(Nathaniel's P.O.V)
Nathaniel rushed inside his house. I ran straight to my room. Today had been a hell of a day. Castiel had certainly given me a wake-up call. Talking with Lysander helped me see through Castiel's eyes. What was I to do? I'd really screwed up.
I wanted him more than I'd ever wanted anyone. He means the world to me. I'd give anything to take back what I said. Those words weren't mine. It was truly an out-of-body experience. The situation was surreal.
I held my legs against my chest. Can this all just go away? I wish I was normal. As, I was contemplating this my dad barged in without so much, as a knock.
"What are you moping about?" He crossed his arms at me and eyed me suspiciously.
"I wasn't..." I retorted in a sharp tone. The last thing I felt like doing was dealing with my dad.
"Don't speak to me in that tone. You're behaving like a teenage girl." He scoffed at me.
"I-am NOT! Maybe, you should show me some respect and knock for once?" I'd never spoken to him like this before. I couldn't help it, I was fuming.
"Yes, you are. You should show me respect, I'm your father. What did I just tell you, young man?" He growled. He was close to his breaking point and like an idiot I continued to push him.
"Why the hell should I? You've never been a dad to me. You're just a jack-ass. I'll speak to you anyway I like." I shot back at him snarkily.
"I raised you. Put a roof over your head and fed you. You ungrateful little brat. It seems you still haven't learned your lesson. I will not be slandered like this." His eyes glowered at me. He slammed my door shut.
I gulped down a hard lump. Sweat poured down my face. I was instantly filled with regret. He stepped forward and struck me across the face. My cheek turned red. His eyes grew cold. The next blow was so fierce that I nearly fell backwards. With the flowing blow to my mouth, my lip began to bleed. I coughed up blood.
He landed a powerful punch to my stomach. I put my hand over my stomach and groaned in pain. His expression had darkened. He hit me in the mouth again and again. I choked on blood. I could taste it in the back of my throat. I gasped for air as he punched me in the gut again. Luckily, I had eaten much. I still hadn't screamed or begged him to stop like I usually did by now. This angered him, I could see it in his eyes but, I didn't have it in me too care.
He unlooped his belt and threw me to the floor like I was ragdoll. Needless to say that it didn't feel to great to be tossed around like a piece of garbage. The sole of his shoe held me down. He lifted up my shirt, I knew what was coming. I clenched my eyes shut. He whipped my back with his belt over and over. Tears trickled down my face. I cried out in pain. The whole ordeal felt like it would never end. When, he finally stopped. I wiped the blood from my mouth. My throat felt rather dry and my back felt sore. I touched my back briefly to discover that it was bleeding. I winced in pain.
As, he left he stared me down with the belt still in his hand. He glared at me menacingly. I just laid their in a pathetic lump waiting for Amber to help me up. The minutes felt like hours.
I was no longer contemplating what to do. Now, I couldn't stop crying. My stomach and back hurt like hell. I regretted what I'd done but, I didn't regret standing up to him it was well worth the pain. For, the longest time I'd felt like their was nothing I cared about. Not school, or my sister or my dad or my mom. Nothing had mattered for a long while. It felt like I just couldn't anymore. I hated everything and everyone yet, I wore a plastered smile and took all the insults and beatings in stride. Except, now I just can't do that anymore. I won't live a lie.
I thought I couldn't care anyone but, you proved me wrong. The truth is no matter what you do or say. I will not go away. I found someone to care about. Why, out of all the people is it you? Why do I care so damn much about you? I can't stop thinking about you. I hurt you and I just feel terrible. I don't want to give up on Castiel. His all I have. I've never felt like this before.
Just, then Amber walked through the door and shut it quietly behind herself.
"Nathaniel..." Her eyes saddened.
"Its my own fault. I angered him, I took my anger out on him."
"Let me help you up." She pulled me up and helped me sit on my bed. She plopped down beside me.
"You can't blame yourself. Let me see the damage." She lifted up my shirt.
"Oh, good god." She sounded close to tears.
"I'll be alright. Amber, can we... not talk about it?" I requested.
"Okay." She obliged.
"Amber, I wanna tell you something I've never told anyone."
"Go ahead." She encouraged me.
"You have to promise not to make fun of me." I blushed.
"Aw but, that takes all the fun out of it. Fine, I promise I won't."
"Thank you. I'm gay or bi. All, I know is I'm absolutely crazy about Castiel and I've never really been interested in anyone before now." My blush deepened.
"Aw, that's so sweet."
