimum. Even if you are being chased by over twenty zombies, that's no excuse for you to damage your vocal chords.

Mercedes dusted at his shouders. "What have you gone through white boy? You like you battled a whole army of the undead to get here."

Mike patted him on the back and Sam gave him a half hug. "Glad you got back safe dude."

Before anyone could say anything else, Becky was suddenly in the middle of the fray, tugging at Kurt's arm roughly. "Kurt! Coach still wants to talk to you. She said to bring you there immediately."

Kurt bit back a sigh. He didn't want to leave the confines of the warmth of friendship at this moment but knew that if he refused her will, then he could kiss his genetalia goodbye. Hugging everyone again he announced, "I'll be back guys. Coach Sylvester wanted to see me, like five minutes ago." Everyone in New Directions nodded, understanding Kurt's urgency. It was never ever good to piss off Coach Sylvester.

Hugging Carole and his dad again, he gestured to Blaine, Wes and David (who had stood awkwardly in the doorway, unable to take the sudden noise that was New Directions. They had feared for their lives, thinking that the group hug was one jostle away from being a mosh pit.) to follow him, "Come on, I'm not going to bear the insanity that is Sue Sylvester alone."

Retreating back out of the classroom to mournful remarks of, "Fare thee well Kurt," and "nice knowing you," and a smirk with a catty remark from Santana, "Don't scream when she kills you, Muppet boy. It only entices the beast more."

Rolling his eyes, Kurt followed Becky as she lead them to the pricipal's office and through the glass Kurt could see Sue Sylvester in all her authortive glory. Becky said, "Wait here."

Becky peeped in, "Coach Sylvester, ruler of the world: Kurt Hummel and three blood covered boys are here to see you."

Sue grinned and sat behind her desk, "Good, send them in Becky."

"Okay Coach!" Becky turned to the boys. "Coach will see you now."

Kurt looked down to the zipper of his pants, gulping. He had no doubt Sue could make good on her promise to hack off his "never to be dropped nads" and turn them into "a sad, empty pouch of flesh" if he dared cross her. He let out a loud breath and pulled himself to his full height.

Kurt pushed open the door, but before entering he turned abruptly to his friends and warned, "Do not talk unless spoken to, and even then most times it is best to remain silent. Unless, of course, you would like to join me in being a countertenor when she castrates you."

Squeaking in horror, David clung to Wes while Wes whispered, "Please go after short midgets first." Blaine glared at Wes but followed Kurt inside.

Sue smirked at the boys. "Porcelain, glad to know that your flighty ways and obvious superior brain activity has kept you alive thus far. And what have you brought me? Hobbits it seems? So which one is your man candy that I've heard you been dry humping in dark corners? Is it the one that looks like a cross breed between Schuester and Frodo or one of the two girly named hobbits?" Sue greeted the bunch behind the desk, but instead of the name tag reading Principal Sue Sylvester it read "Superior Ruler Sylvester." If Kurt hadn't been so worried about keeping his private parts intact, he would have cracked a smile at the name tag. Only Sue...

Blaine shrunk back at the biting tone and he felt David and Wes shift in closer to him as the woman rose from her seat and approached the four of them.

"Now Porcelain, I have something of great importance to discuss with you. Sit." Kurt sat quickly and the boys followed, Wes and David fighting for the last seat but Blaine slid by and claimed the remaining chair with a smug grin.

"There are very few people I would trust with this mission and with Preggers' brain still mush from pregnancy hormones and she is sadly too lust-filled from the Ken doll's infatuation. She's out. I fear Santana's overly large breasts would get in the way and or be too distracting. So, Porcelain, I knew that you would find yourself here, just like I know that you will take this job."

Kurt raised one manicured eyebrow slowly, intrigued by this. "And what exactly is this mission Coach?"

"There's been chatter that the cure for this whole thing," she loftily waved her hand around, "has been discovered. Some jewfro lesbian hippy in California has found this so called cure between his bouts of crying over his virginity and inability to find someone of the opposite, or hell, the same sex, that is attracted to him and sticking large objects between his freakishly gaped teeth." Sue leaned in close, particularly nose to nose with Kurt, "And I. Want. It!" Slamming her hand down on the desk for emphasis, she leaned back. She stared steadily at the boy, "And you Tickle Me Doe Face, will get me this cure."

Kurt stayed cool on the outside, partially interested. "What do you get out of this?" He inquired.