"Except, I fucked it up. I-well Castiel kissed me earlier and I kissed back. But, then something inside me snapped and I pushed him off. I told that being gay was immoral and pretty much called him an abomination. He told me to never speak to him again. What's wrong with me?"
"Damn, well knowing him. He probably jumped you and that caught you off-guard. Just apologize and come clean to him. He'll respect you for it." She advised me.
"When, did you get so good at giving advice?"
"Hehe, I always give good advice. You just never took it seriously until, now."
"You know, its kind of funny. I never expected to fall for him. Out of all the people why him?"
"Love works in mysterious ways."
My blush became a crimson red shade.
"Aw, is Nathaniel in love?" She grinned mischievously.
"You promised you wouldn't make fun of me." I frowned at her.
"You didn't say not to state the obvious." She smirked.
"Oh, you and your loopholes." I smiled at her.
"Heh, its just so adorable."
I rolled my eyes at her. "Are you done yet?"
"Nope, Nathaniel and Castiel sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g." She sang softly in a merry tone.
"Shut up." My eyes turned beet red. My blush darkened to a fiery shade of red.
"Aww, okay-okay. Now, I'm done." She smiled giddily.
"Are you sure?"
She pretended to think it over.
"Yes, thanks for telling me first. I feel special. So, you know my lips are sealed from now on. Your secret is safe with me." She promised me.
"Good, I'm counting on you."
(***)
The following morning, I tugged on my clothes. It was painful getting dressed. Strangely, I was full of energy. My heart was pounding inside my chest. Please, forgive me Castiel.
At, school. Candy approached me right away.
"Hi, so do you play drums?"
"Hey... Well, no." What an odd question.
"Kim has a set of drums. The guys need a drummer." She explained.
"Did, Castiel send you?" I questioned her.
"No. I know you two aren't on speaking terms but, will you consider it? Could you do it for Lysander?" She smiled at me gently.
" I am a fast learner. I'll think about it."
"Great. You know the Nathaniel, I know is a real out-standing guy. He'd do anything to help out a friend. They need you."
"I'm not so sure, Castiel needs me."
"He does, his just too proud to admit it."
"I admire your spirit."
"So, will you do it or do I need Lysander to convince you?"
"Well, how can I say no to that?" I half-smiled at her.
"Yay, thanks so much. You won't regret this." Candy pulled me into a side-hug. I patted her on the back.
Castiel asked with his arms crossed over his chest. "What's going on here?"
"Nathaniel's going to be your drummer, isn't that wonderful?" She knudged him.
"The hell he is. No, I think you mean its horrible." He scowled.
"He doesn't mean that. Sorry, about that. His got an attitude problem." She spoke as if he wasn't there.
"Indeed, he does."
"Quit, talking about me like I'm not here!" He growled at us.
Candy joked. "Did, you hear something?"
"I think it was just the wind." I added. I smirked at Castiel. A light blush crept onto his cheeks.
"Whatever, Nathaniel. I guess you weren't lying about liking girls. You and her seemed awfully cozy earlier." He was watching us. He seems jealous.
"You told me not to speak to you anymore. I was just trying to be nice."
"I didn't tell you to ignore me. I-I mean of course, you were... Good. I don't have ANYTHING to say to you!" He turned on his heels and slammed the door to the staircase behind himself. I had a good idea of where he was going. I was half-tempted to follow him but, he needed time to cool off.
"What was that about?" I wondered out loud.
"Don't worry about him. His just jealous. He wants you all to himself."
I blushed a deep shade of red. "He-he, does not. You're just saying that."
"I am not. I saw his eyes glowing with envy. He doesn't exactly hide his emotions that well. Plus, I know Castiel like the back of my hand. His not made of stone."
"Maybe, you're right."
"You two will make up in due time." She smiled.
Except, I heard it as you two will make out. Which, I would be very into. That probably wasn't what she said. I heard what I wanted to hear.
I simply said with a grin while thinking of what I'd misheard. "I hope you're right."
"I always right when, it really counts."
"Good."
"Rosalaya will need your measurements as soon as possible."
"This was her idea then?"
"Heheh, maybe." Her cheeks burned red.
"She did always love to play match-maker." I sighed.
"You don't say. See 'ya. Don't let Castiel get to you."
"I won't. I'd better start practicing."
"I'll let you get too it."
She walked off at a steady pace.
(***)
*Castiel's POV
Castiel ran into Lysander. The two fell to the ground. They bumped heads. I put a hand over my head. I got up and offered my hand to Lysander. He took it at once.
"Sorry, about that."
"That's alright, I wasn't paying attention either."
"Lysander, you got a minute?"
"Yes."
I walked to Lysander's usual spot. Also, know as the staircase to the science hallway just above the basement. We weren't far from the spot where I'd kissed Nathaniel.
"So, what'd you want to tell me?"
"Well, all this time I've liked Nathaniel and I just kept denying it. I like him a lot. What I want tell you is..." I sighed and paused for a moment. "I'm gay."
"I know. I'm glad you've accepted the truth and that you've decided to be honest with yourself but, I'm not the one you should be telling." He smirked.
My cheeks turned rosy red. "You don't mean..."
"But, I do."
"I-I can't." I stuttered. My blush deepened.
"Yes, you can. I have faith in you."
"Then, why don't you confess to Candy?"
"Music is my life. I'm dedicated to music and I don't need a girlfriend. That's not the same." His cheeks tinged a bright pink.
"But, what if?..." I trailed off.
He interrupted. "You've already been rejected think about it, what do you have to lose?"
"My dignity."
"Stop being too proud. Words speak louder than action."
"Doesn't that saying go the opposite way?"
"That is-not the point! Also, if you think it doesn't makes sense that way since, action doesn't actually involve speaking." He rolled his eyes at me and scowled.
"Whatever, you say Mr.I'm-always-right. Fine, you've convinced me. I promise I'll tell him."
"I'm glad to hear it. I hold you to it." He grinned mischievously.
"You're scaring me."
"Yes, be afraid, be very afraid."
"I'm gonna leave now." I gave him a strange look.
"That reminds me the stage is all set up." He grabbed onto my arm and dragged me to the basement. I reluctantly followed him.
They were red curtains and fold-up chairs. It didn't look half bad. Where's my old couch though? Oh, well. It wasn't that comfy anyways.
"Nice, its all coming together." I grinned.
I noticed the blue set of drums on the stage. They must be for Nathaniel. I admired my new amp. It was the one I'd always wanted and Candy got it for me. I had no doubt in my mind that it would amplify the sound and make us sound great.
Lysander and I had been practicing together. He wrote the songs and sang. At, one point Candy thought we were together because, he was telling me a song lyric. How crazy is that?
We worked on songs together. The two of us had played a few gigs but, nothing too major. Lysander won over a crazy fan girl. Nina is her name, as I recall. She's fourteen at most. His her idol and she dressed in victorian style clothing. I'm glad I don't have a fan girl. I'm better off without one. I'd have to let all those girls down after all, if I did have a fan club.
All this time has gone by. Yet, we never thought to add more band members. Iris is playing with us as well. Which, will be interesting. We still don't even have a band name. We were always introduced as Castiel and Lysander.
"Lysander."
"Hmm?"
"We don't have a band name. What are people supposed to cheer?"
"I guess we do need one. How was this not a problem before?" He raised in a eyebrow at me questioningly.
"I don't know." I tried my best not to grin.
Just, then Nathaniel appeared. "Hey, guys. What are you two talking about?"
"We were just discussing the idea of a bandname." Lysander explained.
"You seriously don't have one?"
"There was never the need for one." Lysander stated.
We all thought about it. I pondered. Hmm, four people. So, maybe four words. Hell-raisers? Nah. Mayhem Makers? Eh. No, I can do better than, that. Why is this so hard?
"Any ideas?" I asked glumly.
"Nothing." Lysander answered.
"Uh, how about..." He scratched the back of his head.
"Crash and burn." I said.
"Huh?" They both looked at me.
"How about Crash and Burn for a band name?"
"Uh, why? It makes a bad image." Nathaniel seemed dumb-founded.
"Not, if its ironic. Mindless Self Indulgence ever heard of them?"
"No." They both answered.
"So, any objections?"
"I think Iris needs to cast her vote too." Nathaniel added.
"Fine."
"Also, we need another choice. For, it to be put to a vote." Nathaniel pointed out.
"Okay."
Nathaniel suggested. "Infernal Machine."
"I like that one." Lysander agreed with him.
"What does that even mean?"
"An explosive machine for maliciously destroying life and property."
"I wish I'd thought of it. I vote for it as well."
"Really?" He spoke in an excited voice.
"Yeah, so someone should go find Iris." I answered.
"I'll go find her and ask her what she thinks." Lysander announced and raced out the door before, either of us had the chance to protest.
"I wonder what Iris will pick?" Nathaniel said.