Sneering at him, she looked as if to respond with harsh threats and critical abuse but then seemed to change her mind. "Though it is none of your business Lady Face, I will humor you and answer your question. Just this one time though. If you question me once more I will not be responsible for shaving off those girlishly plucked eye brows and feeding your Pinocchio like figure to the crocodiles that are going to fill the waters of my moat that the idiotic football players are digging. Understood?"

"Of course Coach." Kurt smiled, secretly amused by her threats. After being a Cheerio and months, countless hours of abuse screamed his way, his fear threshold had nearly tripled when it came to one Coach Sylvester. Especially since he knew deep, down, in the crevices of her blackened soul, there was a tiny bead of like towards him. With the knowledge that she actually cared for him, her creative and out of this world threats amused him now. He still had no doubt she would cause harm to his man-bits. He saw Trevor Ellis learn that lesson the hard way. Ouch.

"So what's in it for me?" Kurt had to ask.

"When you get me this cure and after I use it to vie for my presidency, a bribery of sorts if you will, then I can make you the youngest ambassador to the United Kingdom."

Kurt looked up at the ceiling, thinking this over. "Youngest ambassador to France, and a full ride scholarship to the school of my choosing and you have yourself a deal."

Sue smirked, like she had expected such a thing. "Agreed."

Holding out her hand, they shook on it, "Rainbow Bright, I'm glad you're back."

Kurt nodded, smiling tightly. "Me too."

Crossing his legs, he glanced to his right and bashfully realized that he wasn't the only one in the room. Blaine looked mildly terrified, even with his dapper shields up and shinning, and with a glance to his left, Wes and David looked absolutely ready to piss themselves. That was the usual reaction to more than a minute spent in Sue Sylvester's presence.

Seeing where his eyes went and the worry beginning to creep into them Sue said, "And take your merry band of elfs with you. I need someone to act as bait when the zombies try bearing down to try and taste your sweet virgin blood." Blaine winced.

Kurt nodded. "Now take a shower! You smell like death. And while I usually enjoy and cherish the smell of killing the enemy, I need you to be smelling of victory before you set off. Stay the night here but at first light, I fully expect you and your harem to be off in that paradox known as your car. Really, who puts a gay milk maid in a beast of a car? And if you don't follow my instructions, I will shave off Shirly Temple's hair here," she gestured at Blaine, "And force you to glue it your body and forever wear nothing but his devastating hair. Really Frodo, get a hair cut."

Kurt smirked at Sue, "I'm going to raid your supply closet before heading out, of course." The supply closest was actually an entire wing of the school that was no longer in use and stored everything and anything from weapons to food to clothes. Apparently her 'supply closet' to only be used when McKinley would rage a blockage against the rest of the world was actually going to come in handy.

Sue nodded, "I would expect nothing less. Dismissed!"

Kurt left the room in relatively good spirits and headed towards the auditorium. Blaine, Wes and David dumbly followed him.

"Wh-Wha... what was that?" Blaine stuttered, his eyes still bugged out.

Kurt shook his head and let out a chuckle. "That, my dear, was a thing we call Sue Sylvester."

"And are we really going to go steal that cure?" Wes asked, eyes still wide in horror. Kurt knew those eyes wouldn't return to their usual size until at least an hour later, or after a good cry. He knew from experience.

Kurt gave him a look that just read, 'are you stupid' and for a second Wes relaxed. Oh thank god they weren't going to do something so stupid as travelling over half the nation for a cure that they didn't even know for certain existed for a clearly bat shit insane woman would wanted to be president. Thank God...right?

Right?

But Kurt dashed that relief when he said, "Of course we are! You don't tell Coach that you're going to do something and then back out. When Jenny agreed to do a basket toss three stories high and then refused to do after she watched a video online where a girl died, well, let's just say Jenny really should have agreed. So unless you come with me and remain here and Sue finds out, let's just say that hopefully you're a secret cannibal and enjoy eating yourself."

Wes paled, and chocked out, "Oh, okay, I think I'd rather come with you. I think I'll be safer out there then in here."

Kurt smirked, "You have no idea how true that is Wesley."

Linking hands with Blaine, he smiled at all of them and said, "Now let's take a shower, find some new clothes, get supplies and head out. I cannot wait for this to be over. I can hear Paris calling my name!"

Fin

AN: And that's the end folks! Hope you all enjoyed it! Fun fact, this was originally going to be a oneshot, but with some insight from my beta, she and I came to the conclusion that almost 11,000 words was too long for a simple oneshot, so I split it up.

Thank you so much to everyone that added this to alerts, to favorites, to author alerts and especially to those who reviewed!