"Probably neither, she hates violence."
"You're speaking to me." He smiled ever so slightly.
"Yeah, so what?"
"I'm glad is all."
"Its not like I have a choice." I sneered at him.
His face fell. "You're a real ass you know."
"That's so nice of you." I spoke in a heavily sarcastic tone as if I was genuinely pleased.
He began to practice playing the drums. Nathaniel was pretty good for a beginner. The next thing I knew I got hit in the back of the head with a drumstick. I was so tempted to snap it in half.
"Ow, what the hell Nathaniel." I rubbed the back of my head.
He laughed so loud that it practically echoed. His laugh almost sounded deranged. I was slightly concerned.
"Hey, why're you laughing?"
"Hahhahhaaahaa, its just so funny. I didn't really mean to though." He wiped tears from eyes from laughing to hard.
"Oh, my sides."
"Yeah, real hilarious." I rolled my eyes and threw his drumstick at his feet.
As, he bent down to get it. I couldn't help but, eye his butt. Such, a nice ass. The kind you just want to smack and grope. I bit down on my bottom lip so hard that I thought blood would spill out. Not, that I'd care. My breathing hardened as I held my gaze.
"Ow." He groaned.
"Is, something wrong?"
"I rolled out of my bed last night and hit the wooden floor." He explained. His words came out in a hurry. I could just barely catch what he had said.
"Yikes, can you get back up?"
"Yes, my back just hurts like hell."
"Can, I look at it?"
"No." He sprung to his feet. Nathaniel seemed awfully jump.
"You were standing behind me. Castiel, you were staring at my ass weren't you?"
My face turned red all at once. "I-uh, no I wasn't, You're awfully quick to jump to conclusions."
"If you hadn't your face wouldn't look like a cherry now would it?"
"Fine, you caught me."
"I did." He grinned.
"Why are you grinning?"
"I like guys." He whispered in my ear.
My blush deepened. "You do?"
"Yep."
"That's interesting. When, did you realize that?" I raised an eyebrow at him.
"When, do you think?" He winked at me.
My heart stopped for a second. I raised up the back of his shirt. He flinched.
"Don't-don't look." His voice sounded desperate, it had an edge of fear to it.
His back was covered in countless belt marks. Their were black and blue bruises all over his back. No wonder he seemed in pain. I spotted a rather large cut on his lower lip. Indicating that someone, most likely his father had punched him in the mouth until, he bled.
"Who did this to you?" I growled.
"I walked into a doorknob." He spoke through his teeth.
"Who hurt you?" I spoke in a soft tone.
He pushed me away as footsteps approached us. He fixed his shirt.
"Not, one word." He sounded close to breaking. I could feel that he was holding back tears. Who was he protecting and why? Noone should ever hurt you. All evidence points to his dad. I remembered his dad's cold eyes and mannerism. All the pieces fell into place. I wished that it wasn't true.
I simply nodded and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. He squeezed my hand and his grip was tight. Before, our guests entered. I let go of his hand reluctantly. Even, though all I wanted was to hold his hand and comfort him.
Lysander and Iris had made it back.
"Iris voted for Infernal Machine believe it or not." Lysander announced.
I frowned.
Nathaniel smiled awkwardly.
Lysander commented. "What happened while we were gone?"
I looked over at Nathaniel expectantly. He gazed back at me blankly.
"Nothing." I lied.
Nathaniel sighed of relief and smiled at me weakly. I felt bad for lying.
"Well, I'm gonna go practice with Iris elsewhere." I put my arm around Iris.
She gave me a purplexed look. Which, I returned with an I'll explain in a minute look. She got the message and nodded. Going along with my story.
"We'll be back in a little while." She told them.
"Okay, I guess I'll practice with Nathaniel then." Lysander gave me a look that said I know you're hiding something from me.
I walked up the stairs and out the door with Iris.
"So, where are we going to practice?" She asked me.
"That was just an excuse, Iris."
"Huh?"
"Let's go to the balcony."
"What's this all about?"
I ignored her question and dashed up the stairs. I took the next flight of stairs and opened the secret door to the balcony.
"I've never been up here. Where'd you get that key?"
"Nabbed it off Nathaniel and made a copy for myself." I grinned rather proud of my achievement.
"That could get him in trouble."
"Not, if you keep your mouth shut."
She frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. "Explain, yourself."
I was unsure what to say. However, I knew what not to say "Nathaniel's dad beats him." Then, it came to me.
"Nathaniel came onto me. He told me that he likes guys. When, I asked him when he realized that he said when, do you think and winked at me."
"Oh, really. Isn't that what you wanted?"
"I-don't know... Maybe, its complicated. I don't know what to think."
"He won't make you do anything you don't want too. I can't believe he was that confident. Well, does what he told you make you happy? Are, you interested?"
"I guess so but, its confusing. I thought he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I told him never to speak to me again."
"Obviously, he does want you. I thought you didn't mean that."
"I'm afraid he'll reject me again." I admitted.
"That's dumb, sounds to me like he wants you just as bad as you want him."
"Heh, maybe you're right."
"Of, course I'm right. Now, can we go practice Queen?"
"Yes, let's play here."
"Oh hell, no I can't be out here for another minute. I'm terrified of heights."
I smiled at her amusedly.
"What?" She asked me.
"You said hell. Why'd you follow me out here you dummy?" I chuckled at her.
"You would've dragged me out here."
"Eh, your right about that." I grinned.
"So, back to the basement?"
"Roger that."
"You didn't even bring your guitar with you. What exactly were we practicing?"
"Music sheets, let's go with that."
Once, we entered the basement.
Lysander asked. "How did you two practice without any instruments?"
"We used music sheets." Iris volunteered.
"Where are the music sheets?" He raised an eyebrow at her questioningly.
Her face turned red and she stared at me helplessly.
"I ate them."
Nathaniel snickered.
Lysander raised both of his eyebrows at me and asked me. "Why?"
"I thought it would make me more musical." I grinned.
Iris giggled and snorted. Nathaniel laughed loudly as well.
"Could you not eat music next time?"
"Whatever, you say man."
(***)
Just, before the concert began. Iris,Castiel, Lysander and Myself had changed into our costumes. Even, Candy had a costume the catch was that she had to pay for it. She happily obliged.
"Ready to go?" Lysander asked.
I looked over Castiel's body. He was wearing a tight, black tanktop and tight blue jeans. My heart hammered in my chest. He looked absolutely breath-taking. I couldn't stop staring. I let my gaze linger on his ass. Damn, his so sexy.
"Nathaniel?" Lysander spoke.
I broke my stare and answered him. "Yeah-I'm all set." My voice didn't sound like it belonged to me.
"That's good."
"Anyone, experiencing nervousness?"
"Me, everyone will be staring at us." Iris voiced.
"No worries, just don't look at them. Look at your guitar or if your really nervous look at me. Plenty of singers close their eyes when playing. Stevie Ray Vaughn did and his a legend. There's no shame in it." Castiel encouraged her and patted her on the back.
She smiled at him. "Thanks, for the advice."
"No, problem short stuff." He smirked at her and ruffled her hair playfully.
"Ladies and Gentleman put your hands together for Infernal Machine." Rosalaya introduced us.
We played in sync. Candy's eyes were glued on Lysander. As, for mine they kept glancing over at Castiel whenever, given the chance. My cheeks heated up. Castiel strummed his guitar effortlessly he sounded incredible all on his own. Lysander's voice was like an angel's.
I noticed a girl with silver hair in a victorian style dress. She had to be about fourteen. She kept chanting Lysander. It was rather adorable.
"Nathaniel. Nathaniel." A girl's voice cheered me on.
I looked at the crowd and realized that Amber was the girl. She was wearing a five- finger death- punch shirt paired with black ripped jeans. Amber had her hair in a simple braid and she had on black eyeliner. She looked down to earth for once perhaps, a bit goth but, pretty close to normal. Mom would throw a fit if she Amber like this. I inwardly laughed at the thought of it. I smiled at her and winked her way.
She screamed. "Nathaniel." Then, she cheered. "Infernal Machine." She was bursting with energy. She seemed so excitable which, I found to be rather delightful.
I felt as if someone was watching me. Like, someone's gaze was lingering on me. It made me feel uneasy. I glanced at Castiel, he didn't notice. It wasn't him after all. Maybe, Lysander? I checked but, his eyes were on our audience. Iris's eyes were shut so, it couldn't be her either. Yet, the feeling of someone watching didn't go away.
Then, I spotted her. Deborah. My blood ran cold. My heart pounded inside my chest. What's she doing here? Her long, brunnette hair was down. She eyed me seductively and winked at me. She was wearing a half shirt with ripped skinny jeans that showed off her v-shape and her butterfly tattoo. It was a disgusting display. How, I didn't vomit at the sight of it was beyond me. My jaw hung open and my eyes widened. Crap, this isn't good.
Her gaze turned to Castiel. He didn't take eyes looked hungry. She's definitely plotting something. That manipulative, little bitch. I scowled at her. As, long as I'm around I won't let you hurt Castiel. Not, on my watch. I glared at Deborah. She flicked me off and shot me a dirty glare. I grinned delighted with myself.
After, the concert came to an end.
I was determined not to let Castiel out of my sight. I didn't even bother changing my clothes.
"Castiel."
"Hmm?"
"Do, uh you wanna walk home together?" I smiled at him sheepishly. My cheeks radiated a deep red.
"Maybe, next time. Lysander and I have plans."
"Oh, okay."
I left feeling rejected. So, much for that plan. Besides, nothing I can do will ever stop Deborah. If she really wants to see Castiel that is. Maybe, it wasn't her. It was dark after all. Perhaps, I imagined it.
(***)
Castiel stood in the deserted basement. Why had I turned down Nathaniel? Even, worse I lied to him. I really am an ass.
Just, then I looked up to see a familar pair of blue eyes. Accompanied with long, brunnette hair. It was her. My Deborah. I found myself smiling at her. My heart skipped a beat.
She was showing off a lot of skin. My old ring was on her finger. She grinned at me.
"Hey, 'ya Handsome. You were great."
"Thanks, doll." I winked at her.
She crushed her lips against mine. I was at a loss. I kissed her back. However, my heart stayed still in my chest. I kissed her firmer but, I still felt nothing. When, I'd kiss Nathaniel I had felt the ultimate high. My heart beat so fast I thought it might explode. I felt like I was kissing a fish. Not, that I've ever done that.
She opened her mouth. I pushed her off. I didn't want her to kiss me for another second. I felt a sickening feeling building inside my stomach. I was disgusted by her.
"Kitty." She whined.
I hate that stupid pet name. Forgive the pun.
"Don't call me that." I spoke in a cold tone.
"You still love me right?" She sounded close to tears.
"Yes, its not that darling. Why are you here?"
"Because, I love you. I'm transferring here isn't that great?"
"I love you too. That is great." I took her hand in mine and smiled at her warmly. But, it wasn't great. I didn't want her here. After, all she'd done to me. How could I forgive her? She'd just up and left me for a bit of fame? I listened to that album, it was awful. Just, pure garbage.
"It'll be just like old times. We can cut class together and play together. You're really talented. We'd make the perfect duet. With my voice and your guitar. Don't you think?"
"Yeah..." I said unsure of what to make of all of this. Its just so strange.
"Will you walk me home?"
"Certainly."
She rested her head on my shoulder and put my arm around her didn't feel right. Even, after everything. I still love her. I couldn't forget her. I'd do anything for her. After, all Nathaniel didn't love me.
(***)
. Nat's POV
The next day. The horrendous Deborah made good on her promise and transferred to our school. Nathaniel watched Deborah and Candy saying hello for the second time apparently. I overhead Candy say "Hey, I meet you last night."
"Congratulations. Do you want an autograph or what?" She said in a snotty tone.
I won't hit a lady but, I will smack a bitch. How dare she talk to Candy like that! I wouldn't stand for it. I clenched my fist.
"Why'd you wanna see Castiel anyways?" Candy asked ignoring Deborah's rudeness.
"I don't see how that's any of your business ,you little slut." She crinkled her nose at Candy. She made a face as if something smelled bad.
"You can't talk to her like that, you whore." I intervened.
"Excuse, you. Do, you know who you're talking to." Her eyes flashed with irritation. She sounded very sassy.
"Yeah, I do. I'm insulting a bitch." I spoke nonchalantly.
"You're really testing me. I can just tell Castiel all about this. How, I found his friend in the arms of Nathaniel."
"Shut the fuck up, you cunt!What do you want from Castiel?"
Candy's jaw dropped due to my use of the c-word. I felt like I was going to erupt with anger. I wanted to slap her so badly.
"Whatever do you mean?" She faked innocence.
"Cut, the crap. Out with it!" I was sick of her bull-shit as a result I raised my voice at her.
"Haha, oh Nathaniel. That's for me to know and you to find out." She giggled.
"Tell me." I growled at her in a dangerous tone.
"He'll do anything for me right? I have him wrapped around my finger. Maybe, I'll tell you later if you're a good boy." She smiled and skipped away merrily.
"Nathaniel, why'd you call her such horrible things?"
"She deserves it. I'd rather not talk about it, go ask her." I retorted.
(***)
Candy told me. "Deborah's a liar. She wants to use Castiel. Like you said."
"Its better to just stay out of it. Noone will believe you." I told her.
"Why not?"
"Deborah's a very good actress. The worst kind of person, you see. She always pretends to care. Under it all she's cold-hearted and manipulative. She's a socio-path. She uses everyone. You, Lysander, Rosalaya, and I are the always that see through her mask."
"But, I can't just keep them in the dark. I don't care, if they don't believe me. I won't let her get away with this. I have to protect Castiel. The last thing I want in the world is for her to hurt him. You're wrong Amber sees though Deborah's mask." She sounded desperate.
"I didn't think of Amber. I want to protect Castiel too but, his gone back to her. That's consent as far as I'm concerned." I sighed.
"Deborah told me everything. About what she did to you. You need to clear things up with him."
"Like she'd let me get that close. Odds are she's already told on the both of us. Its not that easy, there's no way he'll listen to me. He still thinks his in love with her and she's using that against him."
"Are you just gonna let her hurt him? Well, I'm not!" She declared.
"You're right. I'll talk to him but, its a long shot."
"Thank, you so much. You actually believe me. You don't how much this means to me."
"I was their. Its nothing, really. I'm doing it for Castiel as well."
"Glad to hear it." She half-smiled.
"Well, let's get this over with."
"Don't you sound enthuiastic?" I spoke in a sarcastic tone.
"Well, excuse me "princess" ." I mocked her.
"I'm, not Amber!"
"Coulda fooled me."
We walked until, we found Castiel who was alone suprisingly. He was wearing his old brown leather jacket. The one he wore when he was with Deborah before. Only now his hair is red.
"Castiel."
"What?"
"Listen to me. Deborah's trying to manipulate you again. She's using you, like she always does. She never actually cared about you in the first place. She's cold-hearted and she's done this before. She tricked you into believing that I came onto her. When, the truth is she held me down and begged me to have my way with her. Which, I refused to do. Wake up, you idiot! She doesn't love you. The only person she cares about is herself. Don't, you know that I'd never do anything to hurt you." My voice reeked of desperation.
"You're lying. Deborah, wouldn't do such a thing. You're just jealous." Castiel didn't met my eyes.(Even, Castiel didn't believe in his words, I could tell by the way he spoke.)
"For, fuck's sake do you hear yourself? Why won't you listen to me? I'm your best-friend. I've always looked out for you. I don't want Deborah to hurt you again. I couldn't bare to see it happen last time. I've always been their. Please, believe me." My voice cracked. Tears welled up in my eyes. I was begging him not to make the same mistake twice.
"Nathaniel, Deborah told me everything. I can't trust you. Deborah, would never lie to me. You are beneath me. You're scum. You hurt my Deborah and that is unforgiveable. Don't ever speak to me again. If you ever lay a hand on Deborah again, I swear you'll regret it. Don't you get it? I-I hate you! You disgust me. I wish we had never been friends in the first place. I loathe the day I met you. I don't need you. You need me. You mean nothing to me." His eyes were cold and his tone sent shivers down my back.
Candy looked at him in horror. As, if he were a monster. His words cut into me like a knife. They pierced my heart. I felt so torn up inside. I broke into loud sobs. Candy stood their staring at him in shock.
Lysander came over to me and held me close. I cried into his chest. My cries soon became broken wails of pain. My heart felt broken beyond repair. I felt like, I had crumpled away to nothing. I didn't know my heart could hurt this much.
Castiel slammed his fist at the nearest wall. Like, what he said was now tormenting him. He wore a pained expression. He felt conflicted by the looks of it.
"Oh, yeah well Castiel is pretty close to asshole for a damn-good reason." Lysander remarked.
(That's awfully unexpected. I raised an eyebrow at him momentarily. Lysander's insult made me want to laugh)
Deborah grinned snidely. This was what she wanted to happen. We all knew this except, for Castiel. He was still under her spell.
Lysander turned to face her. He said in a not so quiet voice. As, if he intended for Castiel to hear him. "And, you. You're a deceitiful bitch and I hope you rot in hell for all eternity."
He smirked at her shocked expression. I stifled a laugh. This was too good.
"Lysander..." Castiel spoke in sorrowful tone.
"Yes?" He faked confusion as if he hadn't said anything.
"Just go the hell away." His eyes were empty.
"Fine, I know when I'm not wanted. Unlike, you I'm not an imbecile. You never know what you have until, its gone and what you "had" with Deborah is long gone. Nathaniel actually cares about you, can't you see that?"
Castiel was speechless for once. "..."
We left in a hurry.
"I'm leaving, I can't deal with this. I need to go home."
"Will, you be okay?"
"I just need to be alone. Why'd you defend me?"
"He treated you like crap. I had to talk some sense into him." His cheeks turned red. "I-I don't know what overcame me. I was just so angry that he hurt you."
"Thank you. I still need to go home though."
"Call me, if you need to talk to someone."
"I will."
(***)
*Amber's POV
Amber was standing by the door just above the basement. I noticed a bucket. Li and Charlotte must've set it up for Deborah. Like, they said they would.
I saw Candy at the top of the staircase and Deborah a.k.a bitch was yelling at her. Then, the bucket fell forward covering her in her water. I smiled, how delightful.
"You did this." She chased after the Candy down the stairs.
I blocked her off. "Actually, tits for brains it was Li and Charlotte."
"How do I know it wasn't you?"
"You don't." I smiled at her.
"Let me fight her."
"You want a fight, I'll give you a fight and none of that hair pulling shit or clawing." I punched her square in the face.
She held her cheek. "Ow." She groaned.
"Only, I can hurt Candy. Also, stay away from Castiel if you know what's good for you. Now, let's review what happened slut?"
"I fell." She answered.
"Very, good clutz."
I high-tailed out of there.
(**)
*Deborah's POV
"What happened Deborah?" Castiel asked her.
"I fell down the stairs and landed on my face." Deborah lied. She had pride. She'd never let anyone know that Amber out of all people beat her in a fight.
"You wanna go to the nurse's?"
"Sure, babe." She smiled at him sweetly. So sweetly that it was sickening.
(**)
Nathaniel's POV
When, I got home I unlocked my front door. Then, I locked myself in my bathroom. I was home alone.
At,first all I wanted was to cry. I spotted a razor-blade glistening. It called to me. I picked it up.
"Never speak to me again." and "You mean nothing to me." His words echoed in my ears over and over. It was torcher to my eyes and it wouldn't stop.
As, I slid the razor across my wrist again and again. I closed my eyes and thought to myself.
Noone needs me
Castiel hates me
Dad hates me
My mother doesn't give a damn about me
Amber didn't even notice that I left
Lysander didn't follow me
Candy didn't try to find me
I don't mean anything to anyone
Even, I hate myself. There's nothing to live for. As, I slit deeper with more force the pain I once felt dissolves that is until, I see all the blood. I drop the blade in shock. My knees buckled and I fell onto the hard tiled floor. My body went limp and my vision blurred. I slipped into the darkness. Death took me in his arms. I couldn't feel anything anymore.
Sure, enough I no longer felt any pain but, now I couldn't feel any emotions. Which, definitely wasn't good. Maybe, feeling pain was better than not feeling after all. What if this was it for me? I decided that you can't feel pleasure without pain. I felt grateful that I could feel love for Castiel. Some people never experience that. I've been such a fool. I just want to see his beautiful face again. I need him now more than ever before.
I miss your touch
I can't forget that rush
As, you held me
and I held you
I saw the truth dancing in your eyes
that you felt it too
You need me
and I need you
Oh, my dearest friend
To think it all started with a game of tag
I will catch you and tackle to the ground
I'll hold you down until, you admit that you need me around you too
(***)
"Nathaniel. Nathaniel." A fist banged at the door.
I felt dizzy. I couldn't get to my feet. The door swung open.
"Oh, god. Oh, god Nathaniel. Why'd you hurt yourself?" Amber cried.
"Nobody cares about me."
"I care about. Everyone cares about you. I'm the one noone cares about except, for you.
"
Lysander and Candy and Castiel care. So, do Rosalaya and Melody. Everyone likes you." She reassured me.
"I'm not so sure about Castiel."
"He cares about you most of all." She pulled me into an embrace.
"He said that I mean nothing to him and that he hates me."
"He didn't mean it. Its like when we fight we say things we don't mean."
"Its hurts so bad." I put my hand over my heart.
"I know honey. Are you wrists okay?"
"Yeah I'll be alright. I won't do it again."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
I got cleaned up. When, I rinsed my cuts there was a deep, searing pain. I winced at the way it felt. Why had I done such a thing? It was as if I couldn't stop myself. I don't know what to do. The only thing I know is that I need you. This ache in my heart won't cease. How do I not fall apart